crying because i love this picture so much

I joined tumblr back in November 2012 because of CS and their beautiful journey that has just begun.

I remember tagging everything “emma x hook” because we didn’t come up with a name yet. I remember everyone analyzing the hell out of Tallahassee and giffing every second of it. I remember how we called each other “beans”.

I remember freaking out about 2x09 because someone posted these photos WEEKS before that episode aired

I remember analyzing pictures from set in which Hook was in docks with Cora and a swan and headcanoning it as cursed Emma (still… why the hell did they brought swans on set???).

I remember crying from joy because look at this gif! In this shot Emma is so close to Hook’s hook! almost like a….. FORESHADOWING??

I remember freaking out because CS WAS IN A TIMELESS LOVE STORIES PROMO AMONG OTHER TRUE LOVE COUPLES!!!!!!!!!!!

I remember dying because they gave us hospital scene sneak peek from 2x12 (it happened on my birthday okay, my friend who came over was really scared, that’s how much I was freaking out)

I remember PaleyFest 2013. When the possibility of CS was mentioned for the first time out loud.

And dying again because

and

and

I remember how we had nothing for MONTHS. Only a 5 second long scene in 2x15 where Emma knocks Hook out and then talks with Neal about him.

But then the unthinkable happened. We were blessed with these photos from set!!! Memes were made! Hundreds of edits! And we all had to wait over a month for that episode to air!

You think that’d be enough to make us go crazy? Hah! You have no idea what happened after this

and then being dead after season 2 finale…

…and resurrected again because Comic Con happened. THIS happened

and then all the talk about CS being kindred spirits??? (x) (x) I MEAN….

That’s enough to kill us before s3 even starts right? NOPE. THIS HAPPENED.

AND THIS.

AND THEN THE PROMO

AND LET’S NOT EVEN MENTION THIS

Anyway, my point is it all happened before The Kiss. Hell, before season 3 even started! We were called delusional so many times, I lost count. But we endured. We had to wait months for a little scene but we never gave up.

And look where we are now. CS are married and rode off into the sunset to catch bad guys together. And they lived happily ever after.

I cannot tell how grateful I am for being a part of this fandom. You guys and this ship will always be a part of my soul. I won’t come back for season 7 but that doesn’t mean I’m leaving this fandom. We’ve been through too much together for me to give up so easily. Even tho ouat has been slowly deteriorating with its plot holes and lazy writing, CS has always been magical to watch.

It pains me that this is the end and we’ll never see some milestones but I’m so happy for experiencing what we did with you. That was one hell of a journey. But remember guys…

Peace out!

STOP WITH WHAT YOU’RE DOING!!

AND LOOK AT THIS PICTURE OF BOB ROSS HOLDING A BABY RACCOON

you may continue with your day

hi sunshines!! first things first, i would like to thank you for the constant love and support that you’ve been giving me since day one! as i reach 28k, i would like to give y'all virtual kisses n hugs for sticking up with me for the last two years!! in line with this, i decided to conduct a lot of fun activities and parties for everyone!

what you must do:

  • must be following me (@peachisty)
  • reblog this at least once (likes = bookmarks only; more reblogs=greater chances)
  • send me a 🍓 + cute asks!! tell me about your crush, your day, stuff that you would like to tell me, ask me random questions or ask for an advice, a lil cheerin up, a lil about you, what are your pets, their names, what makes you happy, and who your favorite people are, anything else that you would like to share!
  • ends on: probably when our classes start (in a month or 2?)

how it works:

after sending me your message, you will be getting a surpise gift from any of the stuff below! sometimes, when im feeling happy, i will give you more than one gift!

surprise gifts:

  • url doodle
  • blog rates
  • doodle over your pics
  • a follow back!
  • blog suggestions and comments
  • reblog some of your stuff and selfies
  • a quick graphic
  • mood board based on your archive
  • lots n lots of queue
  • any sort of promos
  • a personalized playlists
  • random cute anons

other stuff that you could do:

  • join my unlimited selfie party! tag me on your selfies: #peachisty
  • share your pet pictures to me i love seeing them!!!
  • advice? tips? etc? feel free to ask me!!!
  • self-promo!!!!!! if u want me to rebloop something, or you want my followers to check out my blog, feel free to leave me a message!!!

okay that’s it, y'all! pls dont let this flop because i swear im going to cry hahahhaa!! thank you so so much for helping me reach 28k, love lots!

A-Z NSFW: Jun

Originally posted by withjunhui

Disclaimer: I couldn’t find the original poster this came from, but I got this from philanddanxreader, I didn’t come up with this. 

A = Aftercare 

Since sex is kind of rough with Jun, he’s pretty intense, aftercare is very important. Making sure muscles aren’t pulled, and if he’s had you in a particularly stretch needed position, he’s curled up with you and massaging the spot he’s had you bent. Affection is spewed a lot after sex, letting you know he really cares for you, and showers are taken before crashing back in bed.

B = Body part (Their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) 

He’s entirely obsessed with your thighs, being able to hold you to him and control your movements when he’s thrusting, feeling the soft skin beneath his fingers, and even see the marks his digits made the day after. For himself, he’s the massive tease and his fingers are his tool of choice, they’re his favorite, making you squirm just from his digits.

C = Cum 

I see Jun as being one of those nasty fuckers that likes to cum on you as a symbol of marking you. Hickies aren’t exactly a thing he can do to you, at least, in the place he wants to, so 9/10, he’s cumming on your stomach or chest, and seeing you all fucked out and covered in his cum, really his favorite thing.

D = Dirty Secret (a dirty secret of theirs) 

Being the semi dominant he is, he’s used to bossing you around in the bedroom. One thing he’s always thought about and prob will do is having you laid out, all ready for him, and have you get yourself off as he tells you exactly what to do as he watches. The dominance of controlling your movements even as you do it to yourself, is something he thinks about a lot.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)
I don’t see him having much experience, but he’s fairly knowledgeable on the subject, and he’s pretty eager to get started on you. Eager to please, and having a fresh slate to play with, he’s easily got the hang of things and by the end of play time, he’s a master. 


F = Favorite position

Jun likes a lot of positions, and puts you in several before he’s done, so they aren’t numbered as a #1 and on. He’s a classical man, he likes good ol’ missionary, doggy style is a very favorable, spooning, you riding him is always a special treat that he’s particularly fond of.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Jun’s the clown of your relationship, but in the bedroom he’s someone else. Kinda like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He’s really focused and in the zone with you, it’s almost like these no air in the room when he’s with you, he just has such a powerful presence. He saves the fun for outside the bedroom.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they)
I don’t see him being groomed much, unless you tell him ‘yo dude…shave ya dick’, he’s not one for manscaping or anything. If you’ve got an issue with hair like me you gotta bring it up. Otherwise, he just lets the jungle thrive.


