damn croissant

One word prompt fic 

AN: If you follow me on twitter (smoakbettsqueen) you’ll know I’ve been in a writing rut lately unable to write anything, I asked some awesome friends @callistawolf and @latinasmoak for some prompts and thus begins this little mini series of fics all from their prompts that take place post 523.

Coffee.

“Mr. Mayor, your two o'clock is here.” Marlene’s voice echoes across Oliver’s large office, but before he can query her on what two o'clock the intercom goes dead.

He frowns in confusion his hand moving to his daily planner, his hardcopy daily planner. His forehead wrinkles in confusion as he flips through the well worn pages, trying to find out who he’s supposed to be meeting with. He really hopes it’s not the Hub City mayor, he’s almost certain they are meeting on Friday at two, the large stack of regulations and agreements that he’s suppose to go through before that meeting -that he’s already rescheduled twice- is currently staring back at him. The mayor of Hub City is  never going to want to meet with him again if he’s not even prepared for this meeting.

“Why did I buy you that fancy state of the art tablet if you’re just going to be a caveman and use that planner?”

A familiar teasing voice calls out, halting all of Oliver’s thoughts, much like she’s been doing for the past 6 weeks, or 6 years if Oliver is being honest with himself.

He looks up and can’t help but smile as Felicity glides into the office the little floral romper she’s wearing rustling as she walks. She’s holding a tray with two large cups of coffee in one hand and a brown paper bag in the other.

The cuffed sleeve of her romper has slipped off and Oliver can see the tan curve of her shoulder. He’s already tempted to press his lips to against the soft curves and pull down the V of Felicity’s flora romper and explore the rest of her tanned skin, all too familiar of just how far that tan really goes, or doesn’t go as the case may be.

“Your two o’clock at your service, Mr. Mayor.” Felicity says cheekily as she does a slight curtsy with her gifts despite the fact that she’s in a romper and not a dress.

She takes one look at Oliver’s expression though and backs away from him when he takes a step towards her. “No. No. No. Keep those thoughts in your head mister.”

“I didn’t say anything!” Oliver protests his smile widening when Felicity holds the hot coffee and what he assumes are chocolate croissants -his absolute favourite-  like a shield in front of her. 

“No, but that face and that smile. I know that smile.” Felicity accuses, “you’ve got dirty on your mind. That is not the kind of services I am bringing. We will not have a repeat of what happened last week.”

“Felicity.”

Keep reading

Verdict:

Holy shit, these things are incredibly flakey and buttery and oh-so-good. They would be 100% perfect if I hadn’t accidentally used unsweeted chocolate. -__-

I had to stuff them with semisweet chocolate chips as they cooled to try to offset the bitter blegh.

It’s too late now, but when I prep them for baking on Saturday I’ll have to refill them.


ALSO I would like to just say that apparently my picture of the dough exploding out of the plastic wrap was just too much for someone so they unfollowed me, and now they’ll never know how fantastically buttery and crispy and professional looking/tasting these croissants are. Jokes on you, former follower, for being so…..flakey.

