The Basic Facts of The zodiac signs.

Polarity, Quality

Polarity: Positive
Favorable Colors: Red and white
Quality: Cardinal
Lucky Gem: Diamond
Element: Fire
Part of the Body: The head
Symbol: The Ram
Metal: Iron
Ruling Planet: Mars
Key Phrase: I am
Opposite Sign: Libra
Major Traits: Energetic, impetuous

Polarity: Negative
Favorable Colors: Greens and browns
Quality: Fixed
Lucky Gem: Emerald
Element: Earth
Parts of the Body: Neck and throat
Symbol: The Bull
Metal: Copper
Ruling Planet: Venus
Key Phrase: I build
Opposing Sign: Scorpio
Major Traits: Productive, obstinate

Polarity: Positive
Favorable Color: Yellow
Quality: Mutable
Lucky Gem: Agate
Element: Air
Parts of the Body: Arms, shoulders, lungs
Symbol: The Twins
Metal: Mercury
Ruling Planet: Mercury
Key Phrase: I think
Opposite Sign: Sagittarius
Major Traits: Clever, superficial

Polarity: Negative
Favorable Colors: White and silver
Quality: Cardinal
Lucky Gems: Pearls and moonstones
Element: Water
Parts of the Body: Stomach and breasts
Symbol: The Crab
Metal: Silver
Ruling Planet: The Moon
Key Phrase: I feel
Opposite Sign: Capricorn
Major Traits: Intuitive, moody

Polarity: Positive
Favorable Colors: Gold and orange
Quality: Fixed
Lucky Gem: Ruby
Element: Fire
Parts of the Body: Heart and spine
Symbol: The Lion
Metal: Gold
Ruling Planet: The Sun
Key Phrase: I will
Opposite Sign: Aquarius
Major Traits: Extroverted, demanding

Polarity: Negative
Favorable Colors: Navy and neutrals
Quality: Mutable
Lucky Gem: Peridot
Element: Earth
Part of the Body: The nervous system
Symbol: The Virgin
Metal: Mercury
Ruling Planet: Mercury
Key Phrase: I analyze
Opposite Sign: Pisces
Major Traits: Analytical, fault-finding

Polarity: Positive
Favorable Colors: Blues and pastels
Quality: Cardinal
Lucky Gems: Sapphire, jade, and opal
Element: Air
Parts of the Body: Kidneys and skin
Symbol: The Scales
Metal: Copper
Ruling Planet: Venus
Key Phrase: I balance
Opposite Sign: Aries
Major Traits: Cosmopolitan, indecisive

Polarity: Negative
Favorable Colors: Dark reds and black
Quality: Fixed
Lucky Gem: Opal
Element: Water
Part of the Body: Reproductive organs
Symbol: The Scorpion
Metal: Steel or iron
Ruling Planet: Pluto
Key Phrase: I desire
Opposite Sign: Taurus
Major Traits: Passionate, obsessive

Polarity: Positive
Favorable Colors: Purple and blue
Quality: Mutable
Lucky Gem: Turquoise
Element: Fire
Parts of the Body: Hips and thighs
Symbol: The Centaur
Metal: Tin
Ruling Planet: Jupiter
Key Phrase: I see
Opposite Sign: Gemini
Major Traits: Adventurous, independent

Polarity: Negative
Favorable Colors: Dark green and brown
Quality: Cardinal
Lucky Gem: Onyx
Element: Earth
Parts of the Body: Bones and teeth
Symbol: The Goat
Metal: Silver
Ruling Planet: Saturn
Key Phrase: I use
Opposite Sign: Cancer
Major Traits: Goal-oriented, rigid

Polarity: Positive
Favorable Colors: Electric blue and glow-in-thedark shades
Quality: Fixed
Lucky Gem: Amethyst
Element: Air
Parts of the Body: Ankles, circulatory system
Symbol: The Water Bearer
Metal: Aluminum
Ruling Planet: Uranus
Key Phrase: I know
Opposite Sign: Leo
Major Traits: Progressive, rebellious

Polarity: Negative
Favorable Colors: Sea green and lavender
Quality: Mutable
Lucky Gem: Aquamarine
Element: Water
Parts of the Body: Feet and immune system
Symbol: The Fish
Metal: Platinum
Ruling Planet: Neptune
Key Phrase: I believe
Opposite Sign: Virgo
Major Traits: Sensitive, escapist

September 27, 2015-A Full Moon Lunar Eclipse calls us to work on ourselves, better our spirits and our outlooks and move to an altruistic point of view.

