SPOILING the end of each Elder Scrolls game without any context:

Arena: You assemble a magic walking stick so you can kill and then save the Emperor.

Daggerfall: A dozen different people get the same giant robot and kill each other with it. Also they don’t.

Morrowind: You kill an undead leader and destroy an old artifact, thus dooming your entire province to be squished by a rock.

Oblivion: You convince a man to break a really valuable gem right before he dies.

Skyrim: You and a bunch of ghosts yell at a big lizard until it dies so you can save the world. Either your country is ruled by racist assholes, or is conquered by racist assholes. You decide.

ES Online: You absorb the soul of one of your friends so you can kill a god who’s evil because he absorbs the souls of people.

Elder Scrolls Mer
  • Altmer:We are the best because we are the original. We have preserved thousands of years of Elvan culture, knowledge, and civility. All other races shrink in comparison.
  • Dunmer:We are the most magically superior. Our ancestors are held in such high regard that we can summon them if needed. We have defeated and enslaved other races, and the great houses of Morrowind rule with an iron fist. Our Tribunal is fierce and terrible.
  • Orsimer:We are intimidating and strong. Our honor comes from the great Malacath from who the gods spurned. We are masters in battle and blood lust, never relenting until our dying breath.
  • Bosmer:*sweats nervously and hides "I love nature" sign.*
Elder Scrolls: A Summary
  • Arena:Help! You must find all eight pieces of this staff to defeat the main antagonist! Did I mention that all the pieces are in eight different locations scattered all over the world? Have fun!
  • Daggerfall:Help! You must choose to give this all powerful Numidium to one of six potential factions! This will in no way affect the outcome of the next game however! Have fun!
  • Morrowind:Help! An all powerful self-created God, Dagoth-Ur is rising. You, the reincarnate of a long-dead hero must destroy the Heart of Lorkhan to defeat him once and for all! By the way, good luck with that whole claiming to be the Nerevarine thing. Have fun!
  • Bloodmoon:Help! Werewolves are attacking a fort on an island off Vvardenfell! When you're not defeating Dagoth-Ur, come help us solve this mystery! Oh, and a Daedric prince is involved? Have fun!
  • Tribunal:Help! Sotha Sil of the tribunal is going mad, and must be defeated, so as to save Morrowind! Oh wait, Almalexia, are you okay? Have fun!
  • Oblivion:Help! The emperor is dead! Quick, find his illegitimate son so we can stop Mehrunes Dagon from invading Tamriel. Whoops, lost the Amulet of Kings, it won't be that hard to get back, right? Have fun!
  • Shivering Isles:Help! A portal has opened up and it leads to the realm of the Daedric prince of Madness! You must go try and close the portal! Don't accidentally become a daedric prince yourself or anything! Have fun!
  • Knights of the Nine:Help! We must restore the Knights of the Nine to take down a historic enemy back from the dead! You have time to do that whilst shutting Oblivion gates, right? Have fun!
  • Skyrim:Help! You, the one we tried to behead for no reason, you are a Dragonborn! So yeah, only you can stop Alduin, fabled dragon, world eater, from destroying Tamriel. Just try and avoid that civil war happening too. Have fun!
  • Dawnguard:Help! A faction of vampires have appeared, we must create a new faction of vampire hunters to stop them at any cost! Wait, why are you a vampire now? Have fun!
  • Dragonborn:Help! That creepy werewolf island is back! This time another Dragonborn is jealous of your new found fame! Oh dear, another daedric prince is involved this time... Have fun!
  • Hearthfire:Help! I need a new Thane, and you need a house! Also, adopt some children... have fun!
  • Online:Help! Molag Bal is invading Tamriel and will enslave everyone! You, the Vestige, are the only one that can stop him! Oh, and can you deal with every single village in Tamriel's problems? Have fun!
Elder Scrolls Calendar

TES Week Day - Real Life Week Day

  • Morndas - Monday
  • Tirdas - Tuesday
  • Middas - Wednesday
  • Turdas - Thursday
  • Fredas - Friday
  • Loredas - Saturday
  • Sundas - Sunday

TES Month - Real Life Month - Birthstone

  • Morning Star - January - The Ritual
  • Sun’s Dawn - February - The Lover
  • First Seed - March - The Lord
  • Rain’s Hand - April - The Mage
  • Second Seed - May - The Shadow
  • Midyear - June - The Steed
  • Sun’s Height - July - The Apprentice
  • Last Seed - August - The Warrior
  • Heartfire/Hearthfire - September - The Lady
  • Frostfall - October - The Tower
  • Sun’s Dusk - November - The Atronach
  • Evening Star - December - The Thief


