• Woman on phone:This is the YMCA, right? I need a number for another business in the building.
  • Me:We don't own this building, it's called Center City...which business?
  • Woman on phone:No, no, the building is the YMCA. It's the business the one that's next to the school.
  • Me:Yes, the Y is IN Center City...what are they called??
  • Woman on phone:I don't know, but as you're walking down the hall it's the door next to the college - what's the college called again?
  • Me:Schenectady County Community College.
  • Woman on phone:Yeah, that one, I don't know what the business I want is called but it's the door right next to them, they help with jobs.
  • Me:...there are like six businesses in this building at least, I can't help you.
  • Woman on phone:Fine, well, give me the number for the college - what are they called? - maybe they can help.
  • Me:...fine...sure...here's the number.

tbh I’d love a horror-comedy about a retail worker accidentally becoming a ghost/demon hunter because they’re just so unfazed by difficult and weird and bellicose customers that evil entities aren’t much more of a challenge.

“sir or ma'am or neuter, I’m going to have to ask you to stop crawling on the ceiling, you’re disturbing the other residents”

“please leave this place before I call the exorcist to remove you from the premises”

“company policy forbids me from accepting power from customers in exchange for my soul or firstborn child”

“sir, if you keep speaking to me like that, I’m going to have to end this spirit board conversation. have a good day, goodbye”

Please fire me. I work at an coffee shop near an Ivy League campus and these spoiled, rich students are generally terrible customers. And one time, a parent of one of these kids came in, and was digging around for the change for her coffee. When she realized she didn’t have it, she reached her slimy old hand into my tip jar and pulled out the change she needed!


Leaving work after smiling at customers all day

A teachable moment.
  • Me:I'd like to hire you.
  • Business:Great!
  • Me:Oh, I need some sort of follow-up from Business, because this thing they worked on wasn't entirely done, as it turns out.
  • Business:Please leave a message.
  • Me:Hi! You did some work for me, but now I need a follow-up thing because the work you did wasn't quite completed, it turns out. Please call me back, so I can get this thing working again.
  • Me:Hi, Business, I left you a message and haven't heard back. Did I leave the wrong number? Please call me back. Here's my number again.
  • Me:Hello, Business. It's really frustrating that this is the third message I've left for you. Do you even check these things? Please call me back. Here's my e-mail, my assistant's number, and another number for me, just in case you're having trouble reaching me. Thanks.
  • Me:Dear Yelp, this business did good work initially, but completely ignored me when I tried to talk to them about some follow-up stuff that needed to be addressed. I wouldn't hire this business, if I were you. One star.
  • Business:Hi! This is Business! How can we help? Please call us back.
  • Business:This is Business. It's very important that you call us back. Thank you.
  • Business:This is Manager from Business. Please call me back. I would really appreciate it if you called me back right away.
  • Business:Your Yelp review is unfair and you need to call us back so we can address it.
  • Me:Yeah, it turns out that the time to address this was three fucking weeks ago when I left the first message.