crying through making it

                                                  s w e e t n e s s  
                                               underneath  the  
                                                        f i l t h

going through positivity blogs honestly make me cry sometimes… esp when im feeling really upset or something it gives me a little bit of hope.

and then other times i remember all the beautiful aspects of my life, my friends and family, the good memories i’ve experienced, how far we’ve all come, the amazing possibilities of the future.

i’m so lucky to have been blessed with so many things. life is so hard at times and i cry and say i hate it but really… life…life is also good i guess. really good.

i want to live and experience it all.

I think we can all agree that Yuuri’s speech was a central scene this episode, and although I’ve seen a lot of people giving great explanations about Yuuri’s use of 「愛」 in his speech and the difference between 「愛」(ai) and 「恋」(koi) there aren’t many people who go further into his speech than that.

Firstly I’ll just briefly gloss over 「愛」 and 「恋」because what they each connotate in the Japanese language is important to the Yuri!!! on Ice plot

「恋」is kind of like a physical love. It describes one’s longing for someone, but lacks a deeper emotional bond. Used for boyfriend/girlfriend/partner.

「愛」 is a deep love, it encompasses 恋 but also describes emotional love. While it does mean you long for someone, it kind of implies that you’re willing to do, give, or change something to be with them. Used for family/spouse.

***note: on the contrary, while「恋」does imply a physical romance/love, 「恋人」refers to you’re true love, you’d call your fiancé or spouse that, and「愛人」implies someone you’ve had an affair with. So when Victor uses the word 「恋人」…. ;)))

So when Yuuri says
He’s saying his「愛」is not just the physical and emotional love he has for others, his love is literally his relationship with Victor, it is literally his family, and that it is the complicated/abstract feelings he has for others around him (aka Yuuko, Minako, Nishigori). It is a tangible THING such as actions and words as implied by Yuuri’s use of 「物」 instead of 「事」which would describe an idea or a concept.

Another interesting thing to note is when Yuuri says he has “no name for this emotion”
At first I thought Yuuri might have been downplaying his emotions but then I realised it wasn’t that, it was that Yuuri really just doesn’t know exactly what 「愛」is just yet despite describing it briefly before because he’s still exploring what it truly means for him.
Before Victor, we all know Yuuri had a big crush on Yuuko, hell, he was going to confess in the first episode. But that’s all it was, a crush, which would take neither 「愛」nor「恋」, but 「好き」(suki).

Now I’m sure you know the difference between 「愛する」and「好きです」but just in case
「好きです」refers to a wide range of types of “like”. You use it for objects, hobbies, and topics, or people-wise, friends and crushes.

Through Yuuri’s speech, we are witnessing his growth and exploration of what 「愛」is, what it means to him, and who the word applies to. Most prominent are his developing feelings of 「愛」towards Victor. The phrase
Does mean “to hold on to”, but it also means “to fasten” or “to tie”, and this implies that while Yuuri does not want to let go of Victor, neither does he want Victor to let go of him. Yuuri wants to create a mutual bond with Victor, and he has decided to call this bond 「愛」.

As a side note, here’s further meta on Yuuri and Victor’s developing relationship, shown through the episode preview. It’s very short but 
I do think it’s a cute example of them becoming closer to each other.

(Oh dear)

:) next week’s promo makes me concerned that perhaps attempting to trick a genius like that isn’t too clever of an idea, Oswald.
Art blog: questionartbox

anonymous asked:

nesta/cassian 1,28,32

Nessian + Love: 

I think these two are very well matched in the love department. They have completely different ways expressing their love, and they don’t exactly dish it out to the same number of people but I think they both feel it in much the same way. Nesta and Cassian’s love is intense and fierce and passionate and all-consuming. Neither of these characters have any room in their lives for half-measures when it comes to love. They love with their whole being or else what’s the point in it? 

I think love is also the biggest driving force for both of these characters. It’s the thing that keeps them going, love for their family in particular. And I think that, in each other, they’ve finally found someone who can share that love with them. Someone who understands. I think that scene in ACOMAF, where Cassian watches Nesta fight and argue with the queens and then steps up to swear that he will protect her and hers, that he can think of no nobler way to die than defending those who need it most, I think that’s when they first truly see one another and understand their similarities and that connection between them. 

