Pairings: Negan X Reader
Summary: Negan is trying to deal with your death, he’s remembering moments together and regretting things he should’ve done and said.
Warnings: Death, swearing, NSFWish.
Word Count: 4000+ (It’s a biggin’)
You laughed and shook your head. “I wouldn’t be one of your wives if you were the last man on the earth.” Negan smiled hugely. “Fuck! Come on, Baby! I’m crazy for you!” You glared at him. “No. What part of that are you not understanding?”
“The fucking reasoning! I’m good looking! I got a nice body under this leather! I’m hung like a fucking horse!” You sighed harshly.
“Don’t talk to me about your dick! I don’t care! And you killed my friends! That’s the reasoning.” “I made sure you didn’t see that…”
You looked away from him. “It didn’t make the pain any less.”“If I could, I’d take that away from you.”
You looked at him, your eyes screeching his face for the lie. It wasn’t there.
Rick finally did it. He knocked Negan from his high horse.
Negan sat on his knees on the ground. His eyes following Rick’s form. He was clenching and unclenching his fist. Simon was on his knees beside him along with Dwight and a few others.
You stood behind Rick, Lucille in your hands. She leaned over your shoulder. You wouldn’t look at him. Negan tried to catch your gaze, but you wouldn’t let it happen.
“How’s it feel? Huh!” Rick yelled, laughter filling his voice. Rick reached for Lucille and you handed her to him. Rick thanked you with a nod of his head.
Rick began twirling the bat around, smiling and keeping eye contact with Negan the whole time.
You felt a hand touch your arm. You looked up and seen Daryl looking at you with sad eyes. You gave a sad smile.
Finally, you looked at Negan, his eyes locked with yours and you tried so hard not to let the tears fall. Negan shook his head at you and mouthed, “Don’t cry… Please.”
You smiled at Negan’s dirty joke. You sat in the passenger’s seat in his truck. He made you join him on a run. “You really need to keep those jokes to yourself.” Negan smiled. “You fucking love them!”
“I really don’t.” Negan laughed. “Then why do you smiled every time I tell you one?” “Because you’re stupid!” Negan smiled and reached out and slapped your thigh. “You asshole!” You laughed, shoving his shoulder.
Rick began singing the rhyme that was so familiar to Negan as he pointed the bat at everyone on their knees. Every time the bat was pointed at Negan, he would smirk his trademark smirk. It reached his eyes and it drove Rick crazy.
“Eeny, meeny, miny.. moe.. catch.. a tiger… by its toe.. if he hollers. let him go… My mother.. told me.. to pick.. the very best one.. and you… are…..it!” Suddenly the world around Negan came crashing down
.Rick spun around and hit the bat against your legs. Your knees buckled and you fell to the ground. The barbwire dug into your legs. Rick jerk the bat away from your legs, causing the write to rip your jeans and skin. You screamed out in pain.
You looked at Rick, your eyes filled with fear. Rick had tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry…” With that, he raised the bat above his head as Negan jumped up. Jesus and Daryl grabbed a hold of his arms and pulled him back.
Negan began fighting against him. The world felt like it was going in slow motion. Negan was trying to pull himself free as you looked at him. Tears were falling fast down your face.
Negan screamed at Rick, begging him to stop. You looked up at Rick the bat still risen about his head. “Please…Rick, Not like this. Don’t…Don’t kill me like this.”
Rick was your best friend. Although some would argue that right now should prove that he wasn’t. But you understood why. He was going to show Negan just how it felt to have someone you loved taken away from you.
It had made sense to you now. Everyone this morning was hugging you, kissing your forehead, giving you sad looks. Everyone knew what was going to happen. Everyone but you…
Slowly Rick brought the bat down. Everyone watched. Rick let the bat drop from his hand before he reached for his gun.
You closed your eyes tightly, trying to focus on your breathing. You began crying as you listened to Negan screaming and fight against Jesus and Daryl.
No one else in the lineup moved they just watched as Rick pointed the gun at your head.
