cryzing

d3pr3s$ed: latrice royale edition

So I found out by a very resonable source that Latrice Royale (Miss Congeniality Rupaul Drag Race Season 4) was going to be at a bear bar in downtown Phoenix. A bear bar. You read that right. So three of the best things in life ever combined in one place, 1.) Latrice Royale (my queen) 2.) Being hit on by large hairy sweaty men 3.) Alcohol

However, there are a couple things that stand in my way.
1.) My age
2.) People to go with
3.) Not being able to drink at the bar

So, in my attempt at ridiculousness and brashness, I sent the owner an e-mail. It started off something like “Dear Owner of (Insert Bar Name)  , You have the hottest bear bar west of the Mississippi” blah blah blah and then I went on to say that I would even write on my own face “Under 21” if he allowed me to see Latrice. 

So he freaking e-mailed me back, I died. “YES! HALLELU I GET TO SOP LATRICE UP WITH A BISCUIT”.. I thought to myself. So the owner said, that I would have to bring a parent or adult to the bar, and then he’d be okay with. 

“Hey mom wanna go see Latrice Royale with me? It’s at a bar and I know you are a recovering alcoholic and haven’t dranken in two years, nor been to a bar, but it will be fun. Oh wait, what’s a bear bar? Oh you know just giant men who have chests that look like otters.” NBD

It turns out I’ll be out of town, and not be able to see her. So my dreams are crushed. Annihilated.

I’ll just be here…. cryzing.. it’s too hard to be smyzing nowadays