crippled by feels

How to get rid of any illness

-douche with green tea
-eat an entire jar of coconut oil everyday
-cut gluten,eggs,dairy,MSGs, meats, oxygen, and sugar out of your diet
-never stop doing yoga, you have to do it every second of your life. Sleep in downward dog, shower in warrior position, walk on your hands
-shove kale up your ass

And last, but not least
- just be happy all the time. You know, the only real disability in life is a bad attitude

the rough times of the day

“GUUUHHH”

Another wave on sickness rushed through Bendy as the last bit of his last meal was again rejected by his body now laying in the bucket before him which he was gripping for dear life. Tears where starting to collect them self’s at the edges on his eyes and the bitter sting left behind by the thick black liquid dripping down his chin made him want to throw up again but there was nothing to throw out anymore.

“come on Bendy big breaths” his brother said in a soft voice, gently petting his back to help him through the pulsing pain wreaking his body.

Bendy gripped the bucket a bit tighter feeling something all too familiar slowly crawl its way into his senses sticking his nerves with a fear of what’s about to come next

“oh no”

Boris pulled his hand back a little so it was hovering above Bendy’s back but not touching him.

“Bendy?”

A scream ripped itself from Bendy’s throat, a hot shot of crippling pain wreaking through his abandon as if his body was rejecting its own stomach. His arms shot out to his lower body gripping into his own skin so tight that if he wasn’t crippling under the pressure of his disease slowly destroying his body, he would have feared he tear open his skin.

Bendy was vaguely aware of the bucket tipping over and falling out of his lap, spilling the black stuff everywhere and leaving behind an gut wrenching sour smell.

“I’M GONNA DIE, I WANT TO DIE”

Boris quickly placed his hand back on Bendy’s lower back and let the other find its way to the others knee, little tear welled up in his eyes, not being able to bear looking at his brother in so much pain.

“n-no Bendy don’t say that be strong oke, you’ll be oke.. j-just hold on”

Another scream was forced out Bendy, still gripping into his stomach, the red hot pain ripping both his mind and will apart like it was a piece of paper.

“BROTHER I CAN’T IT’S TO MUCH I CAN’T PLEASE JUST LET IT END”

Bendy sobbed, it was too much to handle. The heat it was too much he was losing his damn mind, He couldn’t he just couldn’t.

“bendy”

A pair of arms wrapped themselves around Bendy’s shoulders, pulling him quickly but gently against Boris chest that was shacking from the sobs and hiccups going through him.

“please it’ll be oke brother just don’t lose hope please”

Boris held Bendy closer to himself like his was trying to squeeze away the illness that was wreaking his brother. 

Bendy breathing picked up some more, swallowing big gulps of air like he never had taken a breath in his life. trying to shut it out the feeling of his nerves burning and screaming out in bloody murder. Trying to push through and passed the crippling hot pain and the feeling his lungs where getting skinned alive.

If not for himself he was trying for somebody who still needed him, the person he cared about most in the world, “for Boris” he told himself .

Slowly ever so slowly relaxed even if it was just a tiny bit, the pain died down enough for him to regular his breathing and lean against Boris, too exhausted  to move.   

“it’s oke”

Boris squeezed Bendy a little closer to him, tears now freely going down his face.

“it’ll always be oke, I know you’re strong enough Bendy”

A little smile showed itself on Bendy’s lips when Boris started wiggling his tail happily, glad that his brother was more or less oke now.

“I’m not strong” Bendy said with a weak voice that was still tuckered out from all that screaming. “you’re the only reason I keep fighting Boris” he said with a soft sigh, now relaxing fulling against the other, leaning his head against Boris chest.

——————————————

i tried 

you probaly get a fuck ton of these already but meh i thought you might like this one

(sorry i’m a shitty writer)

anyhow this is based on that little comic when bendy was pretty much dying but not quite

welp here you go have fun with it 

fic by idk-likesomeone

  • response:

thank you for this awesome fic! 

actually I didn’t get any fanfic about this AU; you’re the first bruh!