Mass Effect 3 - a (not so) short summary
  • Alliance: Sheppard we've lost communication with the moon what could be the reason?
  • Shepard: reapers
  • Alliance: ahah yeah sure
  • Reapers: BWAAAAAAAAHH HELLO TINY FUCKERS
  • Alliance boss: holy shit a reaper why no one warned us about this
  • Shepard: (ノಠ益ಠ)ノ
  • ---
  • Anderson: take the Normandy and save the galaxy once again child
  • Shepard: I killed 300.000 batarians I should be in prison tho
  • Anderson: yeah don't worry about that we cool
  • ---
  • Hackett: ShepRAD you have to go to mars to find some fricking answer hurry
  • Shepard: okay let me get this straight
  • Shepard: it's been 3 years since I first talked about reapers, I died and resurrected, I saved everyone from Saren first and from the collectors second, I've been under arrest for several months and no one even tried to get some motherfuckin information
  • Shepard: now reapers are attacking us and you bitches sent me to find a solution to this highly anticipated disaster?!
  • Hackett: basically
  • Shepard: all right let's do this
  • ---
  • Liara: yooo Shrapnel look what I found
  • Shepard: what is this project
  • Liara: idk
  • Shepard: what does it do
  • Liara: idk
  • Shepard: it will help against reapers
  • Liara: idk but it's Prothean
  • Shepard: so we're supposed to spend a bazilion of money and employ trillions of workers to build a huge penis-shaped artifact and we're not even sure if it's gonna work?
  • Liara: ya
  • Shepard: well sounds like a good plan to me
  • ---
  • Shepard: OMG this sexy weird-haired mech is killing that Virmire survivor what do
  • James: I got you bruh *crashes on the mech with a ship*
  • Shepard: James what the legit fuck
  • James: I did it because I seek attention
  • Shepard: aw baby what's wrong
  • James: I'm unromanceable
  • ---
  • Garrus: that my planet and reapers are destroying it
  • Shepard: shit son you all right
  • Garrus: yeah can I calibrate something on the Normandy later
  • Shepard: you can calibrate my ass
  • Garrus: Sherpes no
  • Shepard: Sherpes yes
  • ---
  • EDI: hello I entered in that mech I got a body now
  • Joker: I'll fuck that robot or I'll die trying
  • Joker: literally
  • ---
  • Reaper: ahah I'm having so much fun killing krogans that's the life man
  • Kalros: son of a bitch
  • Reaper: HOLY SHIT *dies*
  • Krogans: yeee
  • Kalros: only I can kill krogans
  • Krogans: fuck
  • ---
  • Mordin: I perfectionated genophage it took all my life
  • Mordin: which means like 2 months
  • Mordin: now I changed my mind and I create an antidote but spreading it on Tuchanka requires my death
  • Shepard: OMG no
  • Mordin: prepare to cry bitches
  • ---
  • Tali: holla
  • Shepard: hey lil' mama how you doin'
  • Tali: it's Admiral Tali'Zorah fo you bitch
  • Shepard: dang chill out bae
  • Han'Gerrel: good Shepard and Tali entered the geth Dreadnaught now
  • Han'Gerrel: everyone attack the Dreadnaught quick we must sink that ship before it's too late
  • Shepard: DUDE WTF WE STILL ON BOARD
  • Han'Gerrel: so fucking what
  • Shepard: dude
  • ---
  • Legion: do you remember the question that caused the creators to attack us, Tali'Zorah?
  • Legion: "does this unit have a fine hot ass?"
  • Tali: it does ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • Legion: thank you tali I know *dies*
  • ---
  • Javik: *wakes up after a 50000 years nap* where's my breakfast
  • Liara: OMG wise prothean enlight me with your deep knowledge of the universe
  • Javik: hurry up with my damn croissant
  • ---
  • Liara: you ugly four-eyed bugface your race tricked the asari for your purposes
  • Javik: damn girl you're cute when you want to kill me
  • Liara: I'll be fucking beautiful in a minute then
  • ---
  • Miranda: Shepard my father took my sister as a hostage help me please
  • Shepard: let Oriana go you son of a yahg
  • Miranda's dad: shit ok but don't kill me tho
  • Miranda's dad: here Oriana is free can I go now
  • Shepard: no
  • Miranda: *kills her father* I love you Shep
  • ---
  • Illusive Man: here I am did you missed me Shepair?
  • Shepard: kill yourself Impositive Man
  • Illusive Man: damn I'm so mad *shoot Anderson* *shoot himself*
  • Shepard: woah
  • ---
  • Catalyst: so uhm we fucked up a little yes now you have to choose between 3 possible ending listen here: destruction, synthesys or control
  • Shepard: which is the one where I survive
  • Catalyst: ahah no sorry you'll die anyway
  • Shepard: shit you know what? Fuck you *shoot the Catalyst*
  • Catalyst: OMG this hoe killed me WTF
  • Hackett: Shepard you did it motherfucker
  • Hackett: reapers stopped attacking us, mass relays are still working and Thane and Mordin resurrected
  • Shepard: fricking nice
  • Anderson: I'm alive too bitch!
  • Anderson: OMG reapers are giving everyone a puppy and a piece of cake, salarian are chillin with krogans and Joker broke himself every bone while fucking EDI
  • Joker: totally worth it
  • EDI: speak for yourself
  • Shepard: ah yas this is how it should be very nice thank you all
Kanye West

