callout post for tumblr user spideydevils to let ppl know that yall should avoid interacting with them
basically:parker is both an emotional abuser who has hurt and/or manipulated at least 6 people (and possibly more that im not aware of) who has tried to manipulate/coerce people into doing sexual things with them.
they needed help last year and i let them live in my house, and for months subjected me to various common abuse tactics. below is a list of several abusive things they did to me
pretty much constantly would make subtle & outright insults about me, usually calling me annoying or selfish whenever i didnt do something they wanted me to do. calling me “selfish” included a time when they wanted me to do something sexual with them that i was uncomfortable with causing them to insult me for it.. similarly, would get annoyed/angry with me for not being able to do certain sexual acts due to anxiety and/or general discomfort with it they also invited people over to my house frequently without asking; they asked a friend to come over after my grandfather died and i said no due to me needing some time alone to grieve, to which they responded by being passive-aggressive and angry with me for weeks and telling said friend that i should’ve let them come over because i “didn’t even know my grandpa that well anyway”
regularly made ableist comments for people with traits of certain disablities/mental illnesses; including calling me and my friend (both autistic people) “annoying” for rambling about my special interests, saying things like “that art style is bad because every person looks like they have down syndrome,” stating that every trait they didn’t like about someone was a “typical sign of them having BPD/bipolar disorder” basically every time they didnt like someone it was usually because that person had a mental illness/disability oddly enough, every person they dated/were interested in when i knew them was emotionally vulnerable, and they even made a post stating that their “type” were people who were “emotionally stunted”
again, especially sketchy after their history with how they treated mentally ill people
after getting in a fight with two of my friends, they got angry with me for hanging out with said friends to the point of us having to make plans in secret and avoid telling them what we were doing so they wouldn’t get mad at us for hanging out
repeatedly lied to my parents (and other people) about money in order to trick us into financially supporting them; this included an instance in which they told my mom that their mom had “forced them to pay for all the gas money” on a long road trip, only for us to later find out that parker hadn’t paid for anything and had instead spent their money on art supplies. not only that, but the situation had led to another friend being forced into paying for all of the gas money while parker got to save their money so they could spend it on art supplies. note: at this time they were living with me and under my parents’ roof, meaning my parents were already paying for their food and other supplies and didn’t have much to spare, but because of them blatantly lying my mom felt bad and gave parker money to make up for what they were “forced to spend.” they basically had absolutely no consideration for how much people were spending on them, and whenever someone agreed to pay for something for them they would spend as much money as they could (i.e. once my mom was buying us things from AC moore and they literally spent at least $100 dollars on art supplies, then proceeded to use none of them) later after they moved out they made a kickstarter to help support themselves, which was incredibly sketchy knowing their constant problem with wasting OTHER PEOPLE’S money.
would regularly bring up people’s personal problems & the like (jncluding certain sexual things) around strangers without that person’s consent this included being told secrets by someone (such as about their mental illnesses or home situations) and then sharing it with everyone they knew also, was rude to a person in a way that led me to getting outed; basically the person asked if we wanted to take a feminism survey and they aggressively responded “why? because you assume we’re women?!” (as if that had anything to do with the question…) and then bragged about their response to us as if yelling at someone for a simple question and forcing a trans person into a situation where they needed to explain their identity was in any way admirable
used manipulative tactics to get my friends and me to side with them and turn against each other- i.e. would say things like “sometimes i think i like you more than anyone else in the group” in private but to every single friend individually. would spread negative thoughts about us behind each other’s backs in order to make us dislike certain aspects of each other (literally would never talk about anyone they knew in a positive light, it was all negativity used to ~make us see each others problems~ or some shit)
said things like “how could you abandon me after everything i’ve done for you?”
when called out on their problems they would proceed to blame it on their mental illness or seclude themselves and wait for everything to blow over so that they could just come back and not have to deal with it. in addition to just waiting for everything to blow over, after they’d apparently determined that an adequate amount of time had passed they would immediately come back to see you and start talking to you sweetly and pretending nothing happened- this was incredibly jarring and creepy and worked to make a lot of us question if they’d actually done anything wrong. (not to mention if you said they did anything wrong they’d immediately come back at you saying that you were “projecting” therefore wrong lmao)
they would also make every issue about themself; i.e. once they made me cry and they proceeded to say (aggressively) “are you crying?!” and then shouted “thats it! im done!” before running out of the room. when we saw them again they proceeded to make self deprecating comments about what a shitty person they were, forcing us to console them rather than them actually apologizing for hurting me.
