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Arthur Recap Season 7 Episode 8 Part 2 Is There a Doctor in the House?

Jane is not having a good day.

She’s getting sick, Kate is crying, the kettle is whistling, and Arthur is whining about how he can’t find his softball tee. Jane yells at him to check the laundry room as she cleans up the mess Kate created. The shirt is all wet so Arthur asks if he can wear one of David’s shirts.

Jane is distracted by a tug of war with Pal, who wants to keep the paper towel she was cleaning the baby food with and quickly says yes. To top it off, Mrs. Tibble calls to remind Jane that she needs to pick up D.W..

Jane promises to head right over and with a sigh, dumps out the hot tea she had just prepared into the sink of dirty dishes.

That night, Jane is still not feeling well and the overlapping loud voices of her family at the dinner table make her picture them as clowns. Annoyed, she exclaims, “Can’t we have a little peace and quiet around here?!”

Jane apologizes for her outburst and admits she hasn’t been feeling well. David takes her temperature, which shows she has a fever, and orders her to bed rest. 

In the morning, Jane still isn’t feeling well–at least not well enough to deal with the everyday chaos that his her family life. David promises that he’ll take care of everything when he gets back from catering a tea but privately, D.W. worries to Arthur that David won’t be able to handle things.

“The house will just get dirtier!” she exclaims. “We’ll be living in a pig stew!”

Arthur corrects that it’s a “pig sty” but agrees that they could try to clean the house while David is away.

And of course, since they’re little kids who never seem to have had any chores besides cleaning their rooms, Arthur and D.W. mess everything up. David comes home and has to undo the messes they made: Pal stole and buried David’s shirt in the sandbox because D.W. didn’t pay attention when she was doing laundry, Arthur broke the vacuum because he didn’t pick up the big pieces first, Arthur didn’t scrape the dishes and shut the detergent door when he ran the dishwasher, neither of them changed Kate’s diaper, and D.W. cut a hole in David’s pajamas.

Even more unfortunately, David seems to have caught Jane’s cold. At night, D.W. gets into bed with Arthur and worries that their parents won’t get better. Arthur is confident that everything will be alright when Grandma Thora comes over

However, Arthur has a nightmare where he and D.W. try to do David and Jane’s jobs and take care of their sick parents, but it goes as well as you’d expect. “It’s hard to be in the catering business when you only know how to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches,” says Arthur. “It’s hard to be an accountant when you can’t count past ten,” agrees D.W.

She reveals that she sent Kate to the orphanage since she and Arthur can’t take care of the baby. “If only we paid more attention to all the work Mom and Dad do,” D.W. sobs.

In the morning, D.W. and Arthur bond over their nightmares and are interrupted when Kate wakes them up with her crying. D.W. and Arthur work together to change her diaper.

They also go back and redo all the chores they messed up the other day. When Grandma Thora arrives, she is pleasantly surprised that she doesn’t have to do any work. She tells Jane and David that they raised good kids.

As D.W. and Arthur wash the breakfast dishes, D.W. sighs that she is relieved that they are still healthy enough to do the chores.

Cue Arthur sneezing.

Is there a doctor in the house?

Grade: A+ (This is a personal fave of mine. I just like that you see the responsibilities of the adults and that Arthur and D.W. learn how to handle them. When you’re a little kid, you’re a very “Me, me, me” mode and learning to how to do the big household chores is a part of growing up. I notice that Arthur and D.W. were made extra annoying and extra whiny in this episode which I don’t think was an accident. The first part of the episode was from Jane’s perspective and she was sick, so it makes sense that everyone makes her irritated.)

Rating: 100% intense. Learning how to do chores is intense.

Arthur Recap Season 6 Episode 7 Part 2 More!

This request has been sitting in my inbox for awhile so I thought to kick off my promise to recap once a day, I’d start off with this one.

As a younger sibling, I know what it’s like to feel like the older kid got the lion’s share of everything. My older sister has more photos of her childhood, my mother let her date in high school, and when my sister turned 21, she got to drink in front of my mom (within reason, of course).

