I don’t wanna be funny anymore.
I don’t wanna be funny anymore.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like the odd man out.
I hurt my friends saying things I don’t mean out loud.

I don’t wanna be funny anymore.
I got a too short skirt, maybe I can be the cute one.
Is there room in the band? I don’t need to be the front man.
If not, then I’ll be the biggest fan.

I don’t want the joke to be on me.
Yeah, I’ll buy the clothes and I’ll be the best dressed.
Yeah, I’ll read the books and I’ll be the smartest.
I’ll play guitar and I’ll be the artist.

Try not to laugh.
I know it’ll be hard.
I’m serious.
I know it’s a first but…

I don’t wanna be funny anymore.
Yeah, I’ll be the gossip, hear it through the grape vine.
Pass it on, she’s done with the old times.
That funny girl doesn’t wanna smile for a while.


Art School | Sophie Roach (Austin, TX)

Drawing and painting her way through an imaginative landscape of intricate and visual entanglements is Austin native, Sophie Roach.  Her artwork has endlessly covered  surfaces from– guitars, beer cans, Vans, to entire rooms.  And if that isn’t already insanely rad, her organic approach and laid back attitude make her not only incredibly humble, but also a super awesome collaborator.  While finishing up one mural and starting up new projects, we had the chance to ask Sophie a few questions about her art, her career, and her approach – from finding her voice, attacking a mural, to digging the quietude one might find as a mail person hah!  

Photographs courtesy of the artist. 

Keep reading

AUGUST 28: Nancy Kulp (1921-1991)

The actress Nancy Kulp was born on this day in 1921. She is most famous for her work as Miss Jane Hathaway on the popular 1960s television series The Beverly Hillbillies.

The interview in which Nancy came out of the closet was used in the book Hollywood Lesbians by Boze Hadleigh (x). 

Nancy Jane Kulp was born on August 28, 1921 in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. She grew up in a middle-class family with her mother and father and was an only child. She graduated from Florida State University with a degree in journalism in 1943, which was then Florida State College for Women. With the outbreak of World War II, Nancy left her pursuit of a master’s degree and became a lieutenant in the women’s branch of the United States Naval Reserve. In 1951, she and her husband Charles Malcolm Dacus moved to Hollywood so that Nancy could take a position at MGM’s publicity department. Director George Cukor at MGM was soon able to convince her that she should break into acting herself.

Nancy poses with her co-star John McCain Backus for a promotional shot for The Beverly Hillbillies (x).

Her first acting gig was on The Bob Cummings Show in 1955 and throughout her career, Nancy appeared in I Love Lucy, The Twilight Zone, and The Parent Trap. Her breakout role came in 1962 when she was cast on The Beverly Hillbillies as Jane Hathaway, for which she received an Emmy nomination in 1967. She remained on The Beverly Hillbillies until the show’s cancellation in 1971. In 1984, Nancy had retired from acting and made the switch over to politics – running but eventually losing a campaign for the United States House of Representatives from Pennsylvania’s 9th congressional district.

In 1989, Nancy came out as a lesbian in an interview with the author Boze Hadleigh. Her exact words read, “"As long as you reproduce my reply word for word, and the question, you may use it…. I’d appreciate it if you’d let me phrase the question. There is more than one way. Here’s how I would ask it: ‘Do you think that opposites attract?’ My own reply would be that I’m the other sort – I find that birds of a feather flock together. That answers your question.” Sadly, she was not able to live in her truth for long and was diagnosed with cancer just a year later in 1990. Nancy passed away on February 3, 1991.


Thought Form Companion III

Thought Form Companion I
Thought Form Companion II  

It happens as I’m walking back from the laundry room on my floor. 

I was in the middle of writing this post while simultaneously trying to get chores done around my apartment. I had been contemplating these thoughts for most of the day and the previous evening, and was wrapped up in a circle of thinking that was getting me nowhere. My thoughts were currently stuck in the area of considering my thought form, and the proof of his existence beyond my own mind. Thinking like this gets rather hairy when you’re dealing with creatures that exist simply because of focused energy, and I’m still unsure as to whether or not Dacus is technically an egregore, created by myself and the person who collaborated his creation with me, or if he is simply a thought form that has advanced beyond the limits of a servitor. 

