customer service humor

Please fire me. I work at an coffee shop near an Ivy League campus and these spoiled, rich students are generally terrible customers. And one time, a parent of one of these kids came in, and was digging around for the change for her coffee. When she realized she didn’t have it, she reached her slimy old hand into my tip jar and pulled out the change she needed!

  • what they say: hey! so sorry to bother you, i just wanted to say that we'll be closing in 10 minutes, but please don't feel rushed! thank you SO much for stopping in today. we always appreciate wonderful customers like you. have a marvelous rest of your night :)
  • what they mean: GET OUT OF MY FUCKING STORE RIGHT NOW. I'M DONE. I'VE BEEN HERE FOR HOURS AND I'M FED UP WITH YOUR SHIT. DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOUR ASS ON THE WAY OUT.
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It’s almost the weekend and that means superior customer service is still a must!

When I grow up I’m going to get a dog named Sir and only ever talk to it like a disgruntled customer service employee.

“Excuse me Sir, is there something I can help you with?”
“Please stop barking at me Sir.”
“Sir I don’t understand what you would like me to do.”

I work at an aquarium, and the things I hear people call the fish are pretty ridiculous. I don’t expect people to know the names of all our fish, but I’d hope they could tell the difference between a dolphin and a jack!
Ig: lauren.e.cassidy

Umbrellas.

Helped two men and their five and three-year old sons pick out pillows this afternoon. Both kids are on the test bed crowding one dad while he’s trying to test out a couple pillows. The oldest of the boys looks up at the ceiling and calls his dad to look at the umbrellas hanging from the ceiling. The boy flips over on his stomach, looks at me and asks, “Howww did you get the umbrrrrellaaas up there?”
Without hesitation I reply, “With a really tall ladder.”
The one dad cracks up laughing, “Wow. I love how literally you answered that. Took a literal question and answered it directly in a snap.”
“That’s how I roll. I am a very frank person.”


…but seriously. What type of response was he expecting me to provide the kid?

Working in a pharmacy can definitely have its amusing moments. Of course there are the usual butchering of the names of certain medicines. But also last week this guy came in and was explaining that he was having trouble breathing. He said, “I’m really just having to pull from deep in my cervix to get a good breath…” Our pharmacist nearly lost his shit. And today this man (who is always difficult) came in and was upset (rightfully so, this time) because he had wanted us to fill his wife’s insulin prescription for a 3 months supply instead of just 1. This prompted the phrase, “If I don’t come home with 90 days worth of insulin, she’ll eat me out!” I had to work really hard to maintain a straight face and also to not say, “Well hell, I’ll take it home for you then!" 

So I work Customer Service

Here’s the call I just got before going on break.


Lady calls in and warns that she’s about to become the wicked witch of the west. Her tv was still signed in to someone else’s account, and she wanted that “asshole’s name” off. Walked her through deleting the email and signing in. Instead of the “.com” at the end of the email, she accidentally hit “Back”, which took her to the main sign in/sign up screen.


She was pissed and threw the remote at the TV before having one of her family members help her sign in.


While the person I assume is her sister is telling me how she has a great personality but just hates technology, she’s shouting how she’s about to shoot the TV and just screams.


She then proceeds to say how she’d rather face a hurricane than do this shit. When I mentioned how I live in Florida and we’re just passed Irma, and suggested she come visit next year, she’s asking how in the hell do I put up with hurricanes before saying how, quote, “putting up with my bullshit has gotta be easier than Irma”.


If anyone believes Customer Service is easy or doesn’t count as a “real” job, please look at this. This is a near-daily occurrence for me. Thank you for your time.