Because on the surface of it I’d genuinely challenge you to try and find two characters who are outwardly more different than Nesta and Cassian. He is warm and she is cold, he is open and she is reserved, he has a tender softness to him while she’s all hard steel. Yet beneath that, beneath those surface layers I think their hearts are alike. They’re both so intense and fierce and loyal and devoted. And they’ve finally found someone who can not only handle that fire but meet it with their own. 

Nessian + Home: 

I think home is a concept that both of these characters have struggled with. Cassian, bastard born and left to fend for himself never had a true home until Rhys’ mother took him in. And even then I think there was always a part of him who felt, no matter her kindness, that it wasn’t completely his. And now he’s divided between the Court of Dreams and Velaris and the war camps. 

And Nesta. I don’t think Nesta has ever felt at home anywhere. Not even in her own skin. I think Nesta has struggled to find somewhere that she belongs, a place where she truly has a purpose, a place where she really means something, a place where she’s not just a burden for whoever else is there looking after her. 

I like the idea of these two, who have always struggled to find a place to call home, realising that their home can be a person- that it can be each other. 

House wise I don’t think they go for anything all that elaborate. I don’t think Nesta relishes living in poverty but she wasn’t exactly very comfortable in that giant manor house with all its servants either. I think their place is reasonably sized and, surprisingly enough, Nesta gives Cass pretty much free-reign over how to decorate it, she’s not really sure. 

He makes sure to include her anyway and they go shopping for things together. It ends up being quite dark colour scheme wise, but warm dark. Lots of deep reds and rich purples and warm browns. it somehow manages to strike a perfect balance between elegant and homey which suits them perfectly. Their home is comfortable and rich without being lavish or fussy. And it’s relatively small and cosy, neither of them wants a huge house with empty, echoing spaces and rooms they can’t properly fill and will never use. 

Nessian + birth: 

The Inner circle has confronted The War, Amarantha, the King of Hybern, and Amren in a bad mood. All of those things combined were not enough to prepare them for Nesta pregnant/in labour. 

Nesta suffers while she is pregnant. 

Her morning sickness is horrendous, Cassian spends three solid months holding her hair and rubbing her back while she curses at him (very colourfully. He learns quickly not to laugh at these curses, they are not meant to be amusing. She will kill him if he does that again) between retching. 

She has seriously horrendous mood swings. One minute she’s screaming at Cassian and threatening to ‘un-mate’ him because there’s a stray sock lying on their floor. The next she’s sobbing uncontrollably in his arms because she’s sorry, it’s just a sock, it doesn’t matter, it really doesn’t she loves him so much. They all have a lot of fun with her while she’s like this (Azriel suggests, very seriously, taking a nine month holiday with Mor. She’s tempted to take him up on that offer) Rhys is nearly decapitated on a weekly basis. 

When they visit a healer to make sure everything is progressing as it should they’re told she’s having twins. Nesta looks from herself, to Cassian, to her slightly swelling belly in abject horror. Nesta is fairly delicately built, she’s slim and slender, she has a dancer’s body. Cassian meanwhile is, well, ‘hulking’ when she’s feeling generous ‘fukcing enormous’ when she’s not. And she has to carry not one but two of his monster children at the same time??? 

Cassian does worry about her a few times during the pregnancy because it does take quite the toll on her. But Nesta is very resolute and she gets through this pregnancy like a trooper. Sadly things don’t really improve as she gets further on. 

She does get over the morning sickness, that eventually stops. And the mood swings settle, she ends up being ‘completely and utterly infuriated with everything’ as a constant default setting, that’s okay. Most unfortunately she also starts getting big and monstrously uncomfortable. And she pitches very rapidly from ‘I am not an invalid Cassian don’t you dare try and help me’ to ‘Cassian I am carrying your monster children over here the least you can do is help me????’ Cassian is up and down like a yo-yo with her but he’s literally never been more hearteyes over her in his entire life. The angrier she gets the more he falls in love because look how much his lady is going through to bring his gorgeous babies into the world. Appreciate her dammit. 

