cries i wish i could still read these

12 August 2017

Baz is gone when Simon wakes. He knows this even without opening his eyes, feeling the absence of arms around him, and that uneasy feeling of needing to know where Baz is that Simon still hasn’t quite managed to shake off, after all this time. He sighs and rolls over, burying his face in the pillow. It’s Saturday, and if Baz were still in his bed, Simon would see absolutely no reason to get up at all today, but now he stumbles to his feet, throws on a t-shirt and walks out into the kitchen.

‘Morning,’ says Penny, seated at the counter with a newspaper and a bowl of cereal.

‘Morning,’ says Simon, through a yawn. ‘Where’s Baz?’

She shrugs with one shoulder, turning the page with her other hand. ‘He went out.’

Simon grumbles to himself and goes to join her for breakfast.


An hour later, Simon comes back with milk and cereal and paper towels. (‘Make yourself useful instead of sulking while you wait for your boyfriend,’ Penny said.

‘What if he’s already gone to get milk?’

‘Doubtful. Funny how he spends almost as much time here as I do and doesn’t do half as much of the chores.’)

Penny is on the couch furiously typing on her laptop, and Baz is still nowhere to be seen. Simon flops down on the other end of the couch, his feet tucked up next to Penny, and sighs.

‘You need friends,’ Penny says, without looking up or slowing down her typing. ‘People to hang out with before uni starts.’

‘You don’t have friends,’ Simon says.

‘I have things to do.’

I have things to do,’ he insists.

‘Like what?’

‘He’s not here,’ Simon says, smirking.

Penny groans. ‘You need friends,’ she repeats.

Simon grabs his phone off the coffee table and leans back against the arm of the couch. Penny’s probably right. As always.


‘Have you texted Baz?’ Penny asks, after a long silence.

‘Yeah. Nothing.’

‘Hm,’ she says, narrowing her eyes. Then – ‘Oh.’

‘What?’ Simon sits up, alarmed.

‘Do you know what the date is?’

‘No,’ Simon says. (He never keeps track.)

‘August twelfth.’

His mouth drops open. ‘Oh.’

‘And you know what else?’ Penny says. ‘It’s fifteen years, today.’

Simon is on his feet and on his way out the door before she’s even managed to shut off her laptop.

‘We have to be there,’ Simon calls over his shoulder.

‘I know.’


Penny has to let Simon through the gate. He’s been back a few times, for the Leavers Ball, and a few conversations he had to have after the whole trial with the Mage and the mess with the Humdrum was resolved, and it’s less painful now. He still misses it – fiercely – but today isn’t about Watford, or magic, or Simon.

Today is about Natasha Pitch.

They run down to the Catacombs and find Baz sitting in front of his mother’s tomb, in the same spot where Simon found him and confronted him countless times before. Baz hears them coming and lets them sit on either side of him, saying nothing.

Simon reaches out to take Baz’s hand, not sure if he wants comfort, but Baz lets him and twines their fingers together. The three of them look at the fresh flowers by the tomb, at the carving over the door – Le Tombeau des Enfants – and they lean against each other. Holding each other up.

They say nothing, and Baz cries, and Simon cries for him. Then Baz tells them about how he still remembers the roughness of her hands, and how Fiona says that Natasha used to sing him to sleep and he wishes he remembered the sound of her voice, and that he’ll never forgive himself for not being there when she came to see him.

‘She’d be so proud of you,’ Simon whispers, and for once Baz doesn’t argue. Not today.

psycho 06 / taehyung

Originally posted by chokaivlicious

warning and a note: this story has some sexual harassment in it so if you are uncomfortable with reading this kind of story please stop right here, i understand this might be hurtful to some people but this is just my crazy imagination and I’m sorry if you have ever experienced anything like this and I also wish this doesn’t happen to anyone ever, i know that taehyung isn’t like this in real life this is just a story / mentions of death are in this chapter & blood

summary: just read 


Keep reading

Special Fic Rec ❤❤

Ok so, I began this blog on December 9th, well, actually I’ve been on tumblr since 2013 (nice, old Naruto Era), yet, I consider this one the actual date of this blog birth, since it was the day I posted my first BTS Fanfiction - Sanitarium (which I still hold very dearly to my heart).

