Lisa Cuddy in every episode 3x14 “Insensitive”

Do you like me House? I was on the phone with Bennett 15 minutes ago. His cell phones working. Your MO is to avoid me at all costs and suddenly you need my input on every move you make. I can only assume it’s cause i’m on a date. There are only two reasons why anybody would wanna screw with me tonight. Either they’re an altruistic, decent person who’s worried about my well being, or they want me for them self.

every episode of house ever
  • *episode opens with patient going about their every day life*
  • patient: owww my everything
  • *patient goes to hospital*
  • house: okay guys got any ideas
  • literally everyone: ehh probably meningitis
  • house: well you're wrong give him a lumbar puncture
  • foreman: house despite you being the head of our team we obviously know more than you
  • house: *joke about foreman being black*
  • foreman:
  • house:
  • foreman:
  • house:
  • chase: hey cameron you wanna bang later
  • cameron: fuk u
  • chase: eyyy she wants me ;0
  • patient: oww my everything
  • cameron: the patient is getting worse house what do we do
  • house: pfff fuck if i know
  • cameron: damn house you suck you're a terrible doctor he obviously has meningitis
  • house: give him some drugz idk
  • cameron: wow guys did you hear house telling us to give the patient drugs? damn he's a great doctor wouldn't you just like to bang him?
  • chase: >:(
  • cuddy: house go work in the clinic
  • house: no
  • cuddy: do it or else
  • house: ugh fine
  • *insert some comic-relief scene of house in the clinic with a dumb patient*
  • *meanwhile the first patient gets worse*
  • patient: owww now my eyes are green
  • chase: house his eyes are green and he is literally on the brink of death what do we do
  • *insert a 3D animation of how the disease works with voice over of how it works*
  • house: only a shot of the super-duper-illegal anti-titty deflation vaccine that has not yet been made legal can save him now
  • cuddy: NO
  • house: YES
  • cuddy: NO
  • house: YES
  • cuddy: NO
  • house: fuk u bitch i do what i want lmao cuddy? more like slutty ayyyy
  • *house gives patient cure*
  • patient: wow, doctor! by some miracle you've cured me! And even the chronic pain in my back was fixed!
  • house: yet another symptom of your titty deflation
  • wilson: how did he have titty deflation? he doesn't have titties
  • house: shut up, wilson, you were probably irrelevant this episode
  • *"You Can't Always Get What You Want" plays*

Anyone strolling along Phedre Road might have seen a troll and a dwarf apparently shouting at one another in excitement.

“A two-thritytwo, and eight, and a one!”

“See? How many bricks in that pile?”


“A sixteen, an eight, a four, a one!”

“Remember what I said about dividing by eight-and-two?”

Longer pause.




“You can get there!”

“I can get there!”

“You’re a natural at counting to two!”

“I’m a nat’ral at counting to two!”

“If you can count to two, you can count to anything!”

“If I can count to two, I can count to anything!”

“And then the world is your mollusc!”

“My mollusc! What’s a mollusc?”

–The counting lessons continue | Terry Pratchett, Men at Arms

Someday I want to write an actual essay on these two instead of just word-vomiting onto a sideblog but: there is something deeply satisfying in seeing Cuddy notice that Detritus can count, just differently than other people, and find a way to teach him from there. It starts out as him just not wanting a troll who can’t even count as a partner, but it only takes a minute of genuine interaction for him to find something more complex in Detritus than he even knew was there. There’s something in that first reach, just learning something about the supposed enemy, and being rewarded with understanding and a friend for the rest of his… well, anyway.