cuntbag

How Cursed Child Really Ended

Because that play was a shitshow and we all know that that crap ain’t canon. (Except for POC Hermione, who is a frigging godsend, even if it’s only a little bit of representation)

Now lets begin.

xxx

Harry Malfoy-Potter wakes up next to his husband, Draco Malfoy-Potter, and sits bolt upright.

“What’s wrong babe?” Draco asks.
“I had a nightmare.”  Harry responds, lying down slowly.

“Was it about the war?”  Draco, questions, all too familiar with PTSD induced nightmares, because thats what fucking happens when youre a child soldier goddamn it rowling not everything is fixed with a happy het marriage and one scene at a trainstation.

“No, it was about now.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I thought I was straight and was still with Ginny, who was also straight and not engaged to Luna for some reason, and I had kids with awful names.  You had a son too, he also had an awful name, but not quite as awful compared to my kids names.  Anyway I was a complete knobhead to my kids and then they went to school and started time travelling for some reason.”

“I had a son?”

“Yes.  You called him Scorpius Hyperion”

“What were your kids names?”

“James Sirius, Lily Luna and for some reason Albus Severus.”

“Two questions: Firstly, why the fuck would Ginny let you call your children that? Secondly, you named your child after Albus Dumbledore, who was a manipulative cuntbag who pretty much ruined your life and trapped you in an abusive home for 17 years, and Severus Snape, who was also a greasy cuntbag who abused you and tried to kill you in order to date your mother who didnt want anything to do with him because he was a greasy, racist shitbag asswipe who does not deserve the redemption that most people give him for some fucking reason?”

“I know right?”

“Well what else happened?”

“Well I sent my dream-kids off to school and gave a speech about how house doesn’t matter and said that Severus Snape was a good guy for some reason, and then they left for hogwarts.”

“That doesnt seem too bad, but what about your godson Teddy, whom we raised together, what was he doing?”

“Oh, he wasn’t in there at all for some reason, but it got worse.  They got to Hogwarts and Albus Severus was sorted into slytherin with your son.”

“That’s great!”

“Yeah except then I did a bunch of out of character stuff where I basically disowned him for some unknown reason and put into motion some sort of convoluted acid trip dream where everyone was acting weird and not like themselves at all.”

“What?”

“Yeah, the trolley lady from the Hogwarts Express threw bombs and stuff, and Cedric “I’m here to show you that Harry is not straight, also just generally a really nice guy” Diggory turned evil.  And then to top it all off, our sons were gayer than we were in school.”

“Is that even possible, outgaying me, Draco “Gaygaygaygaygay” Malfoy and you, Harry “The Bi Who Lived” Potter?”

“I know right?  Then everything went to shit and there was time travel and alternate universes and Voldemort had a daughter with Bellatrix for some reason?”

“Can you imagine that going down though? Like would he try to be kind and have a good time or is he just the sort of “Ruthless Efficiency” lover?”

“I don’t want to think about it.”

“Well that’s okay Harry, none of it’s real.  Ginny and Luna are still happily engaged, we have Teddy and our marriage and everything is fine.  It was just a bad dream.”

“Yeah, you’re right Draco.”

Then they hug and the play ends and everyone as they leave is given a full refund plus optional therapy.

Hammond’s crash in Switzerland - let’s get some things perfectly clear...

I will make it entirely clear to all those who think it, the crash was NOT his fault.

Several people over social media and the FIA themselves are insinuating the crash was Hammonds fault. They said:

“In particular, they are questioning why Hammond’s car was still travelling too fast before the corner after the finish line”

They are speculating it was Richards fault and we all know it wasn’t. Richard has been driving for over 30 years, only ever once has he had a major crash before the one in Switzerland, and that was because THE PARACHUTE DIDN’T DEPLOY WHEN HE PULLED THE LEAVER. I’ve seen so many articles that said he “lost control” of the jet car, he clearly didn’t, there was a technical fault and then the tyre burst.

Do you think after that crash in 2006 he would ever want to put himself through that again, to put his family and friends through that again? No of course not, and that’s why he’s been more cautious, and you know he has been because 11 years on he hadn’t been in a terrible crash until now.

