Brian Gougeon started counting the purple spots on his legs in the spring of 1987. He consulted a doctor in Chicago about it, just as he did a few weeks later when thrush reappeared on his tongue and tonsils. If the doctor was piecing together a diagnosis, either he wasn’t telling him or Gougeon chose not to tell his friends.

It had been months since we last spoke. He had stopped returning my phone calls, saying long-distance bills were outside his budget. Instead he answered via ornately decorated postcards, devoid of personal news. Then, just after his birthday in July, Susan Wild, a mutual friend from college, called to say he’d been admitted to the Illinois Masonic hospital with pneumonia and toxoplasmosis. “He asked me to come help him get to the hospital,” she said. “He wanted to take a shower first, but didn’t have the strength—he’s so thin, David, I had to help him. He was embarrassed and apologizing the whole time. When we got to the ER, they ran tests and diagnosed pneumonia. They put him in the AIDS ward.”

I had been waiting for, and dreading, and hoping against, this moment since AIDS first surfaced, when we were invincible twenty-two-year-olds, chain-smoking and reading the Times with Ray-Bans balanced smugly on our noses. I wanted to race to see him, but Wild said Gougeon had requested privacy. The toxoplasmosis left him somewhat confused. But he did want my advice. She read from a list of his lab results, a portrait in acronyms and ratios. He was very sick. I answered what I could and promised to research the rest. Most pressing was whether he should take AZT, which the physician had ordered. Given his low CD4 count and the high doses of pentamidine, I said I thought it was a good idea.

“He’s going to need money,” I added. He could be hospitalized for months, and unless he had savings he risked losing his apartment. I offered to pass a hat among his friends in New York and she accepted reluctantly, not focused on anything so long term. I spent the next week planning a gathering of his New York friends. The work gave me a feeling of usefulness. That Saturday, three dozen people convened at my apartment with small sums of cash in envelopes, a little over $800 in total. Someone brought a bulky camcorder and we wished Brian a speedy recovery through the newest technology.

When the videocassette arrived in Chicago along with the emergency funds, Susan Wild called to say he wouldn’t be watching it. “I guess he’s blind,” she said. “It happened so quickly. He was talking to his mother yesterday and said, ‘Norma’—he calls her Norma—‘Norma, would you turn on the light? We shouldn’t have to sit here in the dark.’ But of course, it was the middle of the day. Sunlight was streaming in. When they figured out what had happened, and that the blindness was irreversible, he was really scared. He said to Norma, ‘I’m a blind artist. What good is a blind artist?’ And she said to him, ‘Sculpture, honey. You could be a great sculptor.’ By the time I talked to him, he had already begun to adjust a little, and I just cried.”

His jar of AZT, delayed by shortages and high demand, arrived almost two weeks later. By then he was in no condition to take it, having slipped into a coma from which he never returned. He was twenty-eight when he died.

That call from Wild was the most devastating of my life. I’d spent six years gathering esoteric information, investigating every medical lead, ingratiating myself to scientists, doctors, activists, and patients. None of it made a bit of difference. Nurses gave Wild the chance to bequeath his unused AZT to a recipient of her choosing, but she suggested they just give it to the next person in need.

The Roman Catholic service was private. Norma Gougeon laid her second-youngest son to rest at the Holy Cross Cemetery in Alpena, Michigan, with six of his brothers as pallbearers. She kept the cause of death a secret from her priest and the local paper, attuned to the possible consequences. A memorial gathering for his friends in Chicago would take place in a few weeks.

I was back at ACT UP a Monday or two later. Like a wedding chapel or a movie theater, it was a place where you could cry without causing alarm. A man sitting to my left silently rested a hand on my rocking shoulder for a few moments. I was grateful for the stranger’s gesture.

—  David France, How to Survive a Plague: The Inside Story of How Citizens and Science Tamed AIDS (2016), Pt. 3, Ch. 3


13/10/17 (aka THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE)

okay so where do I begin…WOW.
okay so… on Monday October 3rd at 10:25pm, I was sitting on my phone in my room listening to holy ground and I was on twitter and BOOM. “TAYLOR NATION SENT YOU A DIRECT MESSAGE” I STARTED SHAKING AND CRYING WHEN I READ THE CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE I WAS SO CONFUSED BECAUSE THEY DONT EVEN FOLLOW ME (yes I’m still trying to work out technology ok) AND I FLIPPED OUT AND I RAN INTO MY MOMS ROOM SOBBING AND I TRIPPED OVER THE HOOVER BUT ITS OKAY. MY MOM WAS SAYING ALL SORTS OF THINGS LIKE SOMEONE MAY HAVE HACKED INTO TAYLOR NATIONS ACCOUNT (?????? idk). Anyway I died and my mind was a mess and I couldn’t control myself at all, I had knew what it usually meant when people got these messages and I explained everything to my mom ( she is genuinely worst-case-scenario-Christine ) and she started crying with happiness for me. THAT DAY WILL ALWAYS BE REMEMBERED.

