cyanide-and-sugar

Brain’s  Playground

Another name for my mind when I’m asleep. It’s a rude little boy though, always playing jokes on me and teasing me. Tonight was the same basic premise happening to me in three slightly different ways. The worlds you never ever want to hear on the other end of a phone, over and over and over again. Once in real life though too (dream real life anyways.) This silences made it even more real. Because you know that they’re finding the right words to try to tell you what they have to say and not make you upset.

Whats the point in that though? There isn’t. It’s a dirty deed, you can’t sweeten a cup of cyanide no matter how much sugar you’re adding.

Fear and love, fear and love, fear and love. Anyone who’s seen Donnie Darko is very much aware of what these terms really mean. The rest will maybe scratch their heads. Keep watching, you may miss something important a bunnyman tells us. Can you love when there is so much to fear? Can you be afraid when your ticket out is to go for what you love most? Fuck if I’ll be the best person to figure out that little equation, compliments to whoever does figure it out.

All I know is that an eternity is an eternity, fear and love work in a strange tandem now, there are dark isolated corridors we can all agree to call home or hell, and this is not a time to just hope for the best but decide. What’s the best outcome? What do I/we/they really want in the end? What is the end? How much does this or that really mean? What are we going to do to make some shit happen? Make some shit happen, not just cross your fingers, wait for 11:11 and wish on a shooting star like your a Disney princess. Go on an adventure, see where you’ll go, do something to save the/your/our/their world. I wish I could say that we’re all going to end the exact same way that we started off in this whole mess but we’re not. 

Who we are is the problem because who we are has made us all susceptible to accepting fear for years because it hides under a blanket of love. I/he/she/they/we/all of us have done this and it will bite you when you’ve grown up and realized that there is a game at hand and the odds aren’t always in your favor. Some people never reach this stage I think though, they just continue living their normal lives with no resistance, no quarrels like this, raise their normal family and die normally.

The rest of us? Part of some sort of funny little mutation of the generation (not literally) who’s more receptive to the problems in the world, or maybe it’s because we see the major conflicts that we’ve dug each other into. And we’re also the ones who are willing to find a way out of the ditch.

Some people tell you that Hell is a place where all of the bad people go when they die. Well that’s bullshit on almost every living, not just because the definition of who and who doesn’t go to hell changes more than tween girl trends. Hell is not only a religious idea. It IS a state of mind that you could find yourself inn. It isn’t place you go to for punishment, you find it on accident. You dig to deep and you fall in, no way out. Everybody else is back up at the surface and you want to call someone down to help you, something, anything, or at the very least will someone come down and keep you company, nobody volunteers for falling into it though.

Welcome to Hell, population; you.