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Livestream Tonight [2/13/2016]

You guys need to stop telling Cheyenne to kill herself.  You need to stop telling Ziegs that she should have approached the situation better.  You need to stop telling Cry that he should have done something differently before Ziegs left.  You need to stop ignoring the fact that everyone involved here, Ziegs and Cry and Cheyenne and everyone else, are human beings with actual human emotions.

No one outside of the crew knows what’s going on right now, you all in the fandom are just sitting here making wild assumptions based on a silence that you don’t understand, and it’s doing far more harm than good.

I’m not defending anyone’s actions here, but I am defending them on the basis that they are people and they deserve your, and my, respect.  The LNC are not made up of PR robots, they can’t churn out an automated public message any time there’s a crisis.  They, like all people, need time to process the situation and their emotions before they can respond to it.

No one’s handling of this situation has been perfect, but the fandom yelling and shouting and going belligerent about a situation that they don’t fully understand is not helpful.  Give the LNC time to process, give them time to talk amongst themselves, give them time to exist as human beings.

A public statement will come when they’re ready to say it.  Until then, I think it’s important for everyone to take a deep breath and remember that everyone is important, everyone’s life is precious, and harassing people on Tumblr or Twitter or wherever you guys are trying to track Cheyenne down to is not okay.

I’m not saying this as a person with actual connections to the LNC, this isn’t anyone sending me out like “oh, go do damage control but act like you’re doing it by yourself and we’re not sending you,” this is me, as someone’s who’s been watching the streams off and on for the better part of three years, trying to talk to the fandom.  I understand that you guys have a lot of feelings about this situation, but I’d like it if everyone took a step back and tried to gain some perspective.

Realize that the LNC are not perfect, they are simply people, and you should afford them the same respect that you give any other person.  I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be upset about this, or that you shouldn’t talk about it, but please do so in a respectful, mature way.  Do so in a way that acknowledges that you don’t fully understand the situation and you don’t know the people involved.  Do so without pointing fingers and accusing people and casting blame for this, that, or the other thing.

Sorry for the lack of art, guys! It’s been a super hectic week haha.

Cry is currently streaming Spore and named his planet after me which is super cool! So I had to draw his..super interesting critter. Which is now even better than this. 

Still this was totally fun to scribble. ;o

Transparency.

I’m sorry.


I honestly didn’t know I was negatively affecting people that much. I know I’m a bit too abrasive and harsh for some people and I’m slowly starting to realize it can actually hurt them. It is all unintentional though. I genuinely feel bad, and I apologize.

Ziegs, I wish you and everyone I’ve accidentally hurt the best.

And please know that I would never, absolutely for any reason try and stop someone from pursuing any kind of career. I’m not sure how I even feasibly would and I don’t know how you came to that conclusion, but know that that is not the kind of person I am.

I am also NOT the type of person to push someone to suicidal thoughts. I am not. Where this lie (and I don’t mean to invalidate what Ziegs felt, I don’t. I simply mean this as the lie that I am intentionally someone who would do this) came from, I’ve no clue but I wish to stop it here and now.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder and Depression. I know what it is like to be at the brink and I find myself there far too much. And to think there are people that actually believe I am some type of monster to push someone there as well – I just can’t find myself wanting to go on knowing that such a blatant lie exists. Please, whatever you think of me – be it “rude” or “bitch”, that’s fine. But, I am begging you to believe, I am NOT someone who would ever put someone to even begin thinking of taking their life.

Had I ever known or ever been told that’s what I was apparently doing, I would have immediately stopped.

I’m sorry that I was so detrimental to you, I am. But I was never made aware of my actions. Not once was I ever told about how you felt. Not once. You spoke to Cry once and then left. You gave him an ultimatum and expected him to be a miracle worker. There’s no excuse for that. In no way, through text or through speech, did you try to get to me to tell me what I was doing.
I can understand your reasoning, I can. But it isn’t fair to him or to me how you went about this.

I am being yelled at, harassed, insulted, and threatened for doing something I was never told I was doing.

Ziegs, I wish you had actually come to me about how you felt about me or about how I was affecting you, because it is hard to word things right now without seeming insincere or defensive. But if that is how it had to be, then I suppose it’s how it has to be. By going public with private affairs, you chose the hard way for everybody, and I wish things were different. It isn’t fair to any of us now.

I am sorry. I hope you realize that I’m not whatever horrible thing you think I am; I’m a person.


I am a person who is trying.

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In regards to this video and it’s comments. 

 This was my responce. My main reason for not wanting to be upfront about it is fear, not respect or decency. but given coys bravery here.

I explained to cry that I was feeling bullied by cheyenne, that her humour was hurtful (such as telling me to kill my pets or constantly telling me I was shit at games. others who joked like this apologised when they say it upset me and stopped. cheyenne didn’t. Hurting people for a joke is just gross behaviour) as well as her foul behaviour towards mods and badmouthing the viewers in the breaks between the streams. 

 We were all, save snake, guilty of a bit of meanness towards the viewers when the sound was off, but normally it was when they were being dicks in chat. like when they grabbed onto a meme and wouldn’t let go. anyway, after explaining I found her humour hurtful, and that every week was a blow to my self confidence which, I have to confess, left me feeling awful ( The last stream was the last straw as I found myself contemplating suicide - I have struggled with serious depression for years and the stream was making it worse. hence me confronting cry to try and change it.) he defended her behaviour.

 I said then that I would have to leave if things didn’t change, I didn’t want to, but felt I had no choice. cry responded with ‘well I don’t know what to do.’ As for why I never confronted cheyenne? I’m terrified of her. She is the kind of person that could, and would have made my life hell. 

I fully expect her to attempt to stop any form of youtube career developing for me. That’s the sort of thing she would do. That’s the sort of atmosphere that was in the stream, that the viewers didn’t see. 'Be nice or get kicked.’ I doubt I’ll ever work with cry again after this. I’ll never guest on the stream that’s for damn sure, but fuck it - truths out there now.

 I left because cheyenne acts like a dick and thinks it’s okay. with no remorse, not a single apology. its not a joke. I’m damn sure she means every single jibe. Tumblr: I realise what me posting this now will make me look like. It makes me look vindictive and shallow. It makes me look like a bitch. I’m ready to accept that. I have been prompted by friends to post my real feelings to help move on.

 I have been holding out, hoping things would go back to the way they were, where we could play games and have fun. I know now thats never going to happen. This is my closure, this is me moving on. I’m terrified of what will come of this, so I’ll Prolly hide for a while.

 Yes. Yes I am bitter that my night of playing with my friends, and they were some very good friends of mine, was taken from me. I’m not a social butterfly, I hate going out and that was one of my greatest pleasures. As for people saying I’m just doing this to be mean and spiteful? There’s ALOT I could have said here which I won’t. Things confided in me which I would not repeat. I’m not doing this for vindictive reasons, merely to get the truth out (thanks to prompting from some buddies.)

 How did that quote go? Something like 'If you wanted people to speak of you fondly don’t be a bastard’?.