d e u x

J I M 🔥Y O U R E 🔥6'11 🔥A N D 🔥Y O U 🔥 W E I G H 🔥9 0 🔥P O U N D S 🔥G U M B Y 🔥 H A S 🔥 A 🔥B E T T E R 🔥 B O D Y 🔥 T H A N 🔥Y O U 🔥 B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥 D W I G H T 🔥 Y O U R E🔥 A 🔥 K I S S 🔥A S S 🔥B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥 P A M 🔥Y O U 🔥F A I L E D 🔥A R T 🔥 S C H O O L 🔥 B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥 M E R E D I T H 🔥Y O U V E 🔥 S L E P T 🔥W I T H 🔥 S O 🔥M A N Y 🔥G U Y S 🔥Y O U R E 🔥 S T A R T I N G🔥T O 🔥 L O O K 🔥 L I K E 🔥 O N E 🔥 B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥K E V I N 🔥 I 🔥C A N T 🔥D E C I D E 🔥 B E T W E E N 🔥 A 🔥 F A T 🔥J O K E 🔥A N D 🔥 A 🔥 D U M B 🔥 J O K E 🔥 B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥 C R E E D 🔥 Y O U R 🔥 T E E T H 🔥 C A L L E D 🔥Y O U R 🔥 B R E A T H 🔥 S T I N K S 🔥B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥 A N G E L A 🔥 W H E R E S 🔥 A N G E L A 🔥 W H O A 🔥 T H E R E 🔥 Y O U 🔥 A R E 🔥 I 🔥 D I D N T 🔥 S E E 🔥 Y O U 🔥 T H E R E 🔥 B E H I N D 🔥 T H A T 🔥 G R A I N 🔥O F 🔥 R I C E 🔥B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥 S T A N L E Y 🔥 Y O U 🔥 C R U S H 🔥 Y O U R 🔥 W I F E 🔥 D U R I N G 🔥 S E X 🔥 A N D 🔥 Y O U R 🔥 H E A R T 🔥 S U C K S 🔥B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥 O S C A R 🔥 Y O U 🔥 A R E 🔥 O S C A R 🔥 Y O U R E 🔥 G A Y 🔥 A N D Y 🔥 C O R N E L L 🔥 C A L L E D 🔥 T H E Y 🔥 T H I N K 🔥 Y O U 🔥 S U C K 🔥 A N D 🔥 Y O U R E 🔥 G A Y E R 🔥 T H A N 🔥 O S C A R 🔥 B O O M 🔥 R O A S T E D 🔥 A L R I G H T 🔥 A L R I G H T 🔥 E V E R Y B O D Y 🔥 Y O U 🔥 K N O W 🔥 I 🔥 K I D 🔥 Y O U 🔥 K N O W 🔥 I 🔥 K I D 🔥 Y O U 🔥 G U Y S 🔥 A R E 🔥T H E 🔥 R E A S O N 🔥 I 🔥 W E N T 🔥 I N T O 🔥 T H E 🔥 P A P E R 🔥 B U S I N U E S S 🔥 S O 🔥 U H 🔥 G O O D N I G H T 🔥G O D 🔥 B L E S S 🔥 G O D 🔥 B L E S S 🔥 A M E R I C A 🔥 A N D 🔥 G E T 🔥 H O M E 🔥 S A F E 🔥

I honestly feel like I would’ve enjoyed Dirk Gently a lot less if they’d taken the Grimdark™ option and done a dark and gritty reboot.

Because it would’ve actually been a really easy option for them? They could’ve taken Farah’s first scene (an attractive woman tied to a bed in a dark room with a creepy man standing over her) and really emphasized the rape-y aspects of it for the shock value. They could’ve taken Amanda catching fire and meticulously shown her skin crackling and blistering. They could’ve taken Bart (as a chaotic feral character) and shown her in a revealing, conveniently-ripped outfit to highlight how she just doesn’t care about her appearance (but is still magically attractive by Hollywood standards).

Dirk could’ve brooded heavily over his dark and tragic past, and only cared about solving the mystery rather than saving Lydia. Todd could’ve made everything about his Manpain™ and the narrative could’ve presented Amanda as unreasonable for not immediately forgiving him. Rimmer showing affection to his dog-in-a-young-girl’s-body could’ve been genuinely disturbing (as opposed to just vaguely unsettling).

… and I only just realized how many of these relate to their treatment of female characters, which says a lot about how they’re actually valued by the creative team.

But man, I was this close to turning the television off (my hand was literally on the remote) during Farah’s first scene because I’m e x h a u s t e d by the number of Strong Female Characters™ who have some sort of sexual assault in their past because male writers can’t imagine any other reason for women to be capable and self-assured? And I’m glad I didn’t turn episode one off (because my life would be a sad and dreary place without the show and without the fandom) but still, it was a close call.

There’s a lot of wickedly brilliant black comedy in season one and I’m 100% here for all of the CIA-related angst they want to throw at us, but there’s also no limit to how much darker they could’ve made the show and I’m sincerely grateful that we’ve instead been given the psychic sunshine bean and his cantankerous punk boyfriend in a universe that has sombre moments but still makes the audience feel better for having been part of the story.