Oh, the indignity of it all. The not so small pug is so uncouth. Close your eyes and put your tongue away, I tell him. I might as well be talking to a human for all the notice he takes. I guess I’ll just have to sit and suffer in silence. I’ll adopt my very best inscrutable look whilst I contemplate and pretend I’m a canine Buddha. Clearly, I have the wisdom and the wrinkles. I’m just not quite so bald.