The next day October 4th at 5:27pm, I was (trying) to study when BOOM. I RECEIVED THE CALL. Ali phoned and told me about a special secret event on Friday the 13th of October and I was shaking so so much and could barely even talk but she was honestly the nicest ever (I noticed she said “wonderful” about a million times and I’m now so in love with that word). Side note: My mom still wasn’t really convinced this wasn’t a set up to get me kid napped but SHE FINALLY CALMED DOWN A LITTLE AND MEANWHILE I WAS SHAKING, CRYING AND BASICALLY DEAD.

Okay so then it was the waiting game…the days DRAGGED in as I found out a whole 10 DAYS before the event and I saw Taylor lurk people on tumblr/Instagram AND she liked the post about me and my best friend Eve. PEOPLE WERE ALSO TALKING ABOUT WHAT COULD HAPPEN ON THE 13TH AND I WAS JUST SITTING THERE LIKE HELP ME WHATS GON HAPPEN.

Fast forward to Friday…so because I live in Glasgow I had to fly to London… I COULDNT SLEEP AT ALL AND I ONLY GOT 4 HOURS SLEEP LOL BECAUSE I GOT UP AT 4AM. We went to the airport and I was genuinely so nervous and excited about what could possibly be happening. We then got a bus and then a tube and wandered about Covent Garden and EVERYTHING kept reminding me of Taylor. We then got a tube and another bus ( NUMBER 13 ) to our hotel. I got really stressed out because I opened up my case and there was makeup spilt on my dress BUT MY MOM CAME TO THE RESCUE AND FIXED IT FOR ME. I curled my hair and fixed myself up then I went to out to the secret meeting point and recognized so many people from tumblr/twitter etc and it was SO surreal. ALSO A FEW PEOPLE CAME UP TO ME AND WERE LIKE OMG ABBIE I KNOW YOU AND THAT MADE ME FEEL SO SO SPECIAL SO I LOVE YOU FOR THAT IF THAT WAS YOU. We checked in and got really cool wristbands saying United Kingdom (IN THE REPUTATION FONT) I WAS ALREADY DEAD.

We went to drop off our bags and me and I met 2 beautiful, amazing girls called Emma ( @taylorsmusic ) and Flora ( @spoookyswift ) and we were FREAKING OUT TOGETHER. We just couldn’t comprehend that we could potentially meet our idol. We talked about everything and I genuinely think I have 2 new best friends for life. I LOVE YOU GUYS. We were on the last bus to leave so we waited foreverrrr and my nerves were building up so much and I was FULL ON ALL OVER SHOOK.

Everyone on the bus was SO EXCITED and we were all dying together. It was such a combination of nerves and excitement like I can’t even describe it. So we FINALLY arrived at our secret destination and were escorted to the entrance to be searched etc (there was a big box of socks for some reason and it made us laugh so just thought I’d add that in and also a few half finished smart water bottles👀).

Okay so then we went through to TAYLORS HOUSE. It was beautiful and there was so much food laid out and I had a REPUTATION COOKIE and CUSTOMIZED REPUTATION M&MS and CHICKEN TENDERS. Taylors playlist of the songs she loves was playing in the background and we were LOVING LIFE. (Side note: my mom loved the olives you put out taylor so thanks for that) So basically me, Emma and Flora were chilling together (we were not chill at all tho) and everything was fine THEN Flora goes “oh my god, that’s Scott” AND IM LIKE WTF AND WE ALL LOOK OVER AND DIE LIKE WHAT WAS HAPPENING BEFORE OUR VERY EYES THE KING OF GUITAR PICS WAS HERE. We went and spoke to more amazing people and life was good…THEN TREE COMES THROUGH AND IM LIKE WHATATSTSS THATS A LEGEND THEN NOT LONG AFTER THAT WE SEE ANDREA AND WE ALL DIED. I CRIED WHEN I SEEN ANDREA IDK WHY IT JUST GOT TOO MUCH AND SHES MY QUEEN. IT GENUINELY FELT LIKE A DREAM LIKE SURELY THIS WAS NOT REAL.

Finally, after a while, we went through to THE LIVING ROOM. YES. A CHAIR. A SPEAKER. WE ALL KNEW WHAT THIS WAS. ME, EMMA AND FLORA HAD A LITTLE SUPPORT NETWORK GOING ON BECAUSE WE WERE ALL HOLDING HANDS BECAUSE WE WERE NOT PREPARED AT ALL. I cried - yeah she wasn’t even here yet and I cried. So anyway THEN I’m like I can’t even do this and my heart is beating abnormally fast. And that’s when she appeared…

I COULDNT BELIEVE MY EYES. MY ANGEL. MY EVERYTHING. GENUINELY LIKE A METER AWAY. NO WAY. Okay so then I SOBBED even more and I was uncontrollable (I finally did calm down but omg it was so hard I couldn’t stop crying) - thank you Emma and Flora for helping me LOL. Side note: her hair was so curly and pretty and she wore this camo dress thing and SNAKE BOOOOOOTS and a snake ring and yeah I was like GO GURLLL. IN THAT MOMENT I DIED IT WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING.

