tyler: says penis

mark: what the frickly frack frack-a-lackin wingle-wangling bumbledoodlie snick snack tic-tac patty wack cracker barrel frick-a-frack one-hop-this-time frungle crungle cringle crangle hackie sack green-haired-jack bibbly bap bop-bop-bop-to-the-top friggle-fraggle snap crackle pop caddie-wack paddie-wack miniature snack badger snap biddybab bippity boppity boo iggy rap pancake stack dO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING

Merry Christmas and Happy holidays to all my followers ! I hope chapter master Cringle brought you all the ammo, reinforcements, and uplifting primers you need for today’s battlefield! Seriously though , I hope all of you have a great one, and are able to spend it with your friends and family.

Wishing you a wonderful holiday.

-The Emperor Protects

I found my 11 year old brother’s Youtube channel…and I feel bad for him.

He’s so fucking oblivious to literally everything that he thinks all the people say ‘cringe’ are saying 'cringle’.

Plus, his channel contains him:

  • Drinking 5 candles
  • Lighting an entire box of matches on fire at once
  • Smashing a calculator
  • Prank calling the Kids HelpLine
  • All kinds of stupid 'challenges’

This kid’s not going to survive the world.

Imagine for Odette

Nate Imagine for sad-odii

Nate Maloley.


Christmas Eve was always one of my favorite days of the year. I spent it with the people I loved and some of my closest friends. I highly anticipated Christmas Eve throughout the last weeks of November and the entire December.

Of course I loved Christmas Eve. It was the day before Christmas itself and Christmas was one of my favorite holidays. Every year, since I could remember, I would go to a party on Christmas Eve. Throughout my childhood and most of my teen years, I would go to family parties and have fun and eat sweets. We would watch the cartoon Chris Cringle movies with my younger cousins and just have a blast.

Once I reached the age of 18 and had moved out for college, my parents let me do what I wanted on Christmas Eve. Just as long as I was home for Christmas day.

On the Eve of my 20th Christmas, my boyfriend Nate decided to take me a to a party. Nate loved parties more than anyone I had ever met. I never saw what was so appealing about the parties he took me to, but I went to make him happy.

I was particularly excited for that Christmas Eve. Nate and I had been together for almost a year and I knew I was in love with him. It was our first Christmas as a couple and I knew it would be special. When he asked me to go to the party, I jumped on the idea.

I was excited for the party. I knew it’d be like all the other ones Nate and I had been to, but that didn’t matter to me. As long as I was with Nate and we were having fun, that was all I cared about.

The only thing, well person, I was mildly worried about was Jack. Jack Gilinsky. He was my ex-boyfriend and one of Nate’s best friends.

Jack and I dated for a really long time. We had gone to high school together and, once we started talking to each other, we really hit it off. I was very much in love with Jack. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. We had even planned our futures around each other. We were that in love.

Then, his Vine career kicked off. He got famous with Jack Johnson and had no time for me. I felt us grow apart and it was agonizing. The last thing in the world I wanted was to end the relationship with Jack, but that was what had to be happened.

One day, when he was home, we were hanging out. He wasn’t giving me the time of day and spent every waking second on his Twitter and Instagram communicating with his fans. I was more than happy for him to have a fanbase and be as successful as he was, but a little time together would have been nice too.

I confronted him about it. I told him I wanted to spend time with him while he wasn’t on his phone. He twisted that into me saying that I wasn’t happy that he was famous. We fought for a good hour and broke up over it.

In a way, I was relieved. Our breakup let Jack do his thing without a burden and it let me be happy without being his burden. I was still so upset, though. He had been my everything.

Jack was my first boyfriend, my first kiss, my first love, my first sex, my first everything. I was so dependent on him that I almost didn’t know what to do with myself. Then, I remembered I didn’t need a man to be happy.

I let myself be sad and depressed for about a month before I surrounded myself with all of the things I loved. I delved into my schoolwork more and focused on applying to college and searching for scholarships and financial aid.

After that one month of darkness, the thought of Jack barely crossed my mind. Of course, he came back like an infection of the heart.

When I would get lonely, I would think of Jack and his voice. I would want him to come and hold me but I knew he would never do that. I was so hopelessly in love with Jack that I had forgotten there was 7 billion other people in the world.

Then, I met Nate. Nate changed everything. I knew he was Jack’s friend, but I didn’t care. I found myself falling for him and saw him fall for me too. Nate made me remember what I loved about Omaha boys. Nate made me open my eyes up to relationships again.

Of course, I couldn’t just start dating Nate without speaking to Jack first. It seemed a little childish having to do it, but I wanted to make sure Jack was okay with Nate and me dating.

When I first tried to talk to Jack, he gave me the cold shoulder. I apologized numerous times before he actually gave me the light of day. Even once he started talking to me, his brown eyes were full of spite and bitterness. I needed his approval before dating Nate, so I tried my hardest to be civil.

Once I had mentioned why I started talking to him, Jack’s angry demeanor shifted. He wasn’t as angry as he was sad and dismayed. Reluctantly, he agreed.

I started dating Nate. Everything was great and beautiful and happy. I was as happy as I was with Jack and it felt great to find that in another boy.

