I thought you planted harmless flowers around my heart, until I realized it has thorns – hideous and painful. You left a mark in my body, it was deadly. You left a hole in my heart, it was lethal. It felt like dying was the only way to fill it. Life without you is like the waves leaving the shore. Like a broken cassette tape. Loving you drained me in all aspect, because loving you is like inhaling a smoke until I can no longer catch air. I loved you. You felt the same way. Though not how much as I did, because you only see my broken pieces when I see you as a salient crystal.
This is my book of poems/ calligraphy quotes and thoughts!
I thought I’d share this as it’s a really great way of getting my thoughts on paper and being creative and I find it really relaxing and therapeutic to do. Somehow just putting a problem on paper makes it seem more manageable and helps you properly deconstruct and consider it in your head. I’d really recommend any type of creative outlet for everyone, whether you’re struggling or not! I think it’s so healthy to be aware of where you are in your head and what you’re feeling and I find this a great way to do that.
I don’t know, but let’s ask Cleopatra, Nefertiti, Hatshepsut, Sammuramat, Victoria, Elizabeth, Amina, Tzu-hsi and the countless other kingless queens who turned mere kingdoms into the greatest of Empires.
In times of pain, when the future is too terrifying to contemplate and the past too painful to remember, I have learned to pay attention to right now. The precise moment I was in was always the only safe place for me.
I think there are two types of writers, the architects and the gardeners. The architects plan everything ahead of time, like an architect building a house. They know how many rooms are going to be in the house, what kind of roof they’re going to have, where the wires are going to run, what kind of plumbing there’s going to be. They have the whole thing designed and blueprinted out before they even nail the first board up. The gardeners dig a hole, drop in a seed and water it. They kind of know what seed it is, they know if planted a fantasy seed or mystery seed or whatever. But as the plant comes up and they water it, they don’t know how many branches it’s going to have, they find out as it grows. And I’m much more a gardener than an architect.
I’m not writing to you to tell you what you’ve done wrong. No, I think we moved past that point. Today I’m writing to you to tell you what you deserve.
You deserve to love someone who is ready to get lost in your eyes, who embraces your flaws and your quirks, who laughs at your horrible jokes like I did and who smiles in between kisses. You deserve someone who makes you smile so big that your cheeks hurt, someone who picks up the phone for you in the middle of the night and who’s there to hold the pieces of your world together when you feel like everything around you is falling apart.
And I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry I couldn’t give you what you wanted and I’m sorry you weren’t what I expected. I know it’s not my fault and I know it’s not yours. Let’s put the blame on something we can’t control like bad timing or too much work or the weather, maybe? Something that makes us feel less responsible for ending something beautiful. Something that makes us remember a wonderful time for exactly what it was: talking deep into the night, stained coffee cups and dancing in the rain.
Even though it ended (not on good terms, either) I just wanted to wish you well. The happiness we had is the happiness you deserve for the rest of your life. I just wanted you to know. And I hope you never forget on nights that are too short and days that are too long for you to remember.