I added a little art if you don’t mind ^^

heyo, i know this is a long shot, but are there any 15-25ish y/o disabled people in the dfw area who’d be willing to meet up with me for a brief photoshoot? i’ve designed a line of patterns for fashionable, modern adaptive clothing (specifically for wheelchair users, crutch/cane users, knee brace users, people with muscle weakness in their hands, people with hypersensitivity or who are prone to overheating, and arm amputees with or without prothesis), and i’m filming a lookbook video for a final presentation i’m giving in mid-may. if you’re interested in modeling the clothes i’ve made, please, please shoot me a message and i’d be happy to give you more details and show you the clothes you can pick from to model!

this is a nonprofit project with the end goal of posting the patterns online for free to make fashion more affordable and accessible for disabled people. unfortunately that means i can’t offer you much in terms of payment for your help, but i’d be happy to buy you a coffee as thanks!! B)

It’s like being home sick for a place that doesn’t exist.
re: artists working themselves to death and why the HECK is this the standard

the entire thing about the death of an animator in japan due to overwork is exactly why i am completing chapter 1 of 1989nk in months, not weeks.

this has been one of my biggest fears getting this project off the ground. the standard for work output by artists is set so fucking high nowadays. we’re ALL expected to perform at the level of the outlier. (This was apparent to me as early as in Art School, when we were all treated like we were absolutely fucking useless for not being able to do an entire 5 minute 3D animated film all by ourselves like that one guy in our program.) Artists who overwork themselves and overachieve (whether by perceived necessity or choice) unfortunately create an illusion to consumers and employers that their level of performance should be the standard. It creates a nasty cycle, because more artists start trying to adhere to that standard and it gets passed on and on and on.

i’m honestly fully expecting my deadline for chapter one to be too long of a wait for some people. “This other artist got their 30-40 page comic done in 6-8 weeks, why is yours going to take 6-8 months?”

listen, its because i don’t want to not be able to draw for the rest of my life at 30. I dont want to destroy my wrist and make myself ill and make the quality of the comic suffer because i have to live up to the vicious overwork cycle that’s completely blanketed the digital art/media/comics scene. If another artist takes only a few weeks to do their comic? Fine, but you know, theyre most likely suffering BADLY for it, and even THEY shouldn’t have to do that. They really, really shouldn’t. Overwork and over achievement frankly needs to stop being praised and heralded, because its not only extremely damaging to the artist themselves, but it also creates that cycle i mentioned.

Trying to keep up with the immense production quantity and speed that other artists seem to be doing has never, ever been possible for me and I’ve occasionally tried, only to seriously break myself. Even the amount of work I do is considered a lot by some, so then how is it that to me, it always feels like chicken scratch? It feels like i’m STILL not doing enough, ever. Even with the amount of work I do, I still feel like a lazy sack of shit and feel crippling guilt when I’m taking a break to do anything else but draw. I constantly feel like I’m losing the race. That isn’t right. That isn’t fair.

i just really, really hope that people don’t see my production time for 1989nk and go “that’s too long, artists don’t take THAT long to do work” because. well. honestly, they should.

  • Link: Sharks are smooth from every direction.
  • Muzu: Actually, shark skin is known for it's rough, coarse texture.
  • Link: No. It's very smooth.
  • Link: I'm touching a shark right now. Rubbing it every which way. No direction is off limits. It's smoother than the finest silks.
  • Dorephan: As a shark myself, I can tell you that sharks aren't smooth.
  • Link:
  • Link: It depends on where you're touching them.
  • Sidon: *blushes horribly*
  • based on this bransonreese.tumblr.com/post/159835636547/therealpoesdaughter-crippling-feels
6

Aaron Warner, Shatter Me by Tahereh Mafi

“And I’ve fallen. So hard. I’ve hit the ground. Gone right through it. Never in my life have I felt this. Nothing like this. I’ve felt shame and cowardice, weakness and strength. I’ve known terror and indifference, self-hate and general disgust. I’ve seen things that cannot be unseen. And yet I’ve known nothing like this terrible, horrible, paralyzing feeling. I feel crippled. Desperate and out of control. And it keeps getting worse. Every day I feel sick. Empty and somehow aching. Love is a heartless bastard.” 

liz greene said that planets aspected by saturn feel crippled, kind of broken and ugly so that we are ashamed of them and want to hide them and feel awkward expressing them. sun/saturn feels unworthy, insecure and like they have no talents. moon/saturn is an emotional wreck of melancholy. 

