cried so hard when reading the book

angsty relationship asks

why? bc i’ve been dying with r76 lately

(this doesn’t have to be necessarily romance-oriented)

  1. do they have a lot of arguments? if so, over what?
  2. who apologizes first? in what way? is it hard for either of them to apologize?
  3. which one has more insecurities? over what?
  4. who gets more riled up? do they show their anger? 
  5. how do they hide their pain when they’re upset? do they try to hide their pain?
  6. who tries to make up first? does it work?
  7. would they hate-fuck if they were mad at one another? if they had a falling out?
  8. do they hold grudges? is it hard for them to let go/forgive each other?
  9. is there something big that could potentially tear them apart if it was revealed? 
  10. if something already happened to tear them apart, what would make them come back together? is it even possible?
  11. what’s their favorite pass time when they’re upset?
  12. who do they confide in when shit hits the fan (besides each other)?
  13. is it hard for them to talk about their feelings openly with each other? if so, is there any way that can be resolved, even in the slightest?
  14. who grieves more when the other is away?
  15. who misses the other more, or really thinks about them more?
  16. do either of them have a special item (an article of clothing, a necklace, a book) that they use when they miss the other? if so, what is it? what do they do with it (read, wear, look at, smell)?
  17. who cries more? who gets more emotional in general?
  18. do either of them have the other’s stuff lying around their house?
  19. how about teasing? do they tease each other while in a fight (whether it be with themselves or just general teasing)?
  20. do either of them have any vices?
  21. what’s the thing they miss most about each other?
  22. what’s their go-to breakup/angst song?
  23. who’s more jealous?
  24. who is the first to forgive?
  25. what’s the one deal breaker for either of them (lack of communication, fear of commitment, etc)?
  26. who would take longer to let go? do they ever really “let go”?
  27. which is more afraid of confrontation?
  28. who’s the first to distance themselves (if either)?
  29. who’s more patient? is it hard to break that patience?
  30. who’s the first to blame themselves? 
  31. who’s more likely to do something out of spite?
  32. who would be the first to say they hate the other? would they mean it?
  33. who worries more?
  34. what scent reminds them of the other?
  35. do they have any regrets (regarding the other, or just in general)?
  36. who’s quicker to walk away if a situation gets heated?
  37. who is more prone to anger?
  38. who cries more in an argument? do either of them cry?
  39. does it take a lot for it to get to the point of yelling?
  40. who sleeps on the couch? can either of them sleep without the other?
  41. who’s more likely to protect the other?
  42. if one of them gets injured, who worries more?
  43. who would be more afraid of the other’s death/harm?
  44. who ends up yelling first? are they always yelling when arguing, or do neither of them yell at all?
  45. who would be more likely to save who? 
  46. who stays up at night brooding?
  47. who has more dreams/nightmares about the other?
  48. who comforts who after a bad dream/event?
  49. do they think about each other a lot? does it affect their performance/schoolwork?
  50. if one of them were to come back after a long time, who would come to who? would it go well? would the other person take them back?
Can we talk about dad Draco?

A lot of people have been talking about Albus’ relationship with Harry, but what about Scorpius and Draco? Honestly from what I’ve read about the cursed child (I’m like halfway through) Draco is the best dad. Can you just imagine:

- when Scorpius is born, Draco promising he’ll try his best and insisting he’s the most beautiful baby he’s ever seen
- Draco always willing to wake up all the times baby Scorp cries and spends hours cooing and rocking him. Even spending nights sleeping in on the couch with Scorpius on his chest
- Draco teaching him an instrument
- Draco and Astoria making a little concert with their house elves so Scorpius can preform with an audience
- Draco feeling happy when the house elves calls Scorpius ‘master sweetie’ because he’s taught his son to be kind to everyone and humble
- Draco trying to get Scorpius to make friends with other kids his age so he isn’t lonely
- Draco getting heartbroken when the kids call Scorpius Voldemort’s son
- Draco constantly fighting with he ministry to stop the rumours because it hurts him to see Scorpius cries
- Draco being extremely worried when Scorpius goes to Hogwarts because he doesn’t want him bullied
- Draco pining the first letter from Scorpius that says he’s made a friend even though he’s a Potter
- Draco insisting Scorpius to invite Albus to spend the break with them
- Draco making sure everything is perfect when the Potters let Albus stay over
- Draco telling the boys cool stories about anything they want while making them hot cocoa
- Draco tucking them both in and wishing them sweet dreams
- Draco not only being there for Scorpius but being there for Albus because he knows what it’s like to feel like to not live up to your parents expectations
-Draco literally knowing everything about Scorpius because his son trusts him
- Draco and Scorpius bonding time is sitting in Draco’s office, with Scorpius’ feet on Draco’s lap reading in silence. Occasionally sharing lines in their books they find interesting/funny
- When Astoria falls ill, Draco makes sure she and Scorpius spends everyday of the summer together
- when she dies, Draco holds his son all night as he cries promising that they can get through this
- Draco never crying in front of his son because he just knows how hard it is for his son to loose his mother
- Draco taking Scorpius somewhere cool for Christmas so they don’t have to realize that it’s their first Christmas without Astoria
- EVERYTHING HE DOES AND SAYS IN CURSED CHILD, THANK YOU VERY MUCH
- Draco reminding Scorpius that no matter what he’s always there for him

SUPPORTIVE DAD DRACO IS MY FAVOURITE DRACO. HE DESERVES THE FATHER OF THE YEAR AWARD I SWEAR

anonymous asked:

Hi! So this might have already been clarified somewhere but do you know if this novella is going to interact with all the characters or just chaols perspective? :)

From what Sarah has said, I believe Tower of Dawn started out as a smallish novella from Chaol’s perspective, which would have basically covered what he was up to on the Southern Continent while Aelin & co. were on their assorted adventures in Empire of Storms. 

It evolved, though, into a full-length novel. Sarah said she just loved exploring that part of the world and the storyline that she couldn’t hold herself back! She said in her newsletter that she would consider it an installment in the main series because it includes so many vital plot points and characters. 

From what I understand Chaol may cross paths with the characters we know and love, but this book will mostly center around him and Nesryn and their adventures down South. Plus we’ll get to see some old characters, like Yrene Towers (from The Assassin’s Blade)! 

The book was last clocked at 665 freakin’ word doc pages (so even longer in print), and Sarah refers to it as TOG6 rather than a novella or side project. It’s definitely a real part of the series!

