His mental health is a horrible mess, okay. He is absolutely not fine.
Finding his brother didn’t change that. He needs SO MUCH comfort and reassurance
He desperately wants to be the happy ‘God 707’ he used to be on the chat for MC so he winds up bottling his emotions
But that always backfires because eventually he snaps and confines himself to his room, engulfed in work
HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO PROPERLY OPEN UP. HE JUST CAN’T
He struggles to verbally vent so he and MC agree to email each other when he’s at his worst
They’ll be emailing each other for hours in the middle of the night in separate rooms until he calms down enough and MC can go to his room and pull him into a tight hug. They sit there in content silence, he rarely continues to vent to MC in person
The only time they have deep conversations face to face is in a pillow fort at 2am when MC is half asleep
He still does that thing where he tries to push MC away because he’s afraid of burdening them. SO MC just has to trap him into hugs and reassure him so he snaps out of it gradually
bUT HE HAS LOTS OF GOOD DAYS
HE WORKS REALLY HARD TO KEEP HIS MENTAL HEALTH IN CHECK
He and MC carry an 'emergency pack’ with small things to calm them down if their depression or anxiety acts up randomly
They keep pictures, honey buddha chips, portable MP3 player, encouraging notes from each other and memes in there. Just silly things that cheer them up when they’re not together and struggling.
He doesn’t break down much, he just becomes numb to the world and closes off. MC is the light that guides him out because he REALLy wants to make them happy and look after them
When he loses his enthusiasm he and MC will scour the internet for new hobbies to ~inspire~ him. he tries embroidery at some point and creates a really intricate pattern but if you look closely it’s just a bunch of dicks.
Probably sends it to Yoosung as a birthday present.
He’s like a chILD, HE JUST NEEDS GENTLE CARE AND DISTRACTIONS
Forget heelies to escape the feelies HE WILL TAKE MC ON HOUR LONG DRIVES TO THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE SO THEY CAN STARE AT THE STARS they get lost and Jumin has to send a rescue helicopter
He tries to serenade MC but he’s a hORRIBLE SINGER
They’ll be waltzing like the pair of dorks they are in the living room one day and he’d join in the song chorus
TRIPPING OVER EACH OTHERS FEET AND MC CRYING AT HIS OBNOXIOUS SCREECHING
HE pURPOSEFULLY MAKES HIS SINGING WORSE LOUDER JUST SO HE CAN WATCH MC LAUGH
Says 'meow you’ instead of ‘love you’ because he’s a cute dork and gets flustered when expressing genuine emotions
2 weeks of living with this dork and you’ll be able to diss people in like 15 different languages
Is MC were a female he’D LOVE FOR THEM TO SWITCH GENDER ROLES
HE’D WEAR SOME CUTE FLORAL PRINT SKIRT AND HAVE MC DO HIS MAKE UP
GETS MC TO WEAR A SUIT, TIE AND COOL SHADES
He will make a mess of flirting with random men when he crossdesses to get MC to laugh probably flashes them afterwards though
LOUNGING AROUND IN MATCHING CAT ONSIES AND FLUFFY SLIPPERS BUT ONLY HOLD HANDS BECAUSE IT GETS TOO HOT ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) IF THEY CUDDLE
‘Meme midnight’ EVERYDAY which is self explanatory
If MC ignores him he hacks into their phone and creates a bug that enables them to only scroll through pictures of him and listen to his banshee wailing singing
TRIPS TO THE ZOO AND THEME PARKS EVERY WEEKEND
If yOU THINK HE WONT GET HIS FACE PAINTED AS A TIGER AT THE ZOO YOU ARE GRAVELY MISTAKEN
He’s probably really into ‘creepy’ insects and loves snakes bUT IS MORTIFIED OF SPIDERS
He’ll try to play it off but some zookeeper will have a tarantula out to hold and he wiLL SPRINT TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE ZOO
TRIES TO TAKE A SELFIE WITH MC ON A ROLLERCOASTER BUT DROPS HIS PHONE RIP
He just whips out one of his 5 backup phones from his pocket though because it happens every time
CRYING OVER DISNEY FILMS AND SINGING ALONG UNTIL THE ENTIRE NEIGHBOURHOOD IS BANGING AT THE DOOR WITH PITCHFORKS
BEANIE BABIES COLLECTION
The back of his car looks like a goddamn toy store
Interior of his car is covered in cat print accessories
They’d go to cooking classes together and be banned after he tried to make a Buddha chip stir fry and burns the building down
Takes a picture with MC outside the burning building and posts it to the group
Captions it as ‘this building burns just like my desire to devour MC like a Buddha chip’ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ MC throws his phone into the fucking fire
100% would adopt a cat at some point
If MC was allergic to animals he’d stop at nothing. He’d make a whole colony of robotic animals starting with some really cute cat and gradually scaling up
It would be fucking terrifying though because MC would come home one day and there’s a GODDAMN ROBOTIC SHARK LYING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LIVING ROOM
SAEYOUNG WE ABSOLUTELY DO NOT NEED A FUCKING SHARK OH my gOD IS THAT A diNOSAUR MODEL. SAEYOUNG YOU WATCHED JURASSIC WORLD THIS IS A BAD IDEa
Jumin funds his robotic animal projects because he’s been promised a collection of cat models for some new line of business rip Jaehee
Okay I’ve threaten to write about this for sometime, well ever since I started this blog and to-date I have failed. It’s not through lack of trying but the more I sit down and think about it the more clouded and unobtainable the answer becomes.