Babies are also incredibly active. They move around a lot. They kick a lot (to Cassian’s complete and utter delight and Nesta’s complete and utter it’s three o’clock in the morning stop moving) and by like seven or eight months Nesta is just like…I’m never doing this again. If you want more kids you can have them. I don’t think that’s how it works sweet- *death ray glare* I will have them, I will have all of the future children I promise. 

I feel like Nesta goes into labour at like…the worst time ever. I also feel like she’s early and she goes into complete and utter denial about it. She’s a couple of weeks out and Cass gets pulled away for some discipline issues in the camps and she shoos him away because it’s fine, I’m not due for three weeks, go.  

Cassian goes. Nesta decides that she’s not letting a little thing like pregnancy and common sense stop her enjoying herself so she goes out to lunch with the ladies. Her contractions start at the table just as they’re about to have tea and she just oh no, no you don’t, you can just damn well wait so you can, I’m not ready, your father isn’t here, don’t you pull this shit with me. Elain tries to reassure her that she might just be having a few practice contractions, she’s had them sometimes, it’ll be fine. 

One minute and a smashed teacup later and things are decidedly not fine. Her water has broken and Elain is rolling up her sleeves and announcing that they’re just going to have to accept and deal with this situation. Nesta is flatly informing her that no, no they will not she’s just going to get these children told and they’re going to stay put so they are. She is their mother, they will listen to her. 

Elain has already taken charge of the situation as she is, at this point, a dab hand at pregnancy and labour and well aware that babies wait for no-one. When they’re ready, they’re ready. Feyre is ordered into helping find her pillows and towels to keep Nesta comfortable (I am not having my children in the back room of a teashop Elain!) meanwhile Mor is dispatched to winnow through every single war camp until she finds Cassian and then she is to bring him here immediately, Elain doesn’t care what he’s doing. (People don’t argue with Elain when she uses That Voice, they just don’t) 

Elain makes a lot of polite apologies to the rather frazzled shop owner and Feyre pulls the High Lady card to clear the little shop and give them space, then she sends for a healer. Elain meanwhile is calmly telling them that they’re probably going to have to deliver them here, you know, things are progressing quite quickly. Feyre and Nesta are both a bit kind of !!! at this point and how can you be this relaxed?? But this is what Elain excels at, really. 

Nesta does have a bit of a panic because by this point Elain has very decidedly coaxed her out of her leggings, onto a comfortable position on the floor and things have started to get mighty painful. She squishes Feyre’s hand and curses Cassian a lot but she can only keep up the act so long because then it sinks in. She’s giving birth to her first child and her mate isn’t here and she’s scared

Elain keeps her as calm as possible, holding her hand and stroking her hair and sponging her forehead with a damp cloth. And at the same time growling at Feyre to contact Mor and tell her to hurry up. Cassian does manage to appear just in time looking very frazzled with an irked Mor at his side. 

He just dives into this tiny little tea shop knocking tables aside in his agitation to get to his mate. Nesta has quite a mixed response at seeing him. Half of her sort of, bursts into very relieved tears at the sight of him hurrying towards her. The other half growls furiously at him and starts demanding to know where he was and why he left her like this and she’s in labour and he wasn’t here and and and- both at the same time so it’s a bit of a mess. 

Nesta does manage to decide (and communicate) that she wants Cassian to be beside her for this. Feyre moves away and gives Cass her spot beside her while Elain continues her measured instructions on what to do, as though she delivers her sister’s babies every day, it’s no big deal really.

 Cassian gets his hand very, very soundly crushed by Nesta (and he does not object to this in the slightest, whatever helps you sweetheart) because this hurts and it’s entirely his fault. A)- for knocking her up in the first place and B)- for bestowing his sense of atrocious yet highly dramatic timing on their children. Cassian just strokes back her hair and nods and agrees with every curse filled assessment of him in between squeezing her hand and telling her how proud of her he is.  