Me, I have wayyy less pictures of myself when I was a kid (although I hated taking pictures when I was a kid so that could explain it) but my mom did not let me date AT ALL when I was in school (technically I’m not even allowed to date even while I’m at college since my mom thinks I should be focusing on my studies) and when I came home and tried to get a beer out of the fridge, my mom yelled at me and told me I’m not allowed to drink in her house until I have a job where I can pay for said drinks.

Yeah, that’s my life.

But the point of this digression is that I kinda understand D.W.’s obsession with things to be equal, except she in true D.W. fashion, gets out of hand.

In the opening Jane, serves Arthur and D.W. slices of chocolate cake. D.W. refuses to let Arthur take a bite until D.W measures the slices on scale to make sure they’re equal. She even redistributes the icing!

“If there’s anything D.W. can’t stand, it’s when things aren’t equal,” explains Arthur. Unfortunately for us, D.W. is more concerned about cake than income disparity. I bet if D.W. got a wind about unequal distributions of wealth, the world would look very different indeed and I’m not just talking about how she’d decorate everything in a Crazy Bus/Mary Moo Cow theme.

Arthur tells us this is nothing the time D.W. got bent out of shape trying to become “equal” with her friend Emily. We go to the place where this story’s episode all kicked off: D.W. was at a playdate with Emily and after doing a careful inventory of Emily’s toys to make sure D.W. has all the same ones, she settles into play.

Digression No 2: D.W complains that her music box only plays “Mairzy Doars”, which Emily loves. That reminds me how I am watching Twin Peaks and Leland Palmer goes crazy and won’t stop singing “Mares Eat Oats” and I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Twin Peaks is really weird and not in a fun way.

Emily’s French nanny Marie-Helene checks on the girls and D.W.’s eye narrow in annoyance as she realizes the one thing Emily has that she doesn’t…

Uh-oh. Never mind, I don’t think we should recruit a four year old to redistribute wealth. 

With the help of her imaginary friend Nadine, D.W. compiles a list of reasons why she needs a French nanny too. However, Jane and David  have a surprise of their own: they have decided to give D.W. a small allowance of 75 cents as a reward.

D.W. is thrilled and she imagines surprising Emily at the park with her newly earned riches. She takes Emily on a shopping spree and announces that half the toys are Emily’s because “friends should be equal”. Aw.

However, D.W.’s bragging doesn’t go as planned. When she shows off at the park, Emily is unimpressed. She has already been receiving an allowance of $1 a week for a whole year.

Digression No 3: Do parents still give allowances? In my group of friends growing up, no one got allowances. I have yet to meet anyone who got an allowance growing up. I had to ask my mom every time I wanted to buy something or save my birthday money. Is this an indication of the 1950s time warp the Arthur universe is in or did I just miss out? Actually, now that I think about it, it was good my mom never gave me an allowance. Since I don’t know what it’s like to have a steady income, I will be fully prepared for the exciting and unstable economy I will be entering as a writer.

D.W. checks if the Tibble twins have an allowance but they have something better–their money goes straight into a bank account.

D.W. decides to charge her parents for the money she should have gotten if they started giving her an allowance a year earlier. “You can’t read but you can make up a bill?” asks Arthur incredulously. D.W. ignores them and tells her parents that they just need to pay her back before she sees Emily.

Instead of just laughing in her face like I would have done, Jane and David punish D.W. with a time out for being disrespectful and greedy.

D.W. has a temper tantrum and pouts that she is being left behind in her friend group. She imagines Emily and the Tibble twins playing in a bank vault and coldly excluding D.W. because she doesn’t have a bank account.

In the morning, D.W. resolves to be even more responsible and take on extra chores without being asked in hopes of Jane and David increasing her allowance. However, Jane gets annoyed when D.W. broaches the topic again.