Installation by Jordyn Taylor

“Bound”

“Often the language used to describe a person and their wheelchair is a reflection of ableist views that comes with negative connotations, like the term “wheelchair bound”. This suggests the person is being tied down in some way. As if using a wheelchair is limiting a person and their experiences.

The idea that a person is confined to a wheelchair is seeded in this idea that it is something that holds us back. It’s not the stairs to get into the school that prevents us from accessing an education, it’s the wheelchair. It’s not the stairs to get into the subway station that prevents us from reaching our destination of choice, it’s the wheelchair. The wheelchair is always what’s viewed as being at fault for our limitations when the fact of the matter is, our environment and the lack of thought that goes into creating space for a person using a wheelchair, is what limits our freedom. The wheelchair itself is the opposite of a limitation because when you take it away what then?

Using a wheelchair is nothing short of liberating. It gives a person the power to move yet it does not overpower the person using it. By no means does it hold them down, it does not bind them. The power lies in the hands of its user. It’s the wheelchair user that ultimately dominates and takes control of the wheelchair”

Idk why do I do this to myself but I couldnt help it Im so sorry

I can totally see Yuri dreading the time Victor and Yuuri decide to have their first child, because knowing the two assholes, they’ll put him first on the list to babysit. Also, Yuri fucking hates children.

He just doesn’t get the fuss about babies everyone is all about, even his own boyfriend seems to love babies. They’d often talk about it, because yeah, they both want to have a family of their own eventually. Its just that Yuri always pictured their family being him, Otabek and a bunch of cats.

“Its stupid, Beka! Babies are stupid and this argument is stupid! Just the thought of a loud, stinky, gross mess of a human bothering me every waking moment makes me want to barf. The smell of milk all around our apartment? Fucking disgusting! And not only that. Are you really going to tell me you’d rather have endless sleepless nights trying to console a crying piece of shit instead of awesome nights of awesome sex? No thank you.”

And Otabek would just look at him and shake his head, smiling fondly. Because he knows Yuri’s childhood wasn’t easy, and maybe he just wants a few more years to be young and careless. Otabek gets it, and he can wait to have this conversation later, perhaps he’ll change his mind.

When Victor and Katsudon announce that they’re adopting a baby, Yuri’s reaction is slightly disappointing. He just rolls his eyes and stomps out of the room yelling back to them “Congrats on the worst decision you’ve ever made, you fuckers!”. Otabek thought that Yuri would’ve given into the concept of babies a little by now, but clearly that wasn’t the case.

Time goes by and Beka slowly gives up on the idea of having children with Yuri. Maybe its true, people don’t change.

But then the Victuuri baby arrives and everybody is thrilled. Otabek drags Yuri to see it because “even if you hate to admit it, they’re your family”. He tries to avoid any kind of contact during most of his time there, deciding to go for a beer downstairs while everyone else is gushing over the baby. Eventually he gets bored and goes to find Beka so they can finally go home.

But he wasn’t expecting to find Otabek with the baby in his arms, the light hitting the room just right, leaving everything looking rather ethereal. Yuri feels a familiar tug in his chest, just like when he realized for the first time that he was balls deep crazy in love with his boyfriend.

“Beka,” he hissed with his hands balled into fists, “what the fuck?”

Otabek turns to him with a questioning look on his face, and its just then that Yuri notices the blush on the other boy’s cheeks, very similar to the one he feels crippling up his own face.

“How dare you look like this? With a baby?!” Yuri says as he takes a step forward. When he’s close enough, he mindlessly runs a finger across the baby’s forehead, then looks up to find Otabek smiling softly, and maybe wants to die.

Also, he suddenly remembers they’re not alone, and sees Victor and Yuuri staring at them, looking as mushy as always. But surprisingly, he finds himself not being bothered by it for the first time ever. Actually, makes him feel kinda warm.

