cries on the floor forever

I just saw anti “artwork” (kind of) of Finn and Rey killing Kylo while Leia cries happily and thanks them and just…

I’m forever floored at how shockingly cruel and tone-deaf antis’ perception of Leia is. Is it a result of their youth? Of the dogmatic binary that Tumblr has where someone is either all good or all bad, and if they’re bad, they deserve to die and even their loved ones will be happy if they do?

You know, a subset of Kylux shippers had a “Gore Week” awhile back with days centered on, among other things, decapitation and vivisection. That disturbed me far less than the unequivocal joy antis receive from the thought of Leia watching her only child be murdered in front of her, and thinking that SHE WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY DELIGHTED IF IT HAPPENED.

You can argue that Leia deserved a better son. You can talk about whether or not Kylo can or should ever be forgiven.

But don’t fucking tell me you “love” Leia when your greatest wish is to see her suffer what is generally regarded as some of the worst emotional pain imaginable (i.e. a parent watching their child die) and you’re so blinded by your hatred for Kylo that you genuinely think she’d be HAPPY.

If you’re lucky enough to have parents who love you, even when you fuck up, go hug them and fucking apologize.

Message In A Bottle [REQUEST]

Ok, so I’m not very good at writing sad things. I doubt this will make you cry, maybe feel a slight twinge but that could just be indigestion or heartburn. I hope you are happy with the scenario though.

I on the other hand need to watch lots of happy things to cheer myself up because I’m very sad. Don’t worry though, I’m sure a bit of Baekhyun and Chanyeol will cheer me up.

Jade xo

As soon as his plane landed, Sehun went straight to the hospital.

He had been in Thailand performing when he got the call. His phone had been ringing from the moment he got off the stage. Breathlessly he answered the unknown number and as he did, the water bottle in his hand fell to the floor. The news crashed down on him, that you had been knocked off your bicycle and were in a critical condition, and Sehun knew he needed to be in Seoul. He went to his manager, who organised the flight while Sehun went straight to the airport to fly home.

Running into the hospital, Sehun leaned against the receptionist’s desk to try and catch his breath. “I need to … my fiancé … in a car crash.” He wasn’t making any sense, he was too focused on holding everything in. Once he saw that you were ok, he could let it all out.

The receptionist seemed to know what he was trying to say. “I’ll get the doctor for you, Mr Oh,” she said, hurried from her position to somewhere up the corridor.

Sehun sat down on one of the cold chair in the waiting room, running his hands through his hair. “Please be ok baby,” he murmured repeatedly like it was a prayer. “I can’t live without you. We have so much to do together: get married, have children, travel the world. Just please be ok!” His tears piled up but he wiped them away before they even had a chance to fall. He needed to be strong, for you.

At that moment, the doctor arrived, making Sehun get to his feet quickly and bow. “How is she sir? Is she going to be ok?” he frantically asked, searching the doctor’s passive face for any sign of what had happened.

“Let’s sit,” the doctor said softly, making Sehun gulp hard. It wasn’t good news if he was being asked to sit. He did so anyway, anticipating the doctor’s next words. “While you were on the aeroplane, we had to perform emergency surgery on your fiancé. There was a lot of internal bleeding and she was struggling to breathe properly. One of her lungs had been punctured by her broken ribs.”

“But she’s ok now, right?” he asked hopeful, feeling his eyes fill up once again. Sehun knew what the answer was going to be. Part of him had felt it in his heart ever since he got the call and as much as he didn’t want the doctor to say, he had to hear it for himself.

The doctor placed his hand awkwardly on Sehun’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry Mr Oh but your fiancé didn’t make it through surgery. She suffered a massive haemorrhage and ….”

Sehun didn’t hear anything after that. His world just seemed to shatter around him, losing all its colour and life now that you weren’t in it. All sounds were dull knowing he would never hear your voice again – he even became numb to the strong sterile smell of the hospital. He didn’t notice the tears fall down his face. All he could feel was his heart breaking.

“She knew her chances when she agreed to the surgery,” the doctor continued on, even though Sehun hadn’t been listening at all. “She wanted me to give you this if something happened to her.” The doctor handed him your phone and then got to his feet, leaving Sehun alone.

Even holding your phone was hard for him. It was always attached to your hip; he never saw you without it. He went to unlock your phone, your lock screen flashing up in front of him. “Oh baby,” he sobbed, his head falling into his hand. It was a picture of you and him on a boat on the Han River when he asked you to marry him.  “I still can’t believe you said yes. Chanyeol kept telling me you would say no.”

He swiped up and the picture disappeared, being replaced by an image of you in a hospital bed. You had recorded a video for him. Covering his open mouth, he swallowed back his tears and willed himself to be stronger. He asked a nurse for the toilets and then locked himself inside them, sliding to the floor by the door. Then he hit play.

“Hey baby,” you said weakly, your voice coarse and husky.

The camera kept shaking as you struggled to hold it up. As soon as you started speaking, Sehun began crying, his sobs heaving his chest as the tears fell thick and fast. He kept wiping them away because they blurred his vision and all he wanted to do is see you.

