dagger jokes

[ So Pearl and Gru’s beaks are getting brought up and I feel the need to add this woman

this is aria

she got a beak


Julius Caesar: Act 4, Scene 3
  • Brutus and Cassius: *argue passionately*
  • Brutus: ...
  • Cassius: Stab me, bro. *removes shirt* *unsheathes dagger (insert dick joke here)*
  • Brutus: *sees Cassius shirtless and is reminded of his love for him* Bro, no.
  • Brutus: btw my wife ate hot coals and died so we can be together
First Impressions | Carl Grimes x Reader

request: no

fandom: the walking dead

warnings: none at all !

word count: 2,250 (got a bit carried away oopsies)

a/n: this idea was in my mind for a v long time. i’m not using the term ‘walkers’ sinc eyou hadn’t even met the group yet! so you gotta call dem zombies. also, y/f/n = your friend’s name. you can use whatever name, although your ‘friend’ in here is a girl but any name is fine (you can use 'trish’ tbh everything is fine). i’ll get to some of your requests soon, it might not be done quickly but i’ll try my best. thanks & enjoy whilst reading :) !

“Y/F/N!” shouted Y/N, her voice echoing throughout the whole forest. She furrowed her eyebrows in concern.

Two weeks have already passed after their camp was ambushed by a herd of zombies, and it was completely hard for them to kill all of their closest friends, since they were the only ones who survived because Y/F/N was out finding milk for her baby sister, and Y/N was taking a walk to refresh her mind when the attack happened, and when they came back, they heard groans and had seen a lot of blood.

Of course, it wasn’t particularly a great sight to be seen when you come back to your camp, completely oblivious that even the guards surrounding your area were all dead or had turned into a disgusting zombie. So when Y/F/N saw Jean’s crib all bloody, she let out a blood-curdling scream that Y/N had muffled with her hand, afraid that there might be more zombies coming on their way to eat them.

And then they ran, as far as possible from their camp. They had stabbed every single one of their heads, so that they won’t turn into zombies, the ones who had turned are killed as well. It was hard for the both of them, but especially for Y/F/N. Jean was the only family she had whilst Y/N had no family no more and only had Y/F/N as an unbiological sister.

So when Y/F/N had gone missing for an hour or two whilst on her road to find firewood, Y/N had been worried sick about her. And yes, she will admit that she had panicked and packed everything they owned and left their new campsite right away to search for her.

They were lucky to grab some tents and all of their supplies without them being bloody or smelling like human guts.

It was almost dark now, and Y/F/N was still nowhere to be found. And then, as Y/N considered getting rest, she heard a grunt and a loud hiss. Y/N whipped her head and hid behind a large tree as she looked behind her.

“Lay off of me, cowboy, or else—”

“Or else what?” a boy asked.

Y/N squinted her eyes and saw the girl that had been pinned on the tree’s trunk was Y/F/N, bruises on her cheek and blood trailing from her forehead.

Y/N quickly put out her pistol from her large backpack, and silently crept up behind the boy who wore a sheriff hat. Y/N was lucky that her boots didn’t contract with the twigs and leaves that much, and she pulled up the gun at the back of the boy’s head, finger on the trigger, and she said raspily, “Or I’ll pull this damn trigger, asshole.”

Y/F/N smirked as the boy froze when Y/N pulled him by his forearm and pushed him harshly on the ground, making him hiss lowly. Y/N took the knife from his scabbard belt and smirked. Y/N helped her friend up with her unoccupied hand and put her left foot at the arch of the boy’s back. She hadn’t got the chance to see the boy’s face clearly but when Y/N removed her foot and used her left hand to pull the boy’s hair back, she had a great sight of his face.

He had pale, slightly freckled skin, quite plump lips, a bleeding left cheek, and had the most mesmerizing blue eyes Y/N had ever laid her eyes on. She snapped out of her daze and hoisted the boy up, putting out some some handcuffs that her friend, who was a policewoman, lended her from her pocket and handcuffed the boy, pushing him ever so slightly to walk back to their campsite.

“Where’s our camp, Y/N/N?” asked Y/F/N worryingly as Y/N kicked the boy’s ankle slightly when he stopped in his tracks.

“You won’t mind setting it up while I get some info from this bastard, won’t you?”

Y/F/N rolled her eyes and took their large tent from Y/N’s backpack and began putting it up, muttering the instructions that she had strangely memorised in an hour back when they were only four years old.

Y/N exhaled deeply and shook the boy slightly, seeing his tired blue eyes looking at her malevolently. She rolled her eyes and forced him to stand still as she inspected him. Y/N hesitated on touching his belt and his whole lower body, but she remembered that most weapons are hidden in here. So she kept searching for any weapons at all in his back pockets until she stopped and forced him to sit on a log.

“You have a nice hat,” said Y/N, raising one eyebrow at the boy. “So, what’s your name, and from what group were you from?”

