Maybe you’re like me tonight
Maybe you’re scrolling through tumblr to numb the storm that’s raging in your heart and wasting time until you can fall asleep
Maybe you’re laying on your bedroom floor in surrounded by your tears and consumed by your fears
Maybe you’re crying in the shower for the tenth time this week because you can’t face your family or your roommates or your husband or your wife or your boyfriend or girlfriend or yourself with tears streaming down your face
Maybe you’re crying over the same stupid boy for the millionth time and hating him because he’s made it so very clear he’s happy with someone else
Maybe you’re crying because everyone else is married or has a boyfriend or has their life together
Maybe you’re thinking of just ending it all
Maybe the thought of not having to face another day seems like the best option of them all
Maybe you believe in Jesus like I do
But maybe sometimes you question Him and you question yourself and you question your beliefs and you question your faith and you question every. single. thing. that comes into your mind.
Maybe the darkness of depression won today and the light of Jesus wasn’t shining as bright as it has before.
Or maybe you’re spending the evening surrounded by your closest friends and laughing until your stomach hurts or drinking the night away
But maybe, just maybe, deep down you feel it too.
Tonight I cried in front of my mom for the first time in a very, very long time. You see, she struggles with depression too. And I’ve just recently found the strength to talk to my doctor and my boss and my best friends about the darkness that is depression and how it’s overtaken my life lately. But I haven’t told her. I can’t tell her. I can’t let her down. I can’t let her feel like she’s failed anymore than she already feels she has.
She held me and I cried and I shook and I got mascara all over her shirt. Bless her soul.
She picked my head up and she said to me,
“You are strong. You are beautiful. You are smart.”
“Everything will be alright. And I don’t know what that looks like.”
“There’s more to life than boyfriends and babies.”
So through my teary, teary eyes let me pick your head up, even for just a moment.
YOU are strong. YOU are beautiful. YOU are smart.
I don’t know what alright looks like for you, but I know it will be all right.
Let me pick your head up through a computer screen and typed letters and a very long post. Let me pick your head up because I know heads can get so heavy when they’re filled with sadness and darkness and racing thoughts and brokenness.
I wish I could give you a reason to stay here on earth for just one more day, but I’m honestly struggling to find one for myself tonight. I do know, that whoever you are, where ever you are, you have worth. And I do too. And maybe tomorrow will be brighter. Or maybe we’ll cry ourselves to sleep again. Let’s hold on, together, for whatever reason, for one more day.