Now listen to me here, why isn’t it his fault that the car crashed? Here’s your answer:

This is taken from Jeremy’s article on the events he witnessed from Richard’s crash. He had been driving that car SOLIDLY on motorways, airfields and closed mountain roads for FOUR DAYS. I say this and I say this now, you are a twat to believe that it was Hammond’s fault (to those who think it is his fault) Something clearly wasn’t quite right at the time. I have heard from a reliable source that someone had tested a Rimac Concept one in Croatia and the same thing happened. When cars crash, they do not burst into flames and burn that intensively, however this is what happened to the Rimac, you may think you may give it the benefit of a doubt if it was petrol or diesel powered, but it’s an electric car.

Richard still has yet to confirm what happened on that day, but I assure you that it honestly could not have been his fault providing the evidence given.

AND WHILE I’M ON THE SUBJECT…

I would like to say a massive fuck you to the women who said she wished he died in the crash. You are a spiteful, lowlife, piece of fucking shit. Richard has a wife and two daughters at home whom he dearly loves and you wished he was dead because he was allegedly wasting the NHS’s money?

FIRST OF ALL, HE WAS TREATED IN SWITZERLAND, THEY DON’T HAVE THE FUCKING NHS OVER THERE YOU BASKET CASE COCK SUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.

SECOND OF ALL, THIS IS ONLY THE SECOND TIME HE’S CRASHED, AND AS I SAID ABOVE HE WASN’T TREATED ON THE NHS THE SECOND TIME ROUND, PAY ATTENTION TO THE ONES THAT DAMAGE THEIR LIVER THROUGH A LIFETIME OF DRINKING WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD AND THEY DEMAND LIVER TRANSPLANTS, THEY ARE THE PEOPLE WHO ARE WASTING THE NHS’S MONEY, NOT RICHARD HAMMOND YOU FUCKING DELUDED MORON.

So, I say this, a message from me and Richard himself,

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU, YOU GREAT GANGLY FUCK KNUCKLED TWAT GREASY HAIRED CUNTBAG, FUCK YOU.


Have a nice day.

If You’re posting OITNB Spoilers/GIFS From The Leaks Without Spoiler Warnings You’re A Big Fat Cunt

You fuckers are so rude posting Orange Is The New Black spoilers from the ten episodes that got leaked without spoiler warnings. I didn’t even know the episodes got leaked until I read somebody’s fan theory for season 5 to realise at the end that they had just bullet pointed all of the major plot points for the season they had just binge watched.

Orange Is The New Black is what we wait all year round for and you’re gonna fucking do me dirty like that?

Thank you for ruining my one-day annual event, you massive fucking cocksucking godless piece of shit cuntbag smegma-smelling motherfucking bitches. It’s inconsiderate and I hate you.

Just The Game We're In (Group Fic)- Ortega

A/N: This is my entry to the fic challenge! It’s a crossover where most of the queens are cis girls working within the universe of The Thick of It (basically- the queens as politicians). I know it’s a pretty niche crossover, but this fic was one I’d been planning to write for once I’d finished Masquerading as Professionals (don’t worry- not given up on it), and so the challenge just prompted me to begin it a little earlier! There are hints at Witney and Shalaska, which may develop through more chapters if people like it, idk. Enjoy!  

Keep reading

acciaioxnero  asked:

towards gajevyparadise: LOOK fam you like your pairing cool, got your own ideas, awesome, like canon A+ for you BUT Gajeel and Juvia are NTO related even in canon they are NOT family at ALL. Best friends is not family and plus, this is the RP fandom here ALL FT BLOGS ARE CANON DIVERGENT. Sorry not sorry but canon is fucking garbage, and coming from someone who does really love Gajevy to the moon and back, kindly go fuck yourself you basement dwelling cuntbag

anonymous asked:

opinions on paula cracker?

fuck that bitch

no but seriously, I relate to Stuart mentally and emotionally so I know how it is to be cheated on when you’re just an anxiety filled mess.  He obviously really cared and loved her, and in my eyes she just wanted the fame. She didn’t love him enough to tell Murdoc no, instead she basically just went “lol okay.” 

Plus, in ROTO she LITERALLY admitted that when she saw Murdoc she though he was “the one for her.”  Like, I know Murdoc was at fault too, but Paula could’ve said no, yet, she didn’t. Then as soon as she was kicked out she basically just starts shitting on the band that she played for. She’s a little cuntbag and I want to run her over

anonymous asked:

I've been following (and loving) your blog for a long whole and is that awful anon just the same person harassing u over and over because honestly thats the saddest thing that thats all they do with their time. Says a lot about them really. Anyways I adore your blog, I hope you are going ok and have a wonderful week full of love and happiness bc u deserve that shit! Ok, stay safe, drink water, ignore that cuntbag!

oml tysm???????????
y'know it’s funny after a while of getting messages like this i’m still shocked whenever someone actually sends me one
i’m not used to so much affection ok

also my guess is that it’s the same person whoops

i’ll join toryblr under two conditions tbh

1. i’m a constitutional monarchist (with a parliamentary system hehe you can’t escape the eternal parliamentarian)

2. u all stop being pretentious cuntbags

EXO - Who leaked the video? ft. Kris the detective

Baekhyun: kris wHY are you staring at us like that

Kris: hm…..

