curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal

⨳ — REACTIONS FOR BEING STABBED;
send one for my muse's reaction!

“What the fuck, man?”
“Alright, that’s fair.”
“Not again…”
“Do you want this back, or can I keep it?”
“I live free of shame.”
“Worst assassination ever.”
“I’ll still shame you.”
“That’s kinky.”
“Thanks.”
“Infamy! Infamy! They’ve all got it in for me!”
“I came out to have a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now.”
“Haven’t been penetrated this deep since ‘06.”
“Et tu, [Name]?”
“Yeah, well, jokes on you! I’m keeping this! That’s right. A free sword for me.”
“Harder, daddy.”
“I’m not a tyrant.”
“Jokes on you, getting stabbed is my kink.”
“Careful, don’t lose your arm in there.”
“Curse your sudden, but inevitable betrayal!”
“For fuck’s sake, this was my favorite shirt!”
“At least buy me dinner first!”
“At least stab me in the back! God, you’re a fucking amateur.”
“Why though?”
“The last guy that stabbed me became my wife/husband.”
“I didn’t agree to this.”
“No, no, no! You did it all wrong. You’re supposed to stab my heart, not my ass!”
“God, I didn’t think I’d lose my first time this way…" 
“Sic semper tyrannis?”
"Maybe use something else than a plastic knife next time.”

Firefly - sentence starters

1. “Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!” 

2. “I’m guessing you weren’t burdened with an overabundance of schooling.” 

3. “Also, I can kill you with my brain.” 

4. “Time for some thrilling heroics.” 

5. “Your mouth is talking. You might want to look into that.” 

6. “No power in the ‘verse can stop me!” 

7. “We have done the impossible, and that makes us mighty.” 

8. “If your hand touches metal, I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.” 

9. “If someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill them right back!” 

10. “Might have been on the losing side. Still not convinced it was the wrong one.” 

11. “My days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.” 

12. “Next time you want to stab me in the back, have the guts to do it to my face.” 

13. “She/he/it is beginning to damage my calm.” 

14. “Everything’s shiny, _______. Not to fret.” 

15. “This must be what going mad feels like.” 

16. “They don’t like it when you shoot at ‘em. I worked that out myself.” 

17. “My food is problematic.” 

18. “No more running. I aim to misbehave.” 

19. “We’re not gonna die. We can’t die, _______. You know why? Because we are so very pretty. We are just too pretty for God to let us die.” 

20. “The important thing is the spices. A man can live on packaged food from here to Judgement Day if he’s got enough rosemary.” 

21. “I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.” 

22. “Shake your head, ______. Your eyes are stuck.”  

23. “My work’s illegal, but at least it’s honest.” 

24. “I’m trying to put this as delicately as I can. How do I know you won’t kill me in my sleep?” 

25. “You don’t know me, ______, so let me explain this to you once: If I ever kill you, you’ll be awake, you’ll be facing me, and you’ll be armed.” 

26. “I’m a leaf on the wind. Watch how I soar.” 

27. “I do believe that ______’s planning to shoot me again.” 

28. “You paid money for this, _______? On purpose?” 

29. “So. Would you like to lecture me on the wickedness of my ways?” 

29. “I brought you some supper, but if you’d prefer a lecture, I have a few very catchy ones prepped. Sin and hellfire… one has lepers.”

30. “Why is there a statue of you in the middle of this town square?”    

31. “Point of interest? Offering to shoot us, don’t work so well as an incentive as you might imagine.” 

32. “If I wanted schooling, I’d’ve gone to school.” 

33. “Maybe I’ll give him/her a tattoo while s/he’s out.” 

34. “I am a large, semi-muscular wo/man. I can take it.” 

35. “What’d ya’ll order a dead guy for?” 

36. “All right. You want to explain to me why you got yourself all corpsified and mailed to me?”  

anonymous asked:

Hey! Just wanted to say that I've just recently discovered your ao3 and I'm in love <3 I adore how you write Hanzo and his interactions. Thank you so much for sharing your stories :D And since I'm sending you this message, might as well give you a prompt hahaha. Prompt: a game of "never have I ever" goes horribly wrong. Thanks again for writing stuff! You rock!

Congratulations, anon, you found my weakness. I can’t resist kind words. Here’s your prompt. (Also, thank you. That ask made my day. <3)


D.Va comes up with the idea, deep in the throes of withdrawal syndrome resulting from the Watchpoint’s internet outage, and the game starts innocent enough.

“I’ve never played this game before,” says Mei nervously, hiding behind her murloc mug like a shield. “I don’t really know what to do.”