Digression No 4: Why haven’t Jane or David picked up on D.W.’s obsession with money yet? D.W.’s obsession with money started after she came back from playing with Emily and she specifically mentioned needing the money they “owe” her before she sees Emily. That’s kind of a clue that the origin of her neurosis starts and ends with D.W.’s inferiority complex with Emily. At the very least, they haven’t given her a lecture about greediness or anything. They just give her dirty looks for asking about money. Which makes for some comedic moments but still. 

When she’s dropped off at preschool, D.W. can’t stop obsessing about everyone else’s allowances are and when she sees Emily, she fakes being sick and asks to go home.

At the Read house, D.W. interrupts Arthur and his friends as they watch TV to demand how they are all friends when they know they have different allowances. Arthur’s friends realize they don’t know and D.W.’s question ends up driving them apart. As Muffy storms off in her limo, D.W. realizes that she could just pretend to be rich and that could be the same thing as keeping up with Emily!

Before preschool, Jane finally remembers to be a parent and reminds D.W. that she should be grateful for what she has and there will always be people richer than she is and she can’t work herself into a tizzy about it. D.W. pretends to agree with her but goes along with her plan anyway,

She walks into the classroom wearing a crown and pretending to be on the phone with her bank. The Tibble twins are easily fooled and believe D.W. is rich, much to her delight. Ms. Morgan takes the up the children’s money to pay for their milk and D.W. gets too carried away and offers to play for the whole class. Of course, Ms. Morgan points out that D.W. only has fake money and flustered, D.W. quickly gives herself away. The class giggles at her embarrassment. She sobs that just because she doesn’t get as much as allowance, she is still as good as anybody. 

Emily finally realizes why D.W. has been acting to so weird and during naptime, she offers to share her allowance with D.W. so they can be equal. “You’d do that?” sniffles D.W. “If we can play again,” says Emily.

Awwww. How sweet! The Tibbles snidely (but truthfully) comment how much nicer Emily is and D.W. decides that she and Emily can keep their allowances as they are. She apologizes for getting worked up about money and vows to never do it again!

Until in the last scene, where she is seen trying to hit up Grandma Thora for the D.W. Allowance Fund.

Grade: B+ (I really liked the humor in this episode but I can’t decide if I liked that D.W. learned her lesson about greediness because Emily’s generosity made her realize how ridiculous she was. Actually, I don’t know if D.W. would have learned her lesson because she only gave back Emily’s money after the Tibbles pointed out how nice Emily was. But I guess we can’t expect 4 year olds to become perfect instantly and the tag of the D.W. Allowance Fund was funny.)

Rating: 67% intense. Money is intense.

Arthur's Perfect Christmas REMIX

the-girl-whos-waiting-96 is back biddies! And I’ve got a holiday recap for y'all!! Grab your hot chocolate, Santa hats, dreidels, and lutefisk because here we gooooo

We open on some lovely piano music playing over shoppers buying gifts. We also see Binky getting gifts hand delivered from a toy shop to his doorstep, which always confused me. I mean I understand his relatives shipping gifts to his house, but these are hand delivered by a guy in an elf costume. Is this a thing? Does this happen?

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One of the shoppers, Bitzi Baxter, drops a small present and a stranger kindly returns it to her. This puts us in the Christmas mood as we move on to Casa de Read where we are treated with a surprise song. Yes, this episode is a semi-musical, meaning there are musical numbers but not very many. Also the songs just sort of show up in the special like uninvited yet unexpectedly pleasant dinner guests. No one saw them coming, but no one is upset over their arrival. 

During the musical fantasy Arthur describes his vision of a perfect Christmas featuring a ton of snow, a traditional dinner with 17 types of pie (dayyyum son), and a  huge tree decorated perfectly with absolutely NO TINSEL. I never really understood Arthur’s loathing of tinsel. In the fantasy DW tries to put on a bunch of tinsel but Arthur tells her to get that bitch ass shit out of his face and then he punches her again. Truly a perfect Christmas.

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When the song concludes, DW comes in bitching about how Arthur has to write her letter to Santa for her since there are only three days until Christmas and time’s a wasting! Dis bitch. If she wanted to guarantee presents from Santa she should’ve mailed that shit months ago. What a scrub. As DW laments over how she should greet Santa in the letter Arthur tells us that everything will be “Almost perfect” this Christmas and resists the urge to deck DW.