“I don’t have a group.”

“Damn liar,” said Y/F/N coldly. “I heard you talking to a man and you two spoke about getting ammo for ‘the group’ before you found me and attacked me inside the forest, so no group our asses, bastard.”

Y/N smiled at her friend, and grinned stupidly at her prisoner. She winked and exhaled deeply yet again, “So, what’s your name so we won’t call you ‘bastard’ or ‘asshole’ again.”



“His name is Carl,” said Y/N.

“I’d like to call him Coral,” said Y/F/N, laughing as she opened the tent and shoved her backpack inside. “It sounds like I’m being his dad with it, and his dad is hot, I must admit, so…” She trailed off as she took a deep drink from a bottle and sat in front of Carl. “So, no weapons?”

“No weapons,” said Y/N, “although I found a knife from him. I guess it’s mine now.”

“He has a nice hat.”

“He sure does,” said Y/N, as she raised a hand and took of the sheriff hat from Carl. “Oh, sheesh. Don’t look at me like that, you might be good looking and hot but I’m not going to do anything to you, and I’m only fourteen after all and I’m definitely not perverted, so don’t get suspicious with me, asshole.”

“Wow, Y/N’s already found a new boyfriend under the span of forty-five minutes,” said Y/F/N jokingly, laughing as Y/N rolled her eyes and shot Y/F/N daggers. “I’m joking, I’m joking. So, Coral, from what group are you from?”

“I told you,” said Carl sternly. “I’m not from any group.”

“What a thick skull,” said Y/N sarcastically, ruffling Carl’s hair mockingly as she still held onto Carl’s hat. “I’ll get more information from you later. Y/F/N, go and rest, you might need some. I’ll go on watch for now.”

Y/F/N smirked and winked at the both of them, and she said, “Good luck, you two,” and went inside hurriedly before Y/N had the time to untie her boots and throw one at her.

“What a pain in the ass.” said Y/N, sighing as she pulled out a pistol from her backpack and sat next to Carl. “Whatever group you’re from, you should be glad you don’t have someone like her as your partner for life.”

Carl didn’t answer.

“I guess you can sleep too, not that I would care,” said Y/N, shrugging. “Don’t worry about the zombies though. I know how to kill. So just… tell me if you need anything, like water or going to the woods and doing your business. I won’t look, I promise.” Carl still didn’t answer. Y/N puffed her hair out of her face and put the hat on her head. “Jesus, you’re a quiet one, aren’t you?”


Y/N shrugged yet again and turned opposite so she was completely avoiding Carl’s angelic face. She sighed heavily and wiped the sweat from her forehead, gripping her pistol tightly and she blew out another breath.

“Are you alright?”

Y/N looked up and saw Carl looking at her, eyes squinted.

“All of a sudden you ask me that, I’m fine.”

“I just wanted to prove that I’m not as quiet as you think I am.”

“Jesus Christ, that sounds wrong. Don’t say that again.”

“I won’t,” said Carl. After what felt like an eternity, he spoke up again. “Tell me what you were before all of this happened. What you wanted to be before the world told you otherwise. How you found out about the apocalypse. You know, to pass the time.”

Y/N was taken aback, but nodded curtly. “I was a middle-schooler. You know, aiming to be a class president, I was a prodigy in school back then.” She shrugged. “I was just heading back from school, singing every nursery rhyme that I know since I was too bored at the time, and the house was too far away. And then, just as I reached my room in my house, I heard a loud groan. And then I saw a lot of blood in the hallway when I checked where it came from.” Y/N clicked her tongue. “And I found my brother there, his guts open with something like my nightmare eating it.”

Carl nodded curtly, and said nothing more.

It was dawn when Y/N felt her eyes get heavy, and she pressed her body against what felt like a soft pillow and she rested her head against it in defeat, closing her eyes before she was pushed into the ground harshly, making her whimper.

She could feel something being aimed at the back of her head.

“Carl!” a gruff voice said, concerned.

Y/N saw nothing but the dirty ground with leaves, and twigs have stuck in her cheek, making her wiggle slightly out of the culprit’s tight grip on her arms, but this only made all of her matters worse.

“Daryl, is she okay?”

She felt hands on her waist and she gave out a scream, which was muffled as ‘Daryl’ pushed her head harder into the ground and no one barely heard Y/N’s screams. “DON’T TOUCH ME, PERVERT!” she shouted as loud as she can when she raised her head a little, spitting out a leaf, when a dirty hand covered her mouth.

“She’s alright, just holding a pistol.”

Y/N stopped squirming and used her now free hand to push away ‘Daryl’ from her body. She crawled backwards and looked at all of the intruders.

“What’s your name?” a man asked, who looked remarkably like Carl, and he had his hand over Y/F/N’s mouth, she was squirming underneath his grip. When Y/N didn’t answer, the man pressed the question on her, with more force now.

