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this is the funniest thing hfddubjsh (x)

That Really Happened (M)

Genre: Smut

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Word count: 2,864

Summary: You and Jungkook have been best friends since you were little kids, but it turns out that the games you used to play together have different results as adults.

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anonymous asked:

Hi, I love your stories! I’d like to read a headcanon in which Liam introduces Theo to his family!

Liam introduces Theo to his family long before they start dating. He doesn’t actually mean to but Theo gets a pretty nasty head wound and even with his healing Deaton says it would be best if he not stay alone.

Mason, Corey and Deaton had all looked to him as if he were katniss, screaming ‘i volunteer as tribute’ when he hadn’t even offered yet. sure he was about to, but they could have at least waited for him to actually say ‘he can stay with me’ before acting like it was already decided.

Liam knows they could have just stayed at the clinic but he has a blow up mattress at his for Theo and a real bed for him so he doesn’t think twice before loading Theo into Mason’s car and getting a lift back.

His parents were asleep. At least, they had been, until Theo, dopey with a concussion, had tripped over and bought an entire radiator down with him.

So, when Liam’s parents first meet Theo it’s not exactly picture perfect. Theo’s still bleeding sluggishly from his head and there’s water spraying out from where the radiator had once been and his parents are both in their pajama’s and Theo’s giggling and then Liam has to awkwardly explain (lie) that yes they had already been to hospital about Theo’s obvious concussion and yes the doctor had suggested that Theo stay with Liam tonight and yeah, Theo works out so that’s how he pulled a radiator off the wall and bent parts of it on his way down.

And how did Theo get the concussion? Oh well uh..We were practicing Lacrosse and he tripped and hit his head on the goal.

Still, it goes a lot better than Liam could have ever expected.

Dr Geyer sits Theo down and rebandages his head while Mrs Geyer fetches him some dry clothes and gets Liam to get the broken radiator to stop spraying the living room with dirty jets of water.

Liam’s plan to put Theo on the air mattress had also been crushed and he’d been shot a fair amount of dirty looks for the suggestion.  So he’d ended up sleeping on the floor in his own room while Theo slept in his bed soundly.

Theo doesn’t actually remember that. What he remembers is the next morning when his head was healed enough for him to be lucid and he’d come downstairs to find Dr and Mrs Geyer cooking him breakfast, by the time he finally leaves the house it’s with an open invitation to come back for dinner anytime and Mrs Geyer’s pleas for him not to join the lacrosse team because as she’d told her husband and son, it’s a dangerous sport.

Theo agree’s and says he’d never dream of doing something so reckless. Mrs Geyer practically swoons at how safety conscious he is. Liam almost tells her that the real reason he’d gotten a concussion was that he’d dived head first (literally) into battle with a monster that was easily twice his height with only Corey as back up.

The fact that he did kill it wasn’t the point, the point was his parents were entirely fooled by Theo’s whole act and Liam hates that he wants to smile every time they bring up ‘that nice boy Theo’. 

When it comes out that Theo’s sleeping in his car he gets given a permanent room in the house before Liam can even ask.

Mrs Geyer is a motherly mother. She’s all caring and soft and worries about Theo. She once offered to sew up his ripped jeans. He’d had to explain that he’d bought them that way.

By the time he and Liam start ‘dating’ which at the start was really just adrenaline-fueled make out and/or sex sessions Theo gets on better with Liam’s parents than Liam does.

It’s been a year since they met and Liam’s honestly been worried more than once that his Mom’s going to start asking about legally adopting Theo. Theo is charming, he gets along with both of his parents, they love him.

Liam had reassured Theo countless times that his parents would be fine with them dating. That they probably saw it coming, since it seemed most of the beacon hills population had.

And so when he tells them he’s really not expecting the stony silence that follows it. He’s definitely not expecting that silence to be broken by his mother to say.

“You really have no idea how thin the walls are, do you? We’ve known for weeks.” Theo almost swallows his spoon. Liam does.

impossiblerebelblaze  asked:

Anti thought he was smaller than he actually was, and promptly gets wedged in playground equipment. He's stuck. The kids are laughing. Someone help him (drawing idea maybe?? I just thought you might appreciate this)

ITS NOT FUNNY SHUT UP!!!!

(okay its kinda funny)

Baby Drama

Originally posted by spdrparker

Pairing: dad!Bucky Barnes x female!Reader x some Steve Rogers

Prompt: “I’m gonna show you who’s your real daddy.” (#18)

Warnings: none, really !! i mean, bucky gets kinda jealous, but there’s nothing too intense in this (which is surprising) - the use of ‘Daddy’, but in an innocent way, i promise - some sexual reference

Word Count: 1.8K

A/N: this is for @bucky-plums-barnes ‘s writing challenge - congrats on 8K, darlin’!!


