You watch as the beautiful brass scrolling across the armor itself begins to brighten. You can see bits where the scrolling kinda glows with this pulse, almost like an internal fire, and the rubies gleam and you see the air around her begin to distort like the air distortion over a hot flame
115% chance he kills you. Listen I know they’re pretty chill but his combat programming takes over in danger situations and he will literally murder you on the spot. Do not do it.
0% chance she knocks you out. Listen, she’s a 19 year old professional Gamer that would probably get knocked out by a stiff breeze. Just don’t ever play any game with her ever again because she will shit all over you
198% chance he knocks you out and 15% chance he kills you: Listen it would be hard enough if he was just Ninja. Have you ever tried punching sheet metal? The good news is he’s a lot more mellow because of Zenyatta. Don’t do it, don’t fight Genji.
90% Chance he kills you. Look this is a man that killed his own brother for almost no reason and is a member of a clan known for crime. Your only hope is to trick him into having an honor crisis. Do not fight Hanzo.
60% chance He knocks you out. 235% chance Roadhog shows up and snaps your neck. Look Junkrat is a twitchy twig, his only saving grace is he literally survives in Mad Max. The second his boyfriend senses something is wrong though your life is forfeit.
25% He knocks you out. Look you could probably take him without much of an issue but WHAT is WRONG with you? Why would you EVER fight this ray of pure sunshine? That’s like kicking a puppy. Like you could do it but you deserve everything bad that happens to you.
40% Chance he knocks you out. Listen he might seem tough but he turned himself into a walking western reference and wears a belt that says BAMF. He’s a giant nerd. Please fight him. Fight him for the belt.
98% Chance you knock her out. Do NOT fight Mei, DO NOT FIGHT MEI what is WRONG with you?!?!! She is soft and kind and she just wants to help you fucking monster. I will personally hunt you down.
100% you knock her out, 200% you feel terrible after and 80% chance Genji kills you. Listen, Mercy is a total pacifist, she wont fight you. However she does have a cyborg ninja that owes her a life debt. Don’t do it.
140% chance she kncoks you out, 99% chance she has you thrown in Jail. Have you seen her out of her suit? She’s ripped and she’s army trained. She will put you on your ass before you could even finish your first swing. Don’t fight Pharah
50% chance he knocks you out. I will pay you to fight Reaper. Fight him right now. Look I don’t care he needs a punch in the face. For the love of god fight Reaper. Fight him for being an edgy shitlord.
100% Chance you tire out. Reinhardt is build like a brick shithouse. You aren’t even gonna be able to phase him. Best case scenario he passes out laughing. Don’t fight Reinhardt.
90% Chance he knocks you out. Look he weighs like 400 pounds, huffs gasoline, and still has the highest health pool in the game. He lives in mad max and fights robot death machines practically naked for fun. It’ll go like this: You hit him, he laughs then he puts you the hospital with a single punch. Don’t fight Roadhog.
100% chance he puts you on your ass then gives you pointers. Listen I know what you’re thinking, He’s old, how tough can he be? He has been fighting like his whole life and probably knows like 50 martial arts. You won’t win but you WILL become a better fighter. Fight Soldier 76.
95% chance she murders you. Look she might be a Scientist and huge nerd but she also works for an evil corporation and has a robot arm that makes turrets. She will fucking end you without a second thought. Your only chance is to knock her out before she summons 965727 robots out of nowhere. Do not fight Symmetrya.
95% chance he knocks you out. He has a torso of steel and a claw hand, you aren’t winning this one friend. Don’t fight Torbjorn.
87% Chance she knocks you out. Look the issue isn’t so much as being able to knock her out as it is being able to hit her in the first place. Even if you do manage to land a hit she might just snap back to before it happened. Your only hope to take her by surprise and knock her out with one blow. Don’t fight Tracer
300% Chance she murders you. Look fighting Widowmaker would be like trying to fight Black Widow if Black Widow wanted to murder you. If you value your life do not fight Widowmaker.
100% chance he knocks you out, 5% chance he kills you. Are you fucking serious? Not only is he smarter than you by a lot he’s a fucking gorilla. Like you are lucky if he doesn’t go into a primal rage and beat you death with your own arm. Do NOT fight Winston.
933% Chance she breaks you. Have you SEEN Zarya? She’s like a fucking Bull Moose. That 512 on her shoulder is her lifting record in kilograms. Look I don’t know what poor life choices have lead here but DO NOT FIGHT ZARYA.
100% chance you hurt your hands, 90% chance you end up a better person. Look, dude’s a robot. He’s made of metal and can’t be knocked out. He won’t even fight you, he’ll just preach at you until you go home. But once you think about what he said you will turn your life around buddy. Do it. Fight Zenyatta.
We brought overwatch to life at youmacon this year. And we were out to crush it! Special thanks to our photographer you did a great job!
Soldier 76: @heavenlydemon9
Widowmaker: luna_kitten_chan (ig)
Mei: @harajukuchic (me)