Let me give you every reason that Kanye West is nothing but an undeserved scapegoat, who had provided nothing but top-tier music since his debut. Let me school you with some straight facts:
Kanye, despite his publicity stunts, is regarded by many as a kind, compassionate individual. He often talks to his fans, and from all accounts is genuinely interested in what they have to say, what their life is like, and what their goals are. This is somebody who for the past nine years has been public enemy number one. It would be easy for him to go into absolute seclusion, and bitterly resent everybody, but he doesn’t. He has a passion behind what he does, and it reflects in his music. Rick Rubin regards Kanye as the most influential and groundbreaking artist in hip-hop at the moment. Paul McCartney regards Kanye as a genius. He invited Seth Rogen and James Franco to perform their “Bound 3” parody at his wedding. He has won the love and respect of anybody who genuinely takes an interest in his music (Which has won 21 grammy awards, might I add). Despite the VMA incident, Kanye and Taylor Swift are good friends, and Swift herself has a deep respect for Kanye as an artist.
Not to mention, the dude has not had it easy. He slaved for years as a producer before finally making his big break on the production for Jay-Z’s Blueprint, with beats for Ain’t No Love (Heart of the City) and I.Z.Z.O (Takeover). Despite his success as a producer, everybody told him he couldn’t rap, and would never make it.
He eventually dropped College Dropout in 2004, reinventing the game with an album full of incredible soul-beats at a time where everybody was still trying to copy the G-Funk West Coast vibe Dr. Dre’s 2001 had left. The album had smash hits like Through the Wire, where he rapped about his near-death experience in a car crash while STILL WEARING his reconstructive mouthgear; or his club-hit about Jesus in Jesus Walks, at a time where you weren’t going to get anything religious on the radio unless you’re on country/gospel station in the South.
Late Registration debuted 2005, with a completely fresh Soul sound, and featuring the talents of Adam Levine (Maroon 5), Nas, Jay-Z, and of course Jamie Foxx in his smash hit “Gold Digger”. I don’t care who you are, this song had everybody dancing and was played and still is played in every club from New York to Tokyo to Berlin. His other single “Diamonds From Sierra Lione” touched on the issues of Blood Diamonds and the exploitation of Africans by Africans
“Over here, its the drug trade - we die from drugs/ Over there, they die from what we buy from drugs”.
This album also has one of his most heart-felt songs Kanye has produced to date: “Hey Mama”, his tribute to his mother Donda West, who raised him as single black mother in Chicago, with all the trials and tribulations that brought. The song is a beautiful display of a man who has a deepfound respect for the one who gave him everything.
“I was three years old when you and I moved to the Chi/ Late december, harsh winter gave me a cold/ You fixed me up something that was good for my soul/ Famous homemade chicken soup, can I have another bowl?/ You worked late nights just to keep on the lights/ Momma got the training wheels so I could keep on my bike/ … and it don’t gotta be mother’s day/ or your birthday for me to just call and say: ‘Mama!’ I wanna scream so loud for you/ cause i’m so proud of you.”
2007 Kanye released Graduation. This was a completely new sound to his previous Soulful works. This had a heavy techno/EDM inspiration, from artists such as Daft Punk and Deadmau5. His hit song “Stronger”, sampling the also famous Daft Punk song “Harder, Better, Faster” was played once again world-wide in every club from L.A. to London to Sydney. It was groundbreaking, as Kanye melded genres that nobody had been able to meld. He gave popularity to the Robotic Voice trope that many artists copy to this day, and re-purposed auto-tune. It was no longer for untalented hacks who couldn’t sing: It was for artists who wanted to give a specific feel to their music.
