creepy cupid

THE AENEID BOOK I

JUNO SERIOUSLY FUCKING HATES THE TROJANS. UNFORTUNATELY FOR OUR HERO AENEAS, HE’S A FUCKING TROJAN. AENEAS IS SAILING OFF TO FOLLOW HIS DESTINY AND SHIT, BUT JUNO WON’T STAND FOR THAT KIND OF CRAP, SO SHE CONVINCES THE WINDY GUY AEOLUS (BY PROMISING TO GET HIM LAID) TO MAKE A HUGE STORM TO FUCK SHIT UP FOR AENEAS. GOOD GUY NEPTUNE CALMS THE STORM BEFORE ANYONE IMPORTANT DIES OR ANYTHING, SO ALL IS GOOD.

AENEAS AND FRIENDS EVENTUALLY END UP ON A BEACH IN NORTH-AFRICA, AND HAVE A HUGE FUCKING BARBECUE. MEANWHILE BACK AT OLYMPUS, VENUS (AENEAS’ MILF) RUNS OFF TO HER DADDY JUPITER, CRYING ABOUT HOW EVERYTHING IS SHITTY FOR HER SON AND HOW JUNO IS BEING A BITCH. JUPITER TELLS HER TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN AND THAT AENEAS IS GOING TO GO ON TO FATHER A LINE OF FUCKERS WHO EVENTUALLY FOUND ROME WHICH IS GOING TO HAVE THE GREATEST FUCKING EMPIRE BLAH BLAH ROME IS FUCKING AWESOME BLAH BLAH BLAH. 

VENUS THEN GOES DOWN TO VISIT AENEAS, DRESSED SOMEWHAT INAPPROPRIATELY FOR VISITING HER SON AS A SEXY HUNTING LADY. SHE GIVES HIM SOME FUCKING USEFUL TOURIST INFORMATION ABOUT THE LAND HE’S IN THEN FUCKS OFF. BASICALLY AENEAS IS A COMPLETE MUMMY’S BOY AND THERE’S NOTHING THAT WILL PERSUADE US OTHERWISE.

AENEAS GOES TO CARTHAGE (WHICH IS KIND OF A CONSTRUCTION SITE RIGHT NOW SO ALL THESE TROJANS JUST GET IN THE WAY), HE CRIES AT SOME PAINTINGS FOR A BIT (HE’S SENSITIVE, FUCK OFF) THEN MEETS DIDO. DIDO IS A CRAZY STALKER LADY WHO KNOWS EVERYTHING ABOUT AENEAS BEFORE SHE’S EVEN MET HIM. THIS IS FUCKING CREEPY. 

THEN VENUS DECIDES TO MAKE THINGS MORE FUN BY HAVING DIDO FALL COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH AENEAS. SHE DOES THIS BY GETTING CUPID TO TURN INTO A CREEPY-ASS BABY CLONE OF AENEAS’ YOUNG SON ASCANIUS. CREEPY-BABY CLONE CUPID SITS ON DIDO’S LAP IN A COMPLETELY NON-WEIRD WAY AND POISONS HER WITH LOVE. THIS IS MEAN AS FUCK BECAUSE THIS WILL RUIN DIDO’S FUCKING LIFE.

AENEAS AND THE TROJANS PARTY HARD WITH THE CARTHAGINIANS, UNTIL DIDO ASKS FOR STORY TIME ABOUT WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED AT TROY.

Okay, but if Akechi fused Robin Hood with Loki, what would the outfit look like? White bondage-biger gear gold buckles?  A dashing prince outfit… in mauve with eye-searing red trim? 

Would his horrifying mindbreak powers turn into a creepy effective cupid bow?

Would those shadows he summons become Merry Men?  Would they get little hats? 

These are questions that I think demand answers. 

2

For the record, this is super creepy to me. Also, she told Dexter to “just say it”, why doesn’t she go “hey Dexter, I have a crush on you?”

I feel like this is a version of the “friendzone” bullshit. She’s acting sweet and like his friend in the hopes that he’ll become aware that she’s interested in him without her having to do anything herself. It’s Not Healthy– not because Dexter is doing anything wrong by asking her for advice and then being interested in Raven, but because Cupid doesn’t want to risk rejection and getting over her crush by actively putting herself out there.

It’s established that she knows Dexter has a crush on Raven. She either needs to woman up and get over him, or woman up and tell him she likes him so he can either accept or reject her interest. If, after that he’s still obliviously asking her for advice, that would make him a jerk. But as it is, he has no way of knowing and Cupid’s being creepy and immature.

Valentine's Day Grinch

Written for the SBValenfic challenge and I guess I can include it to Snowbarry Week.

I didn’t have much time to writeit and correct it before the deadline tonight, so I apologize for anytypos.


Valentine’s day Grinch


When Barry phone rang, waking him up in the process, all the sleepy young man wanted to do was smash the device against the wall. Mentally cursing whoever was on the other end of the phone call this early in the morning, he picked it up. The evil caller identity was revealed when Joe’s picture appeared on the screen. Barry also noticed the time above Joe’s smiling face: 9 a.m. Okay, maybe Joe wasn’t entirely evil. It was still Saturday though. That was when Barry spotted the date. Saturday the 14th. Oh no. He rolled his eyes and let his head fall back on the cushion.

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