Regularly acted superior/smarter/more “mature” than the rest of us- this includes constantly referring to another friend as this “pure innocent person” (solely because she wasn’t ~kinky~) The way they talked about the “pure innocent person” was especially creepy as they would say things like “i wish she wasn’t straight, i don’t want any of those straight guys corrupting her :/” it was really fucking creepy.
I also experienced abuse from spideydevils when we were friends.
They were dating my best friend at the time and proceeded to play us against each other and caused the end of our friendship and spread really nasty information about her.
They also acted as if they had “saved” me from a manipulative, toxic friendship by calling me “a little helpless puppy” that they rescued. They also constantly acted like I was this poor defenseless creature that they had to rescue while simultaneously acting like I had to save them bc they, quote, “would die without me there.”
They also manipulated me into buying us matching t-shirts and water bottles with my living money (the only money I had when I had no job and no home after moving out of my mom’s house) saying that I had to because I had to provide for them and such and wouldn’t give me a chance to say no. They also asked me if they could look at my debit card one day bc they like the stimulation of the sparkles on it to which I gave it to them without a second though because I knew that was important for them. They proceeded to copy down my debit card info and when I suspected it, I was afraid to ask them as they got mad whenever anyone confronted them. The next day they asked me for the address associated with my debit card, when I asked why they told me that they just wanted to remember it and later that it “was an autistic thing”. So I only have them part of it, since I wasn’t comfortable. I noticed the next day that I had over $100 taken out of my bank account (again the only living money I had at the time) and that my Amazon account had been locked out because of “suspicious card activity”. When I confronted them about it I simply told them that I was having all these issues, to which they came back and said that Amazon was just dumb. But later when I asked them if they had done it they told me “Oh, that might be my bad. I bought some pants and must have accidentally used your card info.” They claimed that it was already logged into their Amazon account automatically and the app must have gitched. However, I never gave them my info or permission to used my card on the Amazon account. They continuously denied that they stole from me and have yet to own up to it. And when I brought it up a few times much later they completely ignored my questions.
They were also very forward sexually with me at the very beginning of our friendship. One of the first times I stayed over at their house they brought out their hand and leg cuffs and were just being weird with them (our relationship never escalated to sex thank goodness.) They also stayed with me for about a week before they moved into my friend’s house and were really inappropriate with my step-sister. They wouldn’t stop asking her if she would have sex with them or if she “ever wanted to experiment”. My step-sister repeatedly said “no” and they proceeded to get up and show my step-sister nudes and photos of them in bondage gear. I then decided they needed to get away from her so I took them outside to walk to Arby’ s and the first thing they said was “I’m so gay for your step-sister”.
When they were staying with me for a short time my father sent me $100 to help with groceries while they were there and they made me take them to Dollar General to buy things they claim they needed but still had not used after months and months of time.
After they moved in with my friend they would make me clean their room everytime I came to visit. I would come up to visit from college and if I didn’t have their room spotless when they got back then they would say things like “Why didn’t you do any work??” Or when they got back they would make me stop hanging with my other friend to hang out with them or to finish cleaning their room while they sat on their bed and did nothing.
They would also constantly ghost me for no reason at all. They would be mean and spiteful when I messaged them and then when I just gave up and left them alone they would say “Well, why aren’t you talking to me?” then would randomly come up to me days later and put their head on my shoulder and act as if nothing had ever happened. This happened like two or three times over the course of a couple months.
They also almost made me go to a super expensive college with them because they “needed me or they’d die” and that I had to go to help them. I almost went but finally realized that was a horrible idea.