Baekhyun: what

Kris: hmmmmmmmm interesting

Sehun: can you stop

Kris: i know it was one of you

Chen: um what

Kris: one of you leaked the dance video… and management has selected ME to find out who

Chen: are you serious 

Kris: oh yes! and believe me, i will find the culprit!

Sehun: ok it definitely wasnt one of us. are you stupid

Kris: that’s exACTLY what a criminal would say!!

Tao: oHhh my gOD

Kris: so i asked myself something…who would have motive to do this unspeakable crime??

*silence*

Kris: and at first, i thought…SUHO!!!

Suho: w-what? me? do you really think i-

Kris: oh yes. I can see it now. you wanted revenge. 

Suho: revenge for what ?

Kris: for making you wear that mask. hiding your beautiful face. how could they??? and so, at the dead of the night…you RELEASED THE VIDEO

Suho: n-no! i swear!!!!

Kris: i guess the power that comes with being a flawless blonde went to your head. i have such power too. but to hurt SM in such a way? no…suho wouldnt do that

Baekhyun: but you JUST said that he did-

Kris: YOU!!!!! *points to sehun*

Sehun: ugh what 

Kris: twas YOU who released the dance video!

Sehun: ok no it definitely wasnt so you can piss off

Kris: mwa ha ha ha, oh yes! you wanted the fame. the glory

Sehun: what the hell are you even talking about

Kris: you just couldnt wait for people to see your little solo dance, could you? and so you HAD to release the video!

Tao: this is so dumb kris it was NOT sehun

Kris: Tao!!!!!!! it was YOU!!!!!!!!

Tao: ok i wasnt even in that video

Kris: exactly. you wanted to ruin SM the same way they ruined you…by not showing your face

Baekhyun: ha wow that actually sounds like tao

Tao: ok first of all, bacon bitch you need to fuck off. second, this is so dumb kris, because i was with you the night of the “crime”. dont u remember??? we took a bath together??? with roses?? and scented candles???

Kris: do you really think i would fall for that??

Tao: ugh i hate you

Chanyeol: Kris this is stupid can you stop

Kris: why are you saying that??? were you working with tao????? you were werent you!!

Chanyeol: hA no 

Kris: tsk tsk tsk. don’t lie to a detective, it’ll get you nowhere 

Baekhyun: kris you’re not a detective

Kris: o rlly??? then what is THIS badge *pulls out badge*

Baekhyun: you definitely got that from a cereal box

Kris: yes!!! just like YOU released the video!!!!

Baekhyun: that makes no sense. ok yeah, i looked gorgeous in that video, but i didnt leak it

Kris: fine. i’ll quell my suspicion. for now!!! 

Baekhyun: ooooo im so scared

Kris: did you just insult an officer ?? 

Baekhyun: what are you gonna do about it, officer cuntbag ??

Kris: jongin!!!! give me my handcuffs!!!!

Kai: what handcuffs

Kris: the ones you keep under your bed 

Kai: …i dont know what you’re talking about 

Kris: more lying?? well then, YOU must have leaked the video

D.O: ENOUGH

Kris: what??? who is speaking over an officer???

D.O: it was me. i leaked the fucking video so why dont you STOP

Baekhyun: you??? why would you release the video???

D.O: because i wanted to. what are you going to do about it 

Kris:

D.O: exactly. that’s what i thought 

Kris: do kyungsoo!!! ill get you next time!!!!

D.O: *punches kris* dumbass

dunnomann  asked:

Please please please update the mafia tag thank you!

yes yes yes

Take Me Instead by briggs (1/1 | 7,850 | R)

“I know he was a government officer. That’s why he was our fucking prized possession, cuntbag. Do you have any idea what you’ve done? How much does he know?”

Or, where Stiles Stilinski is a young Mob Boss with an underground prostitute, drug, violence and weapon black market business, and Derek is an F.B.I. agent.

