dad jokes

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Just like that, the brochure was born

A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.
He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.

“Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!”, he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

“Alright, I’m gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain’t back outside by the time I finish, I’m gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don’t like to have to do what I dun in Texas!”

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, “Say partner, before you go… what happened in Texas?”

The cowboy turned back and said, “I had to walk home.”

The Zodiac Signs as Dad Jokes

Aries

“Dad, give me your best dad joke!” Aries Dad: “You”. 

Taurus

Taurus Dad: “Be careful standing by those trees.” “Why” Taurus Dad: “Because they look kind of shady to me.”

Gemini

*Drives by a cemetery* Gemini Dad: “Did you know this is the dead center of town?”

Cancer

“What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.”

Leo

“Would you like the milk in a bag?” Leo Dad: “No, just leave it in the carton!”

Virgo

Waitress: “Here’s the check. Is there anything else I can get you?” Virgo Dad: “Someone to pay the check?”

Libra

“How do you tell the difference between a crocodile and an alligator? You will see one later and one in a while.”

Scorpio

“Dad, make me a sandwich!” Scorpio Dad: “Poof, You’re a sandwich!”

Sagittarius

“Can you call my phone?” Sagittarius Dad: “Phone! Phone!”

Capricorn

“I’m hungry.” Capricorn Dad: “Hi Hungry, I’m dad!”

Aquarius

“What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1″

Pisces

*Reverses car* “Ahh, this takes me back.”