They also would make me stay awake until like 6am even when I had things to do the next morning telling me that I wasn’t allowed to leave them or that I would be abandoning them.
They have also continued to play the victim. When they cut ties with people they continue to talk nasty about the people they hurt and point the blame to those people. They act as if no one cares about them and everyone leaves them because “no one understands” etc. when everyone leaves because they are being abusive and hurting everyone around them.
Being involved with them was so incredible horrible for my mental health. I’ve started therapy through my school and constantly continue to have nightmares of them. I advise anybody to stay as far away from them as you possibly can.
they basically destroyed my life and turned all my friends against me because they were trying to force themselves on someone who was made very uncomfortable by them.
spread horrible rumors about me and told everyone that I was toxic and abusive
faked a suicide attempt to guilt trip me and my friend (who barely knew them). And they tried to “give” me all their cosplay stuff before they “died"
during that they proceeded to post a passive aggressive status on their account
texted a friend who had my phone at the time, while on a school trip, things about ditching me. They even told the friend to delete those messages but I had gotten my phone back, i called them out on it, but they just told me I was a horrible person and that I would have done the same thing. on the same school trip called me out ((accusing me of stuff they made up)) at lunch in front of everyone, made me cry and proceeded to say that I was manipulative
just in general very pushy and awful, pls avoid
Edit (6/23/17) more things from @luke-amidala (quotes are taken directly from a chat between me and her, while bullets without quotes are paraphased a bit to fit this format better)
luke-amidala and parker were college roommates during parker’s first semester at pratt
“Basically what happened was that they had been incredibly toxic to us, and we wanted to get them out of the dorm because they weren’t good for our mental health”
“They were incredibly mean our room mate Tamlin, and often made him cry.”
“They wanted me all to themselves because they had a huge crush on me, so they would try and isolate me. They were super sexually inappropriate towards me, despite me constantly telling them I wasn’t interested.”
“Finally, we had a mediation with them to tell them how we felt and how we couldn’t have them in the dorm anymore. I told them that I was suicidal, despite making great progress in the past few years, and they told me ‘well, that’s your fault for feeling that way…’”
After luke-amidala and parker’s other roommates had gotten parker to move out of their dorm, parker proceeded to spread lies about luke-amidala having “physically attacked” them, likely as a way to build sympathy from people outside of the situation; this included using the “attack” against hails-bop in a conversation where parker asked hailey “if they [parker] were a toxic person” and when hailey said that they were, parker proceeded to instead call hailey toxic for insulting them after they’d been “physically attacked” by their roommate (coincidentally parker hadn’t mentioned anything about a physical attack until after they needed to use it as leverage in order to deflect hailey pointing out their abusive behavior)
Edit (6/25/17) info from Parker’s other roommate @chillinginthedaisies once again taken from a chat we’d had with minor edits for the post format
So they were living, we were sharing a bedroom, just us. Initially they entranced me, were very kind to me and I felt like I had a nice friend. I had been so anxious for months on who I would room with because I’m trans and worry, but I thought they were amazing at first The night before moving in together, however, we got in a fight because I didn’t word something correctly for them. I apologized so many times and had a panic attack because I was afraid they would hate me and we had to live together, but once we moved in everything seemed fine at first and I still thought they were nice
As days passed they kept pointing out my insecurities and saying mean things to me. I can get kind of loud sometimes, and we invited new friends over and were having fun with them in our room so I was being a bit loud and Parker told me how annoying I was being and that I’m so loud they can’t stand it. This is one of my biggest insecurities because I don’t realize I’m doing it sometimes. This lead to me having a panic attack in our kitchen because I thought they hated me.
