i can’t believe charmin is still using those god dam bears for their commercials how long has it been? they’re creepy. they’re always talking to each other about shitting. i wanna speak to their marketing team
“You can tell a lot about a person by what kind of music they listen to. Put your music on shuffle and write down the first 10 songs that come on. Tag 10 people you would also like to learn more about through their taste in music.”
I want to share a depressing head cannon/rant because I'm a horrible person
Hey what do you think of the idea of early jinchūriki being a legit sacrifice as opposed to: let’s give someone a magic tattoo that they can channel a semi unlimited power through while also shunning them until they break from social isolation.
I’m assuming that Uzumaki’s or whoever didn’t immediately learn how to seal away primordial forces without consequences. So jinchūrikis originally being last ditch desperate sacrifices to buy time for a village to evacuate or to get as far away from human civilization as possible before your will and/or seal finally fails and the bijuu escapes. The villagers grouping together and drawing straws desperately hoping it won’t be them or their loved ones, wandering heroes who after exhausting every other option finally make the last sacrifice. Having a reason for jinchūrikis to to be both honored and shunned, because that person just sacrificed their future for you, but if you stay near them their sacrifice will be for nothing and both of you will be dead.
Jinchūriki who die burning from the inside out as their chakra comes in contact with something so much greater than theirs. Their coils ripped apart from the struggles. Jinchūriki who hear voices and hallucinate wildly under a genjutsu that comes from inside them. Jinjuriki who even though the bijuu’s chakra does not hurt them can’t control it, and it brings ruin to everything around them. Seals that try to direct the bijuu’s chakra to healing leaving the jinchūriki tumor ridden and scarred as their immune system, having ridden them of all foreign contaminants, finally turns upon their own body.
my limited understanding of pre!Naruto Kuruma’s outlook of humanity is that it is very similar to old testament angels, what with the disproportionate retribution, and disappointment in humanity’s inability to live up to the hopes of our father who art in heaven etc. (Of course i never watched shippuden so what do i know really.)
So just imagine the horror of Hashirama and Mito when Madara shows up with an enthralled Kyuubi. Not even that Madara is so far gone that he decided having a sentient? malevolent wildfire capable of holding grudges on his side is rational. But that the Kyuubi knows now. It knows that it was enslaved by a former member of Konoha, it knows that there are members in the village with the potential to do it again, It probably even knows where the village is, where their children are. Even once the Kyuubi is free of Madara’s influence that can’t let it go. So Hashirama holds the Kyuubi back for as long as he is able. Desperately trying to talk it out of it rage at having its free will so blatantly violated because of a grudge match between a bunch of contract killers. Killers that wield a corrupted version of his father’s teachings to cut each other down. Techniques meant to bring people together, water fields, and heat homes savaged the landscape in front of his nose, and now this little chit of a murderer wants to lecture him on forgiveness, on his father’s ideals?! This ninja who’s emotions whisper/screamed friend who’s words asked “why” and who’s actions showed no mercy. This Ninja who even now bound him with the remnants of the Shinju and desperately tried to sway his actions?! Needless to say the Kyuubi was not particularly moved.
So Mito sacrifices herself. She takes the Kyuubi and chains it away inside herself, sealing it away as best she can. Knowing even as she does so that she is unlikely to be truly successful. That all the others that came before her, fell under this burden. But she does so anyway, for her children. For her silly husband who makes her laugh and grows her flowers. For the village they poured their hopes into and spilled blood to keep safe. She seals the Kyuubi, and once she recovers she runs. Away from her village. Away from her family and friends. Away from anyone who could be hurt when the rage beating in her chest inevitably finds a crack in her seal and breaks free. And her silly husband.. he runs after her. Maybe he appoints his brother to lead in his stead, makes sure everyone knows not to go looking for him, all the while ignoring the conventional wisdom. That she’s gone. That it dishonors her sacrifice to chase after her, putting your life on her conscience. That we should be preparing, a seal, even an Uzumaki seal, can’t hold back disaster forever.
She runs, he follows. She leaves signs, warning of her burden, demanding any who come across it to turn the other direction and flee. He follows it straight to her. They argue. Mito demands Hashirama leave. That him being here only puts him right in front of the Kyuubi when it breaks free and deprives Konoha of a protector if it still seeks revenge. Hashirama argues back, his mokuton can be used to help suppress the Kyuubi, help keep it trapped. You don’t have to die. Mito tears into him “ and when you run out of chakra?! I don’t want you to die with me. We don’t even know if you could effect the Kyuubi through the seal. LEAVE.” It continues like this for some time, neither accepting the other’s decision. Mito tries to lose Hashirama, no longer leaving warnings, no longer leaving trails, but he always finds her again. His stubbornness is no longer endearing in the face of his suicidal intentions. Mito eventually relents, and they brainstorm together, planning out what to do when the dreaded day finally comes. But eventually over months, years, days examining and reinforcing. They realize, that the rage in her chest, it might never get out. Hashirama is ecstatic, Mito immediately demands a second opinion and sends him off to her clan with the seals schematics.
Everyone is very surprised when Hashirama shows up alive, and shocked when he happily relays that Mito is fine and showing no side effects. Many believe he’s cracked, unable to accept reality, but the seal.. The seal is magnificent, a masterwork, rushed obviously but elegant in its own way. It could work, is the thing. The last seal of Mito Uzumaki princess of Whirlpool, could hold back a malevolent hurricane, dam an ocean of fire, bear the hatred of an unfair world without breaking. It might just be enough to trap a bijuu. They demand to see her.
Mito is the first stable Jinchūriki, and Hashirama he’s an idealist.
What kind of man does not share the knowledge of of how to trap a hurricane. Knowing all the people who die as a result of them. Who would not happily share the joy of being able to prevent those deaths.
Hashirama spreads the knowledge that calamity can be stopped, and happily hands out the seal to anyone who asks.
So you have trapped it? Good now it will no longer bother us.
Hashirama should remember that humans use tools.
Is it useful? no? if you just weakened it a little you could have Power
Hashirama should remember what Ninjas use tools for.
You have Power? good our enemies can’t touch us
If you just twisted the seal~ here~ you could have skills/aspects/more power, you would be unique, unstoppable
Konoha is the first village to have a stable Jinchūriki. The rest of the villages well, they went for weaponized.
Sorry about this I didn't originally mean to send substandard tumblr fic but I got distracted by the idea of Mito being a genius that made modern Jinchūriki possible/ made it less of a death sentence. Then I had to write out how it happened and it kept getting longer.
Imagine Yuzu’s mom sitting Mei and Yuzu down and having a safe sex talk with them. Using Mei’s big stuffed bear for demonstration. Yuzu is absolutely horrified while Mei takes detailed notes as their mother shows them how to use a dental dam on the freaking bear.