Here’s a snippet from one of Sarah’s newsletters:

I knew this story was one I was aching to tell, but I had no idea just how much it would come to mean to me and how much of what happens within it winds up playing a big role in the TOG series. I’d even go so far as to call it the sixth book in the series (that much vital stuff happens/is discovered), which means the last book is now…Book 7?

Chaol has always been one of my favorite characters to write, and his journey in this book… Oh man, there were times when I cried so hard I could barely see the screen as I wrote. Drafting this book reminded me a great deal of what it was like to write Heir of Fire (which will always hold a special place in my heart for many reasons).

But I also fell in love with the other characters who appear, both new and old (Nesryn, of course, will be there, but if you haven’t read The Assassin’s Blade, I’d suggest doing so…soon.). And I fell in love with the world of the southern continent, with its ancient, epic history and people hailing from so many nations and backgrounds. Getting to explore this pocket of the world was one of the major highlights while writing this book, and at the risk of sounding trite, I hope you guys love it as much as I do. 

Queer YA Books: Read

so here’s a list of books I’ve read for my project to read as many gay YA books as I can, as requested by @arabian-batboy and an anon friend, these will be listed in order by author’s last name, if I don’t link the book it’s because I didn’t think it’s worth reading, I’ll make comments on the one’s I think are best :) hope this is useful :) 

1. Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli (very good, re-read a few times now)

2. Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

3. No Strings by Sara Alva 

4. Social Skills by Sara Alva 

5. Silent by Sara Alva (good book, there’s stuff about abuse and such, if you like sad but beautiful and happy at the end book, a go to)

6. The Island of Beyond by Elizabeth Atkinson (all the gay stuff is subtext, but cute coming of age) 

7. One Man Guy by Michael Barakiva (cute re-read a few times now)

8. Wonders of the Invisible World by Christopher Barzak (yes read it, now)

9. I am J by Cris Beam

10. Something Like Summer by Jay Bell 

11. Kamikaze Boys by Jay Bell 

12. Vintage: A Ghost Story by Steve Berman

13. The Darkest Part of the Forest by Holly Black (if you liked “I’ll Give You the Sun” this is a must read, I view those books as spirt twins, go read this now)

14. That One Kid Who Freaked Out, Or Whatever by A.J.J. Bourque

15. For a Price by Hallie Burton

16. Gives Light by Rose Christo (first in a series, kinda goes off the rails latter on with drama overload, but this first one was very good)

17. Naomi and Ely’s No Kiss List by Rachel Cohn/David Levithan

18. Nick & Norah’s Infinite Playlist by Rachel Cohn/David Levithan (not gay as such, but queer characters make up the background of the book, worth reading if you’ve never really enjoyed a straight romance)

19. Invisibility by Andrea Cremer/David Levithan (again not gay, but a main supporting character is and his queerness is a big part of the story)

20. Beautiful Music for Ugly Children by Kirstin Cronn-Mills

21. Carry the Ocean by Heidi Cullinan (mental health is the theme and it’s the only book with an autistic main character I haven’t felt offended by so there’s that)

22. Aaron’s Story by Mason Dodd

23. Braden’s Story by Mason Dodd

24. Superhero by Eli Easton

25. Rosie and the Quarry Ghost by Rachel Eliason

26. Caged in Myth by J.T. Fairfield

27. The Great American Whatever by Tim Federle

28. The Screwed Up Life of Charlie the Second by Drew Ferguson

29. Being True by Jacob Z. Flores

30. Eagle Peak by Elizabeth Fontaine

31. Sweaters & Cigarettes by Mika Fox

32. All The Colors Of Love by Jessica Freely

33. The Battle for Jericho by Gene Gant

34. Lucky Linus by Gene Gant

35. Symptoms of Being Human by Jeff Garvin

36. The Boy’s Own Manual to Being a Proper Jew by Eli Glasman

37. Two Parties, One Tux, and a Very Short Film about The Grapes of Wrath by  Steven Goldman

38. The Mariposa Club by Rigoberto González

39. Tales from Foster High by John Goode (something of a classic)

40. Will Grayson, Will Grayson by John Green/David Levithan

41. Half Bad by Sally Green (will make you sad)

42. Half Wild by Sally Green (will make you cry)

43. Half Lost by Sally Green (will break your heart and step on the pieces and you’ll never be ok again)

44. None of the Above by I.W. Gregorio

45. The Last Exit to Normal by Michael Harmon 

46. Geography Club by Brent Hartinger

47. Totally Joe by James Howe (OMG one of my all time favorite books ever, if you love adorable, fluff, heartfelt, or were ever a little gay boy in middle school this is a must must read, must) 

48. After School Activities by Dirk Hunter

49. The Five Stages of Andrew Brawley by Shaun David Hutchinson

50. We Are the Ants by Shaun David Hutchinson

51. Problems I’m Having by Sam Isaacs

52. The Boy Who Couldn’t Fly Straight by Jeff Jacobson (loved this but there likely won’t be a sequel so if you can live never knowing go for it)

53. Haffling by Caleb James (loved it, magic, gays, growing up poor)

54. T.E.D. by Jayson James

55. Know Not Why by Hannah Johnson

56. On the Right Track by Sam Kadence

57. Intervention by Mia Kerick

58. The Red Sheet by Mia Kerick (I loved this one a lot) 

59. Us Three by Mia Kerick

60. Inclination by Mia Kerick

61. Not Broken, Just Bent by Mia Kerick

62. The Lightning-Struck Heart by T.J. Klune (why aren’t you reading this? you need to be reading this book, like now! it’s basically grown in a lab to be the book for Tumblr!) 

63. Openly Straight by Bill Konigsberg (I need to go re-read this)

64. Out of the Pocket by Bill Konigsberg

65. Absolutely Positively Not by David LaRochelle

66. Every Day by David Leviathan

67. Boy Meets Boy by David Leviathan (Classic maybe the first LGBT YA book to really make it or be published, it amazes me that it’s already 12 years old but it’s still special and true after all these years) 

68. How to Repair a Mechanical Heart by J.C. Lillis (a book about gay nerds and shipping, you know you want to read it)

69. Signs by Anna Martin

70. A Broken Kind of Life by Jamie Mayfield (I liked it but it’s very intense with rather upsetting themes) 

71. When Ryan Came Back by Devon McCormack (ghost boyfriends!) 

72. Vivaldi in the Dark by Matthew J. Metzger 

73. The Before Now and After Then by Peter Monn

74. Hero by Perry Moore (Moore’s death shortly after writing this book is one of the greatest losses that gay lit or superhero fiction could suffer)