Eventually all they would do was say mean things to me and be passive aggressive because I would hang out with our roommate who they had a crush on. They saw me as a threat even though I had shown no interest in our roommate and it only got worse when we tried to talk things out:
They told me that I was sheltered, privileged, that I’d never known pain in my life. They said they hated me and wanted to have my life because it seemed way better than theirs. It kept feeling like they were trying to one up me with their problems. I told them many things about my life like about my mom dying, but instead of trying to relate to me they stepped all over what I’d told them. They said it wasn’t that bad my mom died because they had to watch their grandmother die. It was like, I also watched someone I love die, why couldn’t we have been together about something instead of them trying to out pity me
They were like the embodiment of every bad thing that everyone had ever said or done to me wrapped up in one person. I felt trapped with them but at the same time I kept wanting to please them. I was scared to be in the same room as them because I was afraid of what else they were going to say to me. Finally we got them kicked out of my bedroom but their stuff stayed in my room for at least a month after that. It was awful because it still felt like they were there. While they were gone they spread rumors about me and my roommate like saying that we had abused them. I still had to see them in one of my classes even after they got kicked out of my room and it was like I couldn’t escape from them until they finally left campus.
Edit (6/24/17)More info from people involved with parker provided with permission from a person who’d prefer to stay anonymous; for convenience of this post we’ll call them Basil
Parker would often bring up sexual things in public and around friends without Basil’s consent; For example, Parker gave Basil an unwanted sexual gift for her birthday, knowing that Basil was uncomfortable with receiving it, and have her open them in front of a large group of people without knowing the gift were sexual.
Parker also would generally try to pressure Basil into sexual things and would try to guilt her into doing sexual things she wasn’t interested in, including a time in which Parker wanted to exchange sexual text messages/pictures and, upon Basil telling them that she wasn’t comfortable doing that, Parker proceeded to start making tons of vent posts about how ugly they were and how disgusting their body is (this happened several times to several people; Parker would often take “i dont want to have sex with you” as an insult to them and proceed to make whoever rejected them feel horrible by posting several self-deprecating vent posts, talking about self harming, and/or blaming them being rejected on their eating disorder and often using as a reason to purge/binge. These were public posts made on Parker’s main blog that they were fully aware would likely be seen by whoever was “causing” them and would immediately begin to blame themselves for it.)
Tried to pressure/guilt Basil into a polyamorous relationship
Parker would actively try to convince Basil that her mother was abusive (which she’s not, at all) in order to distance Basil from her solely because Parker didn’t like her.
Parker would get angry at Basil for things she did due to her depression and/or anxiety and would demonize her for it; For example, at a friend outing Parker said something along the lines of “Basil you need to not do this thing and you can do better” and Basil responded with a self-deprecating joke (something like “oh haha i know i’m just a horrible person”) which made Parker SLAM their glass on the table and say “THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT” very loudly and angrily causing Basil to panic and have to the restaurant leave to calm down. After Basil had left we asked Parker what was going on and they proceeded to call her manipulative literally because she made self deprecating jokes a lot (which is not only something that people with depression do generally, but also something Parker did all the time in ways that were Actually manipulative.)
Edit (6/24/17) More info from another person who’d prefer to remain anonymous; for convenience we’ll call her L.
Used a similar “how could you leave me after everything I’ve done for you?” guilt tactic on L when they broke up; examples of this can still be found on their blog:
They also didnt speak or look at L for weeks after they broke up, causing L loads of stress to the point where she felt obligated to get back together with them despite not wanting to just to make things easier
Parker used their eating disorder to manipulate L while they were having a meltdown; during a group outing at a restaurant L wasn’t eating anything, Parker told L that “if you didn’t eat then I won’t either” and proceeded to go to the bathroom and purge, causing L to have a breakdown
Parker had a tendency to pick favorites in polyamorous relationships, in which they would treat one person nicely and be complimentative of them while their other partner would get ignored and become a target of insults.
Parker would often borrow things from L and then say they “lost them,” however when Parker moved out and we packed their things we found a lot of L’s “lost things” in a matter of minutes; this made Parker’s lack of any effort to even TRY to find L’s things pretty obvious and considering Parker has an aforementioned tendency to steal people’s things and lie about it, it’s likely that Parker didn’t have any intent to return these items to begin with.
