creepy!ferri

12 Things I Learned After Dying.
  1. I suppose the first thing I learned is that there’s no afterlife. Knowing that I was an atheist when I was alive only gives me a small sense of satisfaction. I mean, despite there being no Heaven or Hell, the ghost community is surprisingly uncrowded.
  2. Another thing you should should know is that it’s never okay to attend your own funeral. Ever. I tried to show up- I brought flowers and everything- but my family saw me, and they freaked, demanding to have another look inside the coffin. And when they saw my corpse, the bullet hole in its head still obscured by makeup(I had problems, okay?), they turned on me claiming I was a fake, pulling a cruel joke on them.
  3. With practice, you can force your form to solidify, and you can touch everyday objects and walk normally as a result, which is how I managed to attend my funeral. One downside, though: in the solidified state, you can be seen like any other person.
  4. I’ve noticed that it is very difficult to distinguish regular humans from solidified ghosts, so you could be surrounded by at least three dead people at any given moment and you’d never know.
  5. As a dead person, you have a lot of free time, and I’ve come across a lot of ghosts that frequently dabble in painting, or music, or something like that.
  6. When you’re dead, you can still get hungry, though only once every few weeks, and if that happens, well, that Joe guy who ordered diet Coke with extra large McEverythingElse definitely doesn’t need that burger.
  7. I’ve come across ghosts that refuse to move on, moping about at their graves. So if you do die, avoid cemeteries entirely. That shit is depressing.
  8. Wandering ghosts, like myself, often like to people watch and go through people’s homes, sometimes moving things around just to fuck with them. We’re that messed up. By the way, nice internet history, there, buddy. I suggest you use Incognito.
  9. Ghosts that go attempt to get education end up unhappy, and they tell me of their inability to catch up with new education concepts, but I honestly think that you shouldn’t go to school if you don’t have to.
  10. This may just be a rumor, but the amount of souls roaming the Earth is steadily declining, while the mortality rate increases little by little.
  11. Death Eaters are terrifying creatures that hunt down the souls of the dead, and, as the name would imply, they eat them. We have yet to discover their motivation.
  12. Death Eaters will especially hunt down the souls of ghosts who attempt to tell living humans about them. I’m just about done with this prick’s laptop, and just in time, too: I can hear their shrieks carrying on the wind. They’re not far from here. But I suppose that would be a thirteenth thing I’ve learned: you’ll never be able to run far enough.