75. Teeth by Hannah Moskowitz

76. Marco Impossible by Hannah Moskowitz

77. hidden by Tomas Mournian

78. Heavyweight by M.B. Mulhall

79. Birds on a Wire by Ellen Mulholland

80. I’ll Give You the Sun by Jandy Nelson (every time I bring up that I like gay/queer YA books this one comes up, so I assume it doesn’t need me cheerleading it)

81. The Rest of Us Just Live Here by Patrick Ness (really cute and funny spoof of your standard YA hero story, but also has a lot of heart and soul)

82. More Than This by Patrick Ness

83. Fearless by Chris O'Guinn

84. Unintended by M.J. O'Shea

85. I’ll Always Miss You by Raine O'Tierney

86. M or F? by Lisa Papademetriou/Chris Tebbetts

87. Play Me, I’m Yours by Madison Parker (loved it, re-read it a lot)

88. Here’s to You, Zeb Pike by Johanna Parkhurst

89. Outtakes of A Walking Mistake by Anthony Paull 

90. Sprout by Dale Peck

91. Band Fags! by Frank Anthony Polito

92. Drama Queers! by Frank Anthony Polito

93. When Everything Feels Like the Movies by Raziel Reid (cries and cries, sad ending)

94. The Hidden Oracle by Rick Riordan (why yes its a Percy Jackson book with a bi/pansexual main character and a gay teenage boy couple as major characters, why haven’t you read it yet?) 

95. Carry On by Rainbow Rowell (awesome book, amazing, must read, go read it now!) 

96. My Awesome/Awful Popularity Plan by Seth Rudetsky

97. Bait by Alex Sanchez

98. The God Box by Alex Sanchez

99. Rainbow Boys by Alex Sanchez (another early classic got me through high school) 

100. So Hard to Say by Alex Sanchez (my favorite thing Sanchez has ever done, adorable) 

101. Getting It by Alex Sanchez

102. Fans of the Impossible Life by Kate Scelsa 

103. Drag Teen by Jeffery Self 

104. Playing by the Book by S. Chris Shirley

105. More Happy Than Not by Adam Silvera (heart breaker) 

106. Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith

107. Freak Show by James St. James (oh my god, James you beautify man you thanks for all you do) 

108. Wrestling with Desire by D.H. Starr

109. Ray of Sunlight by Brynn Stein (I’m not crying you’re crying!)

110. Imaginary by Jamie Sullivan 

111. Rock by Anyta Sunday

112. (In)visible by Anyta Sunday

113. 366 Days by Kiyoshi Tanaka (honestly my favorite book on here, I can re-read it in like 3 hours because I won’t stop for anything, that said it’s also maybe the darkest and most intense book here, not to say there aren’t cute and sweet moments lots of those, but also darkness, you’ve been warned)

114. Because You’ll Never Meet Me by Leah Thomas (great book) 

115. Just Between Us by J.H. Trumble

116. The Price of Falling by Melanie Tushmore

117. Highly Illogical Behavior by John Corey Whaley

118. Teenage Rewrite by Brandon Williams

119. What They Always Tell Us by Martin Wilson

120. Parrotfish by Ellen Wittlinger 

121. Turning 16 by Perie Wolford

122. A Boy Like Me by Jennie Wood

123. Suicide Watch by Kelley York (another good but dark book)

hope this is helpful to some one and I hope you find a book you enjoy, let me know I’d love to hear what people think when they read something from this list :) 

An analysis of the scene in EoS when Aelin hits Manon

I want to talk about the scene in EoS when Aelin hits Manon. I’m starting with the myth of the White Demon/Blackbeak Heir because a brief analysis of Manon’s character will be helpful to understanding why Manon did not fight back or retaliate when she was hit (and also why Rowan and Aedion stood by and let it happen).

Trust me when I say that, I could write essays on Manon’s character and why she does the things she does. But for the sake of wanting to discuss the scene where Aelin hits Manon and why Manon does not defend herself, I’m gonna start with a quick and dirty rundown of Manon. And I’m going to leave a LOT out.

TRIGGER WARNING: I’m going to touch on Manon’s abuse at the hands of her grandmother. I’m not going to delve any further than what we can infer from the abuse that is blatantly obvious in the books. I also want to say that @itach-i has an in depth analysis of Manon’s abuse coming out that will fully explain Manon as a character who had been (emotionally, physically, and sexually) abused. I also want to say that without  @itach-i thoughts on Manon’s abuse, this post never would have happened. I knew Manon had been abused, but the extent to which I had not considered until she pointed it out to me. So thanks!

Manon Blackbeak Created Her Own Myth

Keep reading

It’s hard to explain to someone who isn’t wholly a bibliophile that yes, I buy books because they have beautiful covers and incredible stories and worlds and characters that I love to get lost in and even seeing their spines and titles on my shelves brings back the exact moment I read a scene that made me laugh so hard I cried or when I was so lost in another place, in someone else, that I didn’t realize it was three in the morning until I’d read the last line and it was completely worth the loss of sleep to spend every second inside the words printed on those pages nestled snugly on my bookshelf so I can return to that moment anytime I so wish. 

Do you ever just think about Burr being madly in love with Theodosia and just willing to do any and everything for her and just thinking she’s so beautiful and so smart and constantly wondering what the hell he did to deserve her

And when they met he was probably fumbling and stuttering and that is so far from normal that he knew from that very moment Theodosia would be special to him and instead of just brushing him off for being a literal Mess™ she giggles and introduces herself and even gives him her number

And when he finds out she’s married he doesn’t even care because he’s pretty much head over heels for her at this point and he knows how these situations usually go and when she goes into the expected “I’m going to leave him for you” spiel, he doesn’t take it that seriously because cmon, everyone who cheats says that. But he’s just so taken by her that he’s happy to have anything with her, even if that means they have to sneak around and keep it a secret

But then one day she’s walking into his apartment with her things and asking if maybe he knows a good lawyer who could handle her divorce and he can’t stop smiling and kissing her but the kiss is ruined because they’re both smiling way too hard and he helps her bring all her things in

So they’re living together and Burr finally passes the bar and Theodosia is so proud of him and they go out to celebrate. Eventually he starts looking for a job and I just want him being super nervous before every interview but Theodosia is just straightening his tie and handing him his briefcase and shaking her head because “you’re going to do fine, believe me” and it calms him down every time and he’s still wondering what the hell he did to deserve her

And they have anniversaries that neither of them make too big of a deal about but they celebrate anyway by going to Theodosia’s favorite restaurant and exchanging gifts and then getting into their pajamas and watching movies until they pass out on the couch

And Aaron is probably the sweetest, bringing Theodosia flowers randomly just because he feels like it or he knows they’re her favorites and making her breakfast on the weekends and he’s just so lucky and can’t help but want to let everyone know that so all he talks about at work and with his friends is “Theodosia this” and “Theodosia that” with the goofiest smile on his face

And then she’s proposing to him because of course she beats him to it. And she does it in the silliest, cutest way that has Aaron cracking up but also tearing up a little bit (even though he’ll never admit it) and he goes in his sock drawer to get the ring that he was going to purpose to her with, if she didn’t beat him to it of course

And not too long after they’re married, Theodosia is pregnant and she holds off telling Aaron for a while because they’ve never really talked about kids and even though she wants this kid so bad, she doesn’t know what Aaron will think at all. But she knows that if she doesn’t tell him anything, it can only end badly.

