One of my favorite part of Mass Effect (and Bioware games) is the banter. But none more than when the crew/companions comment on, with, or about your current love interest regarding said romance. If you haven’t figured it out by now … *cough*REALLY?!?*cough* … my LI is Garrus. So below are some, though I’m sure not all, of the comments that come from your crew regarding our favorite turian bad boy. These are in no particular order and contain quotes from both Mass Effect 2 and 3. Enjoy!
Tali: *drunk on the bathroom floor* Garrus … but you’re with Shepard! Oh, the three of us? Well, hmm …
Jacob: We’ve got a good thing here … something I’d like to see through. Hope you feel the same.
Shepard: This was a bad idea. I think we should call it quits.
Jacob: You pushed for more, now you’re pulling the plug? Hope you got a good excuse for this.
Shepard: If you must know … I’m cleaning house before trying to start something with Garrus.
Jacob: That cuttlebone? I … suppose you have a history. That’s usually enough.
Kasumi: Someone saw Garrus heading to your quarters with a bottle of champagne. I’m happy for you two. It’s not often you find something good in a Galaxy like this.
Liara: You know I’m one hundred and eight—one hundred and nine in a couple of months.
Shepard: Aw, I should get you something nice.
Liara: You’re alive again. I’ve got everything I want. So tell me what you want. What are you fighting for? A chance to give Garrus some peace?
Shepard: He’s been hurt—betrayed. He deserves something better. I never thought I’d find peace in the arms of a turian, but …
Liara: Why not? Humans seem to have no trouble finding asari attractive.
Shepard: Everyone finds asari attractive.
Liara: I hope the two of you find some happiness, Shepard.
Shepard: What are you up to now, Zaeed?
Zaeed: Next time another clone of yours tries stealing your life, we’ll have a nice little surprise rigged for them. Isn’t that right, Garrus?
Garrus: Spare no expense for my honey.
Kelly: How is our newest turian crew member doing? His injuries looked painful.
Shepard: He’s been through a lot, and not just physically.
Kelly: There’s something about him. I just want to hold him close and whisper, ‘It’ll be alright.’
Shepard: I know exactly what you mean.
Kelly: You two would be such a cute couple.
Shepard: Tali’s our expert on Geth software. She’ll be handling hacking and security.
Garrus: Good to have you back, Tali. Maybe with another dextro aboard, they’ll get better turian food.
Tali: As long as it’s sterilized.
Garrus: Doctor Michel did get me some dextro-amino chocolate. You’re welcome to it once we’re back.
Tali: *surprised/suspicious* She got you turian chocolate?
Garrus: She said she saw it and thought of me. Why?
Tali: Watch yourself, Shepard.
Shepard: Have you got a minute to talk?
Mordin: Actually, wanted to talk. Medical matters. Aware that mission is dangerous. Different species react differently to stress. Sexual activity normal stress release for humans and turians.Still recommend caution. Warn of chafing.
Shepard: You have a recommendation as a doctor?
Mordin: Turians based on dextro-amino acids. Human ingestion of tissue could provoke allergic reactions. Anaphylactic shock possible. So don’t … *coughs* … ingest. Also forwarding advice booklet to your quarters. Valuable diagrams, positions comfortable for both species, erogenous zones overviews. Can supply oils or ointments to reduce discomfort. Gave EDI electronic relationship aid demonstration vids to use as necessary.
Shepard: Wait a minute, Mordin. You’re just yanking me around, aren’t you?
Mordin: Shocking suggestion! Doctor-patient confidentiality a sacred trust. Would never dream of mockery. Enjoy yourself while possible, Shepard. Will be here, studying cell reproduction. Much simpler. Less alcohol and mood music required.
Shepard: You worried there might be terminals you need me to hack?
Liara: That’s not fair. You were dead!
Shepard: I came back!
Liara: Yes, you came back. And now Garrus is doing a lot more than just calibrating the Normandy’s guns!
Shepard: So whats her name?
James: *laughs* No! No … I stopped fraternizing when I joined the military. The two don’t seem to go well together.
Shepard: Hasn’t stopped you from being a shameless flirt.
James: Yeah, well, that’s just my way. I don’t mean anything by it, Lola.
James: *laughs* Why? Am I making this hard for you and Garrus?
Shepard: *scoffs* Not even remotely.
James: Hey … how do you two … I mean, is he—you know—do turians have all the same …
Shepard: Same …?
James: Never mind. I don’t really want to know.
Garrus: Not a bad place here … decent views of the perimeter, multiple sniper perches. With some work, its the kind of place Archangel could retire in.
Liara: Also known as the Shepard-Vakarian love nest.
Samara: Working with Shepard reminded me of my younger days. Running with mercenaries, blowing things up with mercenaries … and occasionally, sleeping with mercenaries.
Garrus: As charming as ever.
Jack: Bite me, Garrus. Better yet, bite her. Probably how she likes it.
Liara: So. You rekindled your relationship with Garrus?
Shepard: Liara, I …
Liara: Be with whoever you want to be with. I’m just not interested in playing games anymore.
Shepard: Why don’t you two relax and enjoy the party. The apartment’s fine.
Garrus: ‘Fine’ is good for someone else, not the love of my life. I want to know you’re safe. Suppose it isn’t your clone? It’s Liara’s clone that comes after you … or Jokers!
Zaeed: Then you and all your clones could have a sodding love-fest. Think I’m gonna puke.
Shepard: Maybe you and I have a thing or two in common.
Javik: But you have something else. The reasons you fight are still alive. The friendships of the people around you. And more.
Javik: You and the turian are … joined?
Shepard: You could say that.
Javik: I’m not. Your pheromones are.
Zaeed: Weaponized wall fixtures, Shepard. Wave of the future in home defense.
Garrus: Shepard, sweetie … love of my life. Indulge your crazy boyfriend. I need to know you’re safe.
Shepard: *laughs* If it’ll make you feel better, honey.
Zaeed: Oh, go get a room. God knows this place has enough of them.
Kaiden: So what do you say? *sighs* Are we good?
Shepard: We’re good. It was great to have you back on the Normandy.
Kaiden: Thanks …
Shepard: What’s going on? Is there something else?
Kaiden: Yeah … maybe. Was there something between you and Garrus?
Shepard: Kaiden, I … *sighs and covers face* … I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you. We were so far apart, physically. And after our fight on Horizon, I …
Kaiden: Yeah … I’ll own that.
Kaiden: Was there something between you and Garrus?
Shepard: *defensive* I wouldn’t cheat on you, Kaiden.
Kaiden: You’re lying! I know—everyone knows.
Kasumi: The word is that Garrus really likes you. I can never tell with turians. I think you should go for it. A lot of people want to see you two together.
Shepard: Alright, Garrus … I gotta know. What are you doing?
Garrus: Hmmm … oh, nothing. Just, uh … admiring the polish on this glass.
Zaeed: Good. Don’t tell her. She won’t understand.
Shepard: Try me.
Garrus: Ohhh … it’s just … well … one man’s decorative glass wall fixture is another man’s explosive glass wall fixture.
Zaeed: Oh, fu—now you’re in for it. I can already hear the old ball and chain frowning.
(So I’m including this one from Mass Effect even though it wasn’t in reference to a Garrus romance, as he wasn’t romance-able in the first one … because Ashley’s a fucking psychic!)
Ashley: You say jump, I say how high. You tell me to kiss a turian, I’ll ask which cheek.
Shepard: I don’t think kissing turians will be necessary.
Ashley: You never know, Commander.