Edit (6/24/17) @whothefuckisjb provided a buncha specific info about how they were treated by parker and their effect on his mental health that i’m just gonna quote here (with minor edits for organization’s sake)
I “knew” Parker for three years online prior to meeting them in person at their college where I picked them up just to give them a place to stay during winter break that wasn’t all the way in far away and away from their mother. It wasn’t that I felt sorry for them or that I thought I was saving them. I thought I was sparing them from suffering more than they already had. Little did I know they only wanted to suffer. At every turn they seem to take the path that only leads to more hurt, more suffering, and more destruction. They want to suffer, like they enjoy the attention it brings them. Then they complain about the attention it brings them. The whole time I’ve known them it seems like their whole theme has been some paradoxical scheme of “I don’t want pity! But here’s how EVERYONE has hurt me”. As they bounce from person to person, not seeing how much pain and suffering they cause.
Dated outtakes from my personal journal of the time when Parker lived with me:
3/28/17 “… I’m tired. I want to sleep in the living room tonight. But I continuously feel guilted into sleeping with Parker because I don’t want them to tell me how I’m making them feel horrible. It’s so hard to do what I want right now. Parker is constantly contradicting themselves on so many things like “stay the HELL away from (their therapist)” and saying they dislike my place of therapy so when I consider couples therapy for them I don’t know who to go to. And when they continue to say they’ll try harder all I’m feeling and all I’ve ever felt from them is no ACTIONS. Something is blocking me from being able to properly communicate with Parker like I would with my mother or (my other significant other whom was neglected and pushed away from our “poly” relationship). I think… I think it’s fear. And I’m sick of hearing this “no warning” excuse from them. I felt pressured to speak before I was ready to ergo things came out confused and not how I wanted them, so then they get angry about having no warning about these things but when I try to give a warning they get anxious and press me for more details or I get “can you at least try?” Even though I already said “I don’t know if I’m ready to talk just yet”… We’re progressing at 2 different rates. Eventually, whether we want to or not, we’re going to drift away from one another. Every time they press so desperately for love and affection I’m so so uncomfortable but I know contact can be comforting to them. But do I want it? No. Not usually. Especially when so many times I’ve been scared close to tears because of a “NO!” In response to trying to comfort them with physical touch. It’s maddening.”
3/28/17 A single page with just this written on it: ““Do not touch me!” You hissed at me as I quickly stood in case you passed out right there in front of me. I’m crying.”
3/29/17 “…I’m fining it hard to write about my problems and not Parker’s again. I feel bad. I wanna cry and go home. But I can’t go home, because Parker is there.” (I’d also like to point out it was around this time that I was so riddled with anxiety due to Parker’s abuse that I quite literally developed a stomach ulcer that is now a weakened spot in my stomach lining that is a lasting physical and painful effect of their emotional and mental abuse.)
3/31/17 “I’m dying. I’m used, I’m worthless, I’m suffering. I don’t want them to know. It’s just more hassle and trouble for them. I just want to be alone where I can’t be used or guilted or manipulated I want to cry but I just can’t seem to this time. I hurt. I’m used. I’m a tool. I’m crying on my book gods damn me.” (more intricate writing) “Just let me die so their lives can be better… To have someone who was supposed to look out for you, love you, be there for you turn and put you in such a dark place that you’re suicidal and so sure that everyone’s lives would be better without you? The whole idea of it is disgusting. And it happened. More than once I’m very sure. To others even.”
4/2/17 “I want to emote unapologetically. I want to sit and cry and unless I ask for help I want to be ignored like I don’t exist. Everything in me is crying and begging for them to go away so I can start my life again. I feel like nothing can or should move forward until Parker is gone. I think this is my tipping point. I was already so close to the edge of my breaking point that the abuse sent me off the deep end…” (I would only go to school in a desperate attempt to get away from Parker. Those six hours of actual high school hell were better than being at home, MY home, where my abuser was taking up every available ounce of space in my tiny apartment. Earlier entries from my journal look like this when I’d just told Parker they were being abusive.)