The Moon stay in intuitive Pisces until mid afternoon keeping us sensitive to the super charged energy of the pre Full Moon Lunar Eclipse later tonight. You may have had strange dreams last night so hopefully you wrote them down for further analyzation later. We have no major aspects during this time so use it to the full extent to connect with your creative best. Take some self care time and enjoy the lovely fall weather, the atmosphere will start to heat up this afternoon and we will feel it strongly.

The Moon enters head strong Aries, at 3:30 pm shifting our energy from inner self contemplation to outer action and movement. We are ready to move with the Moon in Aries, we want new beginnings and feel the need to break free. The Moon trines Saturn this afternoon bringing two fiery signs together, we will be anxious to fulfill our responsibilities and move on to something else. Life will look extremely realistic and doable today, so set your sights on something wonderful and aim for the stars.

There is a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse tonight at 10:50 PM when the Libra Sun opposes the Moon in Aries, this takes the usual amped up emotions of a normal Full Moon and turns up the volume. This Full Moon and Eclipse begs us to realize that we all need balance in our lives, we are set to look at ourselves and what we need to survive, be happy and get along well with others in our path. Sudden realizations, changes, and positive energy will take us from one level to another if we are ready. If we fight the coming shifts we will learn the hard way not to resist. Look to find a place where service to others and yourself lives side by side. Healing, forgiveness and harmony are important in this eclipse/full moon tonight and it sets the stage for the coming weeks of action and fulfillment of these goals.

We need the full chakra support system today, make a lavender-lemongrass-myrrh and frankincense blend, carry a rainbow of stones from ruby to carnelian to yellow citrine to jade to blue agate to sapphire to amethyst and a clear quartz. You may feel the need to sage the house, conjure a protective spell and meditate mindfully.

Why the Signs are in Jail

Aries : The probably tried to fight someone and then just because they good asf at fighting the other person lost and called the cops on them. Doesn’t matter because they don’t really care.

Taurus : Stole something under peer pressure. Probably acted really upset and blamed it on someone else though so they got released.

Gemini : Hacked something like super classified files but they negotiated their way out so they weren’t even find or anything.

Cancer : Got really drunk and probably flashed random people on the motorway. The person who gets really crazy when they have alcohol and just laughs uncontrollably and does weird shit.

Leo : Caught buying drugs from Pisces. Been in trouble loads of times though so doesn’t even care and flirts their way out of jail.

Virgo : Trying to stop Cancer from flashing but gets convinced to do it as well. It’s always under peer pressure if they end up in jail.

Libra : Shoplifting with Taurus. Probably something small but fashionable like sunglasses. Probably gets really stressed about being in jail because it doesn’t happen a lot.

Scorpio : Was probably fighting with Aries and even though they lost they probably pulled out a knife or a gun or something so they got arrested too.

Sagittarius : Probably got really drunk with Virgo but was the one providing all the alcohol so they got caught out. Probably owns some huge, illegal vodka company or something which no one knew about.

Capricorn : Got arrested for fraud. Probably lied about their age or something while clubbing or getting into somewhere,

Aquarius : Got arrested for some weird shit that literally no one even knew was illegal. Probably campaigns all over social media to bail them out because it’s so ridiculous.

Pisces : Everyone is really surprised when they get arrested for running some sort of underground weed farm or something and selling it to everyone.

Horoscopes by Mademoiselle Merlini: 1/28/15

Aries:  You always get what you want in the end.  If you don’t get what you want, it’s only because you probably didn’t want it that much after all. Don’t kid yourself. 