Baby one is born without any great drama (besides the whole tea shop late father thing) and Nesta takes one look at her and decides that this was all worth it, all of it, it really was….Then ten seconds later the other one starts to painfully makes its way into the world and she goes right back to nope, this was a terrible idea and we are never doing it again. Then the second one is born too and she’s changing her mind again because they’re so beautiful, Cass, they’re perfect. 

All in, Nesta delivers two babies in under two hours and she’s completely and utterly exhausted by the end of it. Cassian gets very, very weepy when they present him with his daughters and is fairly convinced he’s never going to be able to use his left hand ever again but it’s completely and utterly worth it. His mate is incredible, his daughters are incredible and he’s just…so grateful for it all. 

The inner circle arrive (Az coaxed out of hiding now that the danger of terrifying Nesta has more or less passed) and help get the little tea shop put back together and Nesta and her bubbas safely moved back home where they can be more comfortable. Everyone comes to visit and hold them and gush over them because they’re very adorable. Realising Nesta is completely knackered, Cassian gently shoos everyone off after a couple of hours to give them some peace. 

Nesta flatly informs him once they’re alone that she never plans to sleep again, she has to keep watch over her babies, make sure they’re all right. Cassian presses a soft kiss to her forehead and very gently scoops the one she had been holding against her into his arms. He balances the two of them, one tucked in the crook of each arm, perfectly peaceful, and tells her to sleep, he can watch over all three of them. 

i am no longer the girl i was when i loved you. i have reinvented myself. i no longer like coconut chapstick or gold eyeshadow. i no longer like horror movies or your stupid posters in your room. i no longer stay up until 5am just waiting for your name to pop up on the screen. i no longer cry everyday. i no longer barely make it through the day. i like sunshine and pale eyeshadow and coffee and art and thunderstorms and i am now everything you will never get the chance to know. i am better. i have found sunshine rooted in my very own veins. i am new, and i hope you envy the newfound warmth that i have found in myself.

To everyone who is scared

An American president is not an all mighty God. Trump can’t point at some random gay person and be like “go to conversion therapy” and they have to obey. We still have a say.

Sure he’s a nightmare but it’s still a free country and this actual fucking disaster of a racist, sexist, homophobic pig will not change that. He can’t take away our rights.

This is noting to cry over. We’ll be okay, make it through just fine.

We’re okay.


Hey ya’ll so I know you think this isn’t exactly what should be posted during a crisis like this. But I think it’s exactly what should be done. We need to calm down, we need to smile and laugh. Take in some deep breaths and laugh/cry it out.

We can make it through this.

How to Write Children

The other day I started writing something I’ve been thinking about for a long time.  The first chapter starts with the characters at age 7 and, for the sake of accuracy, I pulled out my notebook from the Child Development course I took over the summer.  I know that not everyone has access to a course like that or even notes from one, so I thought I could share some tips I picked up on writing children.

Age: Infancy (birth to ~2)

Infants don’t really do much besides eat and sleep.  The only way they know how to communicate is through crying; however, they do start making noises that sound like talking as they get older, which can be noted as cooing or babbling.  First words are usually short, brief words that are nouns or actions.  Language develops quickly at 50 words by 8-18 months, and 300 by 18-22 months.

Fresh babies can only see about 7-9 inches away from their face and without much peripheral vision.  Basically, things need to be right in front of them.  Infants respond to sound much easier, though, responding more to the mother’s voice, and sounds and rhythms of speech rather than nonsensical noises.  Babies are sensitive to smell, taste, and pain, being able to determine good and pleasant from the bad.

They spend about 2/3 of their time sleeping (16 hours a day).

Around 2-3 months, the infant starts being able to hold up their head, and around 3-4 months they can start grabbing things voluntarily.  

Age: Early Childhood (2-6)

At this stage, children are developing their gross motor skills, which is the large muscles.  They are learning to balance, throw, catch, push, pull, etc.  At this point, males and females are generally equal in terms of development and abilities.  Children can begin to develop fine motor skills at this stage, but not unless they have mastered gross motor skills.