Then by 2008, things really started going south for Kanye. His mother passed away due to complications with a cosmetic surgical operation, his relationship with his girlfriend was deteriorating, and he had a hatred of himself. It was in this despair and desperation that he produced his darkest work, “808s and Heartbreaks”, which is essentially his thesis on pop music, providing us with an incredible set of pop beats, all of which were phenomenal, and embracing the cold, detached Robot Voice that he had popularized as a way of reflecting the depression and lack of joy and humanity he possessed. The album provided him an avenue to channel the dark times he was going through. The track “Coldest Winter” is directly about the passing of his mother, Donda
“It’s 4am and I can’t sleep/ Her love is all that I can see/ Memories made in the coldest winter/ goodbye my friend, will I ever love again/ If spring can take the snow away, can it wash away all our mistakes?/ Memories made in the coldest winter/ Goodbye my friend, I won’t ever love again”
Then, in 2010 Kanye releases his Magnum Opus, “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy”. Critically acclaimed and regarded by many as the greatest rap album of all time, this album blew everybody out of the water, with not a single bad track. It received the near impossible 10/10 rating by Pitchfork, putting it in the same league as “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” and “Abbey Road” by the Beatles, “London Calling” by The Clash, and “Animals” by Pink Floyd. It was deeply self-reflexive, and in most senses a powerful declaration that he was not defeated, that he is in fact at the top of his game and that nothing can stop Yeezy season approaching. His song “Power” is nothing short of an inspiring, uplifting, empowering composition which firmly asserts that Kanye is back, and he does not give a flying fuck.
“Screams from the haters got a nice ring to it/ I guess every superhero need his theme music”.
His other single “All of the Lights” has a whopping fifteen extra artists, including Rihanna, Elton John, Fergie, Kid Cudi and many others. I could write a whole essay on Runaway, or Blame Game
Then, in 2013 Kanye released “Yeezus”, a.k.a. ABSOLUTE GENIUS. It is his anti-hiphop album of harsh, grinding samples, and disjointed jarring beats that comes together and by no sense of reason create some beautifully profound music. He denounces the institutional racism of the DEA and the CCA in his controversial track “New Slaves”. He mocks the hubris and egocentrism that everybody sees him as having in his track I am a God, which takes the absolute piss out of the modern man who considers himself a god, with the absurd line
“I am a God/ So hurry up with my damn croissants!”
Kanye has stopped caring what people think about him a long time ago.
But that’s not what makes the album ABSOLUTE GENIUS. It’s the fact that the entire album is in fact an allegory depicting the Tragic fall of the “Yeezus” persona, going from absolute stardom and egotism with the strong, hard hitting, angry, egotistical tracks On Sight, Black Skinhead, I am a God, and New Slaves. Then, it shows the invevitable Tragic fall, like something straight from Aristotle himself: Hold My Liquor and I’m in it deal with Alcohol and Sex addiction in a way that shouts the typical social glorification of the Rockstar lifestyle, whilst robbing it of all its glory.
Had to stop at 7/11 like I needed gas/ I’m lying I needed condoms don’t look through the glass./ Chasing love all the bittersweet hours lost/ eating asian pussy all I need was sweet and sour sauce
The distorted sound of the tracks and the uneasy schizophrenic sampling shows the deterioration of the Yeezus persona as he get in too deep, the distortion of his voice throughout the song makes the listener realise the horror of what it is to embrace these aspects of life.
Blood on the Leaves is the climax of the album. He returns to the Robot Voice to show the detachment and emotionless state that his sinful ways have led him to, removing his humanity and making him a heartless, soulless machine. This song is the Anagnorisis of the album (Similar to when Oedipus realizes that he’s married his mother in the Greek Tragedy). Yeezus has fallen low since he declared himself a god.
