dallas burger

anonymous asked:

Does Dallas like to read any books?

Yep! He just finished reading a wrinkle in time, Coraline and some poem books.

Dallas: a good book to read. That butters my bread roll..
Malek: that’s. . A weird thing to say
Dallas: does it bother you, Mal? My buttered egg rolls? Do you prefer softened lasagna? Jiggly Jelly?
Malek: cream my puff?
Dallas: juiced burger steak
Poppy: tenderized pork loins
[Simultaneously]
Malek: that’s haram
Dallas: that’s not kosher

2. Who Broke Bello’s Crown?

As a blogger, I know I should be excited for Bello this cycle since I’m sure he’ll bring a lot of drama, but I’m kind of tired of him already. He just seems like more trouble than he’s worth. Even Lacey, who’s given hints of having an impressive, underlying, Dynasty-like theatricality, questions “Bejo” (sic)’s need to fight with strangers so quickly.

Bello claims people don’t like him because he’s too honest. I don’t buy it. I mean, I buy that people don’t like him, but nothing rings true about him. He criticizes Devin for having a “strange look” as if he’s never seen a mirror before. He claims he spent the last $1,000 he had auditioning in multiple cities for the show, then he somehow came up with another $240 for a stupid crown? And how does that crown cost that much? I’m with Nyle: that’s a buck ninety-nine, tops. And then there’s his eyes.

Some of you have already messaged to inform me about the blue eye controversy. Bello claims they’re real, but a former modeling website suggests otherwise. I think they could possibly be real, but who’s going to take anything he says as authentic when he’s prancing around, declaring himself a king? Act enough like a phony and of course no one’s going to believe you.

Even showing up to his audition in a graduation gown seems like a put on. His explanation is that his mom wasn’t able to see him walk in his 8th grade graduation so he wants to make it up to her now. Is a middle school graduation an important enough event that you need to “recreate” it a decade later when, just like the last time, she’s not even there to see it. Also, how does acting like an ass on national television makes this up to his mother? Is he hoping Tyra will whip out one of her fake Harvard diplomas?

As for this crown business, you can see in some early scenes that it’s just sitting on the floor unattended. He didn’t seem too concerned about it until one of crown’s points snaps, and then he’s suddenly in a tizzy demanding to be reimbursed.

Let’s solve the mystery:

  • Was it Raquel - at Hogwarts - with her Harry Potter wand?
  • Was it Courtney - in her bedroom - with the gap between her teeth?
  • Was it Miguel - at Army training - with chemical, biological, radiological, and nuclear weapons?
  • Was it Dustin - on the farm - with his unusually long… neck?

NO.

It was Dallas - in the Top Model holding pen - with butter fingers. I only wish he would have pec-bumped that dumb crown to smithereens.

If you ask me, the real guilty parties are the people who just sat around and didn’t break it sooner. Wearing a crown is something a spoiled girl does on her sixteenth birthday, not something an adult does in attempt to score a modeling contract. Bello knows that’s not real gold, right? And that he can also pick up a sturdier crown - for free even - at Burger King?

Besides, the REAL mystery is not “Who broke Bello’s crown?”, but “Who broke Bello’s weave*?” If he’s looking for cash, he should be demanding money back from whomever attached that sad thing to his head. It’s no wonder he brought both a graduation cap and a crown to the semifinals. He needs to cover up that nonsense he calls hair as often as possible.

* I say weave, but Bello might tell you that’s real hair, too.

2

The Troy Oinkman Burger - served with bacon
Season 4, Episode 11: Easy Com-mercial, Easy Go-mercial


I’ll admit that I had to ask what the pun was… so for those of you who don’t know, Troy Aikman was a quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys.

A burger stuffed with sauteed onions and crispy bacon served over fresh spinach and topped with a bleu cheese dressing. I tried to brand a star into the bun, annnnd it didn’t work. But I tried.