To be honest, even if writing has been one of my passions for many years, I never expected much from my own stories, especially since English killed me in more than one way (ah, it kicked my ass so hard during my high school days lol); yet, I surprisingly found an incredible amount of happiness in writing for seven lovely dorks - not to talk about the crazy, wonderful authors and friends I had the pleasure to meet here, people who helped me grow and who gave me some of the most pleasurable reading moments of my life :’)

But I was saying, I didn’t expect much from posting my fics, yet, nearly 5 months later, I reach my first mile stone. Really, I can’t believe it: 1k people are reading my fics, and supposedly they also enjoy them. It happened quite fast, in my opinion, and I also know I’ve been very lucky for many authors are amazing and still don’t have the exposure they deserve! It takes them a lot of hard work when they should really be appreciated a lot more! This is why, to celebrate this milestone (ok, compared to other authors is not that big of a number, but still I consider it an important accomplishment ;^;) I decided to do a special, big fic rec to share the talent filling this social!! 

Some of these writers are super known actually, yet others have a smaller public: they have such a fantastic way with words tho, such a breath-taking creativity, that I just needed to tag them and link their stories - hopefully, some of you will fall in love with their work too; please, if so, go send them all a lot of love, for they are not holy amazing authors but also amazing people :’)

And I’m incredibly happy to have some of them as mutuals, if not even as friends <3 <3

Keep reading

My favorite BillDip fics

so anon ask me to make a list of my favorite Billdip fics, so here you go..

I’ve Made Mistakes In My Mind [this fanfic is so cute and sad idk i love this fanfic so much!]

Forgive Me [if you love gore and dark fanfic– you should read this one! Bill is such a dick in this fic. You will hate Bill and love him at the same time and this is smut btw]

Magnesium Flint [i haven’t really read this one, but my friend love this fanfic so much]

Payment in Blood [HA! another dark fanfic cuz im a trash]

The Nightscape Library [this is so cuteeeeeeee]

No Sweeter Innocence Than Our Gentle Sin [this is actually not healthy, but i cant stop loving this fic]

Dipper, Can You Hear Me? [im in love yes, Bill is so gentle in this fic]

Like Gasoline [two shots and damn. Just…..damn.]

What’s in a Name? [i love this one. Online dating thing is cute and Dipper is such a dork]

Can’t find my way home [i just got punched right in the feels, and the smutty thing..i just cant bear bottom!Bill(i prefer him as the top tho but why not)]

Consuming of The Mind [need fluff and angst at the same time?]

Til Death Do Us Part [i love kid!Bill hnghhh, still on going tho and im so curious for the next chapter]

Bow [friend o’ mine told me that i should read this one and damn she’s right]

KEEP CALM and USE THE WOK [short fic. they’re just so fluffly here and Mabel is the best sister ever]

The First Dance is Always Free [YES. just….YES]

For The Heatlh and Safety of Mabel Pines and For The Morality and Sanity of Dipper Pines [these two are absolutely the best fanfiction ever! i love the relationship among the characters, and the plot is just hnghhhhh]

The New Employee [just the dorks fallin’ in love]

Lost Souls [my heart ached a bit when i read this, im still waiting for the next chapter tho]

Not Home [family feels is my weakness]

Shots in the Dark [oh yesss, i like how Bill and Gideon join together to win Dipper’s heart! they’re sassy as hell, Dipper just being a dork and adorable]

Of Journalists, Celebrities, and Fashion Designers [i like this AU next chapter pleaseee]

Mmm Watcha Say [reverse AU, just a short fanfic with cute Bill and attractive Dipper in it]

Look at the Stars [uggghhh i cried a bit, just a short fic still my favorite tho]

Dorito [i just got diabetes. Mabel, i love you for being the best sister ever]

A Tumble In The Bed [SMUT. so hot like…DAMN]

Repeat it…Now [the best drabble fics ive ever read! there is angst, fluff, smut hnghhhh i love this so much!]

sooo yeah, this is the list you asked anon! enjoy your reading ~ by the way if you open billdip fics req let me know eheheh

Swan in the Curse Part Nine

“I know what you are,” the Gray Beast says when they are alone. “You are one of the eudemon that Ryouta lives with now. I can smell him all over you.”

It is a strange thing to say because Kasamatsu can’t see how that could possibly be true. Kasamatsu has not seen Kise in… far too long. And surely, the fifteen minutes a night when he does see Kise is not enough for his scent to be on his skin.