On to the album, obviously you guys understand I can’t say much at all BUT REPUTATION IS MY FAVOURITE ALBUM BY FARRRRR. Like it’s genuinely so different but so genius - it’s incredible. She’s so talented and you can tell she’s worked so super hard for it and I can tell she’s happier than ever through the way she talks and she just seems so content with life and it makes me so proud and happy of how far she’s came. It’s so emotionally complex and THE LYRICS (she’s a genius okay). But there was one song that made me full on SOB and everyone in that room felt something…ANYWAY Taylor herself, during the whole of the session, she was so funny and she’s just so genuine…it was unreal. UNREAL. Some highlights that stand out to me include when during one of the songs she looked right at me for about 20 seconds or so and we just danced and smiled at each other. IVE NEVER FELT SO LOVED IN MY LIFE. To say I’m proud of her for this album is an understatement.

okay so then….IT WAS MEET AND GREET TIME. We were all sitting reading the magazines and talking to each other and it was adorable and even though I was a nervous wreck, everyone was so nice and amazing towards me. When it was time for the picture I was at the waiting point I can’t tell you how I felt. It was indescribable. I seen the 2 girls before me hug Taylor goodbye and it was my turn. I ran up to her and hugged her so hard and she looked at me and went “ITS ABBIE ISNT IT?” AND I WAS NODDING AND I WAS LIKE YEAH ITS ME and she was like “NO WAY I CHOSE YOU LIKE A YEAH AGO LIKE SOOOO LONG AGO” and I was like NO WAY and then I was like “THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING YOUVE HELPED ME THROUGH, YOU’VE HONESTLY GOT ME THROUGH SO MUCH” and she was listening so intently and she smiled at me and hugged me and we held hands for a few seconds which was BEAUTIFUL and she was like “you are SO beautiful like SO beautiful and you are SO funny like you’re posts are hilarious” and I started shaking and I told her she was like a big sister to me and then we got a really cute huggy picture and then we got one with my mom which was cute and THEN (THIS WAS THE FUNNIEST MOMENT) the camera guy said to my mom “do you want a pic alone with her” and my mom was like “oh it’s okay I’m just her mom” and TAYLOR WAS LIKE" OH WELL THANKS" IT WAS SO FUNNY. THEN I told her I loved her and she was like I LOVE YOU BUDDY and I gave her one final hug before I left which was MAGICAL (I swear we hugged about 27468273 times).

As soon as I left the room, I BURST INTO TEARS I COULDN’T BELIEVE I HAD JUST MET MY IDOL AFTER LIKE 6 YEARS OF LOVING HER AND FANGIRLING OVER HER. My mom went to talk to mama swift and she said to her “thank you so much for making a beautiful, amazing role model for my daughter” and mama swift was like AWWW THANK YOU SO MUCH THEN MY MOM GAVE HER A HUG AND THEN I GAVE HER A HUGE HUG AND MAMA SWIFT WAS LIKE THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING HER AND DOING THE CRAZY THINGS SHE MAKES YOU DO AND I CRIED MORE.


Thank you so so so much for inviting me to your London Secret Session - it was an HONOR to be there. I can’t believe I was given such a beautiful, amazing opportunity and I meant everything I said to you in there and it truly came from the heart. I love you so much and I can’t wait to hopefully see you on tour. You mean the world to me and I can’t wait to hear reputation again and DIE ANOTHER MILLION DEATHS.
I love you so much girl.

Abbie x @taylorswift

“Perhaps I am being too forward, I don’t know what your expectations are, the books I have read about Japan did not discuss such things, but, ah… you surely must know that I would very much like to kiss you.”

He hadn’t expected Victor to say something like that so soon, but it was the simplicity of the request that startled and charmed Yuuri all at once. Not a desire for them to go to bed together, or to become regular lovers; only a kiss. And he seemed so concerned that even that could offend Yuuri. It might have, if this were his first time among Westerners. But it was only a kiss. Yuuri had kissed plenty of men.

He didn’t respond, only reached up to take his glasses off, and then slid his fingers up from where they still rested against Victor’s shoulder to the back of his neck before he leaned across the distance between them and pressed their lips together.