In my other two posts about him, I believe I loosely implied that I had not created him intentionally, and that for the most part, he seemed to develop due to all of the energy and thought I was putting into him for well over a year. I have heard that it’s common for writers to unintentionally thought form their characters if they put enough heart into them, and that many writers may never know that this has occurred, only that they don’t seem to have total control over the story anymore. Instead, their characters seem to write it for them. This is very similar to how I began suspecting him having been thought formed myself. 

The other night, however, I was rolling things around in my head, contemplating his spiritual existence, and comparing it to the most likely and most logical explanation, which is simply that I know my character so well, I can instantaneously know how he would respond to most situations. I’m generally alright with this idea, because something does not have to be real to other people for it to feel real and have spiritual influence on me. Yet, as I was considering this, the thought crossed my mind, that if something were to happen to me that disallowed me to continue working with him - say memory loss, or even death - would he simply cease to exist all together?

My boyfriend and friends assume no, because they know about him and have worked with him. My friends who are familiar with astral work have even felt his presence and seen him, as well as have witnessed him sitting near me even if I am unaware of him at the moment. One of them has even hugged him on occasion, then described his energy to be almost exactly how I sense it as well. 

Yet, there still remains that nagging thought. Group influence is a simple enough explanation for what my friends have experienced, and if this happens to be the case, does Dacus begin and end with me? If something happens to me that I can no longer experience him, does he simply vanish?

It’s during these thoughts that the image comes to me. I’m sitting on our couch, my legs pulled up underneath me, gazing across the room. He sits in front of me, slouching into his seat, head propped up lazily on his closed fist as he lounges his elbow on the arm of the office chair. He’s gazing at me with soft amber eyes, and a slight crooked smile.

I ask him quietly what he’s doing here, and gives me a little shrug, just a small twitch of his left shoulder. “Listening to you doubt yourself all over again.”

“It’s not like that,” I say flatly, “It’s more complicated than doubting. It’s searching for truth.”

“All of your searching is bringing up feelings and thoughts that you can’t afford to have. Eventually you might drive yourself mad thinking of things like this. You need to slow down and trust your experiences.”

“I know that,” I reply, “But if I’m doing something wrong and then I simply trust the experience, I might continue to do things incorrectly. That’s what I’m trying to avoid.” 

He doesn’t move, but gazes at me a little harder. I see and feel a brief flicker of hurt cross his face, and his thoughts are suddenly blending with mine again. “You’re worried about me losing interest in you,” I say. 

He lifts his head from his hand and links his fingers across his stomach, making the desk chair swing back and forth slightly by shifting his weight. “Am I? Or are you afraid of it?”

“Isn’t it generally the same thing?” 

“You tell me. I’m in your head.” I realized later that this came out more snarky than he intended. 

I sink back into my seat and feel a small lump suddenly begin to rise in the back of my throat. I swallow it down and look at him seriously. “That’s what I’m afraid of.”

There’s a moment of silence as he stares at me evenly. I sense a mutual understanding between the two of us that we are both a little afraid. Both a little concerned that something which should be so simple, which is so simple for many others, is not so simple for either of us. I created him to be the type to wonder, to question, and to be skeptical, just like I am. I didn’t mean to, but then I didn’t mean to create him the way I did. Just as I am uncertain of what he is, of what is real, Dacus is uncertain of the same. “I feel real,” he tells me on nights that I’m brave enough to ask, “but I know that doesn’t help you any.”

A long moment passes as we sit quietly, until his rumbly voice breaks it softly. “Do me one favor,” he murmurs. “If you can’t have blind faith, then so be it. If you don’t have faith in yourself, if you don’t have faith in this whole idea of spirit work and thought forms, then fine. Just do this one thing for both of us, alright?”

I’m suddenly aware of him sitting beside me, his heat gracing my skin, and his scent filling my breath. A hand brushes the back of my head gently, and his voice is close to my ear when he speaks. Both are soft and warm.