I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

He’s developed a bit of a character during sex, he’s really a different person in the bedroom as opposed to the Jun you’re with every day. He’s pretty intense in the bedroom, while he worships the hell out of your body, it’s not very lovey dovey at all. 

J = Jack Off (Masturbation)

The boy can’t even be alone in the bathroom, I think he’d be very hesitant to whip it out, without like…sending a mass text like ‘im jerkin it if you come in im kicking your ass’ which isn’t happening. So he’s very quick about, just to get the arousal out and gone, lord knows when someone’ll decide to pick a lock.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)
Jun’s a very visual guy when it comes to kinks; it’s what he sees that turns him on. Good lingerie or some outfits(nurse, maid, etc) are a big turn on for him. He gets into role playing a bit, so costumes and outfits are a real essential to him. ‘no those aren’t my halloween costumes from over the years, jun bought them for me to fuck me in’ kind of thing. He’s rather dominant, that’s for sure, but he’s not overbearing. It’s obvious he’s in control, but calling you names or spanking aren’t a common, but he likes to be called sir occasionally. Sprinkle it in during sex and it drives him crazy.


L = Location (Favorite places to do the do)

[See Risk] He’s not keen on being caught, or walked in on, since apparently locked doors mean nothing to SVT. Bedroom is standard, it’s good, it’s reliable, etc. And it’s pretty obvious that if you and him go into the bedroom and shut the door, it’s ‘don’t bother jun’ time. 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Playing into his kink, really all you have to do somehow let it be known that you’re wearing his favorite lingerie, or start touching on his thigh. Starts the arousal pretty fast.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

While he does like role playing, doctor and nurse, all that good stuff, Daddy is one that goes right out the door. Call him daddy and sex is over for the night, he’s not playing with you. Wax was tried once, pain isn’t his thing, so that’s off the list too. He doesn’t like things with you or him that cause pain, spanking and belts, are a no go.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)
Master of foreplay and teasing, his fingers and tongue are his #1 tools. Oral is one of the times he lets you dominate, he gladly lays down and lets you ride his face. On the flip side, while he is kind of a horny toad, and his sex drives it up, he’s not easy to go, boners aren’t just popped, you going down on him is practically a step in sex, just adds to the foreplay and you get to have control for that time, which is always fun.


P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Typically, he’s very erratic and fast, boarder lined rough, but not unbearable. He’s really precise with his thrusts, he knows exactly what buttons to push, and how to work your body.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He’s not very favorable with quickies, he likes to tease you to hell and back, and he misses out on that with the time crunch, so they don’t happen very often. You can probably count on one hand how many quickies he’s had, they’re not really in his good book. Jun likes taking his time, building the pleasure, and toying with you for ages instead.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

He’s not particularly into the whole exhibitionist kink, he’s not keen on being caught so locations are played with, but only if he’s 100% sure you’re not going to get walked in on or seen. Aside from that, he’s pretty game to anything, positions, role plays, etc, he’s down with the discussion and if you both decide you want to go through with it, it’s on.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)
His stamina is pretty average, 5-10 minutes is his limit most times, and one round is usually it considering how much he draws cumming out. But after a nap, he’s ready to go again. Sex several times in a day isn’t uncommon with him, just not one right after another. 


T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)
Jun’s a man of few likes, that aren’t just the two of you in the bedroom. He’s not too keen on anything making your body buzz aside from his body, so toys are kept to a minimum. A few scarves are favored instead of handcuffs, and a couple, various vibrators are around sometime, but that’s about it. 


U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)
Jun is unforgiving in the bedroom. He’s very in control, and that gives him the special power of teasing you to the ends of the Earth if he wants; and he does. With the help of scarves, he’s got you pinned and at his mercy, that he doesn’t have, and edging you with his choice bullet vibrator, letting his hands work down below and mouth focus on your chest till it’s covered in his mark. You won’t get away without a good 20-30 minutes of solid teasing from him. 


V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)
Jun’s more of a grunter, imagine this with me, Jun in the midst of thrusting into you with all he’s got, sweat covering his skin. He’s propped up on his knees, looking down at you squirming with each thrust, jaw tight, eyebrows scrunched in focus, heavy breaths and small grunts of satisfaction leaving his clenched teeth. yeah.


W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)
The first time you two adventured into a more…interesting position, not used to the stretch, obviously you got a cramp because? bruh, you pulling leg muscles I didn’t know I had. The same word was used, and he immediately freaked out and lowkey started crying because he ‘hurt you’. Took you 20 minutes to calm him down, and get back into it. Poor baby, just loves you too much.


X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)
Similar to Joshua, Jun’s more slender and long in build. Nana says guys that are little on top(shoulders) aren’t insane down below. He’s pretty wild in bed, so it’s a slight makeup for not being the biggest, Jun’s a bit under the average, 4-4.5″ and more slender in girth, but that whole motion in the ocean shiz is real, y’all, don’t worry.


Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Nana took one look at him and said he’d hump your leg if you said okay, so I’m running with that. Jun’s got an above average sex drive, he’s a lowkey horny toad that he can’t even hide from you because he’s so clingy. He’s up and running at the drop of a hat, so you’re in for it. Good luck.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)
Jun sex is pretty exhausting, if anyone ignored the fact you’re butt ass naked, and dicks and titties are out, someone’d think you just ran the mile in 8th grade. Legs are incapable of working, and everyone’s out of breath, sweating like you just got caught in the rain. If sleep doesn’t immediately follow sex, it’s probs a risk of passing out later. So kinda as the last step of aftercare, sleep always follows sex. Few minutes after you’re done and clean, and you’re both curled up in bed.

Avenger

Originally posted by chriswoods


Pairing: Montgomery de la Cruz x reader 

Request: “50 - Montgomery de la Cruz" 

“Can you do a monty imagine were Tyler takes a picture of montys girlfriend threw her window in her underwear or something and Tyler sends it around school (like he did with Hannah and Courtney) then monty beats up Tyler (you can end it how you like) xx”

Prompt:

50. “I am a heartless man for making you cry.”

Word count: 1.336

Posted: 07th of June 2017

A/N: I finally finished Aja’s long list of prompt imagines! I know that she loves me because I worked hard to write everything from that list. HAHAHAHA. 

I will start with the other requests now and I am so sorry if I am taking so much time to write everything. Please bear with me and I will try to balance work, friends and writing in this month. 

Thank you for your support, sweeties. I love you so much and thank you again.

P.S.: I still don’t accept part 2 requests for my prompt imagines. Sorry. 

- G. x

Link: Prompt List

Warning: bullying and some bad words 


“What the hell, Montgomery?” Your tired, red and wet eyes widened, mouth opening agape, as you saw your boyfriend beating up Tyler, your school’s photojournalist, mercilessly. Tyler’s face was full of blood and bruises as he cursed under his breath after every punch he received from the strong fists of Montgomery.