I’m currently rereading @thetwoguineabook‘s Blackbird and AHHHHH I love this fic SO MUCH I wish I could draw every single scene in it *sobs*

This scene in Ch 2 is probably one of my favourite scenes in the entire fic. The way Victor tells Yuuri that he wants to kiss him - it gets me every time

yalit meme [3/10] series or books ≡ the song of achilles by madeline miller

He was watching me, his eyes as deep as earth.
“Will you come with me?” he asked.
The never-ending ache of love and sorrow. Perhaps in some other life I could have refused, could have torn my hair and screamed, and made him face his choice alone. But not in this one. He would sail to Troy and I would follow, even into death. “Yes,” I whispered. “Yes.”

Ritsu left the room, and his hand lingered on the open edge of the door. He pushed it, until it hit the wall and displayed Mob’s dark and empty room to the world. So that it would not be shut away, so that it would not fade from sight like a shut door might. Ritsu let it live and breathe with the rest of the house, even if it was him alone who had to pass it each day.

hey so guess who’s still crying (read)

“Letting them in, letting them go”

((Screw my crying, aching heart. I’m making a headcanon based on this post and no one can stop me.))

“It’s the only way that you can escape. Just relax.”

“This will work… I promise.”

As your eyes slowly blur out from their phantom auras one more time, you get a strange, heavy sensation in your chest, as if you’re falling, falling, falling…

What feels like an eternity later, your eyelids slowly open for the first and last time.

You feel like you’re made of stone as a mirage of cyan and scarlet dances before you. At first, you’re not sure if you can even move, but slowly, slowly, something new begins to rise…

It’s in your mind, or what’s left of it now. Something new… something strange, as if your thoughts aren’t only yours.

They’re not, two surrounding thoughts tell you, as if one came from either side of your head. It’s us, (Y/N). We’re here. With you. Within you and without you.

And in a slow, hazy way, that makes something become abundantly clear to you.

You are no longer what you used to be. None of the three of you are.

And you find an acceptance.

A chandelier emerges finally to your sight, and you can sense the hard, cold floor on your back.

With the power of three within you, you rise on shaky legs once more.

“O-oh no, no!”

A familiar voice bids you turn your head, and you see him there. The Colonel, trembling in his boots, wringing Damien’s cane nervously in his hands.

That’s mine.

“It’s okay,” he continues, standing quickly in what looks like disbelief and holding out a nervous hand toward you.

You walk slowly toward him. His breaths catch in his chest as he slowly lowers his arm in shock.

“I thought you were dead,” he says softly and quickly, as if saying it any slower would make it true. His lips quiver, then he corrects himself in horiffied elation. “I– I– I mean, of course, you’re not dead! N– how could you be dead?”

His eyes crinkle into a smile with emerging hysteria. You still have no voice.

“I– I– I wouldn’t have killed you! I– I didn’t kill you!”

He sets the cane down, but his crazed muttering continues.

“I… of course! I didn’t kill anybody!”

He laughs and it couldn’t hurt you more.

“I–! I didn't– it was all a joke!” he finally shouts, and his voice carries through the whole now-empty house. “Of course, it was all a joke!”

He steps closer to you, and you feel a combined pain unlike anything you’ve ever felt.

“Were you in on this!?”

You watch, essentially helpless, as the last shreds of his sanity dissolve before your own eyes.

He falls back a few steps, the shakiness returning to his legs as his voice fills with some form of mortified relief.

“Did Damien put you up to this!? Of course he did!” The Colonel calls out once more, not even stable enough to look back at you anymore. “DAMIEN! Where are you, you rapscallion?”

He stumbles away, nearly falling with every step in his hysterical gait. His voice carries back to you, and the words pierce you harder than that bullet ever could.

“Where are you? Celine! Oh, it’s time to come out now! Oh, it was good, it was good! You almost had me!”

Inside, you feel numb, yet… both sides of you are wailing. You can hear nothing of them, you can see nothing of them… but you know that Damien and Celine have broken at what you just witnessed.

Your body turns slightly, and your hand picks up the cane that the Colonel had set down. You can feel Damien change within you, somehow…


Your eyes fall on the mirror to find that your appearance has mostly taken after his.

And you can see his pain. The profound love in his soul that now has a reason to hate the one man who made this happen. The knowledge that forever no longer will the Colonel have anyone to trust, anyone to love him for who he is, anyone that will see him as anything more than a danger.

And, looking yourself and Damien and Celine in the eyes all at once, you make a simple choice.


You can sense both of them freeze at either side, confused.

Go to him, you tell them once more. It’s okay.

But… (Y/N)–

He needs you.

And you let go, fading from that broken shell’s grasp into nothing more than thoughts.

After a moment of hesistation, the reflection in the mirror cracks his neck, and the glass shatters with it, keeping you there.

We’re sorry. We’ll find you again one day.

But you’ve accepted.

It’s all right, you respond, knowing they can’t hear you anymore, but doing it anyway.

I’m sure you will.

The dark figure walks away without you, the love in his heart burning bright as if flickering goodbye, and then he’s gone.