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The next morning as the kids are on their way to school an ad for Tina the Talking Tabby plays, an annoying toy DW desperately wants for Christmas. She asks her mom if Santa will get it for her and Jane responds with a “I don’t know we’ll just have to wait and see” accompanied by some foreboding music. Sorry DW the foreshadowing just screwed you out of a toy. 

At school Muffy boasts to Francine about her party and when Francine tries to tell Muffy she can’t go, Muffy runs off to invite George.

I guess this is one of those gotta-invite-the-whole-class kind of parties. 

Francine rants to Arthur that she can’t attend the party because her family is celebrating the last night Hanukkah. Arthur suggests a direct approach so Francine walks right up to Muffy and declares, “Muffy I am not going to your party tomorrow”. However, Muffy ignores her and talks about the band she hired. Dis bitch. 

In class, I guess Ratburn gave up on a lesson plan because George describes a tradition from Sweden where they have a parade early in the morning of December 13th in which people follow the Queen of lights. This is a real St. Lucy’s day celebration in Sweden. Afterwards George tries to pass around the Lutefisk, fish that’s been tried and boiled that his grandparents sent him. Of course Buster is the only one to eat it. See George? This is how you ruin a lesson about your culture, by saving the worse for last! This is why you’re left out of the promotional stuff. (Although the ornaments on his antlers are adorable)

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Next Binky presents his attempt at a pecan pie, since he’ll be making dessert for the homeless shelter this year. Everyone is excited to try it, until they learn that Binky hasn’t shelled the pecans! Was no one supervising him when he made this? Ratburn pulls a real dick move here by making the class think there’s no homework then psyching them out by assigning a 5 page essay on what they did over break. WTF five pages? That is crap Ratburn, there is no way they’ll be able to fill up five pages on that shit. 

After class, Buster tells Arthur that ever since the divorce, every year his mom keeps waking him up everyday for about a week until the 25th thinking it’s Christmas. After Buster tells her the correct date, she goes back to bed. He knows that his mom is only doing this to compensate for Buster’s dad not being there. Damn, this kid is pretty smart for his age, if only he would study.

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Outside Muffy has donned a princess outfit and is announcing her epic party to all through the sunroof of her limo. Didn’t she already invite everyone in person? Guess she just wants to toot her own horn! (Pun intended) She tells Francine to come early to help her set up, and Francine once again tells Muffy that she can’t come and is once again ignored.

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Arthur and his mom go last minute shopping at the over crowded mall with too many Christmas displays. They agree to meet back at one of the candy cane displays in an hour. Wait, hold up, this kid is only 9 and he’s allowed to wander around by himself? What the fuck Jane?!
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Arthur tries to get the perfect gift for everyone on his list, which only consists of his parents apparently. I guess DW and the grandparents get the cold shoulder. Arthur wants to get his dad the veginator, a kitchen tool that can do practically anything which is only $5.99 due to the 1950’s prices! Before Arthur can even ask if the store has a veginator the employee tells him they’re sold out but offers Uncle Niko’s olive de-pitter and even throws in the olives for free. Arthur then spots the perfect gift for his mom, an exact replica of the glass bird he broke last summer. This is an ongoing gag in the show, and I think this is where it originated.
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Having purchased the last gift from a bitchy cashier for only $9.59! Why can’t I live in a world with 1950’s prices? Arthur has to go through the hell that is the toy store to get to his mom all while the annoying Tina the Talking Tabby ad is playing. It’s pretty intense. When they meet up his mom explains that she got almost everything on her list but there was just one thing that was all sold out…HMMM I WONDER WHAT IT COULD BE!!! 

Back at Casa de Read Jane explains to DW over a plate of cookies that Santa can’t always give kids what they want. DW thinks it’s because she’s been bad but Jane lies to her face and says that she hasn’t been bad at all, but before she can continue with her bullshit explanation DW concludes that it’s because Arthur wrote her letter all wrong. Jane doesn’t bother to correct her, so i guess she’s fine with throwing Arthur under the bus for this one. 