The crowd was slowly creating a big circle around the three of you, but Montgomery suddenly stopped on hitting Tyler as he heard some rude comments about you, making his blood boil even more.

“Do you see what you have done to my girlfriend, Tyler?” Montgomery angrily shouted as he stood up and kicked Tyler on his stomach, making him flinch for the pain even more.

“Shut up, Montgomery. Your bitch is sexy, isn’t she?” You froze as you heard thousands of rude words from the crowd, verbally harassing you. Your eyes started to water once again and you felt the need of running away from everyone, but Montgomery stopped you by wrapping his arms around you.

“I will kill you if you don’t stop!” He threatened the people bravely as he rubbed your back to stop you from crying. You buried your face in the crook of your boyfriend’s neck as you continuously sobbed. “I don’t care if I get suspended or expelled, you must respect my girl!” He fearlessly announced and you could hear the crowd, whispering about it.

Everything hurt you and the whole school hurt you even more after Tyler sent a photograph of yours in nothing, but just your underwear. The picture showed too much of your skin and Montgomery perfectly knew that you were too insecure of your body. In fact, he was furious and angry for what your school’s journalist has done and he wanted to give you some justice, because your image would always be ruined in people’s eyes and the fault was his.

“Now, Tyler,” He kicked Tyler once again, gentler that time, to call his attention. “stand up!”

“De la Cruz, you aren’t the king in the school! You can’t hurt people just because of that.” A boy shouted and Montgomery’s breathing accelerated, hearing the fast beating of his heart.

“I am not, but if you touch my girlfriend, you will live the rest of your life in hell. He violated my girlfriend’s privacy, he followed her everywhere, he destroyed her.” He bravely shouted as he stood up for you. “This time, it’s my turn to destroy him and to violate his privacy, understood?”

You broke the hug that you shared with Montgomery and you noticed that the people nodded and started to go away, not only because Montgomery scared them, but also because your first bell already rang.

“I hope that you like this, Tyler.” Montgomery looked at Tyler, with his phone in his hand, and he started to stand up from the ground. His fresh blood rolled down his face, staining his clean button up shirt. “Sent.” You looked into your boyfriend’s phone screen as he laughed a little bit at the photo that he has sent to the whole school. It was a picture of Tyler with his bum out, violating his privacy too.

Your boyfriend did another wrong move, but he was Montgomery and no one could ever touch his girlfriend. He would do everything to protect her, no matter how much it will cost him. He wanted to protect you and he would always inflict harm in return for people’s every wrong move towards you.

“Montgomery, you are a pitiless prick!” Tyler groaned in annoyance as he dealt with the pain that he his body felt. He searched for it and now he should take everything.

“Say your sorry or I will kill you.” Montgomery shoved his phone in his jeans’ pockets and looked at him straightly in his eyes. “Do it now or now.”

“Fuck!” Tyler cursed under his breath and you just observed Tyler’s beaten face silently, feeling a little bit of pity for him. “(Y/N), I am sorry.”

“I’ll leave you two alone.” Montgomery kissed you on your temple and he assured you that no one could ever hurt you as he was watching you two from afar. “Tyler, watch out!”

You both observed Montgomery’s steps as the distance between you increased. You bit your lips to stop yourself from crying, although you hated Tyler from the bottom of your heart as he destroyed your image and your dignity. You never learnt how to handle the hates and you were just hit by a train full of hates because of him.

“You crossed the line, Tyler.” You spat as your vulnerability faded and the fearless part of yourself slowly came out of its shell.

“I know and I am sorry.” He sincerely said even though he was suffering for the pain that your boyfriend caused him. “I am a heartless man for making you cry.

“Tyler, my image is already ruined,” you started as you noticed that some late students observed you from afar. “your sorry can’t turn back the time.”

“I know, (Y/N).” He sighed and you knew that he really felt sorry for what has happened to you. It was a wrong move, but people made mistakes and he was a normal person too after all.

“The damage was already done, let’s just leave it there.” You shrugged it off, but you didn’t accept his apology. You didn’t understand how a sorry would cure a broken soul and you thought that it was a sort of a useless word. “Just don’t talk to me anymore, okay?”

“Oh, okay.” He nodded in response. You flashed him a sad smile and you started to walk towards your boyfriend. Tyler grabbed his backpack from the ground with a languished and melancholic gaze as he followed your way.

You hurt Tyler and everybody else did, but that what the society was: horrible and judgemental.

You pushed him away, but little did you know that he liked you, he liked you but he chose to hurt you. He couldn’t blame you for cutting him out of your life and he knew that he really made a great mess between you, Montgomery and him. After all, everything was his fault if he was hurting.

“Hey, Ty-Ty! Nice ass, buddy!” You heard your boyfriend as he turned around and pulled his pants down, flashing his adorable and soft bum cheeks. He earned some loud laughters and chuckles as some jocks did the same thing.

“Montgomery!” You accosted him by shouting his name. You looked at Tyler’s teary eyes and you flashed him a comforting smile, forgetting what he has done to you. “Sorry.”

“Nothing.” He murmured as he ran towards the school entrance, obviously avoiding for people to see his tears. You followed his steps and you furrowed your eyebrows as you looked at your boyfriend when Tyler’s silhouette wasn’t visible anymore.

“That was harsh!” You complained as you slapped Montgomery’s still exposed bum. He laughed at you as he pulled his pants back up once again.

“I just want for the people to respect you, babe.” He pulled you into a hug and he kissed you on your forehead. “I will never let anybody touch you or violate you. If ever, I will let them suffer just like how the sinners suffer in hell.” You shook your head in disbelief even though you found his gestures sweet and scary at the same time.

Montgomery wanted the best for you and you couldn’t blame him for being your avenger. He knew that you would never stand up for yourself, so he wanted to do it for you. People would never respect you if you let them do whatever they wanted and they would spend the days of their lives stepping on other people’s business, sticking their noses onto someone else’s life.

He did a wrong move, but he wanted your safety and your well-being beyond everything. He avenged you against Tyler and he would always do, no matter what happened.