“I guess if you’re watching this, I didn’t make it through the surgery.” Sehun couldn’t believe how brave you were being – you were staring death in the face, plus being in so much pain. “I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough.” You winced and the camera shook, making Sehun cry harder.

“This is my little message in a bottle. I know you’re in Thailand at the moment but I couldn’t face this surgery knowing I never told you everything. I love you so much baby. You are my best friend. When I moved here, I knew no one and I was so scared of this big city. And then some idiot split his coffee down me and turned my white top see-through. I should have known how perverted you were then. But you showed me around the city and made me feel at home and I quickly fell in love with you.”

Silently the tears started to fall down your face, mirroring those of Sehun.

“I couldn’t believe it when you said you loved me. Someone so handsome and perfect shouldn’t have be interested in me,” you continued, ignoring the tears stubbornly. “Every time I saw you, I had to pinch myself to check I wasn’t dreaming. And you asked me to marry you. Oh I want to marry you so bad, more than I ever wanted anything in my life. To hear someone say that you are mine and always will be, makes me feel giddy and excited.”

Sehun sighed through his sobbing. “I wanted you to be mine too baby!”

“If I don’t make it, I want you to promise me that you’ll try and be ok,” you told him sternly, your voice beginning to crack with raw emotion. “It won’t be easy but you have to try. I know you’ll want to shut everyone out but you have to let them in so they can help you. They love you just as much as me.” Your face screwed up in pain, the camera angle dipping as you became more and more tired.

“I love you so much Sehun, please don’t ever forget how much I love you.” And your face froze, the video ending.

Sehun didn’t know how long he’d been on the floor of the hospital bathroom. It could have been minutes, or hours, or days. Time just didn’t seem to be important anymore. Nothing was important now that you were gone. His tears were still wet on his face with more on the brink of falling. In his hand was your phone. He had probably watched the video you made for him a hundred times and it still wasn’t enough for him.

Taking a deep breath in, he wiped the tears off his face and splashed himself with a little bit of water before leaving the bathroom. He needed some air, he couldn’t think straight with all the hospital noise around him. As soon as he got outside, he was hit by the fresh air of dawn and he immediately broke down, hating the fact that a new day was about to start without you. He pulled out his phone and hit dial on a number, still staring at your phone in his hand.

“Sehun?” Luhan answered almost immediately.

Sehun couldn’t control his sobbing. His tears were hot as they fell down his face, as he stuttered your name down the phone. “She’s gone Luhan,” he cried, crumbling to the floor. “She’s gone forever and I don’t know what to do without her.”

“Whoa Sehun, slow down!” Luhan exclaimed down the phone. “You’re barely comprehensible, I can’t understand.”

“She’s gone hyung!” he shouted, angry at the fact you were gone. “Some asshole knocked her off her bike and now she’s gone and she’s not coming home.”

“Sehun,” he sighed softly. “I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t know what to do, my baby’s gone!”

“Ok, where are you Sehun?” Luhan asked in a calm voice. Now he was showing his age, being the responsible and caring older one.

He sniffled back the tears, trying to pull himself together. “Seoul National University Hospital,” he told Luhan, staring at your phone. He was willing it to ring, for you to be on the other end of the line accusing you for stealing your phone. “Oh god, what do I tell her parents? Am I supposed to arrange a funeral?”

“Calm down Sehun! I’m cancelling my flight to Beijing and coming to the hospital now. I’ll be there within the hour,” Luhan explained calmly. “It’ll be ok. It probably doesn’t feel that way now but it won’t always be like this.”

Sehun didn’t say goodbye: he didn’t get to say goodbye to you and that was the only important one. He just hung up and stared at your phone. It seemed he didn’t have any tears left but he still felt like crying. While he waited for Luhan to arrive, he just sat outside the hospital on the floor and watched your ‘message in a bottle’.

And watched … and watched … and watched.


[masterlist]

Pardon all my yelling but I’m emotional.

I just… of course Penny is the one who gets Sheldon to come out of the bathroom, and of course she’s the one who reassures him and tells him it’s okay if he doesn’t come out, and OF FUCKING COURSE he’s one of her favorite people, and OF COURSE she’s the one who gets to hug him. THIS ALL MAKES SENSE because they have the most interesting chemistry and friendship on the ENTIRE SHOW. OH MY GOD it makes me angry that they were never given a chance, even a single episode, where they got to be more than friends.

*falls on the floor and cries forever*

letters from the dead

title: letters from the dead
summary: he is everywhere, and nowhere to be found.
pairing: nejiten
note: i don’t remember how to write this pair without angst.

-x-

“Long day” does not even begin to cover the last few hours of Tenten’s life.

War is hard and funerals are hard. Neji’s death and Neji’s funeral are the hardest fucking things she’s ever been through, and here she is after the latter, still breathing and full of emptiness.

She turns the key in the door and breathes a sigh of almost-relief as a blast of air conditioning hits her. She’s only been home for a few days, and every thing in her living space is coated in a uniform layer of dust. She should care more, Tenten supposes, walking into the bedroom and yanking her black dress over her head before throwing in into the oblivion of her closet. It really is a mess in here.