David comes in with Uncle Fred’s video christmas card! Ah yes, good ol’ Uncle Fred, the character whose only appearance is in this special and is then promptly left out of the rest of the series, which is a shame because Fred is awesome. (I just looked it up, apparently he’s mentioned once in season 18) Fred says in the tape that he can’t be with them this Christmas because he and his dog Rory are going to Florida! What kind of hotel allows giant ass dogs? The tape gets interrupted by Rory eating the camera. The kids laugh about their uncle and joke about how last christmas he stepped on the tea set David got for Jane. How do you step on an entire tea set like wtf?

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The family has a traditional Christmas dinner before Christmas because David wants to have an authentic Christmas dinner this year with food people might have actually eaten in Bethlehem when Jesus was born. Arthur thinks that sounds like a load of suck but tries not to let it show in front of his father, since David doesn’t need anymore disappointment in his life. 

At the Baxter Residence, Bitzi wakes Buster up thinking it’s Christmas when it’s only the 23rd. She puts the presents away once more and says that she “just can’t wait for the holidays to be over” 😞

Thinking Arthur has failed her

, DW mails her own letter to Santa at the mailbox next to the Tibble house.
We cut to Muffy’s Christmas party where things are in high gear as the band sings to have “a boogie woogie Christmas and a rocking and reeling New Year”. I demand a full version of this song. For some reason Mr.Ratburn is there. Ok weird. Wow this literally is an everyone-in-class-gets-invited kind of party.

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Arthur bitches about the lack of snow even though Christmas is tomorrow, Brain responds by saying that technically no one really knows what day Jesus was born on, boring him with facts and Arthur tells him to stuff it. Muffy announces that the time has come to give out presents and there is one for everyone at the party. Wait…so she invited like everyone in the school, how many gifts does she have?! When Francine doesn’t come to collect her gift, Muffy angrily calls her in front of everyone, demanding to know where she is. Francine explains that she told her 28 times that she couldn’t come because of Hanukkah. Muffy says “it’s not like Hanukkah is as important as Christmas” and Francine hangs up on her bitch ass.
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Arthur and Brain find Buster sleeping on his cake, and tell him that maybe he and his mom shouldn’t celebrate Christmas since it just makes him tired. They suggest Buster create his own holiday, Brain, the human textbook, says that he celebrates Kwanza which wasn’t a holiday until 1966. Brain’s only function in this special is to spout facts.

 Buster fantasizes about Baxter day, which is the chillest holiday of all time. Stop whatever you’re doing, let me hear you say today is Baxter day!

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Buster likes the idea but thinks his mom will never go for it. Meanwhile Mr. Ratburn tries Binky’s brownies which he neglected to put sugar in. Who is allowing this child to bake?!

Arthur comes home to find that tragedy has struck! DW has decorated half of the tree and it’s NOT FOLLOWING TRADITION!!!

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Jane lets Arthur decorates the top half the way he wants, but he whines that it’s still weird. On the way to church Arthur begs his dad to change the station when the Tina the Talking Tabby ad plays. Without skipping a beat, David puts in the Crazy Bus tape. David is such a douche. After church, Arthur tries Binky’s banana bread which I guess he’s just been carrying around in his pocket or something? Somehow Binky forgot to peel the bananas. HOW HAS HE NOT BURNED THE HOUSE DOWN AT THIS POINT?!

DW insists that she and Arthur make sure everything is set for Santa’s arrival: no fire in the fire place, cookies and milk, and even water for his reindeer. As a snowflake falls in Arthur’s hand he thinks it’s finally going to snow but it rains because the universe hates him. Arthur awakes after hearing a loud crash outside and comes downstairs to find that Uncle Fred has crashed into their fence and has to spend the night since no one can fix his car until after Christmas.