Children at this stage usually develop patterns of erratic and unpredictable eating habits.  They can develop strong or strange preferences, and often are influenced by parental food preferences.

These ages need about 10-11 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period which is usually accomplished with 9-10 hours at night and a 1-2 hour nap during the day.

Children at this stage begin “symbolic” or pretend play.  They have one-dimensional thinking, and see themselves as the center of all situations, and this is completely normal development.  These children do not understand the laws of causality.  An example of this is that highways make cars go fast, or when I wake up the sun comes out (rather than people make highways fast or the sun will always come out whether you wake up or not).

Preschoolers learn an average of 9 words per day.  They also apply the concept of overregulation, which is applying grammar to words that are an exception to the rule (a child learn that you put -s on plurals and makes the word “mouses”).

Preschoolers start to identify and respond differently to their friends than other children.  They identify friends not by qualities, but rather the toys and activities they share.

Age: Middle Childhood (7-12)

This is the stage when children usually begin losing teeth.  They start going in for regular vision, hearing, and dental checks.  This is also the stage when hormonal differences begin to occur, not until puberty however.  Children begin to develop “executive functions” of thinking, such as goal setting, information processing, and self-regulation.

During middle childhood, children are increasing their speed, strength, agility, and balance.  They are developing hand-eye coordination, faster reaction time, and flexibility.  Their fine motor skills have increased to tie shoes, fasten buttons, zip zippers, etc.

Children at this stage begin to understand the law of conservation, which is the idea that properties of an object remain the same when superficial characteristics are rearranged or changed.  They can also begin to uses class inclusion, or understand that one category or class can include subcategories (**Note: This is Piaget’s theory and has since been proven that the development in this paragraph happens earlier than he accounted).

Children begin to develop a moral conscious that is usually dependent on the world around them.  Basically, children learn that they must conform to an authority or set of rules, and misbehavior results in automatic retribution.  Children at this age may also begin to lie as a way out of retribution, but do not fully grasp the concept of deception (develops around 9-10), so lies will be short, one-word answers rather than elaborate tales.

By age 6, children will have learned 7000-13000 words.  By ages 7-9, they will understand that words have different meanings and enjoy jokes.  

Children will start to develop self esteem around this age, and is usually higher in children with close relationships with their parents, and social acceptance by their peers.  Peers become powerful during middle childhood, and there becomes a lot of pressure to conform due to acceptance or rejection.

Age: Adolescence (13-17)

Puberty may have already happened before this age, but it usually marks the beginning of adolescence.  In males, early maturation is not usually seen any one way or another; however, late maturation in males can make them feel dominated an insecure.  This is reversed in females.  Early maturation can make them feel awkward and conspicuous.

Teenagers are at the peak of physical health, strength, and mental capacity (in general terms), yet this is a very hazardous age.  Rates of death by injury between ages 15-19 are about 6 times greater than the rate between ages 10-14 because of an egocentric feeling of invincibility.

Teenagers bodies have sexually matured, but they have limited executive functions and tend to be impulsive.  They may end up reacting to peer pressure.  Sexually-active adolescents have a higher risk for Sexually Transmitted Infections (estimated 2.5 million teenagers).

Many teenagers experience sleep deprivation (<6 hours), which can lead to poor performance.  Adolescents experience what is called phase delay.  This concept is the teenagers body shifting its sleeping schedule, making them fall asleep later and waking up later.  It is natural for teenagers to have difficulty falling asleep before 11pm.

At this stage, teenagers have a great capacity for abstract thinking and use of symbols.  They are categorized by hypothetical thinking (what might be rather than what is), Utopian thinking (the future’s possibilities), and symbolic thinking (how a symbol can represent something greater).

Teenagers still experience a sense of egocentrism.  Adolescents are overly concerned about what others think of them, and feel under scrutiny or on stage (”imaginary audience”).  They also believe that their own thoughts and beliefs are special and unique, which can lead to them feeling alone and isolated.

