crush lust

Him.

His hair.
His clothes.
His smell.
His eyes.
His jaw.
His posture.
His mysteriousness.
His quietness.
His loudness.
His competitiveness.
His loyalty.
His dreams.
His goals.
His hands.
His love.
His grasp.
His anger.
His tears.
His smile.
His laugh.
His jokes.
His walk.
His run.
His point of view.
His opinions.
His morals.
His weirdness.
His smartness.
His stubbornness.
His surprises.
His family.
His heart.
His soul.
Him.
Every aspect of him, I love.

There’s something so different about him…
Most make me anxious, nervous, and unsure.

He makes me feel safe.

I want to crawl into his arms and feel his warm hand on the small of my back, tracing circles over and over.

I want to thread my fingers through his hair and sigh into his ear, content and happy.

—  Safe
I think what kills me most is knowing I will never have a chance to ask you questions about us. I so desperately wish I could ask you why you don’t love me. Why am I not good enough? Why don’t you see everything I’ve given up to make you happy?
—  m.a | things I wish I could tell him #1

I love the spark of a new connection.

That twinkle that only lasts a moment in their eyes when you catch them glancing at you before they dart their head away.

The slow moving, awkward conversations where neither of you know what to say but you both know you want to keep talking. 

The slight smirk that pulls at the edge of their lip when you muster up the courage to speak first. 

If this feeling could be bottled up it would be the best bottle of champagne I’ve ever tasted. 

Deep breath. “It was you that I chose as we met eyes for the first time, but I never noticed until talking about you made me confused, my heart would scream, and the thought of you gave me hope that maybe I did have a heart, that love was really real no matter how many times I would tell my friends that I would rather be alone, but they would never know that I’d rather just be with you then to be all alone. Even if it’s crazy, even when I know I can’t have you or you could never feel the same I still hold out hope that my heart, for the first time isn’t lying to me because the only honesty I am giving myself is that I know what my feelings are and I am no longer a child and that telling you how I feel is a risk…I like you.” He never said anything, and she left the rest unsaid as she left the room, continuing in her head; But in reality, I’m going to ask you to break my heart and to turn me away because I need to be let go even when you never had me to begin with. I feed myself hope and pretty soon I will walk out that door and never see you again but first, let me go, I need to be let go… “Don’t go.” Deep breath.
—  Excerpt from a book I will never write // 3

You are bad habits and fast cars,
Cigarettes hidden from your mother,
You are everything that I could never be.

But it doesn’t stop these innocent lips from wanting to taste yours.
I am in unfamiliar territory, yet
my soul is intrigued with the concept of
You

—  I want to crash into everything that you are

Right now you are thinking of someone who probably hollowed out your bones to make room for them. ever since then you’ve been a walking wind chime but lately you’ve been missing the quiet.

you look up “ways to deal with heartbreak”
and click on the first entry and I’m betting it doesn’t say that you will feel like you are dying like your skin is melting but don’t you dare try to carve his name into the flames he doesn’t deserve to be remembered.

your best friend will invite you over for the fifth time in a row and you’ll want to say no but you need to drag your tired bones off of the couch and go outside because she misses you.

you think you’re in love and you might be but sometimes we mistake love for infatuation and they are two very different things.

right now you miss him and you are looking up ways to heal heartbreak
right now you miss him but later you won’t.

—  Except from a book I’ll never write– Lily Rain