Fred’s dog Rory chases Pal around the house and manages to snag the gift Arthur got for Jane and runs off with it. Arthur and Pal cause Rory around the house, they get the gift back just before it breaks because Arthur Read don’t take shit from nobody. He puts the gift in the upstairs closet to prevent another mishap and goes to bed. 

It’s Christmas morning and DW runs to wake everyone up when she notices Uncle Fred shaving in the bathroom and thinks it’s Santa. But when she goes to show her dad, Arthur is in the bathroom peeing! Pretty sure this is the most adult joke this show has ever gotten away with! DW saw her brother’s ding-a-ling!!!! (Editor’s note: That moment was 100% intense.)

At the Baxter residence, Buster is the one to wake his mom up this time because it’s actually Christmas! Bitzi gets nervous that she accidentally bought Buster a toy he already has but Buster explains that they are two different characters entirely. Duh mom!

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Unfortunately Bitzi manages to burn the pancakes and Buster tries get her to mellow out. Just give her some of your stash and this will be over in like 10 seconds Buster!

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At the Crosswire abode Muffy excitedly goes to play with her 37 presents, but laments that she won’t be able to play with Francine because of their fight. Oh woe is her! Who will she brag to now? Another fantasy song sequence starts as Muffy imagines Francine basically being her bitch at playtime. Clearly their friendship is one of high value.
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Back at Casa de Read everyone is about to exchange gifts when Arthur runs up to get his mom’s gift, fantasizing about how everyone will know he’s perfect after this. He’ll even get a balloon in a hero parade! (No one tell him that his balloon was cut from the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade). But when Arthur reaches for the present it falls over and breaks. Wait a minute, so you’re telling me that this thing can survive being bounced around in the toy store and chewed on by a dog without a scratch, but a littlet fall takes it down?! That is bogus!
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We cut away to see Bitzi has taken Buster to a fancy restaurant for brunch to make up for burning the pancakes. The place is cleverly called “La Bruchenie- A Fancy Place For Brunch” subtle. Buster tries to tell his mom not to make a big deal over christmas but chickens out.

Going back to Casa de Read, Arthur is crying because he broke his mom’s bird again and thinks he ruined Christmas. Fred goes to comfort his nephew convincing him to come back downstairs.

In the Muffy storyline we see her eating her feelings at the Brain’s ice cream shop, better known as the lesser Sugar Bowl. They’re open because Kwanza doesn’t start until the 26th. Okay, I understand that the Powers family doesn’t celebrate Christmas, but having their shop open is just a bad business practice. They have to pay to run the electricity- the lights, the air conditioning, etc. on a day they’ll be lucky to get any customers, because 

a) it’s Christmas and
b) it’s December, most people don’t want ice cream when it’s cold outside
Wait a minute…do the Powers even pay Brain? He’s the only employee! Does the time loop cancel out child labour laws?

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Once again back at Casa de Read we see everyone opening presents, and the Read family is struck with another tragedy as DW gets a talking duck instead of Tina the Talking Tabby and throws a tantrum until the duck talks and she finds that she loves it.
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Arthur imagines what will happen if he tells his mom the truth, his family will hate him! Binky crashes his fantasy trying to get Arthur to try his shitty ass peach cobbler. In reality Fred has Arthur take the credit for his gift to Jane, the tea set Fred broke last Christmas! And a miracle tow truck shows up to get Fred the fuck out of the series. 

We then head to the Frensky home where the Crosswires have come bearing ham. A fucking ham. To a Jewish family. White people.

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Muffy apologizes to Francine and Francine explains why Hanukkah is so important to her and why Muffy is a piece of shit for ignoring her when she said she couldn’t go. Muffy realizes she sucks and they all go to the movies!
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Back at the fancy Baxter brunch as Bitzi goes over the day’s schedule, Buster interrupts saying that Christmas doesn’t have to be a big deal, in fact they could celebrate their own holiday, Baxter Day! Bitzi is 100% down to clown and they go celebrate Baxter Day.