And so are you.

august 21st aka fanfic writers appreciation day.

i saw this post going around and i’ve decided to make a post to a) recommend you some great stories and amazing writers, b) give some sort of feedback. i don’t really have that much time to read anymore, so this won’t be that long. as soon as i get more time, i’ll start reading again :) the list is in no specific order, i was going through my “following” list and through my fic recs blog.

@noona-la-la-la  — i recommend literally everything noona ever wrote. i love her style and her plots and the fact that she always manages to exceed my expectations. she’s one of those writers whose stories aren’t just about the smut, which i love. of course, the amazing smut is just a bonus. my favorite story of hers is either unexpected or conditioned (which is also one of my fave tae stories ever. e v e r.) and her vmin threesome the group project is amazing! i’m so far up her ass it’s not even funny, but i seriously love everything about her blog and her writing.

@ellieljade  — amazing plots! a m a z i n g. and the dirty talk! the smut scenes are just too good, and mr.min is my favorite yoongi series. i love the plot, i love the fact that the characters aren’t labeled as good or bad, there’s a lot of grey areas and you never know what to expect. if you want to cry, read her this is how you lose her series and come bitch about it with me. and did i mention sub namjoon? because damn, watch me is amazing.

@avveh — some of the best dirty talk and pwp ever. i enjoy reading her stories from the first one she posted, which is reveries. i don’t even watch the show it’s based on, but i love the series. emily can really suck you into the plot, regardless of the smut. of course, you know me, my favorite is jealousy games because jungkook AND jimin. you know.

@xhixtape — i could go on about lila forever. the flow in her stories is amazing, i love the slow build ups in some stories, and i love the smut in all of them. she’s a huge inspiration for me and her work has inspired a lot of mine, i think i might be her biggest fan. read everything! my favorites are kitten’s got his tongue, good mornings, and vibrations. vibrations, man!!!

@tayegi — lu is one of the OGs of bts fanfics, so i’m sure you’re all already reading her stories. i lover her ocs, i love that they know how to speak for themselves and that they know what they want and aren’t afraid to go for it. my favorites are fuck, marry, kill (because JIMIN), the golden boy because T A E, and friendship goals because TAEGI.

@kimtrain — okay, one good purr had me hooked ! i loved the slow burn and tae′s character and everything about it, from the plot to her style. that’s also one of my favorite tae stories ever.  also, the wings of a devil? b o m b. she has a huge masterlist and i need to read all of her stories.

@floralseokjin — blessed is the day i found out about jordan’s blog. i love everything she writes, i don’t care what member the stories are about because they’re that good. i love her style because it makes me get into the story so much that i can’t stop reading. the first story i read was salt and shadow and i still love it. her jin stories are the best out there and i love reading them. show me might be my fave. also, playing with fire is bomb.

@gukvory —  can you feel it, sugar? is a masterpiece. actually, everything on this masterlist is a masterpiece. i love her writing style, i love the flow, i love the feeling i get when reading her stories. just read everything of hers, you won’t regret it.

@kittae — eva writes for other groups as well! i’ve only read most of her bts stories, and my faves are v-card because it’s the right amount of everything, and favourites and servants is so good! there’s still so many stories on her masterlist to read and i can’t wait to read more. 

@dailydoseofdia — i’m gonna recommend carousel because it’s one of the stories i’ve been meaning to read, but just didn’t have enough time for, even though everyone is praising it. i’ve read dia’s fics and they’re amazing, so i don’t doubt that carousel is just as great. lick was amazing and it’s the first thing i’ve read on her blog.

@chinnychimchim — ah. ah! one of my favorite writers. i seriously love everything she posts, i don’t ever check who the story is about. my favorite has to be reset. it’s such a good story and i haven’t read anything similar, so i love it. cognitive dissonance is also a must read. just read the entire masterist while you’re at it, it’s worth it.

@kstopping  — who doesn’t want a good mmf threesome with vmon? that’s exactly what cinnamon sugar is and i LOVE IT. also tags that crack me up every time.

@jungkookfortunekookies  — for those who don’t read smut, there’s a ton of popular stories on her masterlist, including jungkook roommate series which is so fun and easy to read!

@jeylovestoblog — i’ve heard jey writes amazing reader/girl/member threesomes, so i need to check them out, and i recommend you do the same. she updates often, so i’m sure you’ll find something for yourself.

@rapmonluv — all i’ve read so far is nightcall and it’s enough for me to know i’ll love everything else.

@jingukz — sarah’s stories are amazing and you know that i prefer smut, but her stories are that good. she doesn’t need smut to pull you in, but when it’s there, it’s great. bliss among sinners is probably my fave, but the first one i’ve read is cry me a river and i’m still not over it.

@emboyz — i still need to go through her masterlist, but i’ve read good catch and it’s great!

