Humans are space orcs

I’ve been reading a lot of these “humans are space orcs” posts and that got me thinking…

Imagine that you’re the only human in youre crew. Youre crew is getting attacked by pirates and they start shooting darts with a deadly substance in it. None of youre crewmembers is getting hit, but one dart hits you. The whole crew is freaking out and screaming “Oh no, our human is dying!”

But you don’t feel like you’re about to die. You feel energetic and hyperactive. You manage to blurt out “ohmygodifeelawesomewhatwasinthosedarts?!?” And one crewmember just stares at you like you lost youre mind and says “that… that was caffeine”

And then you spend the next hour running in cyrcles and screaming “WEEEEEEEEE” while your crewmembers slowly start to whish that these darts had killed you.

Jughead Jones |  “Would you please stop being a pain in the ass for a few seconds and let me help you?”

Count of words: 725

Warnings: none

A/N: if this is horrible please excuse me but I wrote this late at night when I had nothing else to do….




It was a normal day in Riverdale. The sun was shining bright but the atmosphere was dark. Ever since the death of Jason Blossom a series of bad events keep happening in this small town that used to be filled with joy. There are friendships, relationships and families torn apart ever since the tragic event but no one wanted to admit it out loud. His life, on the other hand, was torn apart long before that.

Forsythe Pendelton Jones the Thind was his full and glorious name, but he was better known as Jughead Jones the Third, a nickname he went with his whole life. He was this young fella at the back of the classroom. Dark clothing, dark hair, a crown beanie, a laptop on his hands and black cyrcles underneath his eyes from the endless sleepless nights, looking as if he was trying to fill an aesthetic. 

Then, there was this girl. Y/F/N (your full name), more commonly known as Y/N/N (your nickname), a nickname given to her from her best friend, Jughead. She was the girl that was always sitting next to him, fullfilling the aesthetic with the black clothing, the (hair color) hair, crown necklace and the same dark cyrcles  underneath her eyes from helping him finish his masterpiece.

Even though he didn’t want to admit it he truly believed that his best friend’s writing skills were better and more promising than his. He still enjoyed it though every time he would stay over at her house writing endless chapters for his novel as she kept giving him more and more ideas.

She never seemed to care that most of their sleepovers were at her house. When they were little they didn’t have much of a choice cause his sister, Jellybean, was either sleeping or she would just shower them with a never ending amount of questions. But after some time Jellybean’s curiosity started being suppressed. She would stop making that many questions and she would focus of her own friends, instead. So, she started being curious as to why they never slept over at Jughead’s place anymore.

It was a warm spring night, around April maybe, the breeze was soothing as the singing of the trees never stoped. She was out for a walk, things at home were not that great, so, she was going at the only place she could find comfort in; the Drive-In. She would constantly sneak in and watch any movie that was playing, never minding the cold or the looks she was getting from the snack guy. This time she decided to do something she probably shouldn’t and something that would probably get her banished from the Twilight Drive-In; she would sneak in the projector room.

Walking towards the little room in the back of the cinema, Y/N/N, managed to go unnoticed one more time. Quietly opening the back door she entered the dark room. It took a moment for her vision to adjust to the darkness but when it did her eyes widened in shock. There was her best friend, sitting in a chair before a window, next to the projector, a small bed next to him as his belongings were scuttered around the tiny building. She unwillingly gasped and Jughead’s attention turned to her.

After some time of explaining, Jughead telling her everything that was going on, Y/N/N was dumbfounded. She was so shocked and hurt that her best friend since diapers didn’t talk to her about all that. “That’s it,” she exclaimed, “you’re living with me!” “But-” “No buts Juggie!” She said with her adorable voice sounding demanding. Jughead had actually developed feelings for the (hair color) girl in front of him and in that moment all he could think was how beautiful she looked, but his stubborness kept on fighting her about it. “Y/N/N, I can’t. You know that your parents don’t like me-” “THEY’LL SUCK IT UP!” She screamed at his face, frustrated as tears run down her eyes. “Just come live with me Juggie.” “But Y/N/N-” “Would you please stop being a pain in the ass for a few seconds and let me help you?” She said and he couldn’t help it anymore. After years of waiting he finally found himself kissing the girl of his dreams. “You know, if you are to kiss me again I might think about the whole living with you thing.”