Transition to Christmas dinner at Casa de Read and Arthur is surprised that the dinner doesn’t completely suck ass. As Fred leaves the series–I mean, house- -Grandpa Dave gives him a ride hitting the fence on the way out. Nice. It finally snows and Arthur is over the moon as he sings the final song and we get a glimpse of what the other families of Elwood City are doing.
George’s family is partying it up Swedish style

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Brain’s family is getting amped for Kwanza
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Binky’s family is working at the homeless shelter where he feeds the homeless store bought cookies pretending he made them! What a sneak!
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Ratburn is planning all of his tests for next year because his family disowned him long ago and he has no friends…festive!
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The Frenskys and Crosswires are living it up at the movies

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And the Baxters are looking for Doctor Who
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We rejoin Arthur as he reiterates the moral of the story through song. “Sometimes the thing you hope for isn’t the thing you get. But after today, I just have to say, this was the best Christmas yet!”
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DW interrupts the moment with her annoying ass duck, and Arthur breaks the fourth wall wishing us all Happy Holidays, before going back inside to beat DW over the head with her duck. It may not have been what he expected but it was Arthur’s Perfect Christmas.

Grade: A (This is honestly one of my favorite holiday specials from any show, I love that it celebrates all sorts of holidays rather than being all about Christmas. The morals are ones that I feel everyone needs to be reminded of every holiday season. The songs are fun and silly but unnecessary as they don’t drive the plot forward at all. Baxter Day steals the show.)

Rating: 200% intense Forgotten Uncle Fred is intensely cool!!!
Arthur Recap Season 7 Episode 9 Part 2 The Return of the Snowball

You want to know how really crazy the time warp is in Arthur-land?

D.W.’s Snow Mystery, which has the first appearance of the snowball, took place in season one. This follow up episode is in season seven.

In a “Star Wars” reference the episode opens up with rolling titles. Arthur narrates our tale for the day: there is unrest in the Read household. D.W is still bitching about the snowball despite the fact that it’s been seven years or however they keep time in this time warp. As Arthur discusses plans to defeat D.W.’s dark side, D.W. interrupts the narration insists that Arthur did take her snowball and she demands narrating privileges. Jane tells Arthur to let D.W. do some of the talking and then he informs her that it’s about the snowball.

“Oh no. That again?” asks Jane.

Damn. If your mom is tired of your four-year-old bullshit, guess what? It’s four-year-old bullshit, D.W.

I wonder why this episode title is in reference to the third Star Wars film when it’s the only follow up to the snowball episodes. I guess “The Snowball Strikes Back” didn’t have as a good of a ring to it.

Wait a minute, yes it does! Why didn’t they pick that title?

It’s Jane’s birthday and the Read family is celebrating with cake and dinner. From the kitchen, D.W. shrieks excitedly and runs into the room to tell everyone that her snowball is back! “And right on the six month, two week anniversary since it went missing!” she adds.

Jesus. D.W. has been thinking about this snowball for six months and two weeks? This is when Jane and David probably should have sat down and looked a list of child therapists but everyone’s in a good mood after cake so they just cheer D.W. on and cogratulate her.

But no seriously, they should have been trying to see if Supernanny is still doing house calls. D.W. spends all evening sitting at the kitchen table and staring at the snowball. D.W. even makes Jane close the fridge super slowly as to not damage the poor, fragile snowball.

And then she reminds Jane to also put the peas back in the freezer.

That night, D.W. has a dream about the snowball. She dreams that she, dressed in fancy ball gown, enters the snowball’s ice palace and waltzes with him as onlookers made of ice watch on.

That’s…that’s one imagination, I’ll tell you that.

Snowball asks how he got back into the freezer and D.W. shrugs that she doesn’t know. Snowball could have just let this slide and then he and D.W. could have done The Hustle in that kick ass ice castle but no, he has to trigger the conspiracy theorist in her.

“If someone took me once, what’s to stop them from taking me again?” he asks ominously.

“What do you mean?” gasps D.W. Suddenly, a giant Arthur enters the scene and scoops up Snowball, laughing maniacally.

D.W. wakes up and goes down to the kitchen to make sure the snowball is still there.

It is. 

