da-hip-hop-witch

Da Hip Hop Witch (2000) - dir. Dale Resteghini

This is one of the weirdest finds I’ve had on Netflix Instant ever. Da Hip Hop Witch is far more ambitious than you’d expect - it juggles multiple story lines, and does so in a way reminiscent of more experienced directors. Yes, the whole thing is a shitty wannabe-horror-spoof about a supposed “Hip Hop Witch” with “creepy ass nails, like” (quote from Eminem) and “twenty-inch feet, like feet that’s like, twenty inches, naw I mean?” (quote from Ja Rule).

On one hand we’ve got five white kids and a pug from Framingham, Massachusetts who hear the legend of da Hip Hop Witch and opt to travel to NYC to find her. On another we’ve got a string of interviews with some pretty serious names in the hip hop industry (and Vitamin C, I totally forgot about her until seeing this) all telling their comical encounters with the da Hip Hop Witch (reminiscent of the “Torture” skit on 36 Chambers). And lastly we’ve got Dee Dee Washington an intern reporter at a media magazine who begins to put together all of the mysterious elements surrounding the hip hop witch. The film has horror, comedy, and mystery and Restelghini actually paces it rather well.

So yeah, it has a 1.7 on iMDB but I had absolutely no trouble watching this one in a single sitting. I keep quoting it at work and naturally no one’s seen of or heard of it. But I’m here to say - Da Hip Hop Witch came in the wake of the Blair Witch Project and I’m pretty glad it did. All the scenes in Framingham and Salem, MA cracked me up.

6.4

“If you haven’t yet guessed based on the film’s title, release date, or the phrase “The Black Witch of the Projects” in the prologue, Da Hip Hop Witch is a found footage Blair Witch Project spoof. Just by genre alone, the movie may already sound lazy to the uninitiated, but I swear it gets worse from there. More than half of the film’s runtime consists of staged street interviews in which famous rappers call the titular witch a bunch of names, coming off a lot like foul-mouthed schoolyard bullies. Imagine Eminem, Pras, Mobb Deep, Vanilla Ice, Ja Rule, and (for reasons unknown) graduation dances staple Vitamin C mumbling things like “That fucking bitch,” and “I was like, oh my God, what is up with this fucking bitch?” and you pretty much get the gist of what the film has to offer.”