@pjxmin — i don’t get how everyone’s not talking about her writing. caught in a lie is amazing, proposals is such a good story, her writing is amazing and her stories are fun and they just pull you in. amazing writer!

@cosykims — merlot murders (the crimson killer, kisses of carmine) is the most underrated series i’ve ever read. it has everything and i can’t praise it enough, seriously. you need to read it!

@jiminniemouse — i think i’ve read everything of hers and there wasn’t a single story i didn’t like. i love her style, i love her plots, i just love everything about her writing. purple jewels is so well written and interesting, i can’t get enough. seriously, i recommend everything.

@wonhopes — amanda’s writing is amazing. i think you’ve all read not so honest, but i think my favorite might be cat got your tongue because TAEEEE.

@mindfullofcrazy — i absolutely loved give me love!!!

@hobibliophile — i think i’ve read everything on her masterlist and i loved it! my favorites are take a break (jihope threesome ftw), blue blooded (prince jin!!!), and don’t care about the presents (namjoon being a cutie).

@kainks — i love her writing style! my favorites are new guy and triplicity because damn, hoseok and yoongi threesome? i’m in. orange tulips is on my to read list, i’ve heard great things about it.

@versigny — if you haven’t read miss dial, i don’t know what you’re doing. read it. now. i love it!

@baeseoul  — protege is probably my favorite jungkook series ever. it’s so well written, i love the plot, i love the characters and their flaws, i just love everything about the story. destruction of a muse is on my to read list. just great writing in general, one of my favorite writers.

@protectaetae — i love her writing style! one night snap pt 1 and 2 saved me.

@taehyung-the-baehyung  — closer is amazing and so is the suit and tie series! amazing :)

@jheartseok — i still haven’t read nude, not flowers and i suck because i’ve heard it’s an amazing story. i need to read everything of hers.

@roseok — just read everything. amazing writing.

@drquinzelharleeni’m not a kid is a great series. there’s so much more i have to read from her masterlist, but i like her writing style!

there are a lot of writers who i still need to check out and i’m looking forward to it. i’m sorry if i’ve forgotten someone! if i’ve ever given you a compliment about your writing, i truly meant it. i hope i’ve included everyone. if you go check out these writers, please don’t ask them about updates :)

anonymous asked:

Headcannons for passionate! Tom when having sex?

Having Passionate sex with Tom Holland would include

  • Him trying his hardest to be romantic
  • like he’d be romantic anyway but he’d be trying his hardest to have a really romantic night before he went away for a couple of months 
  • he’d get you roses and a necklace so that every time you looked at it you’d think of him
  • he’d probably take you to dinner and you guys would both be kind of sad that he was leaving the next day so you’d cut dinner short and go home to spend some actual quality time together
  • you guys would sit in front of the tv and cuddle with a glass of wine 
  • and he’d play with your hair and tell you how much he was going to miss you and how he wished you could come with him
  • he’d be the first one to make a move
  • he’d put a finger under your chin and turn your head away from the tv
  • ‘‘you’re so beautiful y/n’‘
  • he’d start to kiss you and his kiss would be so passionate that your body would feel like it was on fire 
  • he’d slowly grab the wine glass out of your hand and put it on the table without taking his lips of yours
  • he’d pull apart just to ask if you wanted to go the bedroom,what a gentleman
  • and you’d nod not being able to form words and you’d just stare into his brown eyes and melt
  • he’d probably pick you up and carry you to the bedroom because he’s a strong romantic boy!!! 
  • he’d lower you onto the bed and he’d start telling you how beautiful you were and how lucky he was 
  • and you’d lean up and grab him by the back of his neck and pull him down to kiss you 
  • and the kisses would be so needy and he’d start grinding his hips into you and he’d moan into the kisses 
  • and it would be so hot and the only time he’d break the kiss would be to tell you how beautiful you were
  • he’d probably roll over and pull you on top of him and he’d move his hands from your cheeks to your hips and he’d help guide you over his bulge 
  • and he’d break away from the kiss and say ‘’I think we need to take these off’’while staring  at your clothes so you’d climb off and he’d help you undress until you just had your underwear on and he’d slide his shirt over his head and slip of his pant till he was sitting on the edge of the bed in just his boxers and he’d look so beautiful
  • like his hair would be sticking up and he’d be a bit flushed and his skin would be glowing 
  • he’d pull you back on top of him and he’d start kissing your neck and you’d be grinding into him and moaning and he’d be so hard underneath you 
  • he’d slowly move your underwear to the side and start rubbing your clit and it would feel so good 
  • ‘‘you’re so wet for me princess’‘
  • he’d start to finger you really slowly and it would be so agonizingly slow that you’d start to move your hips against his fingers to get more friction 
  • and he’d get the hint and move a bit faster and he’d love to hear you moan his name
  • he’d honestly be so needy like he’d need you so bad 
  • he’d suddenly flip you onto your back again and you’d whine from the loss of his fingers
  • but he’d slide his boxers off and thrust into you without warning and you’d let out a gasp
  • he’d lean down and kiss you and tell you that ‘’you can take it baby’’
  • he’d start thrusting right away and it would feel so amazing
  • and the entire time he’d be telling you how beautiful you are and how good you felt 
  • he would be cursing under his breath a lot
  • his thrusts would be so deep and he would be hitting all the right spots and you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself from cumming
  • feeling your walls tighten around him and hearing you cry out his name would push him over the edge and he’d cum in you 
  • he’d stay in you for a minute while you both came down from your highs 
  • and then silently he’d pick you up and take you into the shower and help clean you up and he’d look so good with his wet hair sticking to his forehead while he rubbed your shoulders
  • i love tom im crying 