She expects him to be shocked. Maybe pass out like they do in the movies. She even had a dream where he looks disappointed and tries to tell her he hates kids in the overly polite way he talks to his clients. She doesn’t expect for Burr to get excited. To start calling everyone he knows and to hug her tightly before jumping back and rubbing her stomach apologetically even though she’s not even showing yet

And of course he wants to name their daughter after her. Theodosia thinks it’s ridiculous but Aaron thinks it’s a beautiful name and they fight over it for months but it’s official the first time Aaron holds that screaming baby and smiles so hard his cheeks start to hurt but he sings to her and calls her “Theodosia” and they both know that’s it. Their little Theodosia Jr.

Theodosia doesn’t start getting sick until years later. When Theo is old enough to realize something is wrong, but doesn’t really know how to react. They try to keep it from her and pretend her mom is fine but she’s smart dammit. She’s six, she knows her mom is getting sick, and it’s a lot worse than a cold.

Theodosia is in and out of hospitals and confined to her bed most of the time, but Aaron is there for all of it. Every goddamn second. He’ll use up all his sick days to stay home with her, despite her arguments. He learns how to do Theo’s hair and takes her to school and cooks dinner and cleans the house and does everything Theodosia was doing because she doesn’t have the energy to do it now, and he never complains. He’s happy to do everything without complaint if that means Theodosia gets better.

She doesn’t though. She gets worse and worse and when Theo is at school, Aaron stays in bed with her crying into her shoulder because they both know that she’s not getting better by this point. That there’s not much time left and that Aaron is struggling to figure out what he’s going to do without her.

Those last few days are all spent together. They all stay in bed with her and watch movies and talk and tell jokes and try so hard not to think about what’s coming in only a matter of days.

Neither of them expected Theo to take it this well. Instead of crying and avoiding them completely or being in denial, she’s by her moms side as often as she can be. Doing an even better job in school than usual so she can come back home and show her mom. Make her smile when she sees how smart and amazing her daughter is. She reads her mom her favorite books even if she’s not too sure what they’re about and she hugs her and tells her she loves her everyday and Theodosia just loves her daughter so much and she’s glad she gets to have this before her time is up

And when it is, little Theo finally cries. She sits in Aaron’s lap and she bawls because she was trying so hard for so long to stay strong for her mother and now it’s all coming out and Aaron swore he wouldn’t cry in front of Theo but she’s so heartbroken and he just lost his wife so they sit there on the couch and cry into each other’s shoulders

anonymous asked:

what's ur opinion of 13 reasons why?

this is a hard question to answer. i survived a suicide attempt and so i cried a lot in the last episode. i think that it did a better job than the book not romanticizing mental illness (although i last read the book when i was like 13) so there’s that. honestly i think it was done pretty well but the idea of a girl killing herself and then sending tapes telling everyone who ever hurt her how badly they damaged her when she didn’t say anything when she was alive and therefore doesn’t give them even the opportunity to resolve anything throws me. it’s also five am and i’m not very awake so if this makes no sense i apologize

Laughing and Crying at the Weight of It All

This past week, I have read all of John Green’s books for the millionth time. (Realistically, it probably hasn’t been a million times, but you get the point.) Like every other time I’ve read them, I cried. Bawled like a baby. Bawled so hard I had to take breaks where I’d set the book down and just breathe. That’s how much these books impact me.

I first happened across John’s books in 2012, when The Fault in Our Stars was published. Around that time, my family had decided to move from a place we had lived for over 6 years to a new state, the summer before my eighth grade year. I read many books that summer, but had not yet found John Green’s. School started after a summer of forced activities (my mom thought this would help my brothers and I make friends) and I was unhappy. It was too humid, math was stressful, and because it was the last year of middle school everyone already had friend groups that had no room for one more kid. Lunch was especially dreadful, and I had started to give up any hope of enjoying my new state. One day when I was hiding inside the library, I stumbled across a book: The Fault in Our Stars. It looked interesting enough, so I checked it out and dove straight into it as soon as I got home.

That same day, I finished The Fault in Our Stars. I kept that book, but went back to the library for others, where I found Looking for Alaska and Paper Towns. By the end of the week, I had finished all three and found a new obsession. School still sucked, but I realized that sometimes, somewhere, for someone, life sucked. So I could deal with school, and eventually found people who liked these books just as much as I did.

A year later, we moved back to our old state, and it was as if I had never even left, besides all the memories and experiences I had gained from living somewhere else. I still read John Green’s books, and watched Crash Course for school. Life was good.

Another year later, and The Fault in Our Stars became a movie. My friends suddenly became obsessed, and as obsessed as I was, I was more than happy to welcome them into my obesession with open arms. When Augustus died in the movie, I was surrounded by a storm of sobbing teenage girls. Instead of crying over Augustus, I was laughing and crying at the weight of it all. It was as if a dam had just opened and everything I was feeling flooded out: relief that I had the friends I had, that I lived where I lived, that everything I had experienced in my life was my life. I loved that book and that movie. As a senior in high school, I still love that book and that movie. I love John and Hank’s videos, and I love the messages they send to young people. I love everything about this community, and am so glad I found it when I did.

Thanks to all of you, and DFTBA

(via @memeormeemee)

Don’t Leave Home

Title comes this song, and it just compliments that hazy morning coziness between reader and Bucky, so feel free to listen while you read!

Thank you so much @wellthatsrandomkek for requesting this adorable little fic, I really hope you like it, but I think I might have gone overboard on the fluff but I couldn’t help it! Please let me know what you think doll and thank you for requesting  ❤❤

Requests are now open again and feedback is so very much appreciated, every little bit is like treasure to me ❤

Request: Your stories are some of the cutest and when I found that your requests are open, I couldn’t refuse. Could you please make one where bucky and reader wakes up beside each other for the first time and it’s all staying in bed, cuddling and fluff? ❤

Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff! 