The differences between genders (I’m sorry I don’t have any notes on trans youth we didn’t cover that) is now much more obvious due to cultural experiences.  Girls tend to be better in verbal skills such as reading, and expressive language, whereas boys tend to be better at visual-spatial abilities because of sports.  In a study of 7 million teenagers, they found no difference between boys and girls in mathematics.

*** Please note that this is a very simplified and edited version of my notes.  There are entire sections of the science behind development, and also disorders and diseases.  If you want a deeper explanation on anything, or posts about the two subjects I skipped over, please feel free to ask! ***

Joker Imagine - a henchman harrasses you

Anonymous said:Hey love ! Could you do a story where the reader is left alone with daddy j’s henchmen and over time one specific one harasses her behind daddy j’s back and he tells her she’s too weak for him stuff like that ,makes her cry etc.. and when he finds out through another henchmen he goes ballistic and tortures the fuck out of him and then daddy j gets all sweet and stuff, love your writing !!!!😘😘😘💘

Originally posted by jokers-x-story-x-teller

Your P.O.V.

‘’Take care of her’’ J told his men as he got ready to go. He was going on a heist that I was supposed to go to as well, but I got sick so I had to stay at home with some of his henchmen. ‘’And don’t do anything stupid doll’’ He told me and kissed my head. ‘’I won’t’’ I chuckled and then sniffled. I had a running nose. ‘’I know..Just watch out’’ He said strangely. Then he had to go. I wished him luck and watched as my green haired criminal boyfriend went out to break some more laws. 

‘’So what do you guys do around here?’’ I turned around to face the henchmen that stayed here. They weren’t very social with me, but  I could probably get them talking. They were all bigger and stronger than me, but I trusted them. ‘’Well I could show you around’’ One of them spoke up and walked up to me. The guy had huge muscles, loads of tattoos, blonde hair in a quiff and a few scars. He was wearing a black tank top, jeans, sunglasses and his gun belt. ‘’Sounds fine’’ I smiled and then sniffled again. The other henchmen looked at each other strangely, but remained quiet. 

He led me to the elevator and I followed him kindly. I was sick so I couldn’t even go and practise shooting. So he was my company until J would come back home. ‘’Where are we going?’’ I asked him as he pressed a button that I didn’t see. ‘’I’ll show you the storage floor’’ He told me with a deep voice. I nodded and just stood still as the elevator went down.

The elevator doors opened again and I saw a long hall with loads of doors. I couldn’t even remember being here because I was mostly in the penthouse. The henchman walked further inside and I followed right next to him. A few henchmen were here as well, who knows why. Suddenly he opened a door to a room. That’s when I felt weird. Why would he take me to such an isolated place? Stupidly I walked into the room with him. It was empty. 

‘’Now that we’re alone I can get honest’’ He started and made me nervous. So he wasn’t going to show me around after all. ‘’What do you mean?’’ I questioned this man and glanced at the door. It was shut. ‘’You’re so weak holy fuck. Seriously I don’t understand what boss sees in you’’ He started and seemed to be angry. My heart started hammering in my chest and I stared at him in shock. ‘’You shouldn’t be together’’ He chuckled and walked towards me. ‘’H-Hey..Let’s not talk about me and J okay?’’ I tried to smile, but it hurt. Then I back off until I was between him and a wall. He made me feel very uncomfortable.

‘’I bet he’s with you just for the pussy’’ He laughed and suddenly touched my body. ‘’Let me go’’ I groaned and slapped his hand away from me. Suddenly he grabbed my throat harshly and kept me against the wall so hard I couldn’t breathe. I tried to rip his hands off of me, but he was stronger. ‘’Be a good girl for me..Don’t do that again’’ He whispered in front of my face and I could feel his hot breath. It made me sick in my stomach.

 Suddenly his grip loosened a little and I gasped for air. Tears stung my eyes and I knew I was trapped. ‘’Oh..You’re not to tough then boss isn’t around’’ He fake pouted and then started laughing. Tears ran down my face silently and I felt like I was shrinking. He made me really scared, especially because he was so strong and I was sick. I didn’t even have my gun with me to protect myself.

