Horribly Unflattering Picture Time
I still have not heard back from Mayo. I’m really fucking frustrated. The waiting is driving me crazy, and I’m way past the point of being patient. In the meantime, I’ve been thinking for a while now it was time to get updated pictures to track where everything was, which of course always helps with the self-esteem. But nonetheless, I will share my shittiest pictures with everybody because I need to track it, and it’s helped me seeing other people’s images.
So, updated body picture:
Is it just me, or do my legs look smaller? I think they do, but I really can’t tell for sure. This is the larger/full body version:
And of course, the awesome buffalo hump:
That has definitely gotten worse. Funny how when I started keeping track of this I was so unsure of if I had that damn hump or not. I’d say it’s pretty obvious now.
Definite moon face I was unsure of:
The shitty dark spots on my neck that never go away (this plus the bad breaking out are what I’m most self-conscious about):
And even though they’re hard to see, the stretch marks:
I’ve tried several times to get better pictures of these but with no luck. But there you have it. Crappy pictures of the freaky things going on with my body.
Today was pretty rough. I woke up this morning with a horrible headache and spent most of the day sleeping off and on as I tried to get rid of it. I also felt so fucking drained (and still do), like I cannot get enough sleep no matter what I do. I haven’t felt this shitty in a while. As I was struggling, I wondered how it is I’ve been able to feel so much better lately in general, and I think it’s because I broke up with my boyfriend before Thanksgiving. In particular, I’m not running back and forth between here and Oklahoma. I’m taking care of just me instead of me and him, and for the most part I no longer have the stress of dealing with him. I didn’t even realize just how huge of a role stress played until he was gone for a few weeks and came here for Christmas (long story, but he still came home with me for Christmas). It was definitely an eye-opener. I don’t know what I did for today to hurt, though. I did nothing different than I usually do, although it has rained all day.
I’ve also been trying to pay attention to things my body has been doing lately since my cortisol has been high twice in a row. One thing that’s strange is I typically barely eat. I can barely stomach things, and I usually only want healthy shit. But since before Christmas, I feel like I am starving constantly. My stomach will be growling within 2 hours of eating a normal-sized meal. It hasn’t been every day, but it has been frequent. I have also been craving everything that’s horribly bad for you, and I have no idea why. I still don’t eat that shit except on rare occasions. I have not given into any of that, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t struggling with it. I think that’s part of why I want Mayo to call me so fucking badly. I also remembered when I first started gaining weight that this happened (back when I was working out an hour a day 6 days a week and still eating healthy). I always assumed it was because of my birth control because it said one of the side effects was “change in appetite,” but I’ve been wondering if that’s actually what caused it now. I remember it happening after I moved to Dallas, too, and I gained significant weight at that time as well, again, while dieting and exercising. So I really wonder if there’s something to that.
The other thing is, the dark spots on my body are reeeeally bad right now, and I’ve been consistently breaking out very badly for about a month or so now. I’m even breaking out on my shoulders again, and that has not happened in a very long time. I don’t know when the previous timeframes were that the skin issues were this bad, but I remember them happening on more than one occasion. I just don’t have a specific timeframe aside from I remember it being really bad once day when I worked at the fabric store, which would have been in 2006. It’s all gotten better and worse again over the years, which seems to support the whole hormones cycling thing. I just don’t want to say for certain that it does since I don’t have specific timeframes on it.
I’m so fucking tired. I’m going to sleep again. I’ll update the overview page some other time.