Words: c.1,240


Originally posted by closer-to-the-edge-of-glory

Soft and golden light shone in through a tiny crack in the heavy-set curtains and it cast the room in a warm golden glow. Despite it being the middle of Fall and the morning air being cool Bucky knew it was going to be a beautiful day.

He couldn’t move to check the time for fear of waking you, but he figured it was still early morning.

You were curled into his side, cheek pressed against his chest and one hand splayed across his stomach. He pressed his lips gently to the top of your head savouring the scent of your hair and his heart felt so much in that moment, he thought it would surely burst from the emotions he was trying so hard to process.

He took in your peaceful form and he wanted to savour every single moment of this feeling because he’d never seen you so still or so quiet, and you were so beautiful.

You sighed in your sleep and moved your hand ever so slightly igniting sparks throughout all of Bucky’s nerves.

How could someone so inherently perfect, pure and beautiful end up sharing his bed? How did he ever even get to lay his hands on you? His hands that had done so much bad, absolutely dwarfed your tiny ones that had done nothing but bring goodness and protection to this world.

“You know I can hear the gears turning in your head,” you whispered and when he looked down you were staring back up at him under your eyelashes and he squeezed you to him in response.

“What are you thinking about Buck?” you asked gently and he cursed your ability to read him like a book.

“I-” he began but was almost choked by emotion –“You’re just so beautiful and I don’t deserve you,” he whispered and swallowed hard.

“Bucky,” you cried, eyeing him sympathetically, a conflicted look crossing your face.

“There’s something I want to tell you,” you whispered against his skin, and you felt him freeze and his heart rate thumped quicker against your ear, so you sat up to look at him properly, soft sheets slipping down your back.

When you looked into his eyes, you found he couldn’t hold your gaze, and you reached forward to push a strand of his perfect chestnut coloured hair behind his ear.

“You deserve this. You deserve to be happy, do you hear me? I’m not going away and any reason you could possibly come up with in that beautiful head of yours would never be enough to send me away. So stop trying to think of reasons why we shouldn’t be together, of why we don’t deserve to be together, because for any reason you can come up with I’ll have a thousand more of my own, but the most important of those is that I am in love with you Bucky. Unequivocally in love with you.”

“I’m scared,” he admitted, clasping your hand, “For the first time in years it feels like I could be happy. This”- he said linking his hand with yours –“feels like home and I keep expecting something awful to happen because I don’t deserve to be happy y/n. But when I’m with you everything feels right again, and I couldn’t live with myself if you got hurt because of me.”

“Do you trust me?” you wondered gently.

“Of course,” he answered in a heartbeat.

“Then let me be your safety. Let me look after you Bucky, look how quiet the world is when it’s just me and you, so don’t go leaving home on me. From now on if you’re cold I’ll keep you warm and if you feel lost you just hold on to me.”

“Don’t leave home?” he repeated and finally that smile you adored so much broke out across his worried features, “If you’re my home, then I’m going nowhere!”

“Good!” you responded scooting down in the bed, pulling him with you “because all I want to do today is cuddle, just me and you.”

“That could be arranged,” he smirked pulling you against his body.

“I want to wake up beside you every day,” he told you honestly, and you leaned into his touch.

“I want to wake up beside you every day too,” you admitted listening to the silent thumping of his heart in your ear, drawing silent patterns across his abs with your fingers.


You had kissed Bucky with a soft languidly when he nudged at your neck with his nose and you had moulded to him as he pulled you closer, so much so that you weren’t quite sure where you ended and where he began and it pained you that Bucky thought that he was the only one with anything to gain in this relationship because he was everything you had even wanted in a man, and you tried to tell him this in the way you kissed him, and the way he responded told you that he knew.


You awoke sometime later in the morning, the space beside you was cold and Bucky was gone. Sitting up you wrapped the sheets around your frame to stop from shivering, you sighed wondering if Bucky had gone to work out, or maybe you’d slept in for too long and he grew bored, eitherway you hadn’t meant to fall back asleep.

The bedroom door swung open and you were greeted by the sight of Bucky walking backwards into the room, clearly carrying something heavy in his arms, and that was when the smell hit you.

“Oh no doll, you’re supposed to be still asleep,” he sighed when he finally turned around “you’ve ruined the surprise now!”

You took in the contents of the tray he was clasping, two cups of coffee sat either side of a giant stack of pancakes and an option of various toppings.

“Did you do all this?” you asked in sheer adoration as he laid the tray down on the middle of the bed and climbed carefully on, sitting down the opposite end of the bed but facing you.

“I was thinking while you were sleeping,” he began and you shot him a glare, “No, no it’s nothing bad. I was just thinking that maybe we could be each other’s safety. If you’re going to look after me, then I want to look after you. I’ll give this- I’ll give you everything I got. So that means no more doubts and plenty of breakfasts in bed.”

You took his flesh hand in yours and pressed a kiss to his knuckles, and his face flushed but he was smiling.

“What are your plans for the day Buck?” you asked and he smiled.

“You’re my plans,” he told you softly, “I was thinking maybe after breakfast we could cuddle up in bed and watch movies, I just want to spend the day with you, it’s our first day off in weeks and I just want to enjoy being here in this moment with you.”

“Don’t leave home,” you proposed lifting your coffee cup to him and picking up his own he clinked it against yours.

“Don’t leave home,” he confirmed with a lazy smile and you felt a surge of affection for him as he began to distribute pancakes onto the two empty plates that were begging to be filled and you giggled as his stomach growled aggressively, causing another little blush to sweep across his face.


Tagging: @creideamhgradochas @sydsyd1874 @ifoundlove-x0vanessa0x @markandjackaremysuperheros @ravens-2nd-blog @knittingknerdy @shamvictoria11 @buckysberrie @assembletheimagines @jennifers-bread @dearthofequanimity @sneakingpixiejutsu @bovaria @fvckingavengers @angryschnauzer @beccaanne814-blog @wellthatsrandomkek @3brosangel @palaiasaurus64@hellomissmabel ​​ @mitra-k-w @nikkitia7@fantasticimpaladoctor @britishrogue24 @buckyywiththegoodhair

If you would like to be added to, or removed from this list please just let me know x

W Two Worlds

To those of you, who say Kang Chul is just a character in a comic book…

You, I mean you, you have not read a book as if you lived in that universe and knew those characters have you?  You have not cried so hard that someone thought you were sick, have you?  You have never loved characters in a book, have you?  You have not waited on a bated breath for the next book in the series have you?