“It’s super easy.” D.Va’s eyes already gleam with competitive passion McCree’s tempted to describe as unholy. “You think of something the others must have done that you’ve never done yourself, and you say it, beginning with ‘never have I ever’. Like, ‘never have I ever worn cowboy boots.’”

“Not your turn, missy,” drawls McCree.

“Just an example! Everyone who’s done it, drinks. When we run out of shots, whoever has the least glasses wins. So you want to find something that everyone has done, to make as many people drink as possible.”

Mei lowers her mug and chews her lip briefly. “Okay. Never have I ever… smoked a cigarette.”

Lúcio whistles. “Nice start.”

Everyone except Mei takes a tiny shot from the circular tray on the table. McCree downs his and clears his throat. “Never have I ever,” he says slowly, weighing his options, “gotten a degree.”

Only Morrison doesn’t reach for a glass. McCree watches the Shimadas knock their shots back in unison and wonders what kind of degrees they might’ve gotten. A double major in murder and extortion?

“At this rate, I’ll be treating everyone for alcohol poisoning before the turn ends,” Mercy comments drily.

“Better get prepared, then, because I’ve got another good one,” says Fareeha happily. McCree recognizes that expression: it’s her ‘I’m about to prank someone’ face. “Never have I ever slept with a man.”

This time there’s a collective groan around the table, as everyone but Morrison takes another one. McCree freezes briefly with the glass halfway to his mouth, watching Hanzo drink; not like he didn’t have his suspicions, he might’ve caught an appreciative glance or two that Hanzo cast at the male part of the roster over the last months, and their banter could be interpreted as flirting — it certainly is on McCree’s part — but there’s a difference between suspecting and hoping and knowing for sure…

…and speaking of knowing: McCree catches Morrison’s eye and raises his eyebrows meaningfully, absolutely prepared to call him out if he has to. Morrison goes red in the face, mumbles something about biting hands that feed and drinks, and Fareeha starts laughing.

“Well, that escalated quickly,” says Lúcio cheerfully. “Just FYI, I think you’ve set an impossible standard. Never have I ever stabbed anyone.”

“That’s not a bad one either.” McCree nods with appreciation and adds another glass to his growing collection. Shimadas drink, obviously, and so does Morrison, but there’s a moment of stunned silence when Mercy picks up a glass and drains it with a wince.

It takes her a moment to notice the mute stares from around the table. “What?” she says defensively. “I was attacked and I had a scalpel.”

The look Genji gives her is so obviously starry-eyed that McCree nearly feels bad for the man. “Never have I ever,” says Genji, still gazing dreamily at Mercy, “shot anyone.”

“I don’t like the direction this game is takin’,” McCree complains good-naturedly. “You tryin’ to make me pass out?”

Hanzo outright grins into his glass. “Never have I ever caused an explosion,” he declares loudly, looking right at McCree.

McCree fails to contain a grin of his own. “Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal,” he mutters and throws back another shot. He’ll have to start a second stack of glasses at this rate.

“Oh come on, I haven’t even finished the previous one,” grumbles D.Va and takes two shots in quick succession, grimacing. “You all skipped sex and went straight for murder. What is wrong with you? You’re supposed to come up with something funny, or at least interesting, and not all the ways to kill people. Never have I ever been in love.”

Fareeha, Genji and Mercy grab their glasses immediately. Mei’s expressive face falls before she takes hers. Morrison hesitates for a long while before picking one up with a quiet sigh, and McCree barely notices the warning look Mercy shoots D.Va, because he’s staring at the glasses, unsure.

He’s honestly got no idea if he should drink or not. It’s just a bit of a crush, after all, not the big dramatic thing he’s kinda always thought love should be. He’s not losing sleep over Hanzo or anything, on the contrary, he’s started sleeping much better recently, and Hanzo is hot, sure, and he’s surprisingly great company and a good partner to work with, but he’s also an unrepentant asshole and a mean sonofabitch sometimes —

In his peripheral vision, Hanzo’s hand twitches, as if he wanted to reach out and thought better of it, balls into a fist, then shoots out to pick up a glass. The fact that it makes McCree’s heart go faster probably means that he should drink after all, goddammit.

“It’s your turn, Jack,” says Mercy gently. McCree grabs the shot and downs it. No point overthinking a stupid game.

Morrison glares at his glass like it offended him, then puts it down with a loud clack. “I think I’m too old for this,” he says. “Have fun.”

In the silence, the closing door sounds like a gunshot.

“Yikes,” whispers Lúcio.

“I think murder worked better,” says Mercy wryly. “Never have I ever made someone angrily leave the room.”

Every British Detective Show Ever

Murderbait: I am all alone. Oh, it’s you.

Murderbait: *squelch*

Murderbait: Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal! *dies*

Murderer: *is unseen*

CREDITS!