i just made this announcement over on twitter, but like, let’s be real, i’ve been on this horrible blue hell site since i was 16 - and i’m turning 24 on sunday, so that’s essentially a third of my life, yikes - and you guys are wonderful and i love you and you deserve to hear it here first. so.

as most of you know, i finished my first manuscript earlier this year, and i’ve been reservedly liveblogging the absurdly nerve-wracking process of querying agents and throwing my novel out to the wolves. 

and i’m so happy to finally be able to tell you that i’ve accepted an offer of literary representation from brooks sherman of janklow & nesbit associates.

i first became aware of brooks a couple of years ago when my best friend lena, who was loyally and devotedly beta-reading one of my early drafts, suggested i check out becky albertalli’s “simon vs. the homo sapiens agenda.” she thought simon was an exemplary gay ya romance, exactly the kind of thing i was hoping to do. and she was right: simon instantly became one of my favourite books, and becky became one of my favourite authors. i pledged to myself that when i finally worked up the nerve to start talking to agents, i would talk to the guy who helped make simon happen.

but it took a long time. like, a long time. i started writing “teenage victory song” - the name of my novel, a contemporary gay YA love story, hopefully coming soon to a bookstore near you! - back in 2013. specifically, during an 11:30 PM gchat with grace on wednesday, december 11, 2013, which i have archived for historical preservation. so grace is getting the dedication when this thing goes out, naturally. but, yeah, i started writing it in 2013, and only just finished it this spring, and only with the help of some truly incredible people and loyal friends and family - way too many to name here, but you know who you are, and thank you. i love you. if i hadn’t had your love and your support to battle the little grey cloud of depression and trauma and persistent economic instability that hangs over me 24/7, i’d never have gotten this far. writing this book, and keeping myself mentally healthy and happy enough to finish it, is the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do. 

i also need to thank benjamin alire saenz, andre alexis, dennis bock, anne michaels, and mallory ortberg for reading various permutations of this manuscript and believing in it and giving me their writerly advice on it. i love all y’all. and, of course, major, major thanks to the lambda literary association, who do so much incredible work for so many lgbt authors, and to whom i will be forever in debt.

i just don’t have words for the fact that brooks read my manuscript and said yes, that he said wow, that he believes in me and in what i’m trying to do with my writing. he represents so many authors whose work i’ve been continually blown away by, and it is patently ridiculous and surreal that i get to stand next to them now? i’ve already mentioned becky albertalli, whose work has done so much to humanize young lgbt people and to normalize gay love for a mainstream audience. or adam silvera, who just put queer boys of colour on the new york times bestsellers list with “they both die at the end,” which i am presently reading and crying over and having my internal organs ripped out by. and last, but definitely not fucking least, angie thomas, who wrote “the hate u give,” very possibly the most important young adult novel of the last twenty years, a heartbreaking and compassionate and warmly funny complete and total masterwork that i inhaled in less than two days. like, i really don’t. have words. these are people who have been heroes of mine for so long. i just started actually crying so i’m going to have to wrap this up lmao.

i grew up in an intensely homophobic and conservative christian household, and when i was probably eleven or twelve i somehow came into possession of a copy of “a great and terrible beauty” by libba bray. i don’t remember anything about it except that it had a subplot involving two girls who kissed each other on the mouth, and when they kissed each other on the mouth, i was so viscerally horrified that i started bawling, and i stood up, walked upstairs to the garbage disposal, and tore the book apart with my bare hands. watched the pages filter down into the garbage. and i don’t, like. i don’t like to damage books. i don’t even fold corners because i don’t like to crease the pages. i still remember it all these years later because my first reaction upon recognizing myself in that kiss was to literally destroy it. and i had to keep that part of myself buried for so many years. reading lgbt ya and fanfiction was some of the only escape i had. i wasn’t able to come out until i was eighteen years old, and when i did, it ultimately meant becoming estranged from my mother forever.