You have never gotten butterflies when those idiot characters in that stupid book kissed have you?  You have not bawled your eyes out when they had to separate, have you? And you did not feel your life was joyful because those stupid characters in that stupid book had that fun moment, have you?

Read a book like you mean it.

And then come and say ‘Kang Chul is just a comic book character’.

If you say that after reading a book, Then I will simply tell you this, you lack imagination. 

anonymous asked:

how chocobros will respond to a series of books / films about Harry Potter? (Favorite characters / figures, they do not like / whose death upset them, etc.)

Oh, ahh-nooon! You know how to get to me! FFXV and Harry Potter, two things I absolutely adore! I’m going to go ahead and sort our loves as well ;). Also, I’m a Ravenclaw + Thunderbird for those wondering, hehe.

Chocobros + Harry Potter

Noctis:

House: Hufflepuff.
To me, it’s rather obvious that Noct is a Hufflepuff. Many place him in Gryffindor, but all of his personality traits scream Hufflepuff. He is patient, loyal, dedicated, kind, tolerant, and self sacrificing, to say the least. The prince spent a majority of his life, twelve years of it, sending stickers back and forth with Luna. While he could have been seeing another girl, he remained loyal to her, even when he wasn’t betrothed to her. The amount of dedication and love he displays to his brothers is so great as well. While he may be a bit snarky and hardheaded, he cares so deeply for those around him. And I don’t think I need to go into him being self sacrificing, do I? Good. Because I’ll end up crying.

Unsurprisingly, Noct relates a lot to Harry. The hero that doesn’t initially want to be the hero. The hero that has to give himself up for the greater good. While he was a teenager, Noct read the Harry Potter series after Ignis convinced him he couldn’t just watch the movies. The teen prince became hooked on the books, relating deeply to the angst and uncertainty Harry felt in having unwanted eyes looking into every aspect of his life due to fame. Noct doesn’t really have a favorite character because he likes all of the heroes of the story. This leads into the idea that he was super upset any time something drastic happened to one of our heroes; each and every death hit him hard because they were sacrificing themselves for Harry and his purpose in the end.

Prompto:

House: Hufflepuff.
I had such a hard time sorting this boy. Hufflepuff or Gryffindor? Yes, Gryffindor. Fight me. While he may not be the most daring and admits to having fears, I think this speaks a lot into his bravery. He grew up in Insomnia by himself. He lived each day knowing that he harbored a secret that could turn others against him. Prompto faces his fears over and over again, whether he wants to or not. The core of bravery is doing something even though you’re scared, and Prompto does that again and again. It takes a lot to stand up to your fears and he lives with them constantly weighing him down, but he does his best to never show it. However, I believe he is loyal to a fault; he endured suffering for Noct’s sake. He returned to a land that would try to do who can even imagine what to him if they realized who and what he truly was. Prompto brushes off the fact that Noct flat out attacked him, believing it wasn’t Noct’s fault, something only a Hufflepuff could possibly fathom doing.

Prompto’s favorite part of the wizarding world is easily all of the creatures. He would spend his childhood days drawing the creatures to match the descriptions of the book, getting so excited when he saw that the creatures in the movies looked similar to his drawing. The kid hoped to have a hippogriff his whole life and was sorely disappointed when he realized they were made up creatures. Like most of us, Prompto absolutely hated Umbridge and her embodiment of evil and he cried when he read Dobby’s death. As for favorite characters, he would easily say Sirius Black because of his ability to transform into a dog. Oh, and he’s a pretty awesome guy, too.

Ignis:

House: Ravenclaw.
Believe it or not, it’s a toss up between Ravenclaw and Slytherin for Iggy. He is so ridiculously smart and incredibly cunning. Not only does he have book smarts, but he is a skilled tactician that knows how to hit the enemy hard right where it hurts. Overall though, Iggy is wise, has a sharp wit, and has an unending dedication to his work. I think it’s fairly obvious that he’s a Ravenclaw, so I’ll move on now, haha.

Ignis doesn’t understand why everyone compares him to Hermione. Especially Gladio. He can’t stand when Gladio calls him that. He’s completely unaware of the the similarities between him and Hermione, even though it’s obvious to everyone else. Iggy was the only reason Noct decided to read the books, primarily because the prince was lectured about how he should actually pick up a book and properly culture himself instead of lounging around watching movies. Ignis’s favorite character is Remus Lupin because he relates to him, especially his intelligence and loyalty. Needless to say, he was greatly upset when Lupin was killed; not only was he killed, but his death didn’t get prior recognition, a travesty in Iggy’s mind and mine.

Gladiolus:

House: Gryffindor.
Duh. While he is ambitious like a Slytherin, Gladio is basically Godric Gryffindor himself. Confident and daring, Gladio puts it all out on the line to protect Noct and Lucis. He isn’t afraid to engage in heroics or be the shield of the other bros. This one, again, seems like it fits easily, so I’ll move on!

Gladio has only seen four of the eight movies and he doesn’t even remember which ones he’s seen. However, he has read all of the books. When he was a child, his mother would read books to him before he went to sleep, so he’s always had a special place in his heart for all books, including the Harry Potter series. Ron is his favorite because he’s the loyal friend and needed goofball. Gladio is really fond of the entire Weasley family in general because they remind him of his own family dynamics, just on a much larger scale. Considering his great love for the family, Gladio was shocked by Fred’s death - he had to stop reading the book for a couple of days before he could continue.

Books

Matthew is eight years old. He sits on the floor, crosslegged, with a book in his lap and his eyes wide.

Isobel watches from the couch, as he is entranced by the book, slowly tracing his eyes over the words and smiling every once in a while, or rounding his mouth into a ‘o’ shape.

He finishes reading a page, but he hesitates to turn it. He stares at the carpet in front of him, and then at the words again, and finally turns his head to his mother.

“Why does the cat walk by himself?” he asks.

Isobel raises an eyebrow. “I’m not sure. Does the book tell you?”

“He wants independence, which I suppose is alright, but I don’t understand. Why would he want to walk completely alone?” Matthew purses his lips. “He says all places are alike to him. But there are so many beautiful places, how could they all be alike?”

“Does the cat have any other reason for wanting to be alone?”

Matthew shrugs and closes the book. “I suppose I simply don’t understand why anyone would choose to be alone forever.”

“Neither do I, Matthew. But I’m sure the cat has his reasons.”