Main detective: *sits sad and alone in their barren life*

Pathologist: I have unlikely details for this death.

Main detective: I SMELL MURDER. I will solve this murder because of my sad past and my dead wife/child/cat/former sergeant/parent. The fact that solving this murder is my job has no bearing on my decision to solve this murder.

DCI: THIS IS CASE IS NOT MURDER. NOW OPEN THIS GARDEN CENTRE.

Main detective: THIS GARDEN CENTRE IS THE KEY TO THE MURDER.

Tortured Sergeant: I am unsure but over-educated.

DCI: You are both ridiculous smh fml why am i in charge of you

Main detective: THIS UNLIKELY SEEMING CLUE IS THE KEY TO THE MURDER

Tortured Sergeant: I am flirting with this third person to further the investigation.

Person: *dies*

Tortured Sergeant: I am more tortured than before!

Main detective: I WILL SOLVE THIS NEW MURDER. AND THE OLD MURDER. AND ALL THE OTHER MURDERS. MURDERS ARE MY JOB but not that way.

DCI: This might now be murder but i still hate you both. Out of sheer spite i am suspending you both from the case and handing it over to this peon, your incompetent arch-nemesis. I am great at police-work.

Main detective: …fuck that.

Tortured Sergeant: *broods*

Main detective: Come, tortured sergeant, we have a murder to solve!

Tortured Sergeant: *brooding intensifies*

Main detective: THIS PERSON IS THE KEY TO THE MURDER!

DCI: Oh fuck everything.

Pathologist: This new information changes everything. Also maybe I should have noticed it earlier. My bad lol.

Main detective: OH MY GOD THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.

Main detective: I will go and investigate this by myself without back up. That’s a SUPER idea. There is literally no way that this can go wrong.

Murderer: hi

Main detective: CURSES.

Tortured sergeant: *broods*

Main detective: little help please?

Tortured Sergeant: HOLY SHIT THE MURDERER.

Murderer: I did not factor getting caught into my schemes. Alas. I am foiled.

Main detective: You’re booked, mate.

DCI: that should not have worked out well. the paperwork is all yours. also, i still hate you.

Goku: Yes. Yes. This is a fertile land and we will thrive. We will rule over all this land! And we will call it… this land!

Majin Vegeta: I think we should call it your grave!

Goku: Ah! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

Majin Vegeta: Ha ha ha! Mine is an evil laugh! Now die!

Goku: Oh no god! Oh, dear Kami in heaven!

Dialogue Prompts

1. “I’m not killing my brother!”
2. “Hm… things have been going pretty good lately, I wonder why?”
3. “I’m not ready to be sucked into another fandom”
4. “You don’t choose this kinda thing, it just happens”
5. “Oh yeah, the daily struggle of being an Eastern European”
6. “I have only two ways to argue. Words and mind control”
7. “Do you ever wonder if men bleed when they see blood?”
“Go to sleep”
8. “I think I broke the universe by getting an A at chemistry”
9. “I’m 100% sure you can’t live by quoting emo bands all your life”
10. “Reality is an illusion”
11. “Well, it was a pleasure to get into deep convos with you, see you the next time I decide to hate myself”
12. “May your sudden but inevitable betrayal be cursed”
13. “Don’t you ever want to sleep?”
14. “Sleeping makes me more tired so I don’t sleep”
15. “She’s either a witch, either a scientist, can’t decide”
16. “This makes no sense”
17. “How many plans do we have?”
“Enough to finish the alphabet”
18. “What’s plan M?”
“Plan N but Michael dies in this one”
“I like plan M”
20. “You smell like shame and missed opportunities”
21. “Does this affect me in any way?”
“No.”
“Then I don’t care”
22. “My life consists in bad puns and murder”
23. “I truly hope he rots in jail”
24. “Why is pronounced like that?”
“Not even actual English people know, what makes you think I do?”
25. “English is weird, don’t question English”
26. “Is it that hard to be normal for one day?”
27. “He’s not racist, he’s just a little bitch”
28. “I used to have people worshipping me”
“I used to have a soul”
29. “And then you wonder why you got your ass kicked outta heaven”
30. “Here comes the sudden realization that we’re all going to die someday and that people will forget about us faster than I forget about having cookies in the oven”
31. “I just woke up but I wanna go back to sleep”
32. “I ran out of ideas, what do I do”
33. “Just stop it!”
34. “Does England have Comic Cons?”
35. “I thought these only exist only in movies”
36. “Stop starring at everything, you look like you come from the past”
“I come from [country of choice], isn’t the same thing?”
37. “That’s it, I’m giving up”
38. “Aesthetic is the key to success”
39. “Life was easier before tumblr”
40. “No, but, for real now, I’m leaving”