i have so much love and tenderness and compassion for all those previous, wounded versions of me, who went through so much, who hated themselves so much, who spent so much of their teens and early twenties being depressed and closeted and suicidal and dreaming of the day when they might get to be an author. you fucking did it, buddy. i love you so much and i am so proud of everything you did to survive and keep creating.

in conclusion,

♪♫ it’s raining men ♫♪


« It was a point where he was a little bit unsteady, and a lot more vulnerable. So we tried to help him. We took him breakfast, or, were like, Stay over… sleep on the couch I think that’s what he wanted… He felt like he could disappear. »
— Dave Shouse

« He still felt like a boy. In some ways, he was very mature and developed, and in other ways, he was nothing near. »

« I feel like Memphis walked him down the aisle. Because he was dreaming about his death and he knew something was up, and he felt it… »

— Tammy Shouse

« It’s been 20 years and I am still dumbfounded by the beauty of his soul. »
— Joan Wasser

BTS in Preschool
  • Jin: talks really loud and brags about minor accomplishments
  • Hobi: laughs at every single little jokes because he doesn't want to hurt anybody's feelings
  • Jungkook: has the best crayon pack out of everyone and colors all day long
  • Jimin: teacher's favorite, the kid who consoles every crying friend
  • Namjoon: can read at a 1st grade level and won't let you forget it
  • Suga: falls asleep anywhere, everywhere
  • Taehyung: eats glue

For the past week or so I’ve been working my way through @bixgirl1‘s portfolio on AO3 (as my trail of kudos can attest). The stories have provided me hours of entertainment, so wanted to try a little fic rec (sorry it’s a bit long). Thank you so much for sharing your writing, and everyone go read all of them here

Balance, Imperfect (91K)

When Harry sustains an injury in the line of work, he no longer knows how to navigate the life he loved, and finds help and solace from the most unexpected source.

Why it’s amazing:  While all of their fics are lovely, this one was my absolute favorite. I cried, and I don’t cry that much while reading. The story handles Harry’s trauma with grace, and gives us a believable character-growth arc for Draco. They have real problems, and they work on them together, not always perfectly but in a way that rings true. This is a beautiful must-read. 

Cool things: Pay attention to chapter titles, they’re perfect. (The first and last especially). The “counterpoints” which were paced wonderfully.The way Malfoy eases Harry’s pain and all the medical aspects in general. The ending :)

Beautiful line: “You’re not a house elf,” Potter grumbles, looking away. His cheeks redden slightly. “I just. Are you okay?” I’m leaving, Draco wants to say. I’m done. You’ve done nothing but make me feel a quitter and a bully my whole life and I know that’s unfair, but I want to be away from you. “I’m just tired.”

 In Evidence Of Magical Theory (43K)

When a hex meant for Draco accidentally catches Harry as well, the pair are forced to learn to understand each other in ways they previously might have thought impossible.

Why it’s amazing: Very close second. I have to say I’m a sucker for bonding-spells gone wrong for Drarry, and this one was … magical (groans at self). The way their link was described was poetry. How they grow to trust each other is beautiful to watch.

Fun, non-spoilery line: “I can’t help it, you prat, you’re inside me,” Harry muttered back angrily. His words were still echoing in his ears when the double meaning hit him, and his face flamed. Malfoy snickered. “You wish, Potter.”

Cool things: The elements!!!! the plot in general. The guest room, bed sharing (!!!) and when they get interrupted :o

You And Me (28K)

When Harry sits down with Malfoy, he’s really only looking for a reprieve from the constant stares and whispers. (Mostly.) What he gets instead are a series of strange events that lead to a friendship that is something else, questions that nobody knows how to answer, and the realisation that the person that Harry doesn’t know how to hate, anymore, seems to be the person who knows exactly what he needs.

Why it’s amazing: Ummm. Just read this. It’s so good.

Fun, non-spoilery line: “Just…” Harry cleared his throat. “Like, is it how you imagined? The way you are; the way she is?” Ron’s face took on a dreamy, slightly embarrassed cast. “Yeah, it is. Why?” He grimaced. “Is it weird for you?”

Yes, Harry thought. Sometimes I’m afraid of the things I want. Sometimes I’m afraid of him for giving them to me. But he couldn’t say that, so he settled on another truth instead. “No. It’s—lovely, actually,” he murmured, flushing.

Cool things: The shower moment (!!!!!!!!!!!!!), the entirety of the veritaserum scene, the kink in general 

100,000 Galleons (28K)

When a weekend with Harry gets purchased at a Bachelor charity auction by Malfoy, he’s sure the trip is going to be filled with disaster.

Why it’s amazing: Genuinely funny and endearing the whole way through. Malfoy trying do Muggle things is the sweetest, loveliest thing. And the added layer of a magical contract made the conflicts believable. 

Okay I could go on and on, but this is getting long! Go read everything they’ve written here (including a bunch of fantastic one-shots).