  • As of Skyrim and Oblivion, the number of days in each month is the same as the Gregorian calendar, leap years included.
  • The Serpent sign possibly corresponds to that of the unused 13th sign of ‘Ophiuchus’ in astrology/the Zodiac.
  • The months ‘Midyear’, ‘Heartfire/Hearthfire’ and ‘Frostfall’ can be spelled with or without a space, both spellings are correct.
  • The calendars used in Arena and Daggerfall are entirely different. Morrowind’s is pretty much the same, besides Sun’s Dusk and Frostfall having swapped number of days, and the negligence of Morning Star (this was possibly a mistake made during the game’s production).

So some of my most popular posts on tumblr have been involving Elder Scrolls lore.  Last I checked, that Khajiit thing had about 11k notes… (yet meanwhile my actual mods that I pour hours of effort into get practically none, but no matter).

Anyways, here’s an interesting bit of lore for you.

Some of you might have seen books such as “The Biography of Barenziah” and “The Real Barenziah” lying around here and there. Barenziah was a Dunmer woman, and probably one of the most (if not the most) influential female figures in all of Tamriel’s history. Barenziah was the Queen of Wayrest, and eventually the Queen of Morrowind. She also conceived an illegitimate child with Tiber Septim, and was partially responsible for defeating the evil sorcerer Jagar Tharn, an imposter of Emperor Uriel Septim VII.

What most in-game books won’t tell you however, are the more intimate details of her youth. For that, you’ll have to go all the way back to Daggerfall.

In Daggerfall, Barenziah herself gives you a quest to prevent someone from publishing a biography full of her secrets, “The Real Barenziah”. She claims that, like everyone else, she did foolish things as a young adult that she doesn’t want the world to know about.

Eventually, the book does get published of course, since we know it today from Morrowind, Oblivion, and Skyrim. The version in these games though has been edited and censored by the Temple (at least, that’s the lore explanation for it).

In the book she pulls off some Mulan tier shit when she’s 17. After her family sought asylum in Skyrim because of a nasty revolt in Morrowind, she ran away from home with a Nord boy, had sex with him, and then told him she wanted an open relationship (although he didn’t). So she ran off to Riften and frequently dressed as a boy to hide her identity. She also tried to sign up for the Thieves Guild. And here’s where things get extra saucy in the ORIGINAL Manuscript.

It is revealed that (and I am not making this shit up, this was legitimately in an Elder Scrolls game. this isn’t some saucy fanfiction) “in the barroom” (presumably the Ragged Flagon underneath Riften, but this was hundreds of years ago so it could have been referring to a different place) she spoke to a large Khajiit by the name of Therris. She offered, rather bluntly, to sleep with him if he would sponsor her to become a Thieves Guild member. And then, in a very passionate and hotly detailed scene, he rather suddenly gropes her, pulls down her shirt, and fucks her in front of the whole bar. Most of the bar patrons are ambivalent to the incident, though they do take note. The sex is apparently so simultaneously ecstatic and painful that she passes out. When she comes to, it’s revealed that the reason it was so painful was because, according to Therris, Khajiit have barbed dicks.

I am not making this shit up.

I wish I was.

The Elder Scrolls: where all your questions, from the metaphysics of the universe to the shape of a Khajiit’s penis, can be answered if you dig deep enough in the lore.

Later in that same volume of the Biography, Barenziah has a conversation with a Nord friend of hers, Katisha, and Katisha tells Barenziah that there is apparently a big stereotype that young Dunmer women are promiscuous and often become prostitutes.

Gee, I wonder why?

Anyways, there’s something for you to chew on next time you’re at the Ragged Flagon in Riften. Next time you’re there, you’ll know that in all likelihood, Barenziah, Queen of Wayrest and Morrowind, was brutally and publicly fucked in that very room.

(source for all of the above: http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Lore:The_Real_Barenziah_(Daggerfall) )

If anyone likes learning about TES lore, there’s a really cool app in the app store called “The Elder Scrolls Books” that allows you to literally read every single book in the TES game series, ranging books from Daggerfall to Skyrim. It’s really neat, and every type of book is in it’s own section, such as biographies , lore and history books, and even journals!

Get the app from the appstore here if you’re interested!