“Please! Rick! God fucking damn it! Just fucking don’t! Kill me! Not them! Please, Rick! I’m begging you! Fuck! Just please!”
Rick closed his eyes as his finger wrapped around the trigger. “Rick!” Tears rolled down your cheeks. Negan fought harder, shoving and pulling at them. “RICK!”
“THEY WERE NEXT TO YOU IN THE FUCKING LINEUP! I BASHED THE BRAINS IN OF THOSE FUCKING PEOPLE! NOT THEM! GOD DAMNIT! PLEASE, RICK!”
You took a deep breath as Rick cocked the gun. “Rick…Please!” You dug your fingers into the dirt beneath your hands. Blood was rushing from your legs, tears from your eyes, incoherent words from your mouth.
“RICK!” The gun shot rang.
Negan’s body went slack, Jesus and Daryl lowered him to the ground. Negan sat on his knees, tears building up faster in his eyes.
Rick took a step back from your lifeless body. He turned around and faced Negan. Rick tilted his head. “I’m sure we’ll see you again…But it won’t be for a pick up.”
Rick grabbed Negan but his chin. “Be glad I didn’t make you watch me beat the holy hell out of ‘em.”
With that, Rick shoved his face away and walked away from him. He knew Negan was going to want your body. He wasn’t going to take everything from him.
As Rick walked away, everyone in the group slowly followed, giving one last look at you. Whether they wanted you dead or not, it was a message to Negan. It was one of the hardest choices that they ever had to make.
Negan walked over to your body on his knees. He pulled you up into his arms. Tears rolled off his face and onto you. Negan buried his face into your neck and cried. One hand clenched your jacket, then other cupped the back of your head.
Slowly Negan began rocking you back and forth. “I’m so sorry…Fuck…I’m so sorry.” Negan cried harder, anger and hate being replaced with grief and pain.
You walked beside Negan. He was giving you a once over of the factory. You honestly didn’t care what it looked like or what was here. You weren’t going to be his wife. Not even if he had room made out of gold.
“And this here is my favorite room in the whole place!” Negan said as he opened a door. You stepped closer and look in. “It’s just a closet. I don’t-” Suddenly you were shoved in the small closet.
You spun around just in time to see Negan shut the door behind himself. “What the fuck! Let me out of here!” You said, giving him a shove. “Not until you ask why this is my favorite room.” You sighed. “Fine. Why is this your favorite room?”
“Because this is where we had our first kiss.” You looked up at him in the little bit of light coming from under the door. “W-what?” Negan wrapped and arm around your waist gently.
“Yeah…Our first kiss was here. Remember?” You shook your head. “You want me to refresh your memory?” Slowly you nodded your head.
Negan leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against yours. It took you a second until you started kissing him back. You wrapped your arms around his neck as both of his arms wrapped around your waist.
Negan gently placed your body in the back of the truck. Simon tried to help him but Negan had yelled at him not to touch you or him. Dwight stood at the front of the truck, Lucille held tightly in his hands.
Part of your jeans and skin were stuck in the wire. Dwight couldn’t look at it. He couldn’t look at the spot where Rick had shot you.
Although you didn’t know Dwight all that much, you were always kind to him. He considered you a friend.
Simon stood at the passenger side of the truck. His eyes locked on the spot where a walker was stumbling over to the blood.
He knew what you meant to Negan. He knew that Negan loved you like no other. He knew that Negan would have happily taken your place tonight. He would have happily died so you could’ve live.
Negan pulled the blanket over your face. He closed his eyes tightly before shutting the tailgate. He walked over to the diver’s side of the truck. He looked around, your old group was gone.
Negan slid into the truck as Dwight got into the back of the truck by your body. Negan started the truck and slowly began to pull away and once he hit road, he pressed harder down on the pedal. Rick was going to pay. One way or another.
Negan buttoned his jeans and began lacing his belt through the loops. You wrapped your arms around his waist and kissed his shoulder blade. Negan hummed. “Don’t get me hard again. You need to start heading back before the Scooby gang comes looking.”
You released him from the hold and then hit his back. “Oh shut up! We aren’t anything like them! Anyway they know I come out to this house! How to you think I knew about this place…I use to come out here to get away from everyone.”