“Why haven’t you talked?” Haizaki asks. “You haven’t made a single sound since we found you.”

Kasamatsu can only stare at the man. His whole body still hums, ready for action, ready to fight or to flee at a moment’s notice.

“There is magic about you,” Haizaki says, conversationally. “I can smell that, too. Not enchantment, you’re not under a spell. That must mean that you are the one enchanting.” Haizaki continues to look at him, with intrigued and hungry gleam that Kasamatsu doesn’t like at all.

“Eudemons do not have the same kind of power as Beasts,” Haizaki says out of nowhere, and Kasamatsu doesn’t like the fact that the man is so willing to carry-on a one-sided conversation. “But there is power to them. People love them, and there’s magic there, too. Just think how much power there could be if they hated you.”

He leaves Kasamatsu locked in a palace room, after that. And Kasamatsu has the distinct feeling that he is in a lot of trouble.


“Brother, brother.”

He wakes to the sound of his brothers’ cries, he wakes to find himself in Kise’s arms.

“We have heard everything, brother,” Moriyama says. Kasamatsu looks at him over Kise’s shoulder, who is holding him so tightly as he weeps into Kasamatsu’s shoulder that Kasamatsu can’t fully breathe. He doesn’t want to pull away though. He finds that he likes being in Kise’s hold. “Kise has told us what the King used to be. The rumor about the village is that the king plans to marry you.”

“Run, Kasamatsu,” Kobori urges. “We will help you escape.”

Kasamatsu looks pointedly at the window in his room—it is small enough for swans to slip through, but not large enough for a man.

“Not now,” Kobori amends, “But we will find a way.”

“You can’t marry him,” Hayakawa says, in his standard garbled fashion. “Surely, he must plan to kill you.”

What the King used to be. That’s what Moriyama said. And only now does it occur to Kasamatsu that perhaps the Gray Beast is not disguised as a human—perhaps he is human.

All of the sudden, Kasamatsu begins to understand what Haizaki has planned.

“Brother,” Kise says, speaking for the first time, his lips brushing against Kasamatsu’s ear. “Captain. Yukio. You should have never brought me into your home. I have caused you nothing but pain.”

Kasamatsu lifts his arms to encircle Kise, to pat him on the back of his head as he cries. He wishes he could say, It’s not your fault, but he knows that wouldn’t provide much consolation. Kise would never accept that.

What he would say, if he were able, is You’re worth it.

So perhaps it is best he cannot speak, for surely it would be too embarrassing to say that out loud.

A/N: Ahaha, OK, clearly I was way off with my original estimate regarding how much of this story I have left. I’m pretty sure NOW I have three more parts left until conclusion, but dang this one is getting long. Thanks to everyone who is still reading!! Also realizing that I totally misnumbered the last one because I can’t count or something. 😓😅 Parts One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight

The Girl Who Circumnavigated Fairyland In A Ship Of Her Own Making- Book Review

5/5 Stars 

I can safely say this is one of my all time favourite books. It had me hooked all the way through to the end and even then I found myself still thinking about it constantly. I am so looking forward to the next books which I hope will be equally as brilliant.

This is the kind of book which makes me want to scream at people to read it NOW because everyone should experience it. Although it may not suit all tastes, it was just so perfect for me. Some people have compared it to Alice in Wonderland or Wizard of oz which I can understand but to me it made more sense and reminded me more of the Terry Pratchett Tiffany Aching books.

September is an amazing heroine, a strong, confident resourceful 12 who still at times cries, feels lost and wishes for her mother in between saving others, bleeding, breaking bones, standing up to villains and losing a part of herself. Honestly I feel she is so perfect because she is imperfect and feels so real.

Although all the characters are interesting and intriguing and just so real (especially for mythical/fairytale creatures) A-through-L is my favourite. I don’t want to spoil it for anyone so I won’t say anything more about him but I really wish A-though-L could come and visit me. I guess I’ll have to settle for reading the next book.

I’m obsessed with fairytales, - original, Disney, modern, rewritten and twisted, all of it - and this is one of my favorite kinds because it’s a completely new story with plots and characters you don't recognise so you never know what’s going to happen. You’re not waiting for the twist that makes it a new story (not that I don’t like those ones too) because it already is new and exciting.

anonymous asked:

I just want to say I stumbled across your art a few months ago and fell in love with it !! Your characters are absolutely amazing and your art style is so wonderful and something I look up to as an artist. I can't wait to read your web comic!! Best wishes!