“Now you sittin’ courtside, wifey on the other side/ Gotta keep 'em separated, I call that apartheid/ Then she said she impregnated, that’s the night your heart died/ Then you gotta go and tell your girl and report that/ Main reason cause your pastor said you can’t abort that/ Now your driver say that new Benz you can’t afford that/ All that cocaine on the table you can’t snort that/ That goin’ to that owin’ money that the court got/ All in on that alimony, uh, yeah-yeah, she got you homie/ 'til death but do your part, unholy matrimony.”
Guilt Trip is a continuation of Yeezus’ road to redemption, his catharsis (Continuation of his Robot Voice). It’s Yeezus’ attempts to overcome his failed relationship and coming to terms with his own fallibility.
“Focus on the future and let the crew knock her” “If you loved me so much then why’d you let me go?” (x3)
Then, we get into the final stage with the last two songs: Send it Up and Bound 2.
Send it Up is Yeezus coming to terms with what has happened and joyfully choosing to put it all behind him.
“Reliving the past? Your loss”
is the beginning of the song, and it ends with Beanie Mann singing
“Memories dont live like people do; They always 'member you/ whether things are good or bad/ it’s just the memories that you had”.
At the end of Kanye’s verse, he shows that the Yeezus persona has revived anew
“Yeezus just rose again.”
Bound 2 is the 'happy ending’ of Yeezus. Yeezus, after all that he’s endured: the greatness, the loss, the suffering and the revival; he now is redeemed. He no longer is chasing the fame, the money, the superficial things, and he’s found that
“One good girl [who] is worth a thousand bitches”
meaning that he has a legitimate relationship with a woman, as opposed to all the bitchy girls that he’s been dealing with. This girl gives him everything that Yeezus could ever ask for: companionship. The final lines of the song reflect their relationship. It’s not perfect, but “you know, ain’t nobody perfect”. They celebrate the small milestones of making it to thanksgiving and to Christmas; perhaps they can make it all the way to the altar, but first she’s going to need to forget and forgive the person that Yeezus was. In the last two lines, Yeezus sums up the entire journey, on a number of levels: After this long-ass journey and transition that Yeezus has gone through, reflecting the verses of these raps and self-reflection; or the verses of him against his demons; or the verses of the Bible as they get married they’re both tired, and sad at the state of how things are for people still living their lives full of despair, and in a metaphor and reference to the shortest “verse” in the Bible, they weep, just as “Jesus wept.”
“Hey, you remember where we first met?/ Okay, I don’t remember where we first met/ But hey, admittin’ is the first step/ And hey, you know ain’t nobody perfect/ And I know, with the hoes I got the worst rep/ But hey, their backstroke I’m tryna perfect/ And hey, ayo, we made it: Thanksgivin’/ So hey, maybe we can make it to Christmas/ She asked me what I wished for on my wishlist/ Have you ever asked your bitch for other bitches?/ Maybe we could still make it to the church steps/ But first, you gon’ remember how to forget/ After all these long-ass verses/ I’m tired, you tired, Jesus wept”
Now I’ve been writing this comment for the past hour, so I won’t even go into his non-musical exploits, but rest assured that as far as fashion goes, Kanye West is leading the forefront with his Red Octobers or Yeezy Boost Sneakers with a resale value of several thousand dollars each.
Now, I hope that if you actually took the time to read at least half of this, you will see that the hatred for Kanye is little more than an attempt to marginalize one of the greatest artists of our time. His outbursts, though not classy, are not unfounded. Heck, John Lennon literally said the Beatles were bigger than Jesus; if that’s not hubris I don’t know what is. Both Lennon and West are icons and artists who have changed this world forever. Just because you haven’t taken the time to see further than your limited frame-of-reference by no means makes Kanye a bad artist or a bad human being. He is God sent, and full to the brim of musical talent. His new album will undoubtedly bring another wave of incredible artistry.