.

Matthew is thirteen years old. It is his birthday, and he now has exactly what he wanted as presents: books, books, and more books. They sit in a stack on his bedside table, and he sits on the edge of his bed, dangling his legs and looking over all of them, deciding which he wants to read first.

Isobel had wanted him to put them on the bookshelf in their small library, but Reginald had convinced her not to push it. “We won’t be hearing from him much either way,” he said, winking at Matthew. “Might as well let him keep them with him. They’re his.”

Matthew had smiled gratefully at his father, and had gathered up the stack of books in his arms.

He sits on the bed with two next to him to decide between: Frankenstein and The Count of Monte Cristo. He closes his eyes and happens to grab The Count of Monte Cristo.

There’s something that enthralls him about the elaborate revenge of the story, and the very fact that a man who came from nothing was able to do anything.

Matthew doesn’t come from nothing, but the story thrills him nonetheless. By the time it’s nearing midnight, his mother knocks on the door. His eyes are red and bleary, but he needs to know what happens next.

Isobel knocks on the door, comes in, pats his shoulder, and gently takes the book from his hands. “Happy birthday, my darling. Get some sleep.” She turns down the gas lamp in his room and kisses his forehead.

As soon as she leaves, Matthew turns the lamp up again and picks up his book.

.

Matthew is eighteen years old. Reginald is 56 years old. Or, at least, Reginald was 56 years old.

Matthew is without a father.

He didn’t get home in time to see Reginald, either. Matthew got on the train from Oxford as soon as he got the telegram from his mother that his father was suddenly very ill, but it was to no avail.

He had knocked on the door, and when he saw his mother’s face, he knew.

He can’t cry, though. God knows he cried on the train ride home, despite the stares. But the shock of his father’s death is cold and hard and Matthew almost doesn’t believe it. He had been so healthy and lively and suddenly…

A heart attack, Isobel had said. And like that, Reginald Crawley was gone.

Matthew comes out of his room, wandering, unsure where to go.

His feet take him to the library, and he sees a book on the table. The Divine Comedy. His father must have been reading it.

Matthew curls up on the couch, in his father’s favorite spot. It still smells like Reginald, and it comforts Matthew.

He picks up the book. His father was on the third section of the book, Paradiso. Matthew didn’t go back to the beginning, he just began to read, and something struck him.

His father had known. Why else would he have been reading a novel about heaven? This both chills Matthew and comforts him.

Matthew isn’t Catholic, but he agrees with some of the book. There is a God, and heaven, and if anyone deserves to be there, it’s Reginald Crawley.

Maybe because Reginald knew, he had left it there on purpose.

For Matthew to know.

.

Matthew is twenty-eight years old. There is something next to his bed. And on top of it, a letter. Signed ‘Mary’.

It’s been a few weeks since his birthday, and he hadn’t really expected to receive anything from her. They didn’t really get along. But there it is, a package with a letter from her.

He tentatively opens the letter. Mary’s handwriting is elegant and his heart drops in his chest.

Matthew,

I apologize for how dreadfully I have been treating you. Both my mother and my sister have brought this to my attention. (Sybil, of course; Edith might have but I would never listen to her anyway) I know I have been, although I cannot regret everything I have said, because quite a bit of it is true. I know it was your birthday a few weeks ago, and here is my late contribution. I assume you have read it, considering our conversation on the topic, but in any case, enjoy it. I doubt this can make up for what I have said to you, but I hope it can be a step in the right direction. After all, we must live with each other and peace is always preferable to war.

Mary.

Matthew tears open the package, and inside is a thin book. The story of Perseus and Andromeda.

Matthew recalls their discussion at one of his first dinners, and smiles.

This is certainly a step in the right direction.

.

Matthew is thirty-three years old. And he understands now.

He is broken beyond repair, by war and injury and heartbreak, and he sits (after all, there is nothing else he can do) with books in his lap whenever he is not too tired, and he understands so much of what he read when he was young.

He understands the cat who walked by himself. Because now he is the cat, apart from the irony that he cannot walk. But he has empathy for the cat, who wants nothing more than to be independent through a meaningless, dull life. All places look alike because there is nowhere he can go, and nothing he can do.

He understands the Count of Monte Cristo, and how his desire for revenge was both all consuming and self destructive. War has turned him into a monster, it seems, and he has such strong hatred toward the Germans. They took so many lives, the lives of his friends, his legs… But Matthew also realizes that revenge is both impossible and impractical.

He even understands his father, and why he left The Divine Comedy open on the table in the library. He has been so close to death for so long, and there is such comfort in knowing that there was life after death, that he would see his father and his friends again, and that he had a chance, too, to go somewhere far better than the earth. He isn’t afraid of death anymore; how bad could it be? To be in heaven would be far better than his meager existence.

He only doesn’t understand Perseus and Andromeda; the story of a gallant hero saving the woman he loves doesn’t strike him anymore. There is no valor, there is no honor in fighting, there is only dirt and mud and pain and screams.

Matthew used to understand heroism. But for all that he understands now, he doesn’t understand that anymore.

.

Matthew is thirty-seven years old. And everything is clear.

He sits with his four year old son on his lap, with his wife by his side, and reads the story of Perseus and Andromeda to George until he falls asleep and Matthew tucks him into bed.

Matthew understands Perseus now. He was not trying to be valiant or heroic. He just wanted to save the woman he loves.

He squeezes Mary’s hand. “Your gift has come in handy,” he says, with a smirk.

“I’m glad,” she replies, and kisses him.

Submission

The game never revealed a lot about the avatar’s past, which left a lot up to the player’s interpretation. This is my headcanon of how the avatar grew up until they met Chrom in the middle of the field. :’D (written in 2nd person hope u don’t mind ;; )

Well done! This is really awesome~

When you were but a small babe, your mother had to watch you go through a very painful process of being branded by Grima. The Grimleal’s ruthlessness didn’t end with children; they cut your small hand and spilled your blood over the stone altar. It took all of your mama’s will not to cut the dastards down while you screamed and cried through the pain. From then on, you were branded to be the lifeless puppet of some unholy god.