Thank you!!! A year ago I could never have dreamed of having this much support…it’s humbling to say the least.Truly, thank you so very much. ;___; i cri

More casting!

Hey y'all, Nicole here! While writing I have accidentally developer another character! So that means I need another actor! It’s still the same form and deadline as before (deadline is September 1st and I’m on mobile so I can’t link you I’m sorry Dx)

What I’m looking for: an individual to read a poem (listed below). Yeah. It’s a pretty simple part but pretty cool and they are simply refered to as R. Anyone can audition for it. Just read the poem, fill out the form, and let’s do this! —

There once was a star,
That was very far,
From life and all of it’s fun.

Alone it cried,
Afraid of what refused to die,
Wishing that it could run.

Pass a warning to those,
Because everybody knows,
All good ships float into the sun.

whydontwejustsmash  asked:

Hi I'm an emotional wreck who likes reading for three hours straight from a master list, I've read through yours and cried and I was wondering who your favorite ppl are with a master list thx for the tears in advance bye.

Okay omg I’m so flattered!!! Is my masterlist link still showing in my bio? I can’t see it :(

I’m gonna forget so many people but I think all of these people have a readily accessible masterlist???

@seaveyslut (she says she’s deleting soon so freaking read up. I wish I could write like her)



@jonahjunkie ?? Maybe?



Y'all better help me out here! Reblog and tag yourself if you have a masterlist up!

mary kate’s lucaya fic rec

so i read a ton of fanfic and i know how awesome it feels to find an amazing fic that makes you feel all warm in your chest. i thought the best way  to give back was to show you some of the ones that I found and love to read and reread. these are 8 of my many favorites. my commentary is in italics. 

you on my horizon by honeyspeaches

It takes her two decades, two continents, and a lot of near-misses to figure it out, but it’s true that good things come to those who wait. au.

this fic is so beautiful I wish i could read it for the first time all over again

the draw of color by zaybabineauxs

‘maya had been seeing the world in black and white her whole life now, for twenty years; which was late, considering the fact that the average age you found your soulmate was sixteen. her best friend, riley, also lived in a world of black and white. that was, until she met lucas.’ soulmate au.

this is one angsty fic and truly amazing. I cried when I read it. zaya and rilaya friendships written beautifully.

can a play still go on if the curtain falls and the audience has gone home? (please circle your answer) by xcalibra

‘They’re not together, but everyone knows they might as well be. Or, the progression of a non-relationship between Lucas and Maya.’

I’ve read this fic probably 12 times and every time I find new things to love about it. it really speaks for itself.

I was a billion little pieces (until you pulled me into focus) by bluesey

The worst part is that her mother told her he’s probably her soulmate. That’s what happens when you have one, she said, they come to you in dreams. soulmates au.

beautiful. haunting. she really gets into Maya’s head and the end result is amazing.

lovefool by amirmitchell

the misadventures of lucas taking care of maya while she’s drunk and the one time that the tables are turned

i love this fic with my whole heart. I’ve probably read it more than any other lucaya fic

the art of seduction by tiramisuspice

It was a simple bet. All she had to do was seduce Lucas Friar in a month. But then, nothing really is ever so simple, is it? Lucaya AU

basically this fic owns me. it’s still a WIP and I’m hooked

let’s get these teen hearts beating faster, faster by glossier

Somebody asks for kissing lessons. Cue the shenanigans. — Lucas/Maya, and the art of seduction

tension!!!!! i love this fic it’s short and sweet and definitely worth the read

i’ll find your lips in the streetlights by perfectlystill

Five times Maya wants Lucas to kiss her, and one time she kisses him.