“Just have a little faith in me.”

And I do.

“I’m always afraid that the public will scorn songs about happiness out of a disbelief that it is genuine.” — Julien Baker on learning to articulate joy in her music.

Things that are inspiring her right now:

The novel Gilead by Marilyn Robison (a recommendation from the ever-wise Lucy Dacus).

The poetry of Beyza Ozer, a poet recommended by Morgan Martinez, editor of Hooligan Mag (an inspiring person in her own right).

The art of Kazuo Shiraga.

The bands PWR BTTM and Camp Cope; their music, their social commentary, their unapologetic commitment to change through art, honestly just them as people, all of it.

The paintings and zines of Ariel Baldwin, great pal/Memphis-native/Chicago-resident, makes some really provocative and powerful art about healing.

Read more at The Creative Independent.


On this day in music history: September 12, 1977 - “Chicago XI”, the ninth studio album (eleventh overall) by Chicago is released. Produced by James William Guercio, it is recorded at the Caribou Ranch in Nederland, CO from April - June 1977. Though riding a huge wave of success through the 70’s which climaxes with their first number one pop single and a Grammy win for the smash “If You Leave Me Now”, all is not well within Chicago’s ranks. Instead of fully enjoying the fruits of that success, it causes ego clashes and a creative power struggle among the seven band members and long time producer James William Guericio. Feeling that Guericio who is also their manager is exerting too much control over them musically and business wise, the band push back and fire him after the recording sessions wrap. Rather than working as they have in the past, the material on “Chicago XI” feel more like individual solo tracks by Terry Kath, Robert Lamm, James Pankow, Lee Loughnane and Peter Cetera, instead of a true band effort. In fact, Cetera’s lone vocal and songwriting contribution to the album “Baby, What A Big Surprise” (#4 Pop) (featuring Beach Boy Carl Wilson and Cetera’s brother Tim on background vocals), is the only major hit single from the set. The follow ups “Little One” (#44 Pop) and “Take Me Back To Chicago” (#63 Pop) featuring Terry Kath and Robert Lamm on lead vocals respectively are only minor hits. “Take Me Back”, co-written by drummer Danny Seraphine and Rufus keyboardist David “Hawk” Wolinski also features Chaka Khan on background vocals. “Chicago XI” is also the last album to feature lead guitarist and founding member Kath, who accidentally shoots himself in the head on January 23, 1978, only eight days shy of his thirty second birthday. Considered to be the heart and soul of Chicago, Kath’s sudden loss is a devastating blow, initially leaving the band’s future uncertain, but they decide to soldier on with guitarist Donnie Dacus as his replacement. Originally released on CD in 1987, it is remastered and reissued in 2003 with two additional bonus tracks. Out of print on vinyl since 1989, it is remastered and reissued as a 180 LP by Friday Music in 2016, replicating the original album package including the gatefold sleeve and custom labels. “Chicago XI” peaks at number six on the Billboard Top 200, and is certified Platinum in the US by the RIAA.

If you’re looking for your new obsession, look no further than Lucy Dacus. After seeing her open for Julien Baker last night, I can assure you that their single I Don’t Wanna Be Funny Anymore will be on repeat for the next weeks.

