damien m

anonymous asked:

Mary being the gossip queen she is tells Damien how Robert woke her up over this werewolf nonsense and Damien's thinks "this is it, the time has come" and he plays it off as best he can. But then he goes to Lucien because what else can he do?? His loner "cryptid hunter" neighbor is on to him? Lucien begrudgingly helps him out and enlists Ernest to start sabotaging all of Robert's attempts at "exposing" Damien by paying him off.

Anonymous asks: Robert tries getting Mary to help him and wants to get all the details he can about Damien from her but after the 2am almost break-in to talk about this she waves him and says to “just spend more time with Damien” to get details. Robert then starts messaging Damien the same way he does the dadsona (“hey, Damien, heeey”) and Damien is internally panicking but he has no excuse to not hang out with Robert that wouldn’t make him look more suspicious. Thus begins their “not-dates" 

All these are gonna be tagged as #werewolf au !!

ASHDJFKG thank you for these asks!! I love yall this au is GOOD

Oh my god Ernest and Lucien having to sabotage the “not-dates” ahsdjfkg. Robert tries to pull something behind Damien’s back and the kids shoot paintballs at him. Robert takes Damien to the movies to try and keep him out late, and ends up seeing Ernest and Lucien in the front row. When Damien goes to the bathroom Robert tries to interrogate them and Lucien plays it off that they’re on a date too and Ernest thinks “this is how i die”–Robert does the whole “oh yeah? you think i’m gonna believe that?” And Lucien is about three seconds away from kissing Ernest smack on the mouth when Ernest blurts out “I DIDNT EVEN KNOW YOU WERE HERE IM TRYING TO WATCH THE MOVIE OKAY I NEED TO SEE HOW JESSICA AND MARTIN MAKE UP AND IF HER SKEEVY EX COMES BACK INTO THE MIX” 

Robert and Lucien just kinda stare. 

Then Robert makes a snide comment abt how the movie sucks when he slinks back to his seat and Ernest yells at him for it.

Damien comes back and asks what he missed and Robert tells him his kid is on a date. Damien chokes on his drink. Then the two have the bright idea of embarrassing the fuck out of the kids and spend the rest of the movie doing so. Robert has more fun that night than he has in a while, so much so he doesn’t even notice that it’s a new moon that night and not a full one.

Afterwards Mary asks about the werewolf hunting business and Robert swears bc he forgot. 

“You what?”

“I forgot, okay?”

“You woke me up at 4am to go camp outside his house and you just FORGOT?”

Damien couldn’t help but be amused, this was nothing new, someone embarrassed to come into his shop for the first time and then if they did wandering around like a lost puppy? Those sort of customers came hand in hand with running a sex shop, but it was still a treat every time to watch the process. This time it was especially so because this man was quite the sight to admire, and seemed even more flustered than most. Finally he took pity walking up to the other with a charming smile “Something I can help you with?”