crux family

me, thinking about single dad AU!Sidney’s years of crippling loneliness and shattered self-worth going through just too many nights of wiping away his own tears as he falls apart in the kitchen, long after Avery has gone to sleep, as he tells himself that it’s better to be alone than with someone who would hurt him or Avery, that the NHL dream is no more and he can’t dwell on that any more, and just worrying about the bills getting paid on time, him making sure his son is fed and happy and warm, and putting on a brave smile in the morning as he cheerily asks if Avery packed up for school yet: fuck im crying 

me, thinking about how single dad Sid let himself indulge in Geno with the cute dates for a few days and Geno being so sweet with him and feeling young again, all while fully believing that Geno is just here for fun and he’d be gone by the next roadie: oh no my face is dehydrating from water loss

me, thinking about how all this comes as a flashback to Sid as Geno gets on one knee, holding out a ring with the most earnest, scared expression, as if Sidney might say no, as if he doesn’t know that Geno had been one of the best things to happen to him other than Avery, and that Geno makes him believe in love again: time for a Dirt nap with my Face in the Dirt

DAY 2458

Jalsa, Mumbai              Jan 7/8,  2015              Wed/Thu  2:04 am

A complacent rising in the morn of the day .. travel to the studio for the Madhya Pradesh recording on an important tourist site, linked with the history of the region … a meal in the sun after the exercised body, much needed and greatly more comforting to the aches and the pains that erupt as a result of not entertaining it .. a rush to those RJ’s and their questions on the #ShamitabhMovie .. several of them with similar questions and somewhat similar responses … a jog on return with the ‘little one’ in the lawn who insists on dictating how it is required to be run .. the open mouthed injectibled procedure on the molars and its supportive cast .. and finally to final the final sequence of the film, along with Balki and his family ..

The crux of any matter, living or perished is the argument on the completion of a project .. the matter .. the elements .. the ingredients and the justice that needs to be meted out .. it is easy and fairly comfortable to begin .. it is the most arduous task to assign endings, for they are as intriguing as life itself ..

But life needs to be alive to the situation. I could be, and could be not ! They sentimentalising the very core of our thinking can damage the process .. getting into that space, getting into a consensus, getting into what needs to be looked upon in unbiased, free and fair viewing ..

What do we leave behind when we need to leave behind. I do not know. What I do know is that whatever I do leave behind, shall be one that contains sharing - ideas, dreams, willing departs and parts in equal measure ..

What does one leave behind for them that discover themselves in the course of each other’s lives, and wish that they need nothing. But that would surely be inappropriate and somewhat out of place. It is the most difficult task to know another, let alone know yourself ..

So when it is desirably made to bring some kind of poetic justice, a completion of what was started, a recall onto the facets of each others lives .. what coerces us to say or behave or express, in the context of the moment ..

The moment is grim and filled with grief .. the protagonist may be away for some time, but that should not deter us from nominating at least the names we would hope to be able to carry our desires, thoughts, for the furtherance of which, we assemble here tonight ..

If we leave the understanding to be understood independent of its own positioning … it could have result. But what if we were to leave the understanding to a posting of comments from people, who find themselves completely distanced from what transpires without .. it may .. it just may give us a window that we have never desired to or wanted to open … !!

And if most of what the content of the post is, seems beyond the reach of an understanding … there shall always be another AB, who shall accomplish this ..

That AB, now wishes an exit … tomorrow is tomorrow is tomorrow ..

Amitabh Bachchan