I’d love to know the reason why I crossdress and while I can give some kind of answer, an attraction to women and their clothes I’m never fully satisfied with this answer.
Wanting to crossdress is one of the oldest and clearest memories I have. While I can remember things from a younger age I can’t think of any other so definite. My first memory is from when I must have been 5-6 years old and becoming infatuated with a woman who I can only assume must have been a student teacher at school. She was stunning and her clothes just added to her beauty, I just remember wanting to have some of beauty and attraction.
In the past there have been times in my life when I hated the body I was given and even wished I had been born a girl. I can’t say I’m even happy with my body today, I have however, reached a point where I can just about stand what I see in the mirror. Looking back I can’t say I hated the fact I was male, more I just was wishing for a better situation to be in. I was overweight, nerdy, lacked friends and bullied, I was just longing to be somewhere else, be someone else, naively assuming it would be a better life…
Anyway back to the present and as I firmly feel I’m a crossdresser we keeping coming back to why do I do it and that is causing me some problems. A big issue for me is my dressing is it seems so unproductive, I don’t know where it’s going, what is the goal, whats the point. I like to know where I’m going and what I’m doing in life. I don’t feel guilt for crossdessing however, yet to figure out why I do it and without knowing it’s left me a bit of spin.
I would just like to know really why I do dress, is there some end goal? I still feel like before long I’ll just get up and quit. At the moment I’m single and the assumption at the back of mind is when I meet the right girl and settle down this will all just disappear but will it?
Well I’m going to leave this topic here for now, sorry it’s a bit of messy post but I’ve been wanting to post something for a while. I’m certainly going to revisit this discussion in future when I have the time and can put more thought into it.
APH Poland is my favourite character. A lot of people underestimate him. He is often shoved into a small box of crossdressing and fabulousness. I love that he crossdesses, I love that he wears good clothes, I love that he has a bit of a I don’t give a fuck attitude. But there’s also so much more to him than that. He’s brave (albeit shy), and strong, and resiliant. He cares for people, in his only special little way; he’s a sensitive chap. He’s impuslive and selfish and quite flawed, but that’s what makes him perfect. Can you tell that I love Feliks Łukasiewicz?
So, I’ve been having a lot of conversations with lovely people lately about gender identity, and I love the aspect of being versatile in both genders. Or just androgynous, that’s the word I’m looking for. And these lovely people are all very androgynous, so I, being the envious and vain person I am, decided to try my hand at cross-dressing deal.
Only really having nothing but make-up and a button-up shirt at my disposal, it essentially went from this:
I honestly don’t know if it could count as a distinguishable difference, but oh well.
I think I managed to give myself permanent jaw damage.
Asher tore out of the infirmary as fast as he could. He had not yet been done with Elias at all. The more he sat in bed the last few hours, the more his mind focused on that, insanely so. Nothing got to him more, especially so, recently, then his being called out for being nothing. He knew, he wasn’t anyone special. He had always gotten that, Abra herself making it very clear. The king often doing so. It was weighing heavily on him since the Tulgey though. What had given them any right to treat him like that?
It had been hours since Elias had left. Asher had figured it was enough time of resting. But as he made his way through the hall, a sharp pain struck him and he wobbled, his left hand reaching up and gripping the side of his head, as the pain seemed to drive deep into his mind, a stream of blood slowly made its way from his nose. Dabbing at it, then glaring, his arm moving to wipe the blood from his nose.
Soon he found himself stepping across the field. Asher stopped behind the other “ You know what Elias, i know you are over compensating for that tiny little penis of yours. That’s why you’ve got a list of filthy women under your belt, But no children, and no girlfriend. Tell me, is it hard knowing how insignificant of a man you are? You might as well turn that shining armor of yours in for a dress, the way you pamper yourself. Crossdressing would be a better career for you. That tiny thing of yours barely dangling down there might like a little bit of another much more manlier rod up that butt of yours. Do you crap diamonds? Because your are kind of a tight wad.”