3/26/17 “I’m supposed to think on it for a week. Sure. I walked for HOURS today just thinking about it all and I let the abuse get in the way of my thoughts. FUCK! I’m so trapped, more now than ever before. Trapped by guilt and this feeling of invalidation. I’m crying too much. My eyes hurt. I’m so dehydrated. Stopstopstopstopstopstop. I CAN’T LIVE LIKE THIS. It hurts. I hurt. Make it stop. Sara (my therapist), please. I’m begging. Anything to make the pain go away. Drug me. Hurt me. Kill me. Just make it stop.”
I would sleep with my journal just in an attempt to keep them from reading it. I’d keep it tucked on my side of the twin bed so they’d likely wake me stretching over me to try and reach for it. Not once did I invade the privacy of their journal. Not once. But there were times that conversations would come up that literally could not have happened unless Parker took and read my journal.
I was asked to do sexual things I was obviously uncomfortable doing and when I voiced to them about being uncomfortable with it they belittled and berated me for it. They taunted me and treated me childishly because I wouldn’t whip them hard enough! I can’t help but feel like everything I’ve done was some disgusting set up play to make me look like the abuser.
I’m slightly self conscious about my intelligence, I know I’m not very smart but I’m not a moron either. Being with Parker constantly correcting, confusing, and compiling things to show me how stupid and unintelligent I was? Made everything ten times worse. They always had to be right. They had to have the last word. Even if they weren’t right I was still in the wrong because everything was always my fault.
I had to be the one making decisions for them. I had to be in charge of their life so when they fucked it up more they could blame it all on me. Well no, no it’s not all on me. I have a plethora, a literal fucking book of evidence of what they did to me. Literal quotes of the shit they’ve said to me. I have evidence, hard and true. And I felt like I needed all this evidence, I still do, because living with them has made me doubt the reality and validity of what I am feeling. I started writing because I knew I was losing pieces of time and blacking things out and having more panic attacks. Parker destroyed my life and my reality. Please for the love of the gods don’t let them do it to you too.
(me, s-squishysquibbles, talking again:) i dont want people who read this to send them death threats or hate messages or anything like that, i just want people to know that they should Not get involved with them.
the fact that theyve hurt so many people is terrifying and i just want to warn as many people as possible to avoid them because they are clearly not interested in improving their behavior.
if anyone else has been hurt by them me and @hails-bop are always here to talk. if anyone wants me to add anything else, message me i can do so and won’t add your name unless you specify that you want me to.
summary- all you needed was a birthday present for your brother but you somehow end up getting a lot more than that. demon!jungkook
a/n- happy halloween! please enjoy demon!jungkook for your holiday!
The first word that popped into your head when your mother said you had to pick up a gift for your little brother’s birthday was boring. But as soon as you stepped into the Strange Magic store to buy some type of slime kit that he wanted, you knew you were dead wrong.
The walls were dark purple and the ceiling and floor was dark black. Creepy looking jars full of what seemed to be animal parts lined the shelves, along with bottle of “potions” with labels like “Underworld Mix- Drink at Own Risk!” and “Unicorn Breath- Healing and Effective!” There was even a huge dog sitting by the door, like a guard. Only he didn’t make a move when people made their way into the store.
But the least boring part had to be the boy behind the counter. He was tall and dark, that’s for sure. He was dressed in a pair of black skinny jeans with a black studded belt making them cling to his hips. He wore clunky, black combat boots and even a black long sleeve shirt that fit him nicely. Heck, his hair was black. Everything about this boy was black and mysterious.
You kept glancing at him out of the corner of your eye as you searched for the slime kit that your little brother so desperately wanted. You silently thanked him for being so demanding, because now you were the only one in a store with a super cute check out boy.
“Need any help, miss?“
You whipped around and nearly collided with a body. But not just any body. This was the boy, who had somehow made his way over here noiselessly in the matter of seconds. You gave him a once-over before running a hand through your hair and sighing.
"My brother…it’s his birthday, and he really wants this slime kit. My mom said it was here but I can’t find it,” you admitted. Although you’d love to hang around the store “looking” for the slime all day, you had to be back in time for his party.