Boyfriend Series; Joshua/Jisoo

- hong jisoo is the definition of gentleman
- for your first date, jisoo takes you out for a picnic at the park and the basket is filled with delicious food the other members probably helped him make
- the date goes amazingly well because the food is great and jisoo is so easy to talk to
- but then it starts raining
- neither of you checked the weather that day so now here you both are, standing under a tree and waiting for the rain to pass
- but it doesn’t look like the rain will be stopping anytime soon and jisoo apologizes nonstop for not double-checking everything
- you assure him that you’re not upset at all but seeing how he still kind of is, you grin “well how about this? there’s a convenience store right across the street. last one there buys the umbrella!!”
- and before jisoo could say anything, you start running towards the store and you’re both pushing each other out of the way to get there first
- but at some point, you both just find yourselves laughing and holding each other under the rain
- and that’s when you both share your first kiss
- he may have been suave and cool the entire time but when he got back to the dorm, he was all red in the face
- the other members were like !!! JOSHUA YOU’RE SOAKING WET AND YOUR FACE IS ALL RED OH MY GOSH I THINK YOU’RE CATCHING A COLD !!!
- but no he’s not sick at all, he’s just embarrassed because of how cliché your first kiss was LOL but let’s be real, he probably replayed it over and over in his head before going to bed
- i cannot emphasize enough how much of a gentleman jisoo is
- he holds doors for you
- he walks closest to the curb
- he pays for your dates
- he gives you his jacket when you’re cold
- he carries things for you
- do you see where i’m going with this
- plays the guitar for you whenever you ask him to, and he knows how to play all your favorite songs
- also does pin drops to try to impress you
- he gets flustered really easily like once you kissed him on the cheek because he did something really sweet and his whole face just heated up
- when you asked him if he was all right, he gave you a really long answer…… by mixing up all five languages he knows
- so you heard fragments of korean, english, japanese, chinese and spanish and you were like what
- he was really shy when you guys first started holding hands but now that he’s used to it, he holds your hand whenever he can
- the type to cry while watching sad movies with you
- panics a lot
- like when you’re sad, he just runs around like WHAT DO I DO???
- jisoo’s a big worrier but it just shows how much he cares for you
- “are you sure you’re not hungry?” “aren’t you cold?” “is this enough?” “is this okay?” “are—”
- jisoo loves taking pictures with you but not as much as taking pictures OF you, his favorite ones are candid shots
- whenever you guys go out shopping or even something as simple as walking around the city, everyone admires you two because you guys make such a beautiful couple??
- everyone also thinks he’s so cool and amazing omg who is this model
- like jisoo’s holding your hand while the other’s casually in his pocket, his skin is glowy under the bright sun, and his hair is blowing in the wind
- everyone’s like where can i get my own hong jisoo??
- but you’re like LOL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT MY JISOO?? THIS SOFT MARSHMALLOW WHO BLUSHES EVERY .23948 SECONDS AND CRIED AT THE END OF NARUTO??
- stays up late watching dramas with you
- you’re pretty sure his eye smiles are going to be the death of you
- spoils you A LOT and you feel so guilty so you spoil him too and then he feels guilty and it’s an endless cycle of guilt
- jisoo doesn’t get jealous very often but when he does
- may the person rest in pieces
- he may be smiling and all but there’s death in his eyes like he probably killed the person with 89374 different anime attack combinations in his mind
- speaking of anime, he loves telling you about his favorite anime, movies and characters and he just looks so happy while talking about them like his eyes are sparkling and his voice is loud and excited
- you once showed up after seventeen’s dance practice to see him and you were wearing his sweater and when he saw you he nearly died
- like jeonghan, hoshi and seungkwan had to calm him down because he was so flustered
- the other members still tease him about it to this day
- jisoo always thinks about you before he thinks about himself
- always tries extra hard to look nice if he knows he’s going to see you that day
- he loves lazy days where he’s sitting on the couch and you’re sitting between his legs and he has his arms wrapped around you while his head is resting on your shoulder
- you have matching bracelets and whenever he’s nervous before a concert, he looks down at it and thinks of you and he knows he’ll be fine
- he always cups one of your cheeks and stares into your eyes before leaning in and slowly kissing you on the lips
- jisoo considers the words “i love you” really powerful so he’d only say if he truly does mean it
- but now as you’re both watching the sunset after having a picnic at the park
- jisoo takes your hand in his and whispers the words “i love you”
- your mouth falls open in shock for a second before slowly turning into a smile as you whisper
- “i love you too, jisoo”

I commissioned @woozifi for a picture of Morgan and Arista and am so happy with it. It’s so cute and was done so well!

Thank you so much!

A-Z Pregnancy for Barry Allen

BARRY ALLEN:
A= Aftercare After Birth

Barry knew through that carrying your half meta human offspring was quite the toll on you. You’d do it all over again though in a heartbeat. You slept for a long time, almost 12 straight hours. To be fair, it was a 4 hour labor. Barry didn’t object as he spent the whole time with the baby. After you woke up he treated you like you were glass. Helping you walk making sure nothing happened. 

B= Baby

The baby was a good mixture of you two. They had Barry’s eyes and thick, full lashes. They had your nose, his mouth. You claimed that the baby looked more like Barry than they did you, Barry says the baby looks just like you more than it does him. Either was they were the cutest baby anybody in Central City had laid eyes on. 

C= Care Taking

Barry’s favorite thing was taking care of the baby. Even diaper duty. He always did it with a smile. Even if it was late at night and you hear the familiar cry of your baby he’d speed out of the room and took care of it. His favorite thing was laying the baby on his chest. He hated to be away when he had to protect the city however. 

D= Delivery

Delivery of a baby half meta human is the worst. The whole pregnancy was tough considering that the baby had picked up his appetite. You were constantly overeating. But the moment your water broke you were at the hospital. Barry held your hand the entire time though. He never left and despite almost breaking his hand, he was okay. He whispered encouraging words from the moment you were told to push to the shrill cry of your newborn baby.

E= Emergencies

You had been passing out a lot lately. Just collapsing and finally Barry insisted you go to Caitlin and Julian. They explained that the baby was taking all the food and that you could be having an at risk pregnancy. Eventually you got your diet settled out and got to be healthy again. 

F= Falling

You were pregnant how were you suppose to watch where you were going?! It was hard enough with swollen limbs to walk. Barry always seemed to speed over and catch you before you could make contact with the dangerous floor. You couldn’t complain. 

G= Gender (s)

Your first baby was a little boy. You later had another little girl when your boy was about three. You had twins after them. One girl and one boy. 

H= Hair Color

All of them have Barry’s brown hair….all of them. 

I= Illness

Like aforementioned, the babies all picked up Barry’s appetite in the womb. Mostly taking the food you had taken in. So once yo figured out just the right portion sizes, the rest of the pregnancy was a breeze, but before you were so frail from lack of food. 

J= Jumping

When you were in labor Barry was jumping with excitement. He was so ready to be a dad. He jumped the moment you told him you were pregnant, the first time he heard they’re heartbeat. Jumpy man. 

K= Keeping the Baby?

Of course!

L= Love

Barry’s love for your bump and baby(ies) was so huge. He was there for almost everything (he is a superhero remember) but he was there for everything he had control over. He was one of the best fathers ever. And with advice from Joe he was even better than perfect. 

M= Movement

Barry loved to feel the baby kicking. He loved to poke your bump with a vibrating finger, because they always kicked back in response. Despite some annoyance when it was late at night and he woke you up with a poke and a childish giggle. 

N= Normal Cravings

With your boy you craved Chinese food. With your girl you craved blueberries and strawberries. But with your twins you craved ice cream. 

O= On Time

All your kids were on time…except for the twins. The twins were two weeks late and you had to be induced. Not fun at all. 

