Idk how to tag the “Keep Reading” thingy on mobile… so I’m sorry for those who don’t wanna read it. This is just personal stuff, so you don’t have to read if you don’t wanna. No prob! I just gotta rant lol. We all know how it is. No hard feelings if you don’t read. I still love you.😘💛
So first things first; thank you all for your patience, support, and well wishes while my health has totally crashed and burned the past week and a half. I really really seriously appreciate each and every message I get. I swear I get tears in my eyes when I get messages of people just checking up on me. Y'all are too nice. I love you guys more than Noctis and Ignis (gasp).
But I’m gonna be straight with y'all: I ain’t doing good. I’m starting new medication tonight. Hopefully that will change soon.
I mean, I’m always “sick” or “under the weather” just from my chronic illness as a whole… but things are getting worse since I had a bad reaction from a certain medication. I can hardly get out of bed tbh. I can’t even take my own dog out without help from family… which is super depressing in itself.
I’ve been sleeping like 10x as more than I usually do (which is outrageous lol. Me and Noctis are on point with a koala sleeping schedule tbh)
I can’t even bring myself to play video games… or sometimes write drabbles on my phone. I can’t even get up to shower some nights which is… pretty intense for me. Lol, like when I told my mom the other night; “I’m skipping shower and going straight to bed” she was like
Showers are my favorite time of the day, so skipping out on it is just unheard of for me unless I’m REALLY struggling. Last time I skipped showering was when I had surgery last year… so damn.
I’m not trying to mope or get sympathy from y'all. I just wanna be honest with you guys. You’re like my second family and you deserve to know what’s up. Really.
I don’t like dismissing your guy’s questions with “yeah I feel like crap but it’s ok”
It’s really not ok. Lol. I’ve had a hard time admitting that to myself tbh.
I tell friends irl “I can’t do anything cause I’m sick but that’s ok”
And they look at me like
“Uhhhn how is that okay” lol
I gotta be honest with how I feel. Instead of being scared of what people think of me and dismissing things and telling people I’m just fine and dandy., when in reality; I’m struggling.
The problem is mostly in my stomach. I’ll skip the gory details because of those who get grossed out easily and for those who don’t want a TMI 😂 I feel. I wish I didn’t know what I know about the stomach 😂😂.
My other issue is intense, constant dizziness.
I’ve had these issues for 2 ½ years now. I have done a long line of tests including MRIs, CTScans, colonoscopy, endoscopy, auditory testing, vestibular testing (do not recommend. Run away). I’ve had batteries in my stomach… and a bunch of test that are… very unpleasant that i promised my self I would forget about 😂😂😂 I have some funny stories; no lie.‘LOL
And not being able to do ANYTHING… isn’t great for a highly active brain (which you guys have come to learn I have lol)
Laying in bed all day doing nothing has given me a lot of time to worry; something this blog has helped distracted me from doing.
(Now you have a better idea as to why I’m so desperate to cheat on my writing breaks lolol)
I’ve got several big surgeries lurking as a great possibility. I have an important meeting about social security benefits regarding my disabilities on Monday that I can’t fuck up on. Not to mention the default worries that come with a chronic illness.
“What if _____ happens while I’m out of the house”
Those with chronic illnesses feel me, ye?
But I miss writing
I miss the positive distraction it gives me.
I miss the fun in it and the challenge.
I mostly miss giving stuff out to you guys. I’ve seriously been living for your reactions cause y'all a great.
No one is pressuring me to hurry up except myself… which isn’t good. But you kinda see my reasons as to why I’m being “Hardish?” On my self?
I really wanna get back into things soon and forget about my IRL worries… but my body is just like
And it sucks.
It really really sucks.
I’ll try and write whenever I feel up to it for my own sanity and your enjoyment. But just know, idk when I’m gonna be back to (my own strange sense of) normal. Hopefully this new medication I got today will help some.
In the meantime, thanks for waiting. Look back at my master list to give you something to read while I’m not getting any new things out. I can’t wait to get back into things. I’ve got some fun ideas and plans ahead; not only for requests, but for original stuff too!!!! I’m excited for you lot to see it all.
Thanks for reading yo.
love you lots 😘💜💙💛❤️