I am the Alpha’s Mate by stygitsune (1/? | 1,007 | R)

Stiles is the mate to Derek Hale, who on the outside is known a wealthy businessman that took over from his parents. Underground though he is a ruthless mafia boss that doesnt take any screw ups lightly. This story focuses on his life with his mate and two sons (4 years old and 9 months) and their pack whilst being a mob leader and business leader. Family will always be there to lend a helping hand, especially if the family of his beautiful mate is fae and rule in their own land.

Double Life by a_slave_to_love (11/? | 12,630 | PG13)

Derek Hale is the most powerful man in the United states. A snap of his fingers and he could have a million dollars in his hand. He radiated power. Men and Woman a like cowered at his feet. There was no one who didn’t fear him except for his Husband Stiles, who thinks he’s a big teddy bear. But will their marriage suffer when Stiles finds out who Derek really is?

Never Walk Away by Dexterous_Sinistrous (2/2 | 17,895 | NC17)

Twenty-eight year old federal agent Derek Hale has been out of the family for some time, and he likes it that way. After six years of no contact with Laura, everything changes when Derek is sent back to Beacon Hills to infiltrate his old family.

And that’s how Derek meets Stiles.

Stiles is Peter’s favorite dancer. He’s Peter’s arm candy. He’s his little trophy to flaunt. The son of the one man who almost put Peter away–a cautionary tale for people to heed when thinking about going against Peter. Everyone knows the Sheriff is still in the hospital, his wife in a grave, his son in the devil’s den.

Derek doesn’t buy into it for a second. There is a way Stiles looks at Peter, like he’s the scum of the earth–like he’s a piece of gum stuck on his shoe that he can’t wait to scrape off. There is the way Stiles only lets Peter touch him for so long before he pulls away.

Derek knows that Stiles is there for ulterior motives, but Stiles is smarter than he looks. He’s more determined. If only Derek could get Stiles on his side.

anonymous asked:

Top 5 Spideypool fics?

literally i never read spideypool fics other than rachel’s mery’s and sometimes laf’s or becca’s

  1. this wonderful public indeceny fic by rachel
  2. this hilarious crack fic by rachel also which was actually the first spideypool fic I’d read (and how I met rachel)
  3. this trivia game thing that some cuntbag wrote
  4. hot upside down stuff by becca
  5. rachel’s soulmate au of this one and this one too

Real Life Musings: In The Dream Of You (Part 2 of the “Talking” series)

(Shredded Dean X Wide Eyed Reader) 

Back at the bunker, things aren’t status quo in the slightest. Dean is stubborn. Cas leaves to fry some bigger fish. You attempt to break the world record for blinking in disbelief.  Will people actually start talking around here?!

A/N: The (1 / 2) I’d indicated for part one turned into ½. I figured I’d plunge ahead with the other “1/2.” As always, things get away from me. What I called a two-parter should be more like three. They’ll be short. Warnings for !!LANGUAGE!!. Read part one-slash-one-half here.  

Title from the best Madonna song EVER.  

_____


Well, no one was dead.  That was just about the only good thing.

Sam was gone.  Taken somewhere, cast off into another dimension, hurling through all of space and time - at this point, Cas wasn’t sure.  Dean was still on this earthly plane, but hurt.  Nothing too crazy, but enough to take him out of this one.  Cas rattled off a dislocated shoulder, several nasty slash wounds in the other arm that were way too close to a major artery for your liking, definitely a concussion, and a broken wrist, a few ribs, and ankle.

Goddammit.  

Cas had healed Dean as much as his mojo allowed and brought him back to the bunker before blipping off to gather you up.  Dean had protested against pulling you out of your date, but Cas insisted. You winced, forcing down the lump in your throat.  The witches, of course, were the cause of all of it.  

You both hurried back through the maze of hallways, your earrings and cardigan discarded in a daze as you rushed to change. Sam was cast off to fuck all knows where. Dean. Was. Hurt.  You stormed into your room, hands curled into fists. Those motherfucking sorceress cuntbags. You were real tired of their shit

“Give me two minutes to change, k?  I just need my fucking favorite jeans and some boots and I will kill a bitch.”  

After a few moments, Cas knocked on your door. “I think I may have a lead on Sam. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

You looked up from your spot on the floor where you were rooting under your bed for your pants. “Just give me one more second Cas, I can come with you. Seriously, I’m almost ready.”

“One of us needs to stay with Dean. Obviously, he can’t make the trip. It will be easier if it’s just me. I’ll be back in 20 minutes tops, I promise.”  

He was right.  Frick.  “Ok.  I’ll- yeah.”  You tugged on your jeans and a tank top, peering out into the hallway. Cas was already gone.  