“Are you sure that you can handle this, Stevie?” Bucky hurriedly questions as he finishes-up tying his tie and stuffs his toothbrush into his duffel bag. He taps the button on the back of his hand and a sort-of covering disguises his metal arm. The device was a gift from Tony Stark, and he only uses it whenever he feels the need to, which is rarely ever. “Because we could always just stay home.”

“Don’t worry, Buck,” Steve chuckles at his nervous friend. “You and Y/N deserve a break. It’s your anniversary, go out, have some fun - live a little,” Steve grins as he sits on the couch near where a very content toddler was fiddling with some crayons. “Emma and I will be just fine. Won’t we, Em?” Steve leans forward and tickles her cheek with his finger, earning a bubbly giggle from the child.

“Bucky, she’ll be fine with Steve,” you say as you slide off one of the stools at the kitchen island, swinging your purse over your shoulder. “C’mere, Emmy,” you coo goofily, crouching down and reaching for the toddler. She plops forward onto her hands and crawls over to you, reaching out with her chubby hand towards you. You pick her up, holding her comfortably in your arms.

“Are you gonna be a good girl for Uncle Stevie?” You giggle at her, bopping her nose.

“M-Mama,” Emma babbles, grabbing at your hair.

“No, no, no,” you wince, dragging her hand away from being able to pull at your hair. “Here, say bye to Daddy,” you give her a big, exaggerated kiss on the cheek before handing her off to Bucky and grabbing your suitcase, heading for the door.

“I’ll miss ya, Emmy,” Bucky gives her an Eskimo kiss, Emma’s childish laughter bouncing through the room. “We’ll be back tomorrow,” he promises, setting her back down on the ground. Bucky walks over to the island and grabs his bag, then meets your at the doorway.

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What the fuck, man?

(Quick contextual thing: the barbarian character was super hairy and was ICly mistaken for a bear numerous times, and has since been nicknamed “Bearbarian”.)

So after defeating a Death Kiss, our party had decided to take a short rest with an elf on guard for us. Mid-rest, a supernatural force sweeps through the cave, effectively diminishing our torches.

A strange, tentacle-like creature slithers around the Bearbarian’s leg, and he IC-ly screams and tries to punch it. Due to a crit failure, he punches the paladin next to him. This beautiful, entirely in-character exchange ensues:

Paladin: Who the fuck just hit me?

Bearbarian: Who the fuck did I just hit?

Lizardfolk fighter, in a poor attempt to be humorous: Did you two hit on each other?

Paladin lets out a horrified shriek as the tentacle entity begins to choke them. Lizardfolk fighter, thinking their choked cries are laughter, begins laughing too. No one can tell what’s going on, it’s pitch black, everyone starts cackling as the paladin is dying on the ground.

BTS REACTION - You being thick/chubby

Thank you so much for the request, I think that all of BTS would love the girl for who they are, despite their weight, so I’m gonna do you a small scenario with each member! I hope that’s okay, I just don’t want it to be repetitive.


Kim Namjoon

Whilst Namjoon was showering, you opened your silk robe to reveal the lingerie you had gotten not long ago. A sigh left your parted lips as you looked at your body.  You had always hated your body, always been on the ‘thick’ side rather than super skinny like all those beautiful girl idols. As soon as you heard Namjoon open the bathroom door you quickly closed your robe and climbed into bed under the covers.

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Downsized

Title: Downsized

Summary: You always knew life with the Winchesters was crazy. But when Sam brings back home a three-year-old Dean, you begin to question your own sanity…

Author: deanssweetheart23

Characters: Dean Winchester x reader, Sam Winchester

Word count: 2163

Warnings: Some language. Fluff and crack. Crack and fluff. Mentions of sex because Dean’s a cheeky bastard. That’s all I think.

Author’s Notes: This is my submission for @trexrambling and @wheresthekillswitch “Crack Challenge”. Ladies, thank you so much for letting me participate, this has been one very interesting ride. 

Special thank you to my amazing twin @ravengirl94 for coming up with a very important (and hilarious) detail about this. And for putting up with my whiny self. She’s a hero, really.

Now, my prompt for this was “I’ll give you three seconds to stop doing that” and is included in bold in the text below. Honestly, this is my first time doing something like this but I think I like what I’ve got. 

Without further ado. Enjoy <3 

Originally posted by demondetoxmanual


16:30

Silence.

You hated the silence.

You’ve always hated it, ever since you were a kid, but now, after you’ve spent years of your life filled with noise and cries and laughter, filled with arguments and bickering about whose turn it was to go for a supply run, or short, angry snarls and whispered promises in a dark room when it was just you and Dean, that absence of sound, of speech, made everything worse.

16:45

You stared at the clock on the wall and bit on your bottom lip hard enough to draw blood.