Suddenly his other hand cupped my left boob and my eyes widened. ‘’Please stop..’’ I begged as my breath hitched in my throat. His other hand was still around my neck and it made breathing harder. ‘’I won’t stop until I want to you whore’’ He spat, making more tears gush down my face. My body was trembling from fear and I just wanted to find J. Then to make things worse, he pressed his dirty lips against mine. I screamed and tried to pull my face back, but he just choked me so I stopped wiggling. His other hand was squeezing my boobs harshly and I felt so fucking humiliated. He was trying to make out with me as I was trying not to throw up on him.

‘’If you tell J, I’ll kill you..’’He threatened me angrily. Then he looked at me seriously. I just nodded, being too scared to fight him. ‘’Is that clear?’’ He growled and then squeezed my jaw so it hurt. ‘’Yes’’ I whimpered and swallowed my tears. I felt so disgusting right now. ‘’Good you damn ugly bitch’’ He spat again and then yanked my hair. I winced in pain as he pushed me against the wall so he was behind me. His hand slapped my ass and I groaned in pain. ‘’Stop it!’’ I screamed again, but only angered him. ‘’Shut the fuck up’’ He hissed angrily. I squeezed my eyes shut and held my breath. 

‘’I’d teach you a lesson, but I don’t want you to get a kid running around. Tomorrow come to me with protection’’ He said with a low voice. My heart skipped a beat and I started trembling again. I would not do that. I just couldn’t, but for now I just nodded because I was too scared to disobey. ‘’Now fuck off’’ He growled and pushed me towards the door. I opened it quickly and left the floor. I literally ran into the elevator and pressed the button to go to the penthouse. As the elevator doors shut, I slid down the walls and sat down. Tears started gushing down my face wildly and I was sobbing loudly.

I couldn’t believe what just happened.

The elevator doors opened before I reached the penthouse and two henchmen walked in. As they saw me, they seemed worried. They knew that if I got hurt, someone would die. ‘’What’s wrong?’’ One of them, Jimmy asked me. I shook my head because I was unable to speak. Then I stood up and looked down so they couldn’t see my ugly crying face. ‘’Was it Mark? The one who showed you around?’’ The other henchman asked me. ‘’It’s nothing’’ I whimpered and then focused on my trembling hands.

The elevator went up and I was by the penthouse. I walked out of the elevator, past some guards and inside my home. I kicked off my shoes and hurried to the bathroom. I felt so dirty that I just had to shower. As I got undressed, I started crying loudly again. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Go to him tomorrow? Tell J? Die?


*POV CHANGE Joker’s P.O.V.*

The heist went just as planned. I was so happy about it and I couldn’t wait to tell everything to Y/N. I got home and noticed that my henchmen had been acting weird, but no one said anything. ‘’Y/N?’’ I called out for her as I stepped inside the penthouse. Her shoes were on the floor, not neatly as usually. That was weird. That’s when I heard crying. I walked closer to the sound until I found her in the shower of our master bathroom. I shut the bathroom door as I stepped in. She was sitting on the shower floor, letting the warm water hit her back.

‘’What happened?’’ I asked her and took off my shirt. ‘’Nothing’’ She lied, obviously hurt by something. I sighed and got completely undressed. Then I joined her in the shower, helping her up. She wrapped her arms around me. Her body was trembling even tho the water was hot. ‘’Tell me what’s wrong’’ I cooed and hugged her back. 

‘’I can’t..It’s nothing’’ She mumbled and sighed. I didn’t want to push her, so I just let it be for now. Maybe my henchmen knew since they were all acting so weird earlier. Whatever it was, I’d find it out someway. 

                   Y/N fell asleep after the shower and I put the blanket on her body. She was in our bed so I thought it was safe to leave her for a little while. I got two floors down where most of my henchmen always were, either in the main big office or their own offices. As I walked in, I got glanced at strangely. ‘’Now does anyone want to tell me why my girl was scared to death when I came home?’’ I broke the silence and played with my gun. Frost appeared out of nowhere and walked up to me. ‘’Jimmy and Poison wants to talk to you about it’’ Frost admitted with a quiet voice. I gave him a strange look, but let him lead me to two other henchmen.