Negan turned around and raised his eyebrows. “Don’t you have a bedroom to get away from everyone?” You shrugged as you shimmed your jeans over your hips. “Yeah. It’s just not the same…Sometimes you just need space away from the ever bustling walls.”
Negan pulled his shirt over his head just as you had. Quickly he grabbed you and pulled you in for a rough, quick kiss. “Mm…”
You pulled your thick rough wool coat on just as Negan opened the front door. “Shit. I need to grab my gun from the bedroom floor.”
Negan walked out to his truck and slid into it drivers side.
When you came out he looked at your in the rearview mirror and smiled. Your hair tussled, your belt buckle was crooked, your zipper front jacket wasn’t zipped right, and he was pretty sure your shirt was on backward.
You walked over to his window and leaned in, kissing him on the lips. “Drive safe.” You whispered, laughing. Negan smiled.
“You should probably fix your shirt.” Glancing down you seen what a mess you looked like. “Of fuck.” You said laughing. “Go. I’ll catch up with you next week.” Quickly you kissed him again and stepped back. “See ya around, baby doll.”
Negan sat beside your grave, carving your name into a hunk of wood. Daryl was walking towards the house he knew you were always at. Sometimes it was like you lived there.
Daryl stopped at the tree line as he seen Negan sitting next to what he was assuming was your grave. Daryl stood there quietly as he watched Negan carve into the wood.
Negan stood up and began hammer together two pieces of wood into a cross. Once he stuck it in the head of your grave, he took a step back.
Daryl frowned. He didn’t want you to die. He was one of the only one’s that was truly against it. He fought and argued with Rick. As he could tell, it did nothing.
Daryl was coming out to your little hideout in hopes of getting some peace of mind. Knowing that when you were here you were happy.
Negan wiped away a few tears that seem to fall from his eyes without him noticing. “I failed you. I fucking failed you, Y/N. I promised you I wouldn’t let anything happen to you…and I did. I’m sorry. I should’ve fought harder.” Tears were welling up in his eyes again. “I love you…I should’ve told you. I should’ve said it back to you….I love you.”
You jumped when Negan threw Lucille roughly against the couch you were sitting on. You watched Negan paced in front of you. “I don’t understand how this is happening!” He yelled.
“Rick said that they were planning an attack. I know I shouldn’t tell you, but at the same time, I couldn’t not tell you. Rick didn’t say exactly when it was going to happen.” You said, pulling your knees up to your chest, resting your chin on them.
“I’m going to murder him! I’m going to beat the holy fucking fuck out of him! He’ll never see it coming!” You shook your head. “Please don’t. He’s my best friend!”
Negan stopped pacing and slowly turned towards you. “And what am I!? Huh!” You flinched as he yelled. “Negan, you know I didn’t mean it like that. Come on!”
He clenched his jaw.
“No, I don’t! So please explain it!” You looked at him. “I’m not picking his side, nor am I picking yours. You both mean the world to me. I’ve been with him since the beginning. You I….I love you.”
Negan’s face went from one of anger to shock. “What?” You stood up, wrapped your arms around his waist and said it again. “I love you.”
Instead of saying it back or kissing you, he pushed you away and took a step away. “Negan, I-” He cut you off. “I gotta go. I need to plan for an attack.” He stepped around you and grabbed Lucille.
“Negan. Please…I..” Negan walked out the front door, shutting it behind him. He didn’t even kiss you goodbye. He did nothing. “I love you. I really do…” You whispered, wiping tears away from your eyes.
“I know you’re probably sick of me coming here…But I guess I just needed to see you again. It’s been three mouths since you… Anyway. I got you some daisies. I hope you like them.” Negan crouched down and place the flowers on your grave.
“You told me that you didn’t want me to kill Rick. So as if it was your dying wish…I won’t kill him. As for anyone else in that fucking group, I can’t promise you that. He’ll pay for what he fucking did to you. You said you didn’t want him to die. You never said I couldn’t chop off his fucking hands.”