one of my first lucaya fics i read and it’s amazing. 5+1 fics are so great for lucaya too anyways read it

my copy of Her came in and bitch…

  • the photocard that came in the album is Hobi so u know I cried happy tears
  • Choice Music made their own photocards, one large and one small, and I got Hobi and Yoongi in that order and u kno I cried more happy tears
  • CM also gave out buttons of members and I got Jin so I cried happily again because it meant I got all three of my Men™
  • idk who designed the book for the Notes but like……. how can anyone read that tiny ass font in white against a pale salmon color????? and I have good eye sight so??? the fuck
  • yoongi had… nothing to do with almost all the songs I don’t like on the album lmfaaaooo I knew I could trust him
  • I still want the L version because it’s soft
  • but the photos in the O version…. an orange dream.
  • I wish the book was more of a lay-flat, or more similar to the YNWA format because like…. all of the photos go across the gutter and it makes it hard to see members that are closer center because they’re kind of… half in the gutter and I don’t want to break the spine of the book to see it better (but it wouldn’t help anyway with the way the book has been bound……… btw can you tell I’ve taken a digital publishing course and printed my own photo books on multiple occasions and do graphic design for booklets lmfao)
  • also not trying to be mean or something but like.. the flower on the O version is ugly and honestly bighit should have hired me to do the graphic design or at least the art of this book
  • anyway I love yoongi and hobi and I love bts and whoever thought up these photos because they are dreamy and lovely and I wish I could do a photoshoot with these men
!! follow forever !! o(^▽^)o


I’ve hit 3k followers! I plan to release a little fic or two in the future in celebration, but it all depends on how my schedule is  (✿´‿`)

Below the cut are the blogs I will follow forever

★ = favourites
♥ = mutuals (some are side blogs so some of them aren’t technically “mutuals”  ᕙ(⇀‸↼‶)ᕗ )
✉ = i have a message for you!

Keep reading


Imagine #37 He cheats on you

P.S.: I know it’s not a happy imagine, but you know what, there is not always a happy ending. Tell me what do you think :)

 You were driving home in a bus from a school project that you had for 3 days and you decided to make a surprise to your boyfriend Neymar. You two were together for about 8 months and people knew about you, but you were fine with that.

When you took your stuff and walked out you asked your mother who came to pick you up if she could drive you to Neymars house. At first, she wanted you to go back home, since you were away for the past few days, but after a little fight she let you go.

You didn’t tell Neymar that you were coming, because you wanted to surprise him and you wanted to make it special.

As your mom left you there, you kissed her on the cheek and thanked her for letting you stay at his place. You walked to the door and heard your mom’s car leave. You tried to open the door and you realized it wasn’t locked, which was strange since he always locked the door, because he was afraid fans might know where he lives.

As you walked inside the entire room was in dark since it was also night, so you turned on the light and noticed there were some high hills that were not yours. You immediately felt sick; you thought you were going to throw up any second. You walked up the stairs silently hoping you are wrong about the entire situation you already made in your head.

When you came on the second floor, you heard a girly voice screaming in pleasure. Your eyes were full of tears and you covered your mouth not to let any voice out until you walk in to his room.

When you were in front of his door, you were pale and confused, not knowing if you should walk inside or just leave forever. However, you needed to see that you were right, that he was with another girl. Therefore, you walked inside.

He was there and he was on top a brunette girl. You recognized her it was Bruna, his ex. They both scared looked over to you. Neymar jumped off of her and tried to walk to you as Bruna stayed in bed not knowing what was going on.

“(y/n) it’s not what you think…”

You moved away from him, stopping yourself from slapping his face “Get away from me. Don’t even start with this, you are such a di*k Neymar!”

He followed you as you ran down the stairs.

“Please wait, I made a mistake, please (y/n) I love you.”

“Stop! Just stop! If you loved me, you wouldn’t have jumped on your ex!” you said as you turned around to face him.

“I’m so sorry really, but I love you… Please forgive me.”

“Did you have to do this? I thought I could trust you! You ruined everything!” You yelled at him in tears.

“(y/n)…” He said as he put his hand on your arm.

“Why? Why did you have to hurt me like this? What have I done wrong?” You said covering your face crying, letting his hand on your arm.

“It wasn’t you, you are amazing, trust me.”

“Then why!?” You yelled as you looked straight in to his eyes.

“I don’t even know… She just came and…”

“And you fuc*ed her” you said not letting him finish and moved away from him,

“We can make it still work (y/n), please don’t leave me.” He said scared as he saw you were about to leave the house.

“We can’t solve this problem Neymar, you slept with another woman, you cheated on me! Time can heal, but this won’t!” you yelled at him as you took out your phone to call your mother to come back to pick you up.

As you walked outside when your mom said she would be soon there since she wasn’t even at home yet, Neymar followed you outside.

“(y/n) please, let’s talk about it. I can’t lose you like this.” Neymar said standing behind you.

“Well it’s too late for that, you already did.” You said as you walked away to your mother’s car.