Taurus: Relax, it was all a dream.

Gemini: You have the power to manipulate time and space and the wavelengths that shoot out from peoples cranial regions.  Use it. 

Cancer: Keep giving even though it hurts.  It will make you look good.

Leo:  Don’t put all your eggs into one basket… unless of course you only have one egg… if that’s the case then I guess that one basket is fine. 

Virgo: Cool your jets.  Do something to put your mind at ease like alphabetizing your sock drawer.  You know, virgo stuff. 

Libra: Fool you once shame on you, but teach a man to fish and feed him for a lifetime.  Wait, what? Don’t act like you don’t know what I mean. 

Scorpio:  There’s no sense in waiting for a reply to a question that was never asked. Be aggressive. 

Sagittarius:  You’re getting ready for take off, but when or what will you take off?  Who will be taken by you and who will you take with you? It’s morning.  The show is about to start. 

Capricorn:  You’re a jack of many trades because you put a lot of effort into everything you do. You’re such a good sport, but make sure you’re not spreading yourself too thin. It’s better to be in high demand than to water down your supply. 

Illusion never changed into something real.  You’re wide awake and you can see the perfect sky is torn.  They’re a little late, you’re already torn.  That’s ok.  You move at your own pace, Aquarius. Sometimes your life can be lonely and heartbreaking, but would you really have it any other way?

Pisces:  Don’t fly too close to the sun, Icarus, or your pretty wings will melt. Keep coasting with your best interest in mind.  Enjoy the view. 

Your Weekend Horoscope by Mademoiselle Merlini: 1/16/15-1/18/15

Aries:   This weekend will not be wasted.  However, you might be. Hashtag faded, hashtag turnt, hashtag three way, hashtag lol, hashtag party, hashtag barfing in public. Make sure you don’t forget to hash tag, you’ll make new friends on social media.

Taurus:  Don’t let anyone guilt you into doing something boring and stupid that you don’t want to do.  I know you’d rather be taking shots and falling down in public tonight over babysitting your sister-in-law’s kid.  Don’t say yes to anything that will dull your weekend. 

Gemini:  All eyes are going to be on you this weekend.  You’re going to be impressing a lot of strangers and turning heads.  Don’t mind the cranky jealous types.  They’re just cranky and jealous. 

Cancer:  Row row row your boat gently down the stream.  Pace yourself this weekend or you could wake up in a bathtub full of ice with your kidneys missing.  Appear innocent, but remain skeptical. 

Leo:  Blah blah blah weekend horoscope drive safe have fun whatever. You’ve got it under control, I trust you.

Virgo:  Stay inside and binge watch Netflix.  When Netflix asks you if you’re still watching, begrudgingly mutter “obviously” to yourself under your breath.  And most importantly, have a great weekend!

Libra:  Don’t worry about balancing fun out with chores.  It’s the freakin’ weekend. Have sex in the kitchen.  Pee on some underaged girls. 

Scorpio:  Do something sporadic.  You are too fixed in your habits.  You’re going to stagnate and die bored if you don’t burn a bridge or ruin someone’s life in a drunken existential rage this weekend.  Despite all your rage you are still just a rat in a cage.

Sagittarius:  Who needs a date rape drug when you can roofie your friends with your amazing rhetoric? You’re in control this weekend! All you have to do is be convincing to those around you. 

Capricorn:  This weekend is all about vamping and being glittery.  Put on a sexy show for those lucky enough to be around you. Mystify people with your swagger.

Aquarius:  Get weird. Have fun.  Test your limits.  Spend 99% of this weekend inside of your head without realizing it. No one will ever understand.

Pisces:  You are so incredibly bizarre and amazing.  Surprise and horrify people with the freak show that is your personality.  You don’t spend all of your time in imagination land for nothing.  

Horoscopes by Mademoiselle Merlini: 1/26/15

Aries:  What has gotten into you?  I’ll tell you what, this stormy-eyed vixen named fate has summoned you.  She will ask you to dance to a hauntingly familiar calypsonian melody.  You know where she’ll be, you know when.  Hesitation is a shadowy cold-handed banshee that will only deplete you of your vitality.