So yeah, maybe babies are not such a bad idea after all.

//

My way to say thank you for your art, sorry this is so shit.

If a disabled person refers to themselves as a cripple an abled person cannot correct them and say “person with a disability”.

If a black person refers to themselves as a black person a white person cannot correct them and say “person of colour”.

If a mentally ill person refers to themselves as mentally ill a neurotypical person cannot correct them and say “person with mental illness”.

Know your lane and stay in it.

Here’s to the ones who are not brilliant. Here’s to the people who question the very purpose of their existence, like I do. To the ones who feel like they do not belong, to the ones who feel they were born in the wrong century, in the wrong galaxy. Those who are full of insecurities, worries, doubts and fears. Those who feel crippled with paranoia and trapped in a meant coated skeleton. There are people like you and me, equally messed up, their souls equally complex and bruised. They too spend Sunday afternoons gazing at clear blue skies, trying to connect to their real self, looking for something to free them, to save them, waiting for miracles while sipping coffee. These people too are lost like you and me, their minds wandering aimlessly through forests and alleys, and places and countries, hoping to make sense of their own existence, hoping to be significant. Trying desperately to love themselves with the self-love they are told is the only cure, but failing miserably, horribly. So, on those evenings when your body and soul seem like two separate entities, when you feel exiled from the home within your own heart. Know, I have been there too and it will be okay, it will get better. It has to, right?
—  Kopal

♡ 170407 | From Lully to LOVEs

It has been such an emotional day for LOVEs, for NU’EST, and for all those close to them. I know a great deal of us have been crying, have been frustrated, heartbroken, and angry among a million other emotions that can feel crippling. A lot of us feel hopeless, too. I’m here to remind you all why there is hope, and why we can’t give up. 

Since the first episode aired, the boys have trended on twitter, they were #1 on Naver and Daum, and 여보세요 (Hello) was trending on Melon. K-netz who originally cursed the boys for going on Produce 101 have had a change of heart and say they now wish for them to be successful. Since before the first episode aired, Minhyun and Ren have been making many friends and laughing and having fun. Kwon Hyunbin has made himself a good friend to Minhyun. All the little trainees have been swarming Ren. 

I know it’s hard to watch our boys, who were the most anticipated boy group in 2012, have to compete against trainees and humble themselves in such a way. To have to stand before an ex-lable-mate and audition for a ranking, and then to have to see her cry because of guilt and heartbreak–because she knows what they’ve been through and how hard they’ve worked. Because she feels responsible as a co-founder of Pledis Entertainment. I know it’s hard to listen to some of the more ignorant trainees say it’s unfair of them to be there because they’ve already debuted. I know it’s hard to listen to our boys cry and say they wish they were like their juniors. All of this is heartbreaking and hard. 

But we cannot let our spirit be broken. We have to continue to love and support our boys and surround them with nothing but positive energy. We have to keep a high morale, do what we can where we can. We have to be more vocal now than we ever have before. NU’EST is treating this as their last chance to prove that they can be successful. I personally think they’re defining success by this show slightly differently than the others. I don’t think it’s as important to them to make it to the final line-up as it is to gain new fans, new skills, new connections. What’s most important to them is building that Korean fanbase that has dwindled down so much through the past five years. They love all their fans, but this is a tactic focused on a Korean audience, and we LOVEs also need to understand that that is the goal here with NU’EST on Produce 101. 

Be vigilant and do not respond to negativity. Do not spread negativity in this fandom, and take care of each other. We need to be there for one another and act as one cohesive unit. Help each other so we can help those boys who deserve the world. 

And I think more than anything, as a fandom, we need to let them know we love who they are rather than what they were. Do not let them think they are a one-hit-wonder. I personally find it more important to improve the views on their newer music videos than to maintain #1 viewed boy group debut. They already know FACE is good. Everyone already knows FACE is good. The problem is overcoming that success or even achieving it again. If you want to hold streaming parties, I highly recommend focusing on their 2016 releases. I think that would mean an awful lot more to those 5 boys than to continue to live off of FACE. 