Dean’s door was cracked a bit just down the hall. You padded down in your bare feet, taking a deep breath before raising your fist to knock. This was your first serious bunker injury - before that it was all scrapes and bumps, maybe a quick stitch or two at worst.  This was…ugh.  You weren’t even sure if Dean was still not talking to you at this point. The lump in your throat grew again.

Now really wasn’t the time. Grow up. Grow some. You rapped on the door.  

“Cas? Seriously bro. I’m fine. Stop-”  Dean’s eyes went wide when he saw you standing just outside his room, fidgeting nervously.  You both froze.

You were absolutely, positively not expecting to walk into the scene in front of you.  Dean was hopping around the room shirtless and in his boxers.  He was on one leg (the good one you presumed) the other flopping around in the air as he desperately tried to put his pants back on. A t-shirt hung uselessly around his neck. You blinked furiously, trying to figure out what the hell was even happening right now. “What the shit Dean? What are you DOING? Are you trying to break your legs?”

“I’m getting dressed, because I’m not showing up to kick some witch ass in my underwear. What the fuck does it look like I’m doing?”  

You crossed the room in two quick steps, trying to figure out where the hell to even put your hands to guide him back into bed and not touch something that was bleeding or broken or out of place or whatever the hell was going on with him right now. Instead, he lost his balance and toppled over onto the bed with a groan. You nearly had a seizure.  

“Jesus freakin’ christ, Dean. Stop!  You need to sit down and rest. Not like, bleed out all over this floor or break your damn head open while you’re trying to LEAVE. You know what, better thought, let me break your stupid leg so you really can’t go anywhere.”  

He scowled. “I’m mostly healed,” he sniffed. “Cas was able to get me to about 80 percent before he left to get you from….wherever the hell you were.” You were pretty sure that 80 percent meant truly about half-way healed, judging from how much he winced in pain when he fell.  Dean leaned forward, attempting to reach the jeans that were wrapped around his foot.  “I just need to pull on these jeans and- OW MOTHERFUCKING CHRIST ON A STICK GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.” 

You rushed forward, hands flying to help move him back into an upright position, muscles of his back flexing beneath your fingers.  

Again, you both blinked at each other for a beat.  

“80 percent better, huh?”  

“Shut it.”  

“Thought you weren’t talking to me.” Dean opened his mouth and closed it again, dropping his gaze to a bandage around his hand. You sighed. “I thought as much.” 

His eyes went soft, a little shiny. “I’m….I’m sorry  We can talk about this, I promise.  But first, I have to find Sammy.  I know exactly where those witch-bitches took him.”  He started shouting for Cas.  

Your hands were still on his back, and you realize you’re absently rubbing circles. Crap.  You pulled them away from his bare skin like they’re on fire. “He took off, said that he had a lead.”  

“Fuck. I just- you have to help me.  I need to get dressed but I can’t-”  His good hand gestured to his state of mostly naked-ness. “Please.  I wouldn’t ever ask you to do this but…I can’t.”

You gulped down a huge mouthful of air.  

Oh shit.  

“Here’s mine! I suggest if you are thinking about buying the same one or making fun of it behind my back because you’re insecure you do not. Otherwise I’ll make my friends comment passive aggressive things on your photo because we all know it’s illegal to wear the same dress as someone else. Hope you like it" 

I realize I am not a girl.  I don’t understand what girls go through and I don’t pretend to empathize because I know I cannot.

I posted this photo and the above caption in my high school’s private closed "Prom Dresses” group (won’t tell you how I got into it), which at the time of posting, had 214 members.

I did this because a) I think it’s fucking funny b) People can be bitches, but I decided to be the biggest bitch of them all.

One of my friends who posted her dress had it made fun of behind her back by her own “friends.”  A different friend had a passive-aggressive run in with another girl who planned on ordering the dress she already bought.

I don’t know WHY THE HELL it matters if you wear the same dress as someone so long as they are not in the same group.  And why would you EVER attack someone over something they feel beautiful wearing just because you’re insecure.  All of this is true for men as well.

My point is, do whatever the hell you want.  Don’t let little cuntbags get in the way of you rocking who you are and don’t conform to standards you don’t agree with.

This is a genuine enquiry. I would like everyone who has ever been triggered by, insulted by, made to feel like nothing, feel like shit, feel like their feelings don’t matter, or have been affected negatively in anyway shape or form by Greg the rapist to either reblog, like, or reply to this post.