Yeezus.

I know I’ve already spoke about Kanye West before so I’m not gonna discuss what I’ve already spoke about. Instead I thought i’d focus on the Yeezus album. Only Yeezus, I’m not gonna talk about anything else. Now I thought I’d focus on music tonight because I’ve just watched a documentary about Kanye West and it’s inspiring as fuck. Such motivation and confidence in his own ability is contagious. Also, my recent blog about sexuality was a bit heavy so tonight’s is easier.

So Yeezus is Kanye’s latest album and it dropped June 18th last year. I actually can’t believe this album is a year old. Lasting just over 40 minutes, Yeezus contains 10 tracks, starting with On Sight (a hard-hitting intro) and ending with Bound 2 (a shoutout to the old Kanye). The overall feeling of Yeezus is that it’s an artist saying “fuck you” to anyone who thinks they know him. Just as the rest of hip-hop are catching up with MBDTF (His previous album) he reinvents hip-hop. He reinvents pop music.

Kind of sounding like a sci-fi industrial factory, Kanye opens with On Sight, a track with amazing lyrics and a shoutout to Johnny Cochrane (OJs lawyer). About 1/3 into the track he adds a slow interlude before swerving that and switching back to the original beat. I swear he is the king of beats man.
The second track, Black Skinhead (BLKKK SKKKN HEAD), is a fucking beastly track. The beat hits you hard from the beginning and I guarantee the anger in his voice will inspire you do whatever it is that you’re doing. If you’re listening to this track while making a sandwich that sandwich is gonna be one fucking inspired sandwich. I dare you to not feel badass listening to it. He even reinvents history to suit his lyrical needs the crazy psycho genius. In case, after these 2 tracks, you’re still wondering what it is that Kanye thinks he is, he’s about to fucking tell you. 
I Am A God follows, confirming that he is a fucking God, and you’re his fucking disciple and you better “hurry up with” his “damn croissants”. Maybe that is why he can reinvent the Battle of Thermopylae, because he’s a God. Tbf to Kanye though he gives credit to Jesus, admitting he’s the “most high” but Kanye knows he’s pretty fucking close.
Kanye gets political, New Slaves, with an appearance from Frank Ocean, talks about society. No, slaves aren’t literally picking cotton anymore, but they’re all slaves to industries spending all their money on what’s hot. The irony of course is that Kanye is the guy who decides what’s hot. But we’ll let that slide cause he goes in fucking hard on this track. Just so you know, you can’t fuck with ‘Ye.
I’ve mentioned Chief Keef before (the legend) and he features on Hold My Liquor, a slower track with a slightly different feel. It feels different until the drop where it feels similar to On Sight; a simplistic beat with focus on the lyrics. Tupac gets a mention and so do the Red Octobers. This track is definitely one of my favourites because of the ending. Cool as shit. 
I’m In It comes next and it’s dope as fuck. 'Ye is rhyming all kinds of words and dominating. The best lyric on the album is on this track (“Eating Asian pussy all I need is sweet and sour sauce” - tell me that’s not amazing). The middle eight is sound, and I bet once you know the lyrics you’ll sing along in the same high pitched voice. Listening to it now this track is the most sexual, but fuck you it’s great. Seriously, every time Kanye goes back in it’s anticipated. The word “finna” makes an appearance too which is sick. This song has the best lyrics on the album, fo sho.
My favourite song to play on guitar, Blood on the Leaves comes next. I don’t know if he reads my blog but shoutout to Aaron for showing me this song. Anyway, Kanye samples Strange Fruit, originally a poem written about lynching. This is my favourite poem because it’s powerful as fuck, and therefore this track is BOUND 2 be good (Kanye West pun, hail me HAHAHAHA).
Guilt Trip is my least fave song on the album but it’s still good, that’s how good this album is. The beat sounds a bit like Heartless (808s & Heartbreaks) with a Yeezus twist. Not much to say really, the song isn’t a filler it’s just not my fave. However, Chewbacca gets a mention so I’m glad Kanye and I both like Star Wars.
Send It Up is kind of like I’m In It. It’s got a cool hook and some clever lyrics. Yeah actually that’s a great shout, it’s kind of like a sequel, it’s about how fucking dominant Kanye is and he’ll show you by making you leave your friends outside the club. THEY AIN’T RALPH THO’. 
The closing track, Bound 2, is definitely my favourite overall. Not only is it reminiscent of Kanye’s earlier work AKA soul samples, it’s also a love song. I mean, it is technically I suppose. It’s like a rapper’s sonnet. Think of Shakespeare if he was a gang member and into rap. I also like it because I can kind of play it on keyboard. However, Sigma thought they’d fucking ruin it didn’t they the little cunts with their shitty drum and bass, chase and status wannabe, annoying, cunty beat. Woah, Ryan, calm down. They did though. Anyway, back to Bound 2. The song is great, again, clever lyrics for days. The hook is catchy as fuck and the video is so painfully shit that it’s amazing. Also, Seth Rogen and James Franco recreated it which is an instant win. This song is kind of like Kanye saying “hey critics, i know you’re about to say I’ve lost it and can’t do the old me, well fuck you, yes I can and here’s evidence you dicks”. 

Guys, listen to the album, not on shuffle either. What happened to the days of listening to an entire album the whole way through before picking your favourite songs? The whole concept of the album is reducing the amount of information but keeping the same quality and integrity, which, I think he does masterfully.