Those boys are strong. They are mature and kind and wonderful and I have never known them to give up in the face of adversity, of trials and tribulations. Them appearing on Produce 101 is such proof of that; there are not many idols who would swallow their pride in an attempt to chase their dreams. Think about their determination and the fight they all have in them, and let that be your motivator and your inspiration. 

This fandom has more power than it thinks it does. Those boys have a lot of fire in them. We can do this, and I truly believe by the end of it all, we will all be stronger and wiser. 

Love, Lully

Feel Again

Originally posted by sssmcdlove

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warning: Smut, Swearing, Angst, References to past psychological trauma

Summary: Bucky Barnes struggles in a world of violence and pain. But when she enters his life, he begins to feel new, beautiful emotions. He no longer feels crippled with guilt. He feels solace. He feels again. 

A/N: Gif is not mine :) 


It all started on a mission in Romania.

After a days worth of trekking through the dense, Romanian forest, you finally reached the small wooden cabin that would become you and the Winter Soldier’s safe house.

The cabin was a cute little thing, cozy and warm, with a large family room that boasted a beautiful, stone fireplace. It was the type of house that made you feel at home even though you had only been inside for five minutes. The four bedrooms were quite large and the master suite had a large, soft bed that felt as though you were sinking through clouds. This was definitely the place you wanted to be after a hike through the Romanian Alps.  

After washing up, you sat by the fire Bucky had started and allowed your hair to dry. As you did, you slowly became transfixed by the hypnotic dance of the fames that flickered in a rhythmic beat, the heat of their passionate waltz permeating onto your skin.

A rustle at the door pulled your focus away from the fire and toward Bucky, who was carrying large logs of wood in his arms.

“Hey,” he smiled as he walked into the living room where you were comfortably perched.

“Hi,” you smiled back; just as Bucky crouched down to toss another log in the fire. You gave him a quick glance before your eyes turned back toward the fire.

You and Bucky had rarely exchanged words during the mission. He was a quiet listener and polite but he kept his thoughts to himself. It was when the two of you were trudging through the forest when he started to open up, as though the wild had awakened a part of him that helped him settle in the skin that he wore like armor. But he still didn’t divulge much about himself, and you found him mysterious.

Keep reading

-love and hate are of the same kind

request: can you write a jughead x fem!reader where she’s from out of state for the summer visiting archie (maybe they’re cousins or something) and archie introduces her to jug, and she ends up telling him these stories about her home and whatnot so she’s just waving her hands around and there’s like pure happiness on her face and it just makes jug smile and when she leaves later in the summer they both get sad and she says “thanks for a great summer, jughead,” and it’s bittersweet? thanks, i love you!!!

a/n: I love you too!! and I also kind of changed this a little. I just didn’t realise it, my fingers kept typing whatever they wanted to. 

pairing: jughead jones x reader 

Keep reading

Here’s to the ones who are not brilliant. Here’s to the people who question the very purpose of their existence, like I do. To the ones who feel like they do not belong, to the ones who feel they were born in the wrong century, in the wrong galaxy. Those who are full of insecurities, worries, doubts and fears. Those who feel crippled with paranoia and trapped in a meant coated skeleton.

There are people like you and me, equally messed up, their souls equally complex and bruised.

They too spend Sunday afternoons gazing at clear blue skies, trying to connect to their real self, looking for something to free them, to save them, waiting for miracles while sipping coffee.

These people too are lost like you and me, their minds wandering aimlessly through forests and alleys, and places and countries,hoping to make sense of their own fucked up existence, hoping to be significant.

Trying desperately to love themselves with the self love they are told is the only cure, but failing miserably, horribly.

So, on those evenings when your body and soul seem like two separate entities, when you feel exiled from the home within your own heart. Know,I have been there too and it will be okay, it will get better.

It has to, right?

—  Kopal
To the artists

How do you keep going as an artist? How do you keep drawing even when every ounce of your body and mind are telling you to just give up? How do you fight those thoughts that tell you will fail if you try so should just save yourself the time and not even attempt to? And above all else, how do you find the will to draw and keep going even when everything you draw is so terrible?