P= Pain

Barry hated every delivery, he almost lost you every time. You would scream even with an epidural. He let you clutch his hand as tight as you needed. 

Q= Questions

“What does breastfeeding feel like?”
“What does the baby kicking feel like?”

“When are they going to get here?!”

R= Resting

You took a lot of naps. Normally you were curled into Barry’s side with half eaten food on your lap. Barry had pictures of you. 

S= Singing to the Baby

Barry sings sweet sings like “Apple of my eye.” “My sunshine” and “Light” by Sleeping at Last. And you cry every time because it’s just so beautiful and cute. 

T= Talking to the Baby

“Hello belly baby! It’s daddy here! You get bigger every day you know that…don’t grow too fast on me baby…daddy loves you so much…you look like your mom but she says you look just like me…I say you’re lucky either away. I love you so much little one. I’m going to make sure you’re always safe.”

U= Underneath the Man/Womans Heart

Barry likes to rest his head on your bump. He claims to hear the baby’s heartbeat but you know it’s a lie. 

V= Vision as in Supervision

You both keep your kids under close supervision. You make sure not to hover but sometimes it just happens. 

W= When the Baby is Born

The whole house is baby proofed and you have a welcoming committee waiting for you when you come too. Everyone is congratulating you and arguing over the title of god parent and who gets to hold them. You both simply shake your head and continue giving your attention to the baby. 

X= Xray or Ultrasound

Barry cried at almost ultrasounds. He just couldn’t believe it was happening. 

Y= Yawning

Barry loves when the baby yawns. When they’re beautiful eyes crack open as their little body rises. It makes him giggle at their cuteness.

Z= ZZZ

You and Barry both worship any time you get to sleep. You both take shifts. 

anonymous asked:

What are your favorite ereri moments? ( I'm a manga reader so this includes manga moments too). And don't be afraid to give me a shit ton of moments like I know there are a lot but I am really craving some ereri and would love to see the moments you like best and just cry over how much in love them lmao

Thank you for the ask, I love talking about my OTP.  So, pull up a chair, Anon, because I’m going to ramble a bit. I had this half written out and then this laptop decided to update and I lost it all. I’ve had a tantrum and swore a lot, but I’m going to do it again because I have pictures and everything. These are of course, just my opinions, and some goofy fangirling. 

I’m going to start with the angstiest of EreRi moments. Something some might not consider and EreRi moment, but I do. Chapter 83 and 84.

It’s angsty and sad and makes me just fucking cry, but look at this:

This is after Levi has told Eren he’s going to save Erwin. Notice in the bottom panel how they’ve moved closer, and Levi is sort of pressing his forehead against Eren’s face? And Levi looks solemn. He’s about to do something that he knows is going to hurt Eren. And he doesn’t want to hurt his husband Eren. Fuck, I head-canon so much shit about this whole thing. I’ve written a lot about the aftermath of it, some published, some unpublished. My one-shot, ‘Desperation’ was all about the aftermath of this scenario on the rooftop. I can’t even read these two chapters without crying.

Here Eren doesn’t fight him, and I don’t think it’s because he physically can’t, because they’re both all fucked up at this point. He’s trying to appeal to Levi’s caring side, all the stuff he knows is under that harder quieter exterior. Eren starts telling Levi about something that’s special to him, a dream that has been important to him for years.

Look how sad Levi looks here, especially in the first panel. And he’s listening to Eren, he’s not arguing with him or telling him to shut up. Because what kind of guy is going to tell his lover that he loves more than anything to shut up? Levi’s still looking and being quiet as Eren’s about to be dragged away. Deciding his husband’s Eren’s best friend has to die is fucking rough.

Eren’s crying, Levi looks sad af because bae Eren is crying. 

Onto something less sad…

Keep reading

Do you think Rowan has ever run into a window in his hawk form?

I’m just picturing Aelin crying from laughter and constantly cracking jokes at him, but Rowan deals with it because he loves her (and bc he still makes fun of her for running into a doorpost)

Originally posted by solohawk

ok so i really miss htgawm and i just wanted to remind you of that one scene in season 2 where they are creating a dating profile to catch that guy they thought was the murderer or something and oliver is creating the account and he says to connor something like ‘i used your picture for the profile because obviously you are more attractive than me’ and connor immediately goes like ‘ENOUGH WITH THE LOW SELF ESTEEM’ and it just breaks my heart how oliver hadn’t realized that connor thought he’s super hot and how much connor loves him and gosh i miss the show so much i’m crying

“Heaven is a perfect circle, take me in now.”

Mod: Hello! It’s Mod-san here! First thing’s first is that. Good GOD. Nearly 400 guys?? I’m dying? We’re dying right Izutan? (M: I-Izutan??) You guys are insane man and we love it quq! Second is. As you may notice there are some days that we barely post anything so that is why. Most probably we will be able to answer questions mostly on Sundays and Fridays but that also depends because–collegeiskillingmeoml. As an apology from me and Izubun–

M: i Z-ZUBUN–

Mod: Have a picture of Izukyun eating a Macaron. He lives off of sugar and coffee to drive his sorry insomniac ass.

M: *raise hands up* I g-give up…

😊Prank Gone Wrong (Grayson x Reader)

Summary: Hey I love your blog!! Could you perhaps write an imagine where Grayson pranks the reader and takes it too far so she gets upset? Thank you so much sweetie💖

Warnings: None

A/N: I hope you enjoy this! Such a cute idea and Grayson is too cute! Requests are open!

Originally posted by dolanslife

“Hey Y/N can you come in here? I need help setting up the camera!” Grayson shouts down the hall. I was currently helping Ethan edit a video for this week and Grayson wanted to start filming next week’s video.

“Go. I can finish this by myself. I’ll be in there after I finish this.” Ethan says referring to the fact all three of us were going to do the best friend tag. I walked down the hall trying to find Grayson.

“Gray? Where are you?” I hollered back as I checked the bedrooms.

“In here!” Grayson shouts which I follow his hollering into his bedroom.

“Gr–” Before I can finish my sentence I am covered in a cold, sticky substance as a bucket hits my shoulder. The room erupts with Grayson’s obnoxious laughing. I look down to see my arms and shoulders are completely soaked. I looked up at Grayson who was holding a camera filming me.

“Oh man Y/N I can’t believe you fell for that.” Grayson cackles while I look at him dumbfounded.

“Did you seriously prank me?” I asked confused as to why he did. I looked back at the wet sticky substance and then back to Grayson. “What is this?”

“That is water, soy sauce, mayonnaise, milk, and some egg yolks. A nasty concoction for the overdone bucket prank.” He says sounding proud of himself. I stare at him in complete shock. “Hey Y/N are you okay?” He asks me, but I can’t even think of words to form what I’m thinking.

“You pranked me.” I looked back to my clothes. “You actually pranked me.”