Negan stood up and wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans. “I miss you. Today would’ve marked our first year together…Crazy huh? Who would have thought a year has passed since our first kiss. Fuck…I miss you. I miss your smile so much.”
Negan followed behind you. “Where the fuck are you taking me. I hope you aren’t coming out here to kill me because I’ll be fucking pissed if I die.”
You looked over to him. Negan saw the smile spread across your face.
He loved they way every time you would smile around him it would reach your eyes.
Although he would never say, he needed your smile at times like he needed air. “Shut the fuck up. I’m not killing your ass…not yet.”
Negan quickly grabbed hold of your waist and pulled you into him. You laughed as you gripped his arms. “Negan!”
He laughed. “How ‘bout we fuck right here, right now. I’ll take you against that tree and make you attract a bunch of fucking dead fucks. Hmm? How ‘bout that?”
“Negan! No! Come on! Let’s get to my secret place and then we can frick frack there…” You smiled and wiggled your eyebrows.
Negan’s eyes went dark before he picked you up and tossed you over his shoulder. “Let’s fucking go.”
You laughed and wiggled in his grip. “You don’t even know where it is!” Negan slapped your ass hard. “I’ll find it and if I don’t…then I’ll just do as I said I would.”
Negan laid sat on the small full-size bed in the house. His eyes locked onto the small Polaroid he took of you.
You stole it from Spencer’s house and brought it here so you could take a photo of him…
You waved the camera around. “Look what I took from Spencer’s house!” You smiled at Negan. He was laying in the bed, clothes discarded on the chair in the corner.
Negan got there before you and thought he would make it easier for you to have access to him. The sheet was only covering his dick.
Nothing else, it wasn’t covering his whole bottom half. Nope. Just his dick. You brought the camera up to your eye.
“Pose for me!” You said, laughing and smiling.Negan smirked at you. “Only if you do the same for me.” You quickly nodded your head.
Negan probed his arm behind his head, crossed his ankles and smiled hugely. The flash went off and waited for the photo to come out. “I bet I could’ve been on a magazine with that photo!”
You set the camera and photo down before shrugging your coats off and kicking your boots off.
You climbed into the bed and then on top of him. You folded your arms on his chest and resting your chin on them. It was quiet for a few moments between the both of you.
“What are you thinking about?” He asked. “Just how I’m shocked that you haven’t ripped my clothes off already.” Negan laughed. “Well, we aren’t fucking till I get my photo.”
Your face flushed. “Don’t be getting shy around me. You got one of me. I want one of you.” You buried your face into his chest and mumbled something he couldn’t hear.
“Come again, Baby Doll?” You looked up at him. “You can’t show it to anyone else. It’s just for you. No one else.” He smiled. “Well of course. Ain’t no one seeing this beauty of a body. It’s mine, all mine.”
Now that’s a great photo in his mind, but it wasn’t his favorite……
Negan pulled his jeans over his hips as you lay sleeping in bed. You laid on your back, your t-shirt hanging off one shoulder, the quilt bunch up around your waist.
Negan watched you for a moment. How he wished he could scoop you up and take you back with him and never let you leave.
But he couldn’t. This had to be enough. There was no other way for you two to be together without your group knowing.
Gently he brushed your hair away from your face before grabbing the polaroid from the dresser. He brought the camera to his face and snapped a photo of you sleeping.
You shifted in your sleep, but when Negan cupped your cheek and gently stroked it, you soon fell back into a peaceful sleep.
Negan pulled his hand away and finished dressing. He tucked the photos in his jacket pocket. He leaned down and kissed your forehead.
He brushed his forehead against yours before standing to his full height and looking at you once again before he left.
Negan looked at the photo of you sleeping. “If I just made you come back with me…if I made you live at the factory..You wouldn’t have been there. You wouldn’t have died.”
Negan remembers the day so well. He fought and argued with you for a whole car ride about coming and living with him.
“It’s not going to happen.” You said, folding your arms over your chest. “Why fucking not?!” “Because it’s bad enough that my group knows I’ve been fucking you, I can’t leave them! I have to show some type of loyalty!”