Made with SoundCloud

On this day in music history: October 13, 1978 - “52nd Street”, the sixth album by Billy Joel is released. Produced by Phil Ramone, it is recorded at A&R Studios  in New York City from July - August 1978. Buoyed by the huge critical and commercial success of his fifth album “The Stranger”, Billy Joel is ambitious to build on his new found success with an even more musically expansive work. The album takes its title from the street in New York City where producer Phil Ramone’s recording studio is located, and near the headquarters of CBS Records, also known as “Black Rock”. “52nd Street” features a number of prominent guest musicians including Peter Cetera and Donnie Dacus from Chicago (background vocals), Freddie Hubbard (flugelhorn and trumpet), Ralph MacDonald (percussion), Eric Gale, Steve Khan, and David Spinozza (guitars). The album is another artistic and commercial tour de force for the prolific singer/songwriter from Hicksville, Long Island, NY, yielding several of Billy Joel’s most popular and loved songs.  It spins off three hit singles including “My Life” (#3 Pop), “Honesty” (#24 Pop) and “Big Shot” (#14 Pop), winning Joel two Grammy Awards including Album Of The Year in 1980. “My Life” is also used as the theme song for the sitcom “Bosom Buddies”, starring Tom Hanks and Peter Scolari. The album track “Stiletto” also becomes a favored sample in hip hop, being used by De La Soul (“Plug Tunin’”), Nas (“Disciple”), Kool G. Rap & DJ Polo (“Road To The Riches”) and The Cold Crush Brothers (“Freestylin’”). In 1982, it is the very first album released commercially on Compact Disc by CBS Records. Remastered and reissued on CD (with enhanced content including the promo videos for “My Life”, “Big Shot” and “Honesty”), it is also reissued as a hybrid SACD by Mobile Fidelity Sound Lab in 2012. It is also released as a limited edition double vinyl LP set by Mobile Fidelity in 2013, mastered at 45 RPM. The classic title is also issued as a 180 gram vinyl LP by Music On Vinyl. “52nd Street” spends eight weeks (non-consecutive) at number one on the Billboard Top 200, and is certified 7x Platinum in the US by the RIAA.

We are beyond thrilled to release the June cover featuring the one and only @julienbaker. This issue will include authentic and passionate artists from all different backgrounds, ranging from Latina punk band Cabrona to Tucson based illustrator @pantehart with others features from Lucy Dacus and Sarah Bogosh. Be sure to be on the look out for the 15th issue dropping Friday, June 24th! Photo by @morganmartinez

I don’t know what can make people foolish. My face has already collapsed, but someone still couldn’t find that I was struggling. However, I thought I didn’t express any anger on my face at that time. Blamed on myself.  


今日歌單: Lucy Dacus - I Don’t Wanna be Funny Anymore

Watch on behindthegrooves.tumblr.com

On this day in music history: August 13, 1979 - “Chicago 13”, the thirteenth album by Chicago is released. Produced by Phil Ramone and Chicago, it is recorded at Le Studio in Montreal, Quebec, Canada and A&M Studios in Hollywood, CA from May - June 1979. Following the platinum selling “Hot Streets” in 1978, Chicago once again work with producer Phil Ramone (Billy Joel, Paul Simon, Barbra Streisand) to make their second album following the death of lead guitarist Terry Kath. It features guest appearances by trumpeter and bandleader Maynard Ferguson, Rufus keyboardist David “Hawk” Wolinski, and Brazilian percussionist Airto Moreira. It is also the last to feature Kath’s replacement, guitarist Donnie Dacus who is fired from the band shortly after Chicago tours in support of it. The resulting album is not well received by fans and critics alike who are especially disdainful of the disco flavored second single “Street Player” (#91 R&B) (written by Wolinski and drummer Danny Seraphine) released in October of 1979. The backlash it causes against the band at the time is so great, that when Chicago regains the rights to their Columbia Records catalog in the 90’s, “Chicago 13” is one of the last of their original albums to be reissued. After its first CD release in 1991, it is remastered and re-released in 2003. In 1995, the song re-emerges in sampled form when DJ Kenny “Dope” Gonzalez appropriates part of “Street Player” for the huge club and radio hit “The Bomb! (These Sounds Fall into My Mind)” under the name The Bucketheads. The song is also sampled on Pitbull’s 2009 hit “I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)”. Revived interest in “Street Player” turns Chicago’s original version (at that point long out of print) into a much sought after and high priced collector’s item among DJ’s, especially the remixed 12” single version. The disco mix, which ironically is shorter than the original nine minute plus LP cut, is briefly reissued on vinyl in 1989, as part of CBS Records’ Mixed Masters 12" series. It too goes out of print shortly after its re-release. Demand for the record becomes so great after The Bucketheads record, that it is heavily bootlegged in the wake of its club and chart success. That mix is included as a bonus track on the 2003 CD reissue of the album. “Chicago 13” peaks at number twenty one on the Billboard Top 200, and is certified Gold in the US by the RIAA.