You walked inside with tears in your eyes, you looked through the window and noticed Neymar looking at you upset, he turned around and kicked something that was on the floor and walked inside.

“(y/n) what happened? Are you okay?” Your mom asked as you kept staring out of the window trying to avoid her so she wouldn’t see you cry.

“We broke up. I don’t want to talk about it now.”

She didn’t say anything and just took you home and as you ran immediately inside your room to just let everything out she brought you a cup of tea and left you alone as you wanted.

Your phone kept on ringing as Neymar tried to talk with you, but you declined his calls. What he did to you was unacceptable; you didn’t want to hear none of his excuses. As much as you loved him and wanted to be with him, he made a cut too deep for you to forget about it.

The next few days you were depressed, you didn’t want to eat and you were in your room all the time. You knew it wasn’t healthy, but you were really hurt.

Five days after the fight you had with Neymar, you knew he had a match, but as much as you tried to stop yourself from watching it, you couldn’t. Also because you supported Barcelona.

The first half of the game Pedro scored with an assist from Suarez. Neymar did play good, but he was not as good as always, even the commentators mentioned it. In the next half Messi scored and just before you thought the game was over Neymar scored in the 88 minute.

You were happy for him, even if you tried to hate him as much as you could. He jumped and before his teammates ran to him, he kissed his wrist, where he had a tattoo of your initial that he made a month ago and pointed in the air with his finger.

You knew it was for you, because he told you that when he did this same thing the last time he scored. You immediately turned off the TV and went in tears. You had to avoid him, because he didn’t deserve your love, he messed it up.

After two hours you got a text from Neymar “Hey, I know what I did was the worst thing I could have ever done to you. I miss you, I wish I could go back in time and change that day, but what’s done is done. I still love you and I think I always will, you were and you still are special to me. I hope one day you will forgive me and maybe come back to me. I won’t bother you anymore, you deserve much more than this, goodbye (y/n).”

You cried and read his text a few more times. You loved that boy more than anything, but you still had respect for yourself so you stopped yourself from forgiving him,

“I loved you with all my heart, but what you did to me will never be forgotten. Thank you for all the good memories we had, but we have to forget each other. Goodbye Ney.”

You cried knowing it was really over, it was the last time you heard of him, but it was the best for you.

Gossamer: a JJ Project Request

Here’s part one for those of you who’ve missed it.

AN: Thank you again to the original requester, my sweet kitty Cath, @jbabyoungie. ♡

Originally posted by pedonoonaswag

“You know that place between sleep and awake, that place where you still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you. That’s where I’ll be waiting.”
— J.M. Barrie, Peter Pan

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

why do you (and anyone else rly) ship imasugi what happens to them i need to know i cant wait till the scans are released

do you really want to know how my heart broke because of imasugi because it p much hurts but it’s also very beautiful (and it’s canon)

but im not really good with words so it may not be very understandable but here you go (and my translations are very rough so don’t trust them)

(spoilers ahead i guess)

(and very long post and heavy images ahead)

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

was 15 texts about an ex? what were they like?

They had brown eyes and didn’t like poetry. They were a middle child of six, and lonely — at least, that’s what they told me. Their siblings all loved me, but their mother once stared me down from across a chestnut table and wouldn’t even say my name. I was the first and last girl they kissed, and now they live in Arizona and make antifeminist posts on Facebook. They told me I was overreacting when I cried about the verdict in the Trayvon Martin trial, but they were fascinated when we watched fireworks together on the fourth of July. They loved Disney and Game of Thrones and my eyes, until one day they stopped loving everything so much. They don’t know that I still write about them and sometimes think about their hands and I don’t know how I thought I could love them, but I did. I really fucking did.



P.S. Those who wish to can read ‘15 Texts I Almost Sent You’ here.

anonymous asked:

I want to be dead but I took an odd job on friday so now I have to wait so I don't break an obligation. I hate being so anxious about other people knowing me as courteous that I pushed back a suicide attempt. I'm dumb and I hate myself

im sorry you hate yourself. im sorry you have anxiety and fear and that your life isnt how you probably imagined it. but youre not dumb. 