“You lost any loyalty to them when you got into bed with me, sweetheart.” Silent fell between you. “I want you to come back with me. You’ll be happy there. I’ll be fucking happy with you there. We’ll be happy together.”
“We don’t get to be happy in this life, Negan. We get to live! That’s it. If we find someone that gives a small amount of happiness, we shouldn’t take that for granted and demand more.”
“I’m not demanding more! I want you to be with me! I’m sick and fucking tired of getting a few hours with you!” He yelled, slamming his hand on the steering wheel.
“I want you in my bed at night! I want to fucking wake up next to you! I want to be able to fuck you wherever and whenever you want! I want you by my side!”
“You don’t think I want that?! You don’t think I want to be by your side every fucking day!? I do! But I’m not going to ask for more than I can get because that’s when shit is taken away!”
“If I had…Just made you, forced you-”
“They wouldn’t have loved ya they way they did.” Negan’s head whipped in the direction of the voice. Daryl stood there, looking at his hands.
“Y/N loved you so much…They must’ve had fifteen photos of you in their dresser. Rick made me clear they room out…I thought you might like these.” Daryl walked further into the room and placed a backpack on the end of the bed.
“Don’t beat yourself up over it. They loved ya…and they knew you loved them. Ya might not have said it back, but they knew…”
Daryl left then. Negan didn’t get up and beat the shit out of him like he thought he would or how he would if it was Rick.
Negan grabbed the bag and pulled it near him.
He unzipped the bag and began looking through it. Right on top was a sweatshirt. Negan pulled it out and unfolded it. He brought it to his nose and inhaled it. It still smelt like you.
He never knew how much he loved they way you smelt until just now. Negan put the sweatshirt to the side and pulled out the next thing. A book. Your favorite book. Next thing was a red wooden box.
When he opened it he found many things. Bracelets, a neckless and a ring. A few photos of him and you were in the bottom with a small torn piece of paper. He looked at it and see “First Page Red Notebook.” written in messy handwriting.
Negan looked through the backpack until he found the red notebook. He opened the book and found a letter, to him with two rings taped to the bottom.
You have made my life heaven and hell all in one place. You did something that still hurts me, yet you somehow made me fall in love with you. I would never have thought I would fall for a guy like you. I hated you. You took people from me that left holes in me. Yet at the same time, you managed filled those holes.
I love you. Whatever happened wasn’t your fault. You didn’t pull the trigger. Or swing the bat, or let the walker eat me. Whatever happened wasn’t your fault. I know it. You wouldn’t let it happened. You would fight with everything in you. I know. You told me so.
I’m writing you this letter so you know even in the afterlife I still love you. That in the afterlife I’m watching over you, talking shit to Glenn and Abraham. They aren’t too pleased with you.
If you ever doubt that I loved you…at the bottom of this letter will be two rings I found on a run. I was going to give them to you if you ever wanted to truly get married.
I wish I was still there by you. I wish I could kiss your dumb face. But most of all, I wish I could still tell you that I love you. I miss you, Negan.
Yours forever, Y/N.
Negan jerked away. You were staring at him, shock was written on your face. “Negan! Hey, it’s okay!” He looked at you, his face twisting up in confusion as he sat up. “You’re…You’re here…I thought you…I thought you died…I-”
“I know. You were screaming in your sleep…You attracted a few of the dead.” You said, pointing towards the bedroom window where a few walkers began banging on it.
You leaned forward and wrapped your arms around him. “I’m sorry….I shouldn’t have told you about the fucking letter. I just wanted you to know if…that was all.”
“Come back with me. Please. Just…I…-” You kissed his lips, stopping him from talking. “Yes. I’ll come back with you. I’ll marry you. I’ll…do whatever you need me to…You were screaming for five minutes straight and then you were whimpering…”
“Rick killed you to get back at me…He shot you in front of me.” You cupped his face gently. “I’m alive. I’m fine.”
Negan wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled your closer to him. “I love you. I love you so much.”
You smiled against his side. “I love you too, Negan.”