“What was that? Oh my God Y/N what happened?” Ethan chimes and looks between Grayson and I. “Did you do this?” Ethan asks Grayson as he’s pointing to me. Before Grayson could answer I pushed past Ethan to go out of the room. I hear the boys holler at me, but I walked right out the front door and walked straight to my house which was three houses down.

Thankfully nobody was home when I walked up the stairs. I stripped my clothes off and I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair looked extremely greasy. I could see some yolk in the ends of my hair. I could smell the bitterness of the soy sauce and I gagged at the sight of chunky mayo in my hair. I could feel a bump growing right above and behind my right ear where the bucket had striked me. I played Perfect by Selena Gomez and I stepped into the shower as I squirted shampoo directly in my hair and scrubbed my body with my peaches and cream body wash. I then felt an utter sadness come over my body. Why did Grayson prank me? Was there a reason or was it all just for the channel?” I washed the mix up of condiments out of my hair. I turned my music off and wrapped a towel around my body and wrapped one around my head to dry my hair.

“Y/N?” I recognized that voice.

“Go home Grayson!” I hollered back. “I have nothing to say to you!”

“Y/N please I’m sorry okay?” He apologizes but I just groaned. I could hear him walking up the stairs. “Can we just talk please? I feel I need to explain myself or something.” Grayson says as he stops at the top of the stairwell.

“Fine. Go to my room. Let me put some clothes on and I’ll be there in a minute.” I coldly told him which he scurried off to my room. I threw on a big gray sweater and some black leggings. I dried my hair out as much as I could before I brushed it back and slid on a headband. I walked out into my bedroom and I saw Grayson looking around my room. He was looking at my wall full of polaroids with my friends including him, E, Cam, and I. I could see a smile forming on his face.

“I can’t believe you still have these pictures.” He giggles. “These are from when we all first met and started to become friends.” He sighs peacefully. He then looks to me and pulls me into a hug. My face was smushed into his chest as he held me tightly into him. “I’m so sorry Y/N. The prank was stupid. I shouldn’t have done it. I can’t stand the thought of you crying or being upset because of me. I love you so much just–” Grayson stops blabbering and I pull away and I look up at him.

“You what?” I asked completely thrown off from what he said. His mouth just hangs open not knowing what to say. “You love me? If you love me then why did you prank me Grayson. If you like a girl you don’t prank her! What the hell Grayson?” I started feeling agitated, but was more confused.

“Because I don’t know Y/N! We’ve been friends for so long that I didn’t think you would like me! I don’t know why I do half the things I do but Y/N you drive me absolutely crazy. You’re all I think about anymore. You’re all I want Y/N.” Grayson mildly shouts and now I’m the quiet one. Before I could say anything, Grayson’s lips were on mine as he kissed me hard. I’ve liked Grayson since I could remember and now he was kissing me. Maybe this prank wasn’t just a bad thing. We both slowly stop to pull away from each other. His hands rest on both sides of my face while he rests his forehead on mine. “I’m sorry Y/N. Can you ever forgive me?” He says centimeters from my lips which his warm breath brushes against.

“Yes, only if you kiss me like that again you idiot.” He chuckles as he presses his lips back to mine as he gently pushes me against the wall.

“God you don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do this.” He mumbles against my lips which makes me start to laugh.

“Same.” I said which made him laugh now.

“Do you want to go film that video now or should we just keep doing this?” He asks referring to our current situation.

“As much as I would love to continue, Ethan’s probably wondering where we are of if I killed you for coming over.” I laughed. He gives my forehead a soft kiss before lacing his fingers with mine.

“Fine. Afterwards we should continue though and maybe with a movie on in the background.” He shrugs. I chuckled at him and pressed my lips to his cheek.

“We’ll see.” I chuckled as we walked back to Gray’s house.

I love this picture because imagery is everything and I think this pic reflects their relationship right now. Each worried sick about what the other thinks and wanting them to make it so bad. Wanting to fix it but not sure how and scared to death of the future and what it means. Yea this picture rips my heart out but it also gives me hope. How can two people that love each other this much give up. Because there is always a chance when you haven’t given up. It’s when you give up that’s it’s over.

SO I have just finished ACOWAR and this is what I have concluded..

(chronologically from my notes)

-Feyre is so badass at being undercover

-long distance relationship feels

-Ianthe is a piece of SHIT

-Dagden and Brannagh are like Desda and Eska from Legend of Korra

-Some similarities between Tamlin/the wall/Hybern early in the book are looking reeeeeeal relevant to some certain *ahem* political things going on in the USA rn

-mASKS

-Eris makes me suspicious considering he is literally named after the goddess of Discord who famously sowed the seeds of the Trojan War

-more invisible hands!?!? *wink wink* hey Manorian i c u

-Feysand being the ultimate relationship in YA/New Adult lit to look up to because C H O I C E  and  E Q U A L I T Y dammit!

-NESSIAN

-Amren Nesta friendship

-omg could you imagine them and Manon all hanging out.holy mother

-Rhys’s self sacrificing tendencies hurt my heart

-i want to see stuff from Rhys’ perspective while Feyre was undercover

-The library reminds me of the Guggenheim museum and if you disagree you’re wrong

-Rhys is the Mom Friend™

-in ACOMAF i thought the bone carver was just baby Rhys but OMG its their future kid. holy shit

-When it was mentioned that a Fae warrior’s blood ran into a human line.. HMM who could that possibly mean??

-Seraphim interesting interesting

-Elain is PSYCHIC 

-Feyre falls face first into mud when she falls asleep sitting up. DEAD

-”You are selfless, and brave and kind.” p 376 OH INTERESTING RHYSAND ARE YOU DIVERGENT

- “…wear that crown to bed. only the crown.” p. 402

- “You bow to no one” p 402- this made me think of LOTR but alsoooooo of a certain someone who is heir of ash and fire and will bow to no one….

-Helion makes me think of Apollo

-Helion’s thighs

-feminism for all the wives/mates to become HIGH LADIES fuck yeah

- “50 years of Gossip”

-When Tamlin rolls into the meeting

- “The sun was shining when I left you”

-Amren being attached to the blood ruby 

-Amren and Varian

-AMREN AND VARIAN

-Azriel attacking Eris

- more with the GENDER EQUALITY PLS (Viviane, yas girl)

- “I shall Consider” remember in EoS…. Remember???

- Helion’s bisexuality

-Helion is LUCIEN’s baby daddy

-Helion’s thighs

-Elazriel !!!

-Bryaxis is bae

-Nesta the witch

-the focus on how being narrow minded is bad!!!! very relevant

-Cassian reminded me of Achilles during the first battle scene

-when nesta detects Cassian’s injuries: Maaaaaaaaates

-YAAAAS SURI

-a few pages later:

-NOOO SURI

-”I need to-to die for it to be stopped?” 529. NO SARAH NOT AGAIN PLEASE

-crying because the suriel died

-p 552-3, the cauldron looking back at them reminded me a lot of the Palantir and of the Eye of Sauron. loved the LOTR parallels whether or not they were intentional.