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Book Worm

Summary: Jongin can’t help but love the fact that you are reading one of his favorite books.
Members: Jongin (Kai) x Reader
Type: Fluff
Length: 1,289 Words

I love to read and when I read that Jongin said he loves girls who read, as well as Suho saying that, it just totally made my day. Could you imagine sitting up all night with Jongin and talking about your favorite book. It would be so cute. Anyways, hope you like this scenario <3

-Admin Kat

Originally posted by kaillusive

Your eyes were glued to the page. You didn’t move. Not for anything. Not when you needed to use the bathroom, not when your stomach began to growl, and not when you heard your phone ringing in the other room. You’re eyes hung to every word. You could feel your heart speeding as the story reached the rising action. Things were becoming intense as you read. This book… this book had been the death of you. Ups and down from all angles. You just loved it. You could not remember the last time you cried this much, or laughed his hard, or threw a book so hard.

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I just need to get real emotional about NJCon and the precious peach that is Misha goddamn Collins real quick

Okay, so I had a photo op with Misha for this year, and the pose I wanted to do involved a book that he loved called We Are Not Ourselves. He had recc’ed it and done a book club for it, and because he loved it so much and held it in such high regard, I decided to buy it and read it, too. I didn’t realize until halfway in, though, that one of the main characters has early onset Alzheimer’s, and then that just made the book even more meaningful to me.

My mom has EOA and the book just hit me so goddamn hard. I cried repeatedly, and in public, and it was just incredible. Matthew Thomas, the author, got so many things about living with someone with the disease down perfectly; when I finished the book, I sent him an email thanking him for everything, and he replied back with the sweetest email ever, and I just really wanted to have a chance to meet him at a book signing someday and tell him all of this in person. I wouldn’t have found this book without Misha’s recommendation, so I wanted to let him know that and know how important it was to me.

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Off Script: How Jonathan Groff Created That King George Accent for 'Hamilton'

The Tony nominee tells THR of being onstage for nine “exposed” minutes and what dressing-room item he values most: “A shirtless picture of Daveed Diggs.”

It only took nine minutes onstage for Jonathan Groff to make a major impression as the foppish monarch King George III in Lin-Manuel Miranda’s musical Hamilton. Besides spurring laughter throughout the Richard Rodgers Theater with just a lifted eyebrow, the actor also nabbed his second Tony nomination for the featured role. THR’s review called Groff — who starred in HBO’s Looking and originated the lead role in Spring Awakening — “enormously fun in his brief appearances, fully milking such melodically rich numbers as ‘You’ll Be Back’ for all their sardonic humor.”

Groff, 31, goes Off Script with THR to explain the roots of that carefully crafted British accent, the fan-made item in his childhood home and the reason he was often weeping backstage.

What’s the best part about playing King George?

Playing the king, you get to speak directly to the audience, and you can do anything you want. I didn’t get to have a lot of stage time with my fellow cast mates, but I got to build a relationship with the audience every night.

I also learned about how you can do a lot with very little — as in, it’s nine minutes of stage time, but also, it’s the little eye movements, eyebrow movements, hand movements. You could do one small thing and have a huge impact in a 1,300-seat Broadway theater, which is such a surprise. I could just [pout] with my lower lip and get a big laugh.

And the toughest?

Vocally, [“You’ll Be Back” and “What Comes Next”] are challenging for me to sing. And it’s very exposed — I walk out there on the edge of the stage alone.

What new habits did you adopt?

Halfway through the off-Broadway run, I decided that I wanted to do a very specific King George accent. I started slowly filtering it in, and it became my alter ego backstage. So right before I went onstage, I’d read a page from a book out loud in the accent to get into the mindset.

This young new author Isaac Oliver sent his book Intimacy Idiot to the Public Theater before it was published, and at first I thought, “Whatever,” and put it with this stack of other books. But when I started the accent, I pulled it out and it was hilarious. I read a page of it every day.

What did you given up to play the role?

Nothing. That’s the great thing about being King George. I could get as fat as I wanted to in that costume because of the giant cape.

What time did you wake up on a show day?

I’d wake up at ten and run at Equinox or Chelsea Piers, or outside.

What did you eat for dinner?

I went to Jo Allen a lot because it’s a block away, and I’d get a hot toddy and the La Scala salad with the creamy Italian dressing. I also ordered Just Salad to the theater.

What was something special in your dressing room?

A shirtless picture of Daveed Diggs.

Diggs mentioned that the cast is often dancing backstage during the show. What else did you do when you weren’t onstage?

I read all the books I always wanted to read but never did: The Agony and the Ecstasy which is a biographical novel about Michelangelo, [I reread]To Kill A Mockingbird and then Go Set a Watchmen, Between the World and Me by Ta-Nehisi Coates. That one, I was weeping in the dressing room, my mind was so blown, and then I had to go out and play this white king, and I thought, “Oh god, I am white supremacy right now,” and it seriously affected my performance.

Another time, I finished A Little Life in the middle of the first act and was crying so hard, and I went down to Leslie Odom’s dressing room because he was also reading the book. I embraced him and cried into his neck and then had to come back out and be King George!

It’s an exciting show. Did you have trouble sleeping afterward?

I’ve never had trouble sleeping in my life.

What did you do on your day off?

I love going to the movies. My favorite day was when I had an old fashioned at the Plaza Hotel and then went to the Paris Theater and saw Carol by myself.

Favorite backstage guest?

Beyonce, who loved my walk.

Best stage door reaction so far?

There was this one fan who drew this amazing picture of King George and framed it, and my mom saw it and said, “This is amazing!” So now, that picture is in my childhood home, hanging on the wall in the kitchen (x)

my mother thinks i love you
believe me
i can tell

in her eyes:
in the way she looks you
up and down
looks us
up and down
like a bar code scanner
trying its best
to make sense
of the randomness in the lines
trying its best
to make sense
of nothing

in her voice:
i can hear it
under all the casualness of questions
everything she says sounds like a siren
her voice has permanently taken up the same tone
as emergency weather warnings
she’s making smoke signals with her breath
and im trying my best to fan them away
but it’s too late
she’s suffocating me

i can feel it:
when she’s whispering to me
about you
her hands
find my wrists
and they shake
uncontrollably
absentmindedly
like someones trying to wake her up
from a nightmare

i can taste it:
her worry has leaked into her soups
she’s substituted salt
for bitterness

i can smell it:
she’s always smelled like
love
and
home
and
vanilla
but now
you’re around
and
she’s started smelling
less like vanilla
more like fire
against skin
less like home
more like cheap hotel rooms
with vodka bottles on the floor
and wine glass shards in the tub
and throw up in the sink
next to the loneliness
less like love
more like anxiety
the kind she got
when my dad left
when i broke my leg
when my brother was born
the kind
she never mastered the art of dealing with

my mother thinks i love you
believe me
i can tell
and i’m trying
so hard
to not let her disappointment
eat me alive

—  A.J.M // mothers intuition