crime-fighter

___

They were ancient. Older than old, wiser than wise. They had seen eras rise and fall. But the Miraculouses continued with what they were determined to do. Fight for what was right, battle evil, and cleanse those who were tainted by its black heart.

But unfortunately, they had flaws themselves.

They always chose a human they thought was worthy. And they were never wrong. Tikki could still remember them. For instance, one was an aristocratic lady, daughter of one of the dukes that lived in the town. The Miraculous could still remember her laugh lines, her amazed look when she saw the outfit on her for the first time.

“Why, I rather think I look nothing like a crime fighter! Tell me, Tikki, what on earth could these curious set of cloths be for?” She’d asked, looking down at herself in awe.

Tikki had giggled, looking over the human. She wore long breeches and a blouse, both red and covered with black dots, ending with black, leather boots. Her long, soft hair was held back in two low pigtails, tied up with red ribbons.

“You cannot be a crimefighter in something so strangling as a corset.” Tikki explained, smiling when the human nodded and grinned, understanding quickly. Yes, a corset was nothing useful for a fighter her human would become.

When Tikki thought back to her, she always laughed. She and Marinette were so different. And yet, perhaps they were not so different at all. At least not in terms of partners.

Plagg’s memory was like a mass of foam. They were there, but piled up on each other in a mess that was hard to tell which memory happened. They stuck together, a chaotic mess mashed together. But sometimes, when Adrien was silently sleeping in bed, the only noise being his breathing and the occasional car outside, Plagg would remember. He would remember his humans well.

Keep reading

Seattle ‘superhero’ unmasked, uncharged after arrest
Self-proclaimed Seattle ‘superhero’ Phoenix Jones, a vigilante crime-fighter accused of assault, made his first court appearance on Thursday, but prosecutors have so far declined to charge him.

The onetime mixed-martial-arts competitor whose real name is Benjamin Fodor was arrested on Sunday after police said he pepper-sprayed a group of innocent nightclub patrons he believed were involved in a street brawl downtown.

He was jailed briefly on suspicion of four misdemeanor counts of assault and released on US$3,800 bail.

He showed up for a brief hearing on Thursday in Seattle Municipal Court wearing a pinstriped shirt and his black-and-yellow mask, which he removed at the request of a court officer. He donned it again as he left the courtroom. (Nicole Neroulias/Reuters)

What Should You Be When You Grow Up?

Teacher
Not a bad career option because you’ll finally get to go in the teachers’ lounge. Plus, summers off!
But remember the old adage, “Kids can be so cruel.” Or, remember the newer adage, “Kids can be so good at drawing pictures of you that highlight your deepest insecurities and get everyone in the class to shriek with laughter, even the quiet kid with no friends.”

Lawyer
If you find you have a real talent for law, you could probably keep yourself out of jail regardless of the crime. If you find you don’t have that much talent, at least you’ll be in a better position to know a good lawyer than the average criminal.

But there’s one obvious downside: getting too involved in your trial and causing the murderer to add you to his list.

Pro Athlete
Not only will your paycheck be in the millions, but there’s bound to be extra income from the autographs you sell on ebay.

But you’ll to have to get in shape. And wearing Shape Ups won’t be enough. You’ll have to lift weights, go running all the time, and stop having “beer and cake Fridays.”

King
Thrones, peeled grapes, crowns that have nothing to do with Burger King? This job has it all!

But “all” does include some bad stuff. You can’t play chess anymore because it’ll remind you too much of work. Plus, your younger brother will spend a lot of time trying to kill you and he might be good at it.

Crime Fighting Robot

You’ll get to shed your weak mortal flesh for steel, live forever, catch criminals with ease, and get your picture in the paper all the time.

But, people might say you look like a toaster behind your back.

Almighty God
If you’ve always wanted to sleep on a cloud, this is the job for you. With a snap of your fingers you can create life, more clouds, and new cute animals like the Forever-Puppy or the Poopless Cat.

But, you often won’t get credit for your work. People will say it’s “a coincidence” after you spend all this time putting the image of Mary onto a grilled cheese. And even if they do give you credit, they won’t really talk about what a talented artist you are.

[Clara Morris is a comedian living in Brooklyn. Check out her other writing on CollegeHumor and twitter .]

Memoirs of a Crimefighter is on sale for 99 cents!

For the next 7 days, my superhero novel Memoirs a Crimefighter is available for 99 cents. That’s just 99 cents for all 80,000 glorious words of superhero awesomeness.

Memoirs of a Crimefighter is about The Spectacle. He’s a young, irresponsible and reckless superhero who discovers when his father dies that he was also a superhero. He finds a cardboard box filled with mementos from his dad’s superhero career as Jack Titan, The Man of Myth, and it’s a treasure trove of information…until its stolen. To get it back, he’ll have to go on a journey through the seedy underbelly of the superhero world, and what he finds will change him forever.

Throughout the week, I’m going to be posting pin ups of characters from the book by different artists, and a few other surprises too. The sale ends on May 4th, so don’t miss out on your chance to read hundreds of pages of superhero fun for the unbelievable price of 99 cents.