Dad: Hey Craig! I got something to ask ya!

Craig: What is it, bro?

Dad: (gets down on one knee and brings out a ring) Will you be my Bro-sband?

Craig: (almost crying) Bro…

Local Dad Orders a Burger at The Coffee Spoon

(Based on the video: Local dude orders a burger at Starbucks)

Mat: Can I help the next guest please?

Mat: Ah hello sir, welcome to the Coffee Spoon, what can I get for you?

Robert, heavily distorted: Yeah, can I get a motherfuggin’ uhhhhh-hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Craig and Joseph: *giggling in the background*

Robert, still going strong: hhhhhhhhhhhh, burger?

Craig, Joseph and Brian: *breaks down laughing*

Mat: Sir, we don’t sell burgers here.

Robert, distorted: What do you mean you don’t se- *cuts off*

MC, Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *laughing in unison*

Mat: We sell, we sell paninis and breakfast sandwiches-

Brian: OH MY CARDIAC ARREST.

Mat: -and coffee.

Robert, distorted: You think I know what a panini is!? *white noise*

MC, Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *wheezing in laughter*

Robert, distorted: Just give me a burger! Extra cheese! *more white noise*

Mat: No!

Craig, Joseph and Damien: *giggling now*

Mat: We don’t have burger extra cheese! We have paninis-

Robert, distorted: You don’t understand-

Mat: No!

Robert, distorted: I need this. *white noise*

Mat: Sir!

MC, Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *still giggling*

Mat: I’m gonna have to ask you-

MC, Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *giggling so hard it overpowers Mat*

*Hugo walks in*

Robert, distorted: Why are you suppressing food from the public!? *white noise*

Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *still giggling so much that nothing can be heard*

Hugo: What in the hell did I walk in to?

Joseph: I’M CRYING-

Mat: Do you want coffee? Tea?

Craig, Brian and Damien: *cacophony of giggles*

Joseph: I’m crying…

Hugo: What happened?! Hold on, hold on…

Mat: Can I get you a caramel macchiato?

Robert, distorted: Yeah, I’ll have a burger, extra dip. *white noise*

Mat: We don’t have-

Hugo: Oh my GOD, the voice changer?! Really?!

Craig: I’ll have two number nines, a number nine large…

Joseph: I’m crying, oh my god…

Mat: Sir, this is the Coffee Spoon, not a McFridayz…

Robert, distorted: Please, they’ll take my wife if I don’t give them the burg- *cuts off, white noise*

Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *laughing again*

Mat: Sir! You’re at the wrong store!

Mat, sounding exasperated: You want a McFridayz, not the…

Damien: Why are you buying clothes at the soup store!

Robert, distorted: Hello? *white noise*

Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *burst out laughing again*

Mat: Hello??

Robert, distorted: I would like a burger. *white noise*

Mat: No!

MC, Craig, Joseph, Brian and Damien: *a mixture of laughs and wheezes*

Hugo: Oh my goooooood…

Mat: We sell, we sell coffee, and, and confectioneries here, Jesus Christ…

Hugo: Geez…

Mat: Boss, agdaj, I need to get the Manager…

Craig: Bro, how much of that did you get?

Joseph, Brian and Damien: *quiet giggles*

Robert, now echoing: COMPOUND!

Hugo: Eugh…

Joseph: What?!

MC, Craig and Damien: *wheezing*

Mat: Sir, do you want to-Sir, do you want to speak to the Manager?

Joseph: He’s ordering from the ether…

Mat: He’s ordering a burger-

Robert, distorted again: Can I get a fucking uhhh-

Mat: No…

MC: Oh my god…

Mat: He’s ordering, he’s trying to order a burger with extra dip at the Coffee Spoon…

Joseph’s true ending is about how Mary can’t take it anymore and leaves his lying cheating ass, which makes Joseph actually think about his actions and how much he hurt his family and the men he had affairs with so he reaches out to his ex Robert who never quite got over him and apologizes and over time they patch things up and Joseph works through his interalized homophobia and learns that gay love can be beautiful and rewarding and more than just an exciting fling and Robert learns to forgive him and they start a healthy, mutually rewarding relationship. Meanwhile Mary takes the kids and leaves town to start a new, happier life and get over her addiction only to become a happy single mom in the upcoming mom dating sim. Roll the credits.

anyway you know what. what’s truly and 100% important to me is that craig, mat, damien and hugo are safe and sound 24/7 that’s all i care about because i’m tired and they are Good

Joseph Christiansen deserves an actual good end

jfc his character literally only has Bad End 1 and Bad End 2 (and a worse end which DOES NOT EXIST SO DON’T EVEN START) and for such a frickin pure character he deserves to live his life the way he wants to and away from his helllish wife who seems to be emotionally constraining him and not giving him an actual chance at happiness. just. protec the poor boi ffs.

anonymous asked:

If the previous volunteer is gone I will gladly take that thing. Holy fuck please daddy.

“"You’d have to fist yourself for preparation love.”