-again VARIAN AND AMREN

-when Elain got kidnapped by the Cauldron i just pictured it skirting up to their camp and her getting in and it driving away like nyooom nyoom

-it was late at night dont judge my sleep deprived brain

-aw Tamlin did something right for once

-POLAR BEARS AND REINDEER

-MOR LIKES GIRLS!!!

-i didnt seee that coming but omg it makes so much sense

-Andromache, again a reference to the Iliad (Andromache was the wife of Hector)

-p 600- when they are gonna have the big battle while the Made ones nullify the king’s power over the cauldron- LOTR parallel to when the Rohan and Gondor forces draw out the orcs and the Eye while frodo and sam Do the Thing™

-in short… Feyre is Frodo

-the SPEECH

-YAY monsters

-When Spring and Autumn show up!!! love that trope

-oh shit more Hybern… theyre all fucked…

-AcCePt!!! Seraphim and MR ARCHERON

-and VASSA

-sidebar, Vassa being the firebird is an interesting parallel to Russian folklore and history. not to mention the Weaver reminds me of Baba Yaga a little bit but ANYWAYS

-AMREN WHAT ARE YOU DOING

-EXCUSE ME

-Enchanted Cauldron Journeys™ 2.0

-The entire scene between Nesta Cassian and Mr. Hybern King

-Elain STABBING. HYBERN. IN. THE NECK.

-ugh yes.

-punt that bitches head like a deflated football!!!!!!

-yeah i said it.

-Amren is….. Satan?

-That was the Lucifer story, right? Are we all in agreement there??

-The cauldron is a big ol womb

-Mother+Cauldron=life, gift of life

-its the universe

-Rhys dying literally ruined my life

-even tho i knew it was gonna happen ( i saw a spoiler by accident)

- “Be happy, Feyre” Tamlin redemption arc?

-Rhys’s first words when he is Rhysurrected™

-Oops dont overcook Amren!!

-Nesta spat on Hybern’s corpse

- “We’re opening the fancy bottles”

-THE LINGERIE

-one more time for good measure:

Helion’s thighs

ugh. This book i swear to god

AND THEN THERES GONNA BE MORE?!?!?!??!?!?!

what are you doing to me sarah!??!!??

me after you. tape 23

because they made me start 13 reasons why. and because alexia said regina’s dress during the wedding is too mayoral although being beautiful.


“Hi, my love. I’m… not sure how this thing actually works, but your son just told me to… near my mouth to this thing and then it will do the rest.”

His voice runs through her like a electric zap – painful, sudden, unexpected.
It stings.

Regina catches a breath, a finger pressing pause just immediately.

Oh, gods.

Hearing his voice, after… these weeks, is hell.

Henry was so unsure when he gave her the tape. Mom, he has said with a sad smile, I have something for you. It’s… I’m sorry, it… got lost and I found it this morning, it just…

appeared, she has ended, her lip trembling.

Like hope.

The tape as her name on it, and she had to work up a lot of bravery not to cry in front of Henry.

Her finger presses play again.

“It’s just… bloody hell, this sounds so stupid,” she hears him chuckle. She can just picture him – his amused eyes watching the device supposed to record his voice, his hand fidgeting with something, maybe a pencil. “We came back from Camelot and no one remembers a damn thing, and I guess… my most recent meeting with a lovely Fury has moved something in my soul.”

Regina feels a tear roll down her cheek. Too soon, she thinks. She needs to listen to this, because she doesn’t have much time now. She needs to pay attention.

“So, I think… I wanted you to have something to keep onto if we lose our memory again, love.  Or – if we ever are separated – because you know I’ll be trying to get back to you, but in the meantime, I want you to have this – so if you’re hearing it, my love, it means I’m not with you, and for that – ”

She sobs, presses pause again, her hand going up to cover her forehead.
It’s too much. She can’t do this, not now, not while they’re waiting for her.
Henry probably didn’t know what was inside – not exactly, anyway, or he would have waited…

Plays again, his voice loud and clear.

“ – and for that, I’m sorry. But, Regina, it doesn’t matter, really. You gave me something that, no matter what, I will never – ever regret.” She smiles, though unwillingly, her cheeks heated by the pumping of blood in her veins, her heart beating faster and faster. “You gave me moments that are precious, far more than any jewel I’ve ever stolen. I wish you could see every day how much I adore you deeply.”

The tape scratches a bit, then runs more smoothly.

“I just wanted to tell you… well, here, although I’ve already said it many times, but I wanted you to have it, you know? That… I love you, Regina, more than I can ever say…”

She’s crying in earnest, now, almost misses his next words, crying and laughing because it’s absurd, that all she has of him are some photographs and a letter and a tape…

“… and, my love, please, even when I’m not with you, do something for me. Keep hoping – and believing.”

It ends there – with a muffled white sound, a buzzing that continues until he presses something and then it’s… done. That’s it.

She stares blankly at the old stereo, her heart heavy, and blinks, letting the last tears fall. She rewinds the tape, then pops it out and replaces it back in its case. A case that has her name on it, written in his messy handwriting.

One last sigh, one last wipe at her tears, and she looks at the bed – she had a dress picked out, but it seems a bit too… festive, after this. After him.

Me after you, my love.

And she knows, that there’s a version of him who’s happy with the other part of herself, but it’s not him.

So she opens the closet, choosing something else. White sleeveless shirt, black skirt – he would have loved her curves in that skirt, she thinks with a smirk.

Her mirror reflects a tear-stained face, but she’s calm now. Solemn.

So she starts to get ready, because she has a wedding to get to.

My World is a Kaleidoscope

My world is like a kaleidoscope, I want to tell them
Soft pastels bleed into a setting resembling a Monet painting, while a single thread of focus holds my attention
A book, a particularly rhythmic piece of music, the bliss of a soft pair of pants
It sounds silly, to say it out loud, but my world is not the same as your world
Or maybe we just experience it through different lenses

I won’t lie, it isn’t all beautiful
The sound of someone using a paper towel grinds on my ears like the shriek of monkeys
If you say something to me in the wrong tone of voice, I have to try and convince myself you aren’t angry

People tell me I look nice with my hair up, but what they don’t know is that wearing it down makes my neck feel as though a million pine needles are rubbing against my skin
I couldn’t wear jeans until I was in middle school, because their fabric felt like sandpaper on my skin
When I went to primary school in England, my mother had to order special shirts for my uniforms because if someone tried to put a polo on me, I would cry and scream because the collar felt like someone was strangling me