Taurus:  Your blood is boiling.  Your heart is pounding.  Someone or something must have triggered a deep rooted emotional response.  You love and you hate this kind of emotional agitation, but it reminds you how in tune you are with the way you feel.  Always grounded, yet always as fiery as  a bat straight out of hell. 

Gemini:  Sparks are flying for everyone you encounter, and you’re just doing what you do!  You’re responsible for a chain reaction of RIDICULOUS cool shit. You mercurial rascal, you. Good job. You’re not even trying. Unreal.

Cancer:  Lord have mercy.  The love that bleeds from your magnetic field is fucking intoxicating.  Today meditate solely on actions from the heart.  When you put aside any vindictive or jealous impulses, you can melt the icy exterior of your most vehement antagonist.

Leo:  A dreamy dream will allow you to ascend to a higher realm of consciousness.  It is a hot air balloon that you needn’t be afraid to be the captain of.  Life is a beautiful joke, and you have an instinctual rhetoric that can prevent anything from going anyway but your own.  Always use it.

Virgo:  The time is nigh.  New adventures await.  For my dear virgo, this may seem absolutely terrifying.  Believe me, it is.  Change is the only thing that’s really real.  Deal. You’re still you. 

Libra:  You can make so many great things happen without even lifting a finger because you’re so good at being at the right place at the right time.  Listen to the song “I’ll Follow the Sun” by the Beatles to better understand what I mean.  It can be a tad lugubrious to be so rational at times, but you leave behind a trail of golden bread crumbs where ever you go.  Remember that.

Scorpio:  You may be feeling a lack of self control. However, there is such a thing as being overly sagacious.  Perhaps you have been overcome with seemingly “prohibited” urges.  You might wonder why.  You shouldn’t question matters of the heart.  Don’t kid yourself, you’re a scorpio. YOU know exactly what you want.  Don’t stagnate in a squelchy sticky bayou. You’re akin to a geothermal spring. Hot damn.  

Sagittarius:  Life for you is a surreptitious fantasia full of disentangling mysteries and medleys of all shapes and sizes.  Ponder before the crackling campfire that is your wandering heart.  You belong to no one but yourself. 

Capricorn:  You may be teetering between wistful and wishful thinking, my little capricorn on the cob.  At least you’re fierce as the day is beseechingly unpredictable.  Your melodrama and broodiness is edgy and alluring to those around you.  Continue to be direct and uninhibited and you will continue to get the kind of attention you deserve. Easy enough.

Aquarius:  You may be feeling like you’re in the eye of the storm.  Things may seem too good to be true, or perhaps you have a certain hunch that something real juicy is a brewin’.  You’re definitely not wrong.  This is your subconscious coming to fruition.  Rad.  Kick back, and relax, and watch some shit get weird in a good way.  Expect nothing.  Love blindly.  Be amazed.

Pisces:  Reflection is a recurring and unescapable motif in the life of a pisces, as is acceptance.  Nothing ever really makes sense, but you’re sensible to know that what makes sense is the current moment.  It may sound corny, but you’re gushy as fuck so you totally get what I’m saying.  Anxiety may set in at times, but when you find yourself enveloped in the heartbeat of the now you can always rekindle the raw and fragile truth that life, although seemingly futile, is inherently good. 

Horoscopes by Mademoiselle Merlini: 1/20/15

Aries: Don’t let your excitement cause you to do something impulsive. If things seem too good to be true, odds are you’re probably right! That being said, don’t take any rides from a strange man with a white van who says he can take you to the “real life Candyland.”

Taurus: Your closest friends know how much you care about them, make sure you are giving the people you care about enough personal space. You’re a great friend, not a mother mountain lion protecting her cubs from certain death. However, if you are a mother mountain lion protecting her cubs from certain death, this does not apply to you.

Gemini: After a day of relaxing you’re probably feeling electrically-charged. Ideas will be exploding in your head space like fireworks. Today your gears are really turning, but make sure you speak slowly enough for people to understand what you’re so jazzed about.