“Ahh, I think I know what you’re talking about. I’m pretty sure we keep it in the back. Wanna come with me and pick out the one you want?” he offers and your heart flutters a little. Walk back there alone with this boy? Your brain was telling you not to, but your heart was currently ignoring your brain. It’s not like he was going to murder you in the middle of a store.
You followed him behind the counter and into a short hallway with only a few doors. He went to the second one of the right and all you could see was boxes of stuff on shelves stacked to the ceiling.
You both jumped a little when you heard the bell that signaled another customer had come in. The boy quickly led you to a stack of boxes and pointed at the one almost at the bottom.
“That one had all the different kinds of slime makers. Grab whichever one you want and meet me back out there. My name is Jungkook, by the way,” he said in a rush, ending his orders in a wink. You felt heat bloom on your cheeks and you mentally cursed for being so obvious.
“I’m Y/N,” you called out as he left. He only gave you a thumbs up to acknowledge you, but it didn’t matter. That cute boy paid attention to you.
You began mumbling to yourself as you moved boxes back and forth to try and reach the one that held the beloved slime making kit. It took at least five minutes to get to the treasure, and by then you felt a bead of sweat on your brow.
“Geez, I need to work out more,” you huffed and wiped it away.
“No you don’t,” a voice said and you looked over at the door to see nobody standing there. You raised an eyebrow and instantly felt a little nervous. Was that your mind playing tricks?
“It wasn’t your mind, sweetheart,” the voice said again, and suddenly the lights were out. You nearly screamed, but a hand enclosed over your mouth. Terror shot through your veins and you tried to fight the intruder, but they didn’t budge. How did they know what you were thinking? You knew you didn’t say that out loud.
There was a dark chuckle. “I heard you thinking about me in the store earlier. It’s nice to know I have some secret admirers."
Was this Jungkook? Why was he doing this? And how the hell could he read your mind?
You felt a hand turn you around to face what you once thought was a cute boy. He was now creepy as ever, with black eyes and a menacing smile that made you shiver.
"Now, don’t scream, or I’ll have to use other…repercussions.” He then withdrew his hand and you couldn’t help but clench your jaw and glare at him the best you could in this darkness.
“What do you want.” You voice shook.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.” His was steady.
It seemed like an endless silence as he stared at you with his chilling eyes before he did something unexpected. He grabbed your chin a bit roughly and pressed his hot lips to yours. You didn’t expect them to be so hot.
The kiss felt like you were playing with fire, but it also felt like a piece of you was leaving your body. It was the most confusing and alluring feelings you had ever had before and you craved more. He deepened the kiss a little bit by grabbing both cheeks and pushed himself closer. Suddenly, the electrifying kissing was painful as it felt like he was tearing you from the inside out. You wanted to scream, to cry out, as the pain got worse, and worse…
You instantly looked at your surroundings. You were outside the Strange Magic store with a gift bag in your hand. You peeked inside the window out of curiosity and saw that there was no cute boy behind the register and no guard dog by the door anymore. Instead, an older lady sat behind the counter with a magazine and a bird squawked from a corner of the store. Your hands shook as you stepped away slowly. Tentatively, you reached up to touch your lips.
WARNING: Flax seeds can be a great absorbent. Thank you, take care out there, prey for me, and enjoy.
The Emoji Movie? More like… the No See Movie! HA HA HA HA HA HA
Whew, best one yet. Okay, (*Cracks open a cold one*) so. I know this movie looks cheap. It’s from Sony Animation, so you know the effort put into making this a good animated film is Fyre Festival levels of fucked. And I know it’s a millennial satirizing knock off of the following:
The Lego Movie
A majority of Pixar’s movies
Life is Strange (unfortunate)
Foodfight! (also unfortunate)
Smurfs: The Lost Village
Rubik: The Amazing Rubix Cube
Rachet and Clank: The Movie
Fairy Odd Parents: Channel Chasers
Fairy Odd Parents: Internet Stupor Highway
Avatar: The Last Airbender
The Mr. Men & Little Misses
The Brave Little Toaster
Spongebob 2: Sponge Out of Water
Most Shonen animes
and so on, but you all know this. However, I see to share a bit of optimism towards this film as good as shamelessly possible. Because after that serviceable disappointment that was Smurfs: The Lost Village and the fact that 2017 has not much better in store this summer, in terms of animation, I just want to give Sony just one. Just a SINGLE glimmer of belief that they can pull something off better than previously. Or maybe, they’re a lost cause; who knows. Now, it’s time to defend this, for the sake of animated movies of all caliber.