Deep down inside, I still loved Jack. I would always love Jack. He was my first love and he would always be in my heart. The love could fade and crack, but it would always be there. With one glance at Jack, I would feel myself warm up and love again.

I found that in Nate, too. I loved Nate and I knew he loved me too. Nate also knew that I still loved Jack, but he understood that I always would. Nate would get jealous sometimes, which I found definitely attractive, but he would just brush it off and leave it alone. He knew I would never leave him for Jack. He knew I would never cheat on him with Jack. I would never do those things because I loved Nate and I was loyal to him.

Nate was loyal to me, too. No matter how he may be portrayed to the outside world and Omaha Squad fanbase, I knew he was loyal. I knew he would never cheat on me and I knew he would never leave me. He was the sweetest boy in the world to me and only came off to be the opposite. I loved Nate more than anything and I knew he felt the same for me. He said it a lot.

That was why I was so excited for Christmas Eve. I was going to be able to spend it with Nate by my side. Jack would be there, but I wasn’t going to let him ruin the night for me. Christmas was my favorite time of the year and an ex-boyfriend would not ruin that for me. Or that’s what I thought.

Nate picked me up at my apartment around 9:00 for the party. I wore a simple red sweater and dark wash jeans with some black High Top Converse. Nate smiled at me when I got into the passenger seat of his car. I leaned over the center console and kissed him.

“Merry Christmas Eve, baby.” Nate smiled. I smiled, too.

“You too.” I giggled.

Nate kissed me again before driving down the street and towards the party. I didn’t know whose house the party was at but I trusted that Nate did. Both of us were silent as Nate drove and Holiday songs softly played from his car speakers.

After about twenty minutes of driving, Nate parked in front of a house. There were a ton of cars already parked on the street. Anyone in a one mile radius could have heard the music blaring from the house.

As I stepped out of the car, I felt the vibrations of the music shaking the ground. I rolled my eyes at it but found it oddly warming.

Nate threw his arm around my shoulders and lead me towards the house. I folded my arms over my stomach as I let him lead me. He cautiously guided me through, what seemed like, the millions of people in the house.

Nate and I, somehow, ended up in the kitchen. Nate grabbed two drinks off of the counter and handed one to me, which I gladly took from his hand. I sipped it, tried not to gag, and looked up at Nate. He was sipping his when I looked up at him.

Everything was great for a while. Nate and I danced, drank, and made out a few times. We were having a great time with each other. Happiness radiated from the both of us.

Until Gilinsky walked up to us.

“Hello lovebirds!” Jack’s voice boomed over the excessively loud music. Nate and I both looked at him. “Merry Christmas Eve!”

It was clear that Jack had consumed more than two drinks. He was swaying and stumbling all over the place. His words were slurred like crazy, not to mention the stench of alcohol and weed that radiated off of him.

“Happy Hanukkah Jack.” Nate laughed. I just stared up at Jack.

Jack let out a booming laugh that caused the attention of people around us to focus on him. In that moment, my nerves began going off. I knew something bad was going to happen.

I continued to stare up at Jack as he laughed continuously. Then, his gaze met mine. His laughs faded and his eyes didn’t leave mine. I was so nervous but found that I couldn’t break the eye contact. Then, Jack spoke.

“You’re so god damn beautiful, Odette. I miss you. I still love you.” Jack said. My mouth dropped open as I stared up at him.

“Hey, dude. Back off. You had your chance with her. She’s mine now.” Nate cut in, pushing Jack back slightly.

“Shut up, Nate. She was mine first. I bet she loves me too.” That set Nate off.

Nate had never acted on his jealousy until that night. He always talked about his jealousy and pushed it to the back of his head. Except for that night. He had enough and punched Jack square in the jaw. I gasped and so did Jack.

Jack looked dazed for a few moments before realizing what actually happened. He swung back and Nate. Soon enough, they were in a full fist fight. I was shocked and frightened.

“Stop it!” I yelled at them. They didn’t stop.

I kept yelling at them to stop but neither of them would. I broke down into tears. Johnson and Sam had to pull them off of each other.

“Assholes!” I yelled at them once they were pulled away from each other. “You’re both assholes! It’s Christmas fucking Eve and you decide to fight now? Assholes! I can’t believe you guys!”

Jack looked pissed off and Nate was upset. I was shaking with anger and unease. I couldn’t bare to be at that party anymore, so I walked away. I walked away towards the front door. There were still tears streaming down my face but I didn’t care. I needed to leave.

I was on the front lawn when Nate caught up to me.

“Odette! Wait!” He called out to me. I spun around and faced him. He ran up to me and placed his hands on the sides of my face. I stared up at him. “I’m so sorry.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked him. He sighed.

“I was jealous. It’s been bottled up for so long. I didn’t know what came over me. It just happened. I’m so sorry, baby. I’m sorry for ruining tonight. Please, please forgive me. It won’t happen again, I promise.” Nate said. I stared up at him.

“You don’t need to be jealous, Nate. I’m never going to leave you and I’m never going to cheat on you. You’re the only guy I want. You didn’t ruin tonight. You’re forgiven.” I said. Nate smiled.

“Thank you. I love you so much.” Nate said, kissing me.

“I love you too.”