But D.W. is awake and so is her crazy!

She puts the snowball in a container and locks it with a bike chain. Still not satisfied, she sends the night in the kitchen with the freezer open to catch any possible thieves.

In the morning, Jane is not pleased that D.W. spent all night making a mess and is not impressed with the “If it was stolen before, what’s to stop someone from stealing it again?” defense. This is her expression when D.W. makes it:

Arthur pipes up to tell D.W. that her snowball thief theory is stupid. Of course this makes him Suspect No. 1 to her. When Arthur goes into the kitchen to clear his plate D.W. follows him and tries to reopen her snowball container to be sure he didn’t take it.

Jane walks into the kitchen in time to see D.W. about to stab her container open with a fork. Jane immediately stops her and scolds D.W. for playing with sharp objects. I have a feeling that if PBS didn’t have a “If your character is wielding a sharp object, make sure to include a PSA how you need Adult Supervision to do so”, Jane would have walked right by without batting an eye. 

The Reads are pretty neglectful sometimes.

Anyway, she helps D.W. unravel all the tape, chains, and gadgets around the container and D.W. is horrified to see that the snowball is smaller.

Jane lets D.W. keep the snowball in an ice cooler in her room for the night.

“Aren’t you going to punish Arthur? He obviously took the outer part of the snowball!” asks D.W.

Oh, look at that Jane: an opportunity to lay down the law with your kid and put an end to this snowball obsession. Instead, Jane reminds D.W. that the snowball melted because she fussed with it so much. Well, it’s better than nothing so I’ll take it.

That night, D.W. dreams about Snowball, whose ice palace is now melting. He suggests that to find the original snowball thief, D.W. should look for the person who put him back in the freezer.

Come on, Snowball!  Can’t you see that by encouraging D.W., you’re really only hurting yourself?

D.W. decides to launch an investigation. Since she possess the subtlety of, well, a four-year-old, D.W. decides to recruit outside help when her interrogation of Arthur lands her in time out. She tricks Brain into coming over and pays him to answer two questions: Could a snowball hide in a freezer for six months without getting “smooshed”? If not, then where did this snowball come from?

Just as Brain makes a connection between the ice cream from his family’s shop and the snowball, Arthur enters and asks what’s going on. D.W. tries to shoo Arthur away but Arthur points out to Brain that he has been duped by a four year old girl. Brain and Arthur then leave Casa de Read to roam Elwood City like a free range chickens. D.W. can only helplessly yell from the doorway of the house about how Arthur sabotaged her on purpose.

The snowball has finally melted and D.W. actually cries as she pours the melted water in a jar. Arthur appears in her doorway and admits that the snowball was a fake. He explains that when he went to the ice cream parlor to pick up the ice cream for Jane’s birthday, he noticed the new snow cone machine and decided to pick up a plain one and sneak it into the freezer so D.W. would think her snowball returned.

“Clearly, I did not think that plan through,” adds Arthur. 

D.W. demands to know that if Arthur didn’t take her snowball, then who did?  Arthur loses his temper at her. “Why can’t you just let it go?” he begs.

“I can’t just let it go! It was a crime!” yells D.W.

It’s a missing snowball, not the Lindbergh baby. Jeez.

As Arthur storms off, D.W. realizes that maybe she has been obsessed with this snowball for too long. She thanks Arthur for trying to cheer her up and pours out the melted ice out her window. She sees Emily on her way to the pool and D.W. calls out that she wants to come along too.

In the sky, three aliens observe the scene. The dad alien scolds his children for stealing the snowball and causing all of this trouble. The kid aliens shrug off the scolding and argue over who got to eat more snow as they head off into the galaxy.

Thus concludes “Return of the Snowball”.

Keep an eye out for the sequel “D.W.’s Obsessiveness Awakens”.

Grade: A+ (Everything was on point. Voice acting, animation, plot, pacing. I guess it was a good thing we waited seven seasons for this follow up to D.W.’s Snow Mystery because this was gold.)

Rating: 100% intense. Snowballs are intense.