There used to be a commercial about recognizing the signs of a stroke, with Sharon Stone in it
She wore all white makeup, and the lighting would menacingly flicker in, and she’d talk in a deep, monotone voice
And every time I saw that commercial, up until I was 12 or 13 and they stopped airing it, I would instantly feel my blood go cold and my skin go clammy
My heart would start beating really fast, and since I didn’t know what was happening to me, all I could do was scream until someone else ran in to mute the commercial
It was involuntary, I have no idea what it was about that commercial, but I remember it vividly
I remember being ashamed, embarrassed, that I could not control myself
That part never went away

I want to tell them that I am an artist
When I was little, I mean, like two years old, I used to memorize the names of all the Crayola colors in the box
And when I went to pre k, and everyone else was learning red, green, blue
I knew magenta, burnt sienna, turquoise, sky blue, royal blue, violet, periwinkle, lime
I said these colors like they were the gospel because to me they were something beautiful, and I loved all of them

I couldn’t hold a pencil until I was in third or fourth grade, and I had to get special permission to type my assignments
My hand didn’t have the fine motor skills necessary for writing, which meant it didn’t have the motor skills necessary for coloring or drawing neat little pictures

But everyday, I’d bring my parents piles of artwork, piles of colored pictures, all outside of the lines, all scribbled glory and unabashed youth
Kids used to make fun of me, and I spent so much time crying out near the cubbies because I couldn’t color like they did, or write my name like they did
Then they made fun of me for crying, but I kept drawing

Today I’ve won county, state, and regional contests, when I was a freshmen my art made it to a national contest through 4H
And still, sometimes my hand will drop a pencil, or fling a utensil out in front of my desk for no reason
And everyone will look at me, but I don’t cry anymore
Never in front of them again

I want to tell them that I love science
When I was very young, I mean, 4 years old, my mom pulled up videos of amoebas on our home computer
I thought those were the greatest, funniest things in the world, the way they ate up the other organisms and absorbed them into their own mass
I used to look up different types of bacteria, strep and staph and their different strains, I looked up genetic diseases and the rarest medical conditions
My favorite show was House M.D. as a fourth grader

When asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said a neurologist, than I said neuro-genetics, and now I say biochemistry and genetics
I used to be ashamed and scared of my interests, and nobody ever wanted to talk to me about CRISPR or gene therapy or cloning, and now these things are assets to me
I’ve been lucky enough to know what I wanted to do since I was six, and I think how many people get to know what their passions are before they even know how to write

I want to tell them about my family
My sister, the nonconformist who loves to read and despises fractions with a passion
Whose wit is sharp enough to slice steel, whose stubbornness and perseverance earned her the affectionate nickname “little buffalo”
My little sister with perfect pitch, who plays two instruments and isn’t even in middle school yet
My sister who has the best stories but can’t spell to save her life, who is the most creative mind in school but is confined to fill-in-the-blank standardized tests that confuse her
My sister, who people keep reminding me “isn’t like me,” they see me the say “prodigy”
And they see her and they think “unfocused, doesn’t apply herself, isn’t academically gifted but has a great personality,” which is to say they only value creativity when it’s measureable, profitable

My mother, who knows what I am going through and sees too much of herself in me for this to be an accident
Who grew up dissecting animals on the farm because she loved anatomy, who couldn’t follow social conventions, who never had the opportunities I do now
My mother who grew up in a time where people like my sister and I weren’t accommodated but beaten, whispered about, stared at in the middle of small town gatherings
My mother who lost friendships with other parents who took personal offense to me as a child, who raised me with no knowledge on what Autism Spectrum actually meant
My mother who has grown so much, who sees her own childhood and experiences finally explained in me and through the information now available

My father, who is so quiet and also the entire comforting roar of ocean waves
He is an artist like me, but also a builder, a thinker, an innovator
A master of blending in, and still I recognize an air of familiarity
In the exhilarated discussion of the Everglades and tropical fish, and in the brutal scrutiny in his carpentry
I hesitate letting him in on school projects because even though I know that with him it will be absolutely perfect, he will spend an hour trying to get the paper on the poster board straight
My father, the kitchen’s beat boxer and repeater of words, the artist and builder and crafter, who loves my sister and I and understands as closely as anyone will ever get

I want to tell them that I, that we, people like me, are not accidents
We’re not just mistakes in genetic code, or a series of environmental factors, or puzzles waiting to be solved
If they really want to get to know us, they can just ask us
Our lives aren’t always easy, we suffer sometimes, I know I’ve suffered sometimes
Sometimes we can be tedious, our needs may be difficult to pinpoint, our behavior may shock you or horrify you or scare you or bewilder you
But then, at this point I ask, doesn’t everyone have moments like this
We are all burdens, we are all gifts, we are all worthy of living as we are

I want to tell them that I don’t want to be fixed, because there is nothing to be fixed
Maybe I’d like to not bang my head against a wall when I’m stressed, or not be too uncomfortable to be hugged, or not scratch and pick at my skin when I’m anxious, or not be unable to talk sometimes, or not feel like my brain is stuffed with cotton during verbal conversations
Maybe I’d like to be able to write like other people, to be able to copy down pictures and graphs in my physics and math classes with ease like they do, to be able to read numbers like they do, to be able to go to parties and malls and social gatherings without feeling like I’m floating away like they do

But I think of all the things I’d potentially be giving up if they would have their “cure”
My drawings, maybe I’d still be an artist, but I never would have had the determination, the passion I do now because I would have known what it was like to color inside the lines, my art would not be the same
Maybe I’d still like science, but I would never have spent hours researching the human brain and psychology and genetics, I would never have known the joy and amusement I felt when my mother showed toddler-me the amoebas

Maybe my sister would still be a musician, but she would not have the focus to listen to the same song over and over, the ability to recognize when a note is flat or sharp or just right without looking at sheet music
She’d never have the compassion and open-mindedness she has now because she knows what it’s like to truly function differently from everyone else and be ridiculed for it

Maybe we wouldn’t have our problems anymore, but we also wouldn’t be us anymore
Our experiences would be taken from us in the name of our own good, our passion exchanged in the name of normalcy

They can argue with me all they want, tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about, call me a liar, dare to call me “high-functioning”
But they will never know what it’s like at all, they’ll never see the world as a kaleidoscope

And that’s okay, but what I really want to tell them, is that they don’t have to be afraid
I want to tell them that their children are going to be okay, and they are too
I know it’s hard, I know it’s confusing, but they will get through this and their kids are not broken, they too will persevere

I want to tell them that vaccines did not cause this, we have always been here
I want to tell them that people don’t grow out of this, there are plenty of adults on the spectrum, and that’s okay

I want to tell them that trying to make their kid “normal” only teaches them to be ashamed, and only teaches them to hide their true nature, which only causes more problems
I want to tell them that even if there was a cure, they’d be altering the entirety of a person’s mind, their interests, behavior, personality, potential experiences, and I don’t think that that is a choice anyone should get to make

I want to tell them that they’ll never entirely understand, no one can entirely understand another person’s brain anyway and it would be foolish to try and generalize anyways
I want to tell them that’s okay
We just experience things from different lenses