you have admirable qualities and ugly qualities. youre human. it’s kinda like having a pimple on your face. you could possess the most beautiful face, but youre going to focus on the pimples. blemishes happen. everyone has their own pimples. i have a lot of weaknesses i wish i didnt have. but im about 98% positive your good qualities outweigh the bad. youre courteous. thats one. youre prudent: youre not acting rashly about this, but talking to me about it and waiting until after your odd job. i barely know you and ive already seen 2 great traits, you’ve prob got 42425 more. 

life is so unbelievably precious. i know you’ve thought about this a lot, it probably crosses your mind at least a thousand times a day. im sorry if it sounds like im lecturing you. but like im so so so positive your tide is going to change. things are gonna pick up. 20 years down the line, you could be working your dream job, have had adventures/experiences that gave you thrills laughs and cries, have a family if ya want one with children who look up to you as their hero, etc. 

if youre still reading, i just wanna wish ya luck on your odd job and your future endeavors. lemme know whats happening, keep me updated. ill b praying

5SOS: Song Preferences

Song Preference:  ‘Lips of an Angel’  Hinder

*=His POV


Honey why you calling me so late?
It’s kinda hard to talk right now.
Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can’t be too loud

I laughed along with the guys as my phone started ringing.  I got up leaving to a quieter room and answered (Y/N)’s phone call.

   “Hey babe."  I said.

    "Hi."  She replied in a small voice.

   "Why are you calling me this late?  It's 2 AM there.  Not that I don’t want to talk with you but you need to sleep."  I told her messing with a paint chip on the wall.

    "I just-"  She started but couldn’t finish the sentence when she started crying.

   "Hey hey hey. Babe what's wrong?"  I whispered suddenly concerned.

    "I just, I.  I don’t know why but I’m just sad all the time and I really need you.  I don’t know what’s wrong."  She sobbed.

   ”(Y/N),“  I sighed, my heart breaking hearing her so upset but I cant be there, "I’ll be home soon.”

    “It’s not just that Luke.  Of course I want you home, but I’m not happy with anything anymore.  What’s wrong with me?"  (Y/N) asked.

   "Look.  I love you with all my heart, all the way from your toes to the fly away hairs on your head.  Everyone loves you and I need you to be happy, okay?  Do you want me home now?"  I whispered so none of the boys would hear.

   She sniffed before answering, "Yes.”

   “Okay.  Don’t do anything to yourself.  I’ll try to get home as soon as I can."  I told her rubbing my hands over my face.

    "Thank you."  (Y/N) said barely audible.


Well, my girl’s in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on

   "I’ll be right back."  My girlfriend mumbled against my lips leaving the room.  I opened up Twitter going through my timeline when I saw (Y/N)’s latest tweet.

  'now its just to late, and we cant go back, im sorry I cant be perfect”

I sighed as I read it.  I wish I was still with her.  I wish I could wake up to her kissing my forehead again.  I wish I could hold her tight as she cried.  But I can’t.  I don’t think I’ll ever get over her; I wonder if she thinks the same.  Sometimes I wish (Y/N) was in the other room rather than my new girlfriend. 

  I retweeted the tweet and not seconds later she posted another.

  'when you call my heart stops beatin, when your gone it wont stop bleedin’


It’s really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

   “Ashton."  (Y/N) called out.  A smile played upon my lips when I heard  her say my name.  I followed her voice walking into her bedroom.

   "Yes?"  I asked.

  "Cuddle?"  She grinned holding out her arms.

   "Of course babe."  I said laying down next to her.

  "Thanks Ash."  (Y/N) smiled.  I watched as my name slipped from her mouth.

   "I love it when you say my name."  I told her tracing her lips with my thumb.

  "Really?"  She laughed.

   "Yeah."  I mumbled.

  "Ashton.  Ashton.  Ashton.  Ashton Fletcher.  Ashton Irwin.  Ash.  Ashton."  She said.

   "Sounds like an angel is saying it."  I whispered looking in her eyes.


And does he know you’re talking to me
Will it start a fight
No I don’t think she has a clue

(Y/N) asked me if I wanted to meet up with her for lunch since her boyfriend is working.  She see’s no harm but if he found out, man, there would be no more Michael Clifford.  I’ve never lost my feelings for (Y/N) and it proved so the second I saw her.  Her long hair flowing behind her, her shining eyes, and her beautiful smile that lights up the darkest of rooms.  I hugged her, breathing in her perfume that I bought for her months ago.  Something told me to hold he a little longer this time, because deep down, I have a feeling I wont see her for awhile after this.

well that sucked tits.