Y/N furrowed her eyes and frowned. “And why should I tell you?”

Y/F/N gave out a muffled groan.

“Her name is Y/N, Dad.” said Carl, his hands still handcuffed behind him.

Y/F/N was right. Carl’s dad was hot. But not as hot as Carl anyway.

“So, you know my name. Why are you still here?”

“Y/N!” Y/F/N said, annoyed as her voice came out muffled.

“You handcuffed my son, and you expect me to leave afterwards. Why are you wearing his hat? Have you done anything to him?!”

“Ha, you wish,” said Y/N coolly, throwing the man Carl’s hat and she stood up. “Yes, I expect you to leave since you now know my name and you saw your son handcuffed. Be thankful you hadn’t found him dead somewhere in here with my name spelled out with his blood on his flesh.”

“Dad, that’s enough. She’s alright. She didn’t do anything to hurt me. It’s fine. She can come with us, her friend can, too.”

Y/N rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. “Give me my pistol back and my friend and I might consider coming with you all.” she said shortly to Daryl.

“Why would I, sunshine?” said Daryl sarcastically. “Who knows what you will do with it.”

“I’ll be killing zombies with it, dumbass.”

“You know how to kill Walkers?” asked Carl.

“Kill what?” said Y/N incrediously, uncrossing her arms. “Listen, if Walkers are zombies then I already told you. I know how to kill them. I suggest you listen to what I say next time, cowboy.”

“What a sarcastic kid,” Carl’s dad said, shaking his head as he let go of Y/F/N. “Daryl, give back her pistol. Although I don’t like you for handcuffing my son and doing things with him, you need a safer place than the forest to camp.”

“I didn’t do anything with him, Jesus Christ!”

“Y/N/N,” said Y/F/N breathlessly, limping her way towards her best friend. “We have to come with them.”

“And why?”

“They have food and everything, besides, they’re protected and all know how to fight. They could teach me how.”

Y/N waited for a moment, and then she nodded. “Pack your things and pack the tent.”

“Miss Y/N?” said Carl behind Y/F/N. Y/F/N nodded and went to pack everything they owned.


“Mind letting go of me now?”

“What if I don’t want to?”

“My first impression of you is already bad, don’t make everything worse.”

“What if I want to make everything worse?”

“Then you’ll be getting it rough from me, sunshine.”

“And what if I want it rough from you?” said Y/N, putting a hand over Carl’s chest, smirking as Carl’s cheeks went red.

“Stop that, you two, and help me with this.” shouted Y/F/N, making Y/N’s smirk grow wider.

She winked at Carl, and removed the handcuffs from Carl, pressing a kiss on his cheek before she walked to the tent. Y/N laughed as she looked back at Carl’s cheeks, which were still red from that very intimate moment they had.

Maybe her first impression on him was wrong.

anonymous asked:

Going off your tags- I'll legitimately never get over the dagger as a contradictory action. I've been here casually since April 2012, fully joined during Haylor, so I've seen all those kick backs against what their team presented from Harry and Louis. But the dagger was just... on another level? While I think their tattoos at their core are extremely personal, the dagger read to me as almost a mic drop? Like nothing further would ever have to be done to prove to everyone what's up.

Honestly same. The dagger is like.. my ultimate,  end of the line “there are no more questions to be asked” moment. Its hard to describe to people who weren’t here for that what it was like, because it was so intense and the /build/ up to it was so fucking crazy. Like, obviously the ship and compass were huge. And then there was the rope and anchor. And then we found out about the butterfly and it is what it is. 

I remember the day we discovered that sailor-tattoo website, and saw all their tattoos on it, and all the different meanings. And I remember when we matched Harry’s rose to one of them and said “lol what if Louis gets the dagger”.  And people joked about it for over a year.

And then after that horrible tweet RE: the rainbow apple shirt, like within two weeks, he fucking /got/ the tattoo, in the same place as harrys rose. I still remember waking up and being speechless.

honestly if this is (as it looks like) some kind of god damn princess bride fantasy wedding sequence, my expectations for a tlk have correspondingly been raised like a lot, and i already am fairly sure we’re getting one

because come on, if in the middle of the dark swan arc you’re having dream sequences/imaginations/etc to literally them getting married and riding off into the sunset, you’re going to bookend that with some kind of major romantic capstone (and brigitte said they were working on epic romantic sequences right when they would have been writing the winter finale…. so….)

5a will hurt like a bitch but they’re literally throwing as much fluff and cuteness and couplehood as they can at us in between the dark swan stuff, so just by the basic laws of storytelling, they’re building up to something good

Reblog if you love and support Bobby and Emilie

No matter what other people think; if you crave more dagger jokes and teasing insults; if you appreciate their humor and honesty; if you love them for who they are as human beings and not just actors; if you love how their relationship and how much they love each other…..and for any other reasons. Feel free to add on here.