cthulhu rising



No.1: GOE +2.71 (*)
No.2: GOE +2.00 (**)
No.3: GOE +2.14 (**)
No.4: Single is the new quad
No.5: “Sure I messed up but it doesn’t matter because I’m Yuzuru Hanyu”
No.6: “I did a #yoloaxel out of an Ina Bauer the other week, how hard can it be to do one out of a hydroblade? ‘kay, turned out it’s pretty hard”
No.7: “Watch me do this impossible thing and watch me sulk when it fails”

(*) Judges were drunk
(**) Judges were hungover from fundraising parties for new prescription glasses

Functions with anxiety

Ti: Literally overthink everything until what seemed like a manageable problem is now a multi-step solution from hell.

Te: Structure absolutely everything, because if one damn thing is out of place Cthulhu will rise again.

Ne: Every single possible bad scenario existing in the brain at one time.

Ni: Prophesying your death nearly every single second. You’re gonna choke on that orange chicken and you know it, dammit.

Si: Remembering everything that has ever gone wrong. Knowing history repeats itself.

Se: Everything is a disaster. 1000 ways to die is now your life.

Fe: Everyone hates you and your dog is going to shit on your grave. Also someone is plotting your death because you were kinda sarcastic.

Fi: A totalitarian government is going to kill you, but they can’t kill your morals. They can still kill you real dead though. 


An obscure god, said to watch at the center of all time as the universe revolves. Because of this insight, only Yog-Sothoth is said to be wiser. Its blood, the Black, is a weapon which takes the form of black snowflakes that stick to and smother a victim. The god’s touch causes an instant change in the person affected—this change is usually fatal but occasionally brings some benefit. Yibb-Tstll is sometimes described as an immobile, dark, tentacled entity with a pulpy, alien head, detached eyes, and large bat wings under which countless Nightgaunt suck black milk from its innumerable breasts.

When Japanese electronics company Pioneer hired Swiss surrealist painter and Alien designer H.R. Giger in the mid-‘80s, they apparently told him: “Do your thing, just throw an entertainment center in there somewhere.” To his credit, Giger delivered as promised. He created the perfect ad to capture that coveted demographic of people who need a new stereo system and consume souls for sustenance.

But that’s not all. Pioneer, apparently and inexplicably delighted, also released a print campaign featuring Giger’s designs. 

Giger might have taken their enthusiasm for his work a bit too literally though, seeing as how he filled the commercial with actual nightmare fuel. That anaphylactic Jabba the Tank was apparently based on Giger’s concept art for the famously unmade film adaptation of Dune by Alejandro Jodorowsky, which was ahead of its time by exactly how many centuries it’ll take for Cthulhu to rise again.

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Could you imagine a crossover between Pokemon and Lovecraft?

Like the villains aren’t like Team Rocket, they’re cultists trying to awaken Cthulhu, and the trainer gets to the very end of their base in R’lyeh.

Cultist Leader: “Your courage and ingenuity have granted you passage across our dark city, but it is nothing in the face of our new god! Behold!”

Cthulhu rises from the depths of the sea.

Trainer: “I choose you…”

The trainer throws out a pokeball.

Trainer: “…Ditto.”

Cthulhu Rising

you speak to me
in metaphors

e n c o d e d

rain means love
river means torrential
sky means hurricane

what of octopi?

and velvet?
and obsidian shards of glass piercing olive flesh?

red means forever
orange means Armageddon
marmalade means lust

I have a place
between your thighs

I call it    home