Cancer: I know it can be hard to trust people, but if you don’t at least make the effort to let people in then people are going to start thinking negatively about you. There is a difference between being afraid to trust and outwardly being bitter. Friends are a good time.

Leo: A lot is in store for later in the week. Therefore, today is a good day to conserve energy because tomorrow is already going to be mid-week and then after that it will already be later in the week. Take it easy, kitty cat.

You may be feeling very high strong and nervous, but odds are no one can tell! Your calm yet somehow ominously intense exterior may leave people feeling intimidated without you even realizing it. Just remember that people see you as way cooler than you probably feel.

Now is a good time to strengthen your empire. Think of all your favorite people in your life as a collection of beanie babies. You expect only the rarest and the best, and that is what you attract. Sweet collection, I bet those is gonna be worth some money some day. No, but seriously.

Today it’s going to hit you like a bolt of lightening, a change is gonna come. This may seem frustrating to you now, but it’s actually super exciting! You just hate showing excitement for things that seem cool but you’re kind of unsure of. Trust me, it’s going to be like wicked cool. Also, you’re still sexy.

You love a challenge, plain and simple. You are mystified and perplexed by the impossible dream. This is why it may seem that you want what you can’t have. But, don’t be modest. Stacks on deck, Patron on ice, we can pop bottles all night and baby you can have whatever you like.

Capricorn: Life seems like a pain in the neck sometimes, but heavy hangs the head that wears the crown, Capricorn. It’s lonely at the top, and other cliches. But, no matter which way you slice this pizza called life, it’s still better to be in control.

It feels so good to be naughty. Your playful antics and flirtatious wit are accentuated today. Let shock value and rebellion dictate your actions, show off a little but don’t bite off more than you can chew. If you do bite off more than you can chew, just spit whatever you can’t swallow on the floor. Who cares?

Submissiveness is part of your allure, you love to please. But, make sure you’re keeping things balanced. People will only use you as much as you let them. A lot of those times when you’re feeling drained for no reason, it’s because you’re giving too much of your energy away without allowing yourself to recuperate.

Horoscopes by Mademoiselle Merlini: 1/11/15

Aries: Things may really go your way today if you can manage to keep up with the pace, or rather set it. Today is all about precision. No dilly-dallying, get off tumblr!! Start some drama or throw a party, stir some shit up! You’re the catalyst.

Taurus: Oh how groovy it is to be you today, Taurus. You’re on to something and you’re going to really start turning heads. Play it cool. Torture us with the mystery. Also don’t eat anything too oniony or garlicky.

Gemini: A weird feeling that you’re forgetting something might be creeping on you today. It’s probably not anything serious. You probably just left the oven on and the door wide open or perhaps you accidentally sent your nudes to a family member. No worries. The sands of time eventually erase everything. Just kidding! RELAX. Ugh.

Cancer: You’re really not going to take no for an answer today. Kick and scream until the weak give in to what you want. Until tomorrow, cancer.

Leo: People from your past might be coming out of the woodwork or perhaps you’re getting into things you used to do. It’s not all going to happen at once because people, including you, have to rearrange some stuff before things come into play. Just wait and see I guess. Either way you’re king of the jungle.

Virgo: You like getting all of your ducks in a row, but today.. WHO EVEN ARE YOUR DUCKS? I’ll tell you who… the ones who still kind of waddle aimlessly in your vicinity even after you’re out of stale bread. That’s right. Let’s not forget about these ducks.

Libra: Wow, you’re so shiny and pretty and color co-ordinated with out even trying. I’m sure you’ll be showered with compliments today, yeah. Something tells me you’ll just be getting lots of compliments. Enjoy it.

Scorpio: Still in limbo, eh? Is a distant voice calling you from other realms? Figures. Who is it? Don’t tell me, don’t tell anyone, we’ll think you sound crazy. Wait and see.