They were in an office drinking coffee as I got there. As soon as they saw me, they stood up. ‘’What’s going on?’’ I growled deeply and looked at each of them. ‘’Mark had talked about hurting Y/N lately and bad shit about her..Just as you left he took her down to the storage floor’’ Jimmy started and then looked at Poison, an intelligent killer. ‘’I saw him take her to a room. I heard screaming, but the door was locked from the outside. Then she stormed off crying. Then Mark came up later and bragged about what he had done’’ Poison let me know. I felt like a vein would pop in my head from anger.

Oh how I would fucking torture that asshole for hurting my lady. ‘’Where is he?’’ He growled and started to breathe heavily. No one would hurt Y/N and get away with it. ‘’In his office’’ Frost informed me. I stormed off and left them behind. Mark’s office wasn’t far away. I ripped the door open and pointed at him with my gun. He was sitting by his desk, doing some paperwork or something. ‘’You know..birds have been singing anf they sang something like ‘Mark is screwed Mark is screwed for hurting Joker’s girlfriend’’ I growled in a mocking tone. His eyes widened and he stared at my gun, turning pale as time passed.

‘’That’s not t-true’’ He stuttered and raised his arms.’’Liar’’ I hissed and then pushed him against the wall. I looked deep into his eyes and nearly saw his beating heart. He was terrified. ‘’You really fucked up man’’ I let him know and then hit his neck with my gun. He groaned out in pain and fell down on his knees. ‘’Frosty would you do me a favour and take this pig to the torture room?’’ I called out for Frost who came here asap. ‘’Yes boss’’

                             An hour passed rather slowly. Mark was tied to a chair in the torture room and he was barely alive anymore. What I had done to him wasn’t for sensitive people. Even so called strong people would get the chills and gag if they would hear details. Let’s just say that Mark didn’t look like himself anymore.He was bleeding from random places and I had carved things on his body. Long story short, he was 100% regretting what he had done.

‘’I think that the dogs would love to finish you off’’ I laughed at him. There was a small ray of life in his eyes left. He was trembling and breathing heavily. Frost walked in two beautiful dogs, my German Shepherds. ‘’Finish him’’ I told the dogs who attacked mark. One last shout escaped his mouth before he fell silent. I walked out of the room, smiling because I knew he was dead. 

I got back to the penthouse and headed straight to Y/N. She was in bed, but she wasn’t sleeping. She was crying again. ‘’It’s okay..’’ I broke the silence and joined her in bed. I threw off my bloody shirt and then wrapped my arms around her. ‘’No it’s not J’’ She sobbed , obviously scared. So she didn’t know yet. ‘’Y/N ..’’ I said her name and looked deep into her pretty eyes.

‘’I killed him. He can’t hurt you anymore’’ I let her know. Her tears stopped and her lips parted. She seemed shocked. ‘’How did you even know?’’ She breathed out and then sniffled, probably because she had cried so much and because she was sick. ‘’The other henchmen let me know. You don’t have to worry. He’s gone’’ I reminded her while tracing my fingers on her cheek. There were bruises on her neck that I didn’t notice earlier. Damn I was glad I killed Mark.

‘’Thank you so much’’ She whispered and nuzzled into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her body and sighed deeply. ‘’You must be crazy if you thought I wouldn’t kill him. I’ll protect you no matter what Y/N. You’re the only person I truly care about so I’ll treat you like it. Next time someone dares to hurt you, tell me immediately, okay?’’ I tried to make a deal with her. ‘’Okay Puddin’’ She  answered me quietly, making me feel happy.

‘’That’s my girl’’

//Sorry for typos, I’m too lazy to go through it now :)

i can’t wait for the moment alex danvers gets to finally introduce the gang to maggie and like one game night “hey guys, this is my girlfriend maggie” w such a happy smile im-


I just wanted to post this because its true. I love this account because its made me feels better and i hope they can help you too in whatever way needed.

Vine by jeffrey marsh