cries because this poem

Why losing a best friend can hurt the same or ever worse than any romantic relationship

Sometimes the bond between the two of you is stronger than words can describe
She was my ride or die
We were always together and when we weren’t it didn’t feel right

Friendships usually last longer than most romantic relationships and you aren’t told that friendships end as well
I never saw us parting because we were two peas in a pod
We were basically sisters and family doesn’t quit on eachother
But that’s the thing
We didn’t
We just faded
We grew in two separate directions that sometimes have cross streets
But that’s not enough
I want to grow on our own but have every cross street possible
I don’t want our roads to be parallel
I want them to come back together at some point
I miss you so much and I hope you miss me too

A lot of times you can get over a breakup because the relationship wasn’t that long or you can convince yourself that they were a horrible person deep down
But we all know our former best friend was the best freaking person to walk the planet
That’s why we loved them so much

So thank you, my former best friend, for showing me what it means to be a great person. For showing me how to love other people as much as I love my family. If you ever see this please know you can always call me. Because family is forever.

—  An open letter to my former(ex) best friend

Last night I dreamt you. I dreamt us.
We lied on a couch, your fingers running through my hair, my eyes closed.
I don’t exactly remember what you said,
but what I do know is that you took one deep breath
before you leaned down and kissed me.
I felt it because your breath was hitting my face and I just stayed frozen in place,
but as soon as your lips touched mine I couldn’t even try to stay still anymore.
After a moment of letting each of our hearts melt against one another,
You pulled away for a moment and kissed me again.
I felt alive.
I felt like I could take on every single fear of mine every time your hands found their way behind my neck.
I lost my mind when you touched my face and how only by pulling me closer you caused a hurricane inside of me.
My thoughts raced to every single part of my head, trying to think how I could ever get over you if you keep doing these things.
I haven’t felt like this before.
I haven’t felt something this strong, and let me tell you;
most things in my life aren’t clear and not many things are true and make sense,
but you are the only thing that does.
You are right, you feel right.
Even if I’m scared to talk to you because I come off too strong with my emotions,
You will always have a place in my heart.
You will always have this ability to put me together and in the same sentence just rip me apart.

I don’t know why I remember it all so well, or why you felt like just heaven came down and crashed right into my chest, or if this will ever really happen, and I’m full of doubt,
But there is one truth to this.
You are all I dream about.

—  there’s a lot of things I keep to myself, but not you. never you.
vimeo.com
For Taylor

so taylorswift, this is me. My name is Caitlin, & I have loved you for so long. You inspired me to go after my dream of writing poetry, and to keep at it even when people tell me it will be impossible. I explained this all in this post, but I decided I would post this separate as well. One of the very first poems I wrote was this one, to you. It isn’t the best, honestly. I wrote it when I was young & some parts make me cringe but I don’t have the heart to change it because it is the first time I ever cried writing a poem. Hell, this is the first time I’ve ever posted a video of myself reading any of my poems, so I guess this really is a first. I’m so sorry it’s so long, I just had so much to say to you. I guess everything in there gets the important bits. I really hope I get to meet you this year, Taylor, and thank you for everything in person. I love you.

OK SO THIS HAPPENED

I READ A POEM I WROTE ABOUT BEING TRANSGENDER IN CLASS AND I ALMOST CRIED BECAUSE I WAS SCARED. I TOLD EVERYONE I WAS TRANS

HERE’S THE POEM:

They/them are valid and real

Rallies started by anti-trans supporters are protesting

Agender isn’t fake, I know people who identify with it

New transgender people are scared to tell people their gender

Society pushes them away, screaming that they’re freaks

Get out of this bathroom, you’re not a boy!” people shout

Even some parents don’t accept their trans children

No, transgender is not the same thing as transsexual

Don’t call me a she, I’m a he

Everyone needs to use correct pronouns

Reading this poem to you is a trans guy, an activist and on a mission


Everyone was silent for almost a minute, then the clapping was started. people congratulated me, even though i had a minor panic attack in the middle of reading it. people were proud of me for telling them this, not scared or concerned like other things i’ve said.