Sagittarius: You’re going to be spitting some fire today, whether in a heated argument or voicing an opinion about something trivial. Your words can catapult you much further than you can handle sometimes. Words are like magic. Don’t cast any lame spells. Just like, be cool.

Capricorn: Oh, my sweet baby capricorn on the cob, I hope someone holds you close today. I hope you let someone coddle you just this once. It’s okay to lean on people. Being human is hard. I know you’re made of stone but you’re not alone.

Aquarius: Manic energies are out there and you’re FEELING them. Today there’s this unmistakeable electricity that you need to harness in order to accomplish the things that you think will make you seem cooler to people that you don’t really care about. I think you may just impress some randos! TUBULAR!

Pisces: Don’t be afraid to challenge your intellect. I know you’ve been through this stupid thing called existence like a million times more than the rest of us and I know that it’s all bullshit and that everyone is just high off of their own farts, but it’s still super cool and impressive to like stay on the ball and learn about something you think is interesting. Don’t be shy.

Your Weekend Horoscope by Mademoiselle Merlini: 1/23/15-1/25/15

Aries: There is no telling what kinds of sexy parties you’ll find yourself attending. The fact that you’re feeling so irresistible is partially what is attracting others to you… aside from the fact that you’re actually irresistible. Grr, baby, grrr.

Taurus: You’re going to be vibrating at a higher frequency this weekend, perhaps a frequency only dogs can hear. However, those around you who are keen enough will be subconsciously picking up on your cues. Your subtlety is a liability. It will be hard for others to call you out on anything that you’re suspected to be “up to.” This would be a good weekend to do something taboo or illegal if you really want to.

Gemini: Wait… what?! You’re feeling frisky and will be perhaps exhibiting symptoms of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. It’s not unlike you to feel overstimulated. There’s just so much cool stuff happening all the time! The weekend is a time to lose focus and let your mind wander. Just be you. <3

Cancer: This weekend you’re feeling real brave for some reason. Could be a new perspective or perhaps you’ve ingested some liquid courage. Regardless, you’ll be a little extra ballsy with your interactions and perhaps even a bit of a show off. Feels good, though.

Leo: You might be responsible for stirring up a little social drama this weekend. Did you accidentally tell a secret that maybe you were supposed to keep? Was it really an accident? You pesky Leo! Don’t worry, the truth is hilarious.

Virgo: You’re cunning and calculating in a deviously beautiful way. The best part is, no one hardly ever suspects a thing. Use your natural secret service tactics for good instead of evil. Be sneaky and surprise someone you care about.

Libra: You can be a little shit sometimes, but you’re always so damn lovable. This weekend the unintentional cuteness you’re exuding will almost be unbearable. Don’t feel like you’re being patronized if people comment on how sickeningly pleasant and darling you are. You’re just naturally a charmer and you know how to butter up your audience. You’re a politician.

Scorpio: You’re undercover all the time. You sometimes feel like you have eyes and ears everywhere because you can usually feel things happening before they happen. Scorpios are very sharp-minded. Even in your drunken stupor, you’ll still have the x-ray vision to cut through any surface bullshit. Don’t speak too soon, though. Act natural and don’t be surprised when things turn out exactly how you think they will.

Sagittarius: You’ve got the power to set ideas about your future into motion. Is there someone you’re trying to get closer to? Is there something that you want? Do you feel like what you are secretly yearning for would cause a lot a chaos and drama? When has your intuition ever let you down, Sagittarius? Annihilate and destroy. Get what you want. You’ll regret not making your move.

Capricorn: You’re confident, elegant, and like a ninja when it comes to delicate social situations. You are able to tip toe beautifully around any drama or negative vibes. Ain’t nobody going to ruin your weekend. People will naturally gravitate towards you so long as you continue to float over any negativity.

Aquarius: Regardless of what happens this weekend, don’t go out unless anyone or anything is really coaxing you to. You’re a genie in a bottle, baby. They’ve gotta rub you the right way, honey.

Pisces: This weekend is all about magical feelings and possibly spiritual break-throughs. Life is just so damn beautiful and mysterious sometimes (all the time). Especially for a pisces.