ok i know i hate cronkri and thats my #Brand and all but like……….6 sweep kankri whos only dating cronus to piss off his culler
they fucking despise each other and not even in the funsies pitch way, but in the ‘i wouldnt piss on you if you were on fire’ way. despite this they are in the sappiest red relationship you ever did see
kankri, smugly holding cronus’s hand as little as he technically can without letting go of it: Tr9lldad, this is my new matesprit, Cr9nus. Unf9rtunately, I’m afraid I will n9t 6e c9nsidering y9ur 9pini9n with regards to 9ur relati9nship. He has never d9ne anything rem9tely helpful f9r a warm6l99d in his life and we engage in exceedingly n9n-plat9nic physical activities frequently.
cronus, bitterly muttering to himself: (i VWISH.)
kankri: *elbow jabs him in the tit*
bonus: kankris culler is this milquetoast suburban #softdad kind of fucker (bc i am VERY >-> in some sort of way at Kankris Terrible Culler always being female in fanworks) who is absolutely horrified that his pwecious trophy son is supposedly dating this nasty little wizard shit
Hell9! I'm Kankri Vantas fr9m H9mestuck and I am l99king f9r a girl named Stella, I am fr9m a human timeline and fr9m what I have gathered she was my daughter. I just want her 6ack in my life, the 69dy is underaged and I, pers9nally, am c9mf9rta6le with pe9ple 9f any age under 25. Y9u may c9ntact me 9n the acc9unt @this-is-cronkri-back-together. D9n't ask a69ut the user tag it's a l9ng st9ry.
MOD: I’m sorry about breaking my strike, but I am just too excited about my ice skater au.
For those that can’t read my handwriting:
Kankri Vantas, 25
-Apprentices: Karkat Vantas, Aradia Megido
-Has been accepted to the Olympics, but didn’t go due to spinal injury from motorcycle accident
Cronus Ampora, 25
-Figure Skater (Formerly star hockey player)
-Apprentices: Eridan Ampora, Vriska Serket
-Broke leg in motorcycle accident, end of hockey career. Starting skating for physical therapy.
Long story short, Cronus hit Kankri with his motorcycle and simultaneously put an end to both of their dreams, so Cronus is constantly trying to one-up Kankri to get back at him for ending his hockey career.
Porrim got Kankri into skating in the first place, and wants him to pursue going big again, but he makes up excuses and shrugs it off. She really hates Cronus because she knows how frustrated he makes Kankri. She has Kanaya Maryam and Rose Lalonde as apprentices.