BEST CASE SCENARIO: CREEPYPASTA MATERIAL
For once, the movie doesn’t look that bad. It looks colorful, the human designs look pretty good, and the gimmicks in the phone world look pretty creative.
It doesn’t look as spastic as Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs or unnecessarily cartoony like Hotel Transylvania. It’s on par with their latest Smurfs movie, and I say that’s a good thing. The only setback are the emojis themselves. Most of them looks inhuman and this is what I consider the “hand effect”, where it’s like trying to animate your own hands to move like a human except you keep the muscle and bone structure of a typical human hand. When it comes to animating living characters, you should always either give the characters a humanoid stature with limbs or make them limbless shapes like with Angry Birds or Veggietales. And with this having the “hand effect”, this limits creativity in movement and it looks weird, jarring, or creepy to try making them act human with 3D animation. Then again, if a no neck design worked well with Crash Bandicoot, it can do well here too.
And on this day, I will forever feel guilty for making such a comparison
Secondly, and this is a small note: what competition does it have? I mean… Atomic Blonde? War for the Planet of the Apes? The Dark Tower? Another Al Gore movie? Jessica Williams? The movies surrounding this ranges from pretty risque for kids to who’s checking this. This flic is known more to a familial audience, so if it actually does good, the adult reviewers can feel more comfortable in recommending this to kids, giving it some merit towards a demographic, like most family films. And then any adult can enjoy it ironically because we’ll feel better knowing it was basically never for us. I’m not saying the hopes for success are high, but like the previous Sony asspulls, it’ll be passable to a particular group. And if not this, then what? Nut Job 2?
I’m serious. Nut Job 2? Anybody want to see that? Does anybody know about that?
Other than those things, I got nothing. Except for the 107 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD SEE THE EGOJI MOVIE! That’s right. Thanks to a man named Jack Douglass, I have more than enough evidence to convince YOU why it can be a film that can titillate your sense of entertainment and leave you well pleased. And with the help of King Crimson, this list will be most accurate and foolproof plan I have come up with on this site in forever, so here it is:
107 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD SEE THE EMOJI MOVIE!
NUMBER ONE: T.J. Miller and Sir Patrick Stewart are pretty great actors and comedians, and to support their acting in the film can keep their streak of surprising choices for their craft solid. NUMBER TWO:
and THAT was 107 reasons why you should see the Emoji Movie.
I admit, that is a lot to read, but it’s worth it. Trust me In any case, beyond all those reasons, I can’t say this movie is truly a must-see of the year, like Cars 3 or Captain Underpants, but that doesn’t mean it’s not worth seeing at all. I mean, it could’ve been Ice Age 6, which I am certain will come out not long after 2021 or ‘22. I say it’s worth checking out to see what the fuss is about. It’s not controversial like the Ghostbusters reboot or surprisingly good like Baby Driver and 21 and 22 Jump Street, I can assure you, but it could be entertaining in some way nonetheless. I’ll say buy $5 cheap seats at least, don’t want the industry earning that money too easily. And it’s safe to say this movie was gonna be made eventually, so why not give a full look before putting it up on the fridge with all the other drawings? I mean, we already got Emoji merch, pillows, World Emoji Day, Emoji reviews, an Emojipedia, an Emoji Store, and this movie was the Buzzfeed effect that tipped the scale to say “Ya know. This has gone too far”? All in all, Sony may have done itself in with its marketing, but I find the Emoji Movie to possibly be a simple, nonsensical, time wasting film for the summer and a flic you and your buddies can get high to, like most other toy based productions that isn’t the Lego Movie.
I give Wreck-It Ralph a 4 out of 5
A couple big hiccups here and there, but it’s an otherwise solid video game movie