creep tactics

Reminder: your ask box is not google

Hi team, over the coming couple of years I’m predicting that we’re going to see qn upswing in malicious online trolling from racists, xenophobes, misogynists and assorted creeps, and the prime tactic they are going to resort to is exhausting us.

They know we don’t have infinite energy and they know that we believe in explaining ourselves to a fault. They will ask dumb questions, they will try to trick you into educating them again and again and they will not listen because that is not the game they are playing.

Some tips for the upcoming bullshit we’re going to have to deal with:

1. Do not feed them - their goal is to exhaust you and make you repeat yourself, do not reply to their messages, do not publish their asks, if you are even a little suspicious delete their message immediately.

2. Google exists - if a person really wants to be educated on a topic they can do so themselves. Even if a person is genuinely curious they should not ask you to perform the labour they will not and make it easy for them.

3. Educate for yourself - if you want to make a post or write an article about a topic, do so, but never do so in response to a troll, this just gives them more openings to question you and others in the future. When you shout from your rooftop the word will get out, but if you answer questions at your door the only people listening will be the door-to-door misogyny salesman.

4. Education is a job - and if someone wants you to educate them on trans issues 101 they should be prepared to pay you for the privilege. You are not their textbook.

5. The third law of robotics comes first - protect yourself above all else. You have limited time and you have limited energy. Even the most good hearted person in the world with the most genuine curiousity does not have a right to that time or that energy. Protect yourself before you serve your community.

6. Work smarter, not harder - ask yourself before each post whether this will do what you want it to. You cannot educate everyone on everything so be conscious of your audience and be conscious of your message. Stay on topic, keep it short and keep it sweet.


I believe in all of you, the next few years are going to be tough and we are going to give them hell. Save your strength, fight when it counts and we are going to kick these nazi homophobe chauvanistic nightmares right in their goddamn teeth.

Do You Like Riddles?

“I walk around the gardens, smell the flowers, look at the koi pond, listen to the waterfall, watch the clouds. A lot of people thought I’d be dead years ago. I look at emails, but I don’t answer them—I’ve never sent an email. I prefer a smoking jacket and slippers. I go to bed at 10pm.”

Who am I?


Session Two
Western Studio, Los Angeles 10:03pm on a Sunday. 

Hi Brian. What are you doing?
I’m listening to this monitor. Turn down the lights so I can hear it better.

This is where Arnie says “Good”. Ha!

It was an accident, but it worked out just right. So we left it in.

What kind of music is this?
It’s witchcraft music. I’m trying to make witchcraft music.


Session One
Los Angeles 8:22pm on a Sunday. 

Hi Brian.

What is in that suitcase?
Oh, I don’t know. Someone just put that there.

Do you use a lot of tape in the studio?
Uh, yeah. We use tape for taping together the things that we record.

How much tape do you normally use?
Well, sometimes we have to use some tape.

How did the session go today?
Hey, listen we’re gonna have to wind up now. I have to eat dinner now. 

Okay, thanks Brian.

To be clear, this isn’t a jab at Jagger. He’s a very…respectable…musician. He performed last night at the White House as part of: “Red White and Blues: In Performance at the White House”. I believe he provided the “white” part. His recent tweet about meeting the president cracked me up, because the lyrics to “Respectable” immediately came to mind.

This is done in the good humored, self deprecating spirit of the original song. Not in the snide, sarcastic, stick it to the man spirit of the lazy, narrow-minded-punk. But you can make it work for you on whatever level you want it to.

I’m just glad Obama finally scored some heroin. He’s been looking real stressed lately.

Session Three
Western Studios, Los Angeles 2:00am on a Sunday.

Hi Brian.
Get that food away from me.
I don’t wan’t it.

—coming out of huge, big, silver plattered casseroles that have been baked, and seasoned, and koshered, and marinated into some kind of frantic scene—that like—wows your head, you dig?

It’s like, trying to hear music and dig those things at the same time. They’re all on wheels. Four strong wheels. They’re weak wheels, but there’s a strong axle.

Strong axle, weak wheels.
—a very contrived and locked in vehicle, dedicated to Mike, of course.

I don’t know maybe those words didn’t mean anything?

What did you just say?
It felt like they had to come out though. I mean I had no control in the direction. In other words you start a pattern, and all of sudden…uh, you ever go like this [shakes legs] with your legs, and like pretty soon it takes over? That’s what you can do that with your mind.

Honest to God.
That’s wild.