Something was wrong. You could feel it. You didn’t know how, or why –the details weren’t important anyway. What really mattered was that Dean hadn’t called since that morning and that sickening feeling in the pit of your stomach that just wouldn’t go away.

Maybe you should just-

The sound of the bunker’s door being opened then closed interrupted your thoughts and, before you knew it, you were practically running towards the library, eyes wide and senses alert, until your leg gave out and you stumbled into the doorframe, muttering expletives under your breath. 

“Hi there, Y/N.” Sam greeted you with an amused smile. “I’m glad you’re so happy to see me.”

“Oh, shut up. I was worried. How did the hunt go? Why didn’t you call? Are you injured? Where is-”

“Hey,” the youngest Winchester chuckled, all delight and waggishness, “one question at a time, champ.”

Rolling your eyes, you raised an eyebrow in suspicion; despite his playfulness and confident swagger, you could see the way his smile seemed a bit too forced and his forehead puckered just a tiny little bit.

“Where is Dean?”

“Um,” he started, rocking back and forth on his heels, “about that.”

“Sam.” you tried again, a bit more forceful. “Where is Dean?”

And then, right before he could actually reply, a little kid with blonde hair and green eyes gripped on Sam’s leg and swam into view, wearing what was supposed to be one of Dean’s shirts and, oh, God, this was not happening.

“Is that-

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Pup Cups & Howling Karaoke

Summary: You catch Bucky and his service dog taking the day off and decide to butt in on their day.

Prompt(s):  requested by the lovely @this-kitty-has-claws

1.      “Tell anyone and I’ll murder you and sell your body parts for money.”
3.      “How long have you been standing there?”

Warnings: swearing, that’s all. Just lots of floof

Word Count: 1901

Originally posted by buchanstan

When you heard the team heading off on the latest big operation, you were too exhausted to see them off. There was no way you were dragging your ass out to say hello or goodbye. You’d been out for nearly two months on an undercover op that had ended poorly and the only thing on your mind when you’d slipped home at 1:30 am that same morning had been sleep.

On the flight home you’d forced yourself to stay awake and write up your mission report and check the docket for the upcoming work. You couldn’t be more grateful for the week off, even if you were a little disappointed that the rest of the team was going to be gone for the first three days on assignment. You missed them. Undercover work was lonely work. It left you feeling grimy and worn. You missed Sam’s teasing wit; you missed Steve’s rich laugh, and Clint’s relentless pranks. You missed Tony’s clever jabs and Nat’s knowing smiles.

Most of all you missed Bucky. You missed the comfortable way that silence with him wrapped around you like a heavy comfortable blanket. You missed how he knew what you needed even if you didn’t ask, bringing you shitty cup-o-noodles in your room after a rough mission or a long day. You even missed how he and Sam bickered and taunted each other, Sam usurping the washer in the middle of Bucky’s laundry day, or Bucky dropping loads of Lua’s fur into the dryer after brushing her in retaliation.

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The couple walks over hand in hand. Angela promptly encounters the issue of sitting on the ground without cramping her wings. She shuffles and grumbles until she decides to simply lay on her stomach.

Immediately, Fareeha lays down next to her and Angela lifts a wing to allow her to snuggle up close. Even in the heat of the early morning, they find the arrangement comfortable enough.

“You know, I think I’ll keep them,” muses Angela, after inhaling a small mountain of food. “My wings, I mean. They seem useful enough.”

Above them a gull cries out, its uncanny laughter reaching their ears just as its shadow passes overhead.

“I don’t think even that gull believes that you made that decision just now,” Satya says dryly as Fareeha and Ana laugh. Angela blushes deeply and snuggles closer to Fareeha. She rustles her wings and smiles softly, thinking back on the last few weeks.

“I don’t think I do either.”

Commission for @kinaesthetiq and her beautiful amazing fic: Sent from Valhalla
I’m so glad I could do something for this fic! (and more to come ;) )

Let's get real for a second

Being a single mom is hard. Like really hard.

Everything is on me, from things as small as cooking dinner to things as big as potty training. Every single day, every single minute I hear the constant whines, cries, laughter, and “mommy’s” I don’t know what silence is. I don’t know what it means to sit down and watch a 30 minute TV episode.

My house often goes unclean. Sometimes we eat Easy Mac for dinner. I usually go 3 days between showers.

New clothes, the cost of daycare, anything from Tylenol to toys to diapers is all paid for by me.

And the kicker? Society looks at single moms like WE’RE the ones that failed, that we couldn’t keep our legs closed, or we did something to make our man run away. But what society doesn’t see is the millions of articles I read to be a better mom, the time I’m taking off work so I can be at my son’s school party, or that I’m stretching myself thin to give my son everything he wants.

Single moms are by far the strongest beings on this entire planet and I think we deserve a little more recognition than we receive.