As she turns to make for the bathroom, something catches her eye. Hanging on the back of her closet door is a large, white shirt. One of Neji’s large, white shirts. Tenten furrows her brow.

She doesn’t remember that being there, though she has been exceedingly tired since she came home a few days ago. She lingers for a few more moments, staring at the shirt, before sighing and retreating to the shower. She has to meet Gai and Lee for a “memorial dinner” for Neji.

Later that night, she will encase herself in his shirt before crawling into bed.

-x-

The next morning, Tenten crawls out of bed early. She’s still wearing the shirt, and miraculously months later it still smells of him. As she walks into the kitchen to make coffee, she holds a handful of shirt up to her nose and breathes in deep. Before she can exhale, she freezes.

Sitting on her kitchen counter is a mug that Tenten knows that she didn’t leave out. Not only that, but it’s a certain mug with the words “you are my sunshine” printed on the side that happened to be Neji’s favorite.

Just as she’s about to begin hyperventilating, the doorbell rings. Quickly composing herself, Tenten manages to calmly answer the door. Standing in front of her is one Yamanaka Ino, beaming at her and carrying a large bundle of sunflowers.

Tenten can only stare.

“Good morning, Tenten! Ooh, you look so pretty with your hair down! Here, these are for you.” Ino double checks the address before shoving the bundle of flowers into the other girl’s arms.

Tenten frowns. “But I didn’t order any flowers.”

Ino shrugs. “We had a written order for this address. You live here, so they must be for you. Lucky girl.” She winks and flounces off as the weapons mistress is distracted.

Slowly shutting the door, Tenten inspects the bouquet for any sign of a card, but there is none. Not having any vases, she finds an old glass milk bottle that she fills with water and puts the sunflowers in that. Carefully, she sets them down in a pool of sunlight leaking through from a window.

Turning her attention back to the suspicuous mug, Tenten cradles it lovingly in her hands. Why would this be out on the counter? It’s always kept in the same place in the cabinet, per Neji’s insistence, and she hasn’t had company.

Perhaps she grabbed it by mistake in her exhaustion yesterday.

-x-

The next few days pass by in a blur. There is so much rebuilding and reorganizing and reacclimatizing to be done in Konoha, and every shinobi and kunoichi is expected to help out.

Each night Tenten passes out into bed more exhausted than the night before, her dreams vivid with visions of birds in flight.

Despite the freezing temperature of her apartment thanks to the air conditioner, her blankets are always warm. And no matter how much she tosses and turns in the night, she always wakes warm and fully covered by blankets.

On a Monday morning, she wakes up late for training with Gai and Lee and can’t find her favorite kunai. It seems silly to train after experiencing a war from the battlefield, but sometimes routine is all they have that glues them together.

So Tenten tears her apartment apart, trying to find her prized weapon, when the doorbell rings. Roaring in exasperation, she stomps to the door. The person on the other side is the next-to-last person she expects to see.

Hyuuga Hiashi is stern and immovable, even in mourning. His eyes are grim as he greets her, and he refuses her offer to come inside for tea. Given the mess from her earlier rampage, Tenten is relieved. Thankfully, the clan leader gets straight to the point.

“I have been informed that my nephew had a last will and testament drawn up before the war. I have also been notified that you are a beneficiary alongside my daughters.”

Tenten stares at him in disbelief. To confirm his words, Hiashi hands her a heavy envelope.

“In his will, Neji left a provision that, in the event of his death preceeding yours, you should be granted the protection of our clan regardless of the status of your relationship with him, and that you should never want for anything. I have agreed to this provision on the condition that you do not abuse it.”

His severe expression softens at the sight of her stricken face.

“And there is one more thing, contained in that envelope. You will find his mother’s wedding ring.”

He bows and takes his leave, and for the life of her Tenten can’t remember if she managed a thank you. The door slams shut behind her and she slides down against it, hot crocodile tears rolling down her face.

“This isn’t funny, Neji,” she moans, head in her hands.

Then louder, “THIS ISN’T FUNNY.”

It’s a raw scream torn from her throat, proceeded by uncontrollable sobbing. When finally she comes back to herself, she tears at the envelope with shaky hands.

As promised, a silver band falls into her palm. Also contained within the ruined envelope is a set of papers. Wiping away the remnants of her years, she inspects the papers, only to immediately begin crying again.

In her hand is a marriage license and all necessary paperwork to declare her legally married to Neji. His elegant signature graces every page, the only thing missing is her own name beside his.

Her breathing has officially crossed into hyperventilation territory when she looks down to see a pen lying next to her on the floor.

And beside it, her missing kunai.

Then when Fingon heard afar the great trumpet of Turgon his brother, the shadow passed and his heart was uplifted, and he shouted aloud: ‘Utúlie’n aurë! Aiya Eldalië ar Atanatári, utúlie’n aurë! The day has come! Behold, people of the Eldar and Fathers of Men, the day has come!’ And all those who heard his great voice echo in the hills answered crying: ‘Auta i lómë! The night is passing!’
